u/befit2

I’m looking for an outside perspective because I’m feeling conflicted about something that happened with my neighbors.

My neighbors began a major construction project involving excavation and a large retaining wall. Our homes are not especially close together, but the properties are elevated one above another, so changes to grading, drainage, or water flow could potentially affect the property below.

Before the larger construction began, the contractor told me he planned to install a French drain that would direct water toward my property. In my city, directing drainage onto another person's property in that manner is not permitted. I told the contractor that I believed it was illegal and that if he proceeded that way, I would report it to the City.

There is also some history between me and this neighbor that influenced my decision not to confront them directly. They have generally been decent neighbors, and I recognize that they have helped me at times. However, I've had previous problems that weren't resolved even when I tried to address them politely. Balls from their property have repeatedly come into my yard and hit my equipment and cargo trailer. I spoke with the father about it, but the behavior continued. A section of our fence was also damaged, and about three years ago I gave him the broken section so it could be repaired. It still has not been repaired.

Because of those experiences, I didn't believe that approaching them personally about a potentially serious drainage issue would accomplish anything. I am also a single woman, and I have sometimes felt that my concerns were not taken seriously when I tried to address problems directly. So I chose to use the City's established process rather than create a personal confrontation.

After I told the contractor I would report the proposed drainage arrangement, the project became much more extensive. The property was excavated and a large retaining wall was being constructed, apparently without the required permit. I reported my concerns to the City because I believed this work could potentially alter the grading and drainage of the property and therefore affect my property below.

The City halted the project, and it has now been stopped for more than 60 days. I understand that an engineer may need to review the work and determine whether the changes have altered the scope of the land or could create drainage problems for my property.

Today, my neighbor walked past while I was outside talking with a tree-trimming contractor. I said “Good morning” three times. On the third time, she finally responded, “Joyce, I’m not happy with you right now.” I had no idea she knew I was the person who reported the situation. I didn't ask her what she meant, didn't argue, and didn't confirm or deny anything. I simply turned back to the person I was talking to and continued my conversation.

I honestly feel terrible that she is angry with me because, despite the problems I've had, they have been decent neighbors overall. I understand why she would be upset if she believes I caused the project to be stopped. At the same time, I don't apologize for protecting my property. If construction could potentially redirect water onto my property or alter the drainage or stability of the land, I believe I had every right to ask the City to investigate.

What bothers me almost as much is that I don't know how she found out that I was the person who reported it. The contractor knew I had said I would contact the City if he directed drainage toward my property, so it's possible he told them. It's also possible someone else told them, including someone connected with the City. I simply don't know.

I’m considering asking the City how my identity became known because I deliberately used the City's process rather than confronting my neighbors myself. I didn't want to create tension between us, and now there is tension anyway.

So, honestly: Did I do something wrong by reporting the situation instead of confronting my neighbors myself? And how would you handle the situation now that there is tension between you and a neighbor you still have to live near?

I’m looking for an outside perspective because I’m feeling conflicted about something that happened with my neighbors.

My neighbors began a major construction project involving excavation and a large retaining wall. Our homes are not especially close together, but the properties are elevated one above another, so changes to grading, drainage, or water flow could potentially affect the property below.

Before the larger construction began, the contractor told me he planned to install a French drain that would direct water toward my property. In my city, directing drainage onto another person's property in that manner is not permitted. I told the contractor that I believed it was illegal and that if he proceeded that way, I would report it to the City.

There is also some history between me and this neighbor that influenced my decision not to confront them directly. They have generally been decent neighbors, and I recognize that they have helped me at times. However, I've had previous problems that weren't resolved even when I tried to address them politely. Balls from their property have repeatedly come into my yard and hit my equipment and cargo trailer. I spoke with the father about it, but the behavior continued. A section of our fence was also damaged, and about three years ago I gave him the broken section so it could be repaired. It still has not been repaired.

Because of those experiences, I didn't believe that approaching them personally about a potentially serious drainage issue would accomplish anything. I am also a single woman, and I have sometimes felt that my concerns were not taken seriously when I tried to address problems directly. So I chose to use the City's established process rather than create a personal confrontation.

After I told the contractor I would report the proposed drainage arrangement, the project became much more extensive. The property was excavated and a large retaining wall was being constructed, apparently without the required permit. I reported my concerns to the City because I believed this work could potentially alter the grading and drainage of the property and therefore affect my property below. And my property sits below theirs

The City halted the project, and it has now been stopped for more than 60 days. I understand that an engineer may need to review the work and determine whether the changes have altered the scope of the land or could create drainage problems for my property.

Today, my neighbor walked past while I was outside talking with a tree-trimming contractor. I said “Good morning” three times. On the third time, she finally responded, “Joyce, I’m not happy with you right now.” I had no idea she knew I was the person who reported the situation. I didn't ask her what she meant, didn't argue, and didn't confirm or deny anything. I simply turned back to the person I was talking to and continued my conversation.

I honestly feel terrible that she is angry with me because, despite the problems I've had, they have been decent neighbors overall. I understand why she would be upset if she believes I caused the project to be stopped. At the same time, I don't apologize for protecting my property. If construction could potentially redirect water onto my property or alter the drainage or stability of the land, I believe I had every right to ask the City to investigate.

What bothers me almost as much is that I don't know how she found out that I was the person who reported it. The contractor knew I had said I would contact the City if he directed drainage toward my property, so it's possible he told them. It's also possible someone else told them, including someone connected with the City. I simply don't know.

I’m considering asking the City how my identity became known because I deliberately used the City's process rather than confronting my neighbors myself. I didn't want to create tension between us, and now there is tension anyway.

So, honestly: Did I do something wrong by reporting the situation instead of confronting my neighbors myself? And how would you handle the situation now that there is tension between you and a neighbor you still have to live near?

I’m looking for an outside perspective because I’m feeling conflicted about something that happened with my neighbors.

My neighbors began a major construction project involving excavation and a large retaining wall. Our homes are not especially close together, but the properties are elevated one above another, so changes to grading, drainage, or water flow could potentially affect the property below.

Before the larger construction began, the contractor told me he planned to install a French drain that would direct water toward my property. In my city, directing drainage onto another person's property in that manner is not permitted. I told the contractor that I believed it was illegal and that if he proceeded that way, I would report it to the City.

There is also some history between me and this neighbor that influenced my decision not to confront them directly. They have generally been decent neighbors, and I recognize that they have helped me at times. However, I've had previous problems that weren't resolved even when I tried to address them politely. Balls from their property have repeatedly come into my yard and hit my equipment and cargo trailer. I spoke with the father about it, but the behavior continued. A section of our fence was also damaged, and about three years ago I gave him the broken section so it could be repaired. It still has not been repaired.

Because of those experiences, I didn't believe that approaching them personally about a potentially serious drainage issue would accomplish anything. I am also a single woman, and I have sometimes felt that my concerns were not taken seriously when I tried to address problems directly. So I chose to use the City's established process rather than create a personal confrontation.

After I told the contractor I would report the proposed drainage arrangement, the project became much more extensive. The property was excavated and a large retaining wall was being constructed, apparently without the required permit. I reported my concerns to the City because I believed this work could potentially alter the grading and drainage of the property and therefore affect my property below. And my property sits below theirs

The City halted the project, and it has now been stopped for more than 60 days. I understand that an engineer may need to review the work and determine whether the changes have altered the scope of the land or could create drainage problems for my property.

Today, my neighbor walked past while I was outside talking with a tree-trimming contractor. I said “Good morning” three times. On the third time, she finally responded, “Joyce, I’m not happy with you right now.” I had no idea she knew I was the person who reported the situation. I didn't ask her what she meant, didn't argue, and didn't confirm or deny anything. I simply turned back to the person I was talking to and continued my conversation.

I honestly feel terrible that she is angry with me because, despite the problems I've had, they have been decent neighbors overall. I understand why she would be upset if she believes I caused the project to be stopped. At the same time, I don't apologize for protecting my property. If construction could potentially redirect water onto my property or alter the drainage or stability of the land, I believe I had every right to ask the City to investigate.

What bothers me almost as much is that I don't know how she found out that I was the person who reported it. The contractor knew I had said I would contact the City if he directed drainage toward my property, so it's possible he told them. It's also possible someone else told them, including someone connected with the City. I simply don't know.

I’m considering asking the City how my identity became known because I deliberately used the City's process rather than confronting my neighbors myself. I didn't want to create tension between us, and now there is tension anyway.

So, honestly: Did I do something wrong by reporting the situation instead of confronting my neighbors myself? And how would you handle the situation now that there is tension between you and a neighbor you still have to live near?

Someone left two ripe peaches in a folded brown paper bag on my front porch chair. There was no note of any kind or the name of who left them...Just a plain brown folded lunch bag. I discovered them when I went to check the mail. And since I don't know who left them, I threw them out.

I'm looking for advice on how others would handle this.

I'm a vendor at a local farmers market. Their policy is that if you cancel by 2:00 p.m. on Saturday for the Sunday market, you receive a booth credit that you can use for a future market.

I canceled at about 9:30 a.m. Saturday, well before the deadline, so I qualified for the credit.

On Sunday, I politely asked when I could expect to see the credit. The market director replied that she would issue it. She has in the past issued it on the same day. In times past, I've had to jump through hoops like this.

It's now Wednesday morning, and the credit still isn't in my account. I sent another very polite message asking when I should expect it and what the normal turnaround time is for booth credits because I need to use it to register for another market before registration fills up. I haven't received a response.

This morning I contacted the market manager, and he told me he texted the market director to remind her. I still haven't heard anything, and the credit still hasn't appeared.

Here's why this is especially frustrating: this isn't the first time. Over the past couple of years I've had to remind the market director multiple times about booth credits. In previous situations she apologized and said she had forgotten. On at least one occasion I eventually had to involve the market owner before the issue was resolved.

One additional factor is that I'm a Black woman, and I'm very conscious of how I communicate. Whether my concern is well-founded or not, I worry about being perceived as "pushy" or "angry" if I follow up too often. Because of that, I tend to make my messages extra polite and wait longer than I otherwise might. The downside is that I end up feeling like I'm repeatedly asking for money that's already mine under the market's own cancellation policy.

At what point would you stop waiting and contact the market owner directly? Would you consider this an unreasonable delay, especially given that it's happened before? How would you handle this professionally while preserving a good relationship with the market?

My consultation with a surgeon I spoke with was a telephone call only — no video, no visual contact of any kind. I never saw the surgeon, and he never saw me.

I later requested my consultation notes. They weren't in the patient portal so I had them emailed to me.

The report described the visit as a video telemedicine encounter. It also included physical exam findings — including a description of an abnormality in my walk — that could not have been observed, since there was no video and no in-person contact during the consultation.

Two days after that phone call, the surgeon's office contacted me to schedule surgery, despite the fact that he had never seen me in person or by video.

I'm sharing this because I think it's important for people to actually read their own medical records rather than assume they're accurate. If something in your chart doesn't match what happened during your visit, you can request that the provider correct it.

My consultation with a specialist I spoke with was a telephone call only — no video, no visual contact of any kind. I never saw the specialist, and he never saw me.

I later requested my consultation notes. They weren't in the patient portal so I had them emailed to me.

The report described the visit as a video telemedicine encounter. It also included physical exam findings — including a description of an abnormality in my walk — that could not have been observed, since there was no video and no in-person contact during the consultation.

Two days after that phone call, the practice contacted me to schedule surgery, despite the fact that he had never seen me in person or by video.

I'm sharing this because I think it's important for people to actually read their own medical records rather than assume they're accurate. If something in your chart doesn't match what happened during your visit, you can request that the provider correct it.

A while back, I posted on Nextdoor asking for recommendations for spine surgeons because I've been dealing with severe sciatic nerve pain.

A woman around my age (a little younger than me) replied and invited me to call her. We'd never met before.

What I expected to be a fairly quick conversation about doctors turned into a very long phone call. During that first conversation she started sending me family photos of her young children, her husband, and talking about very personal things about her family. She also invited me to send her a picture of myself, which I chose not to do because we had just met.

At first I thought she was simply trying to be helpful, and I appreciated that. But as time went on, I started feeling uncomfortable.

She kept recommending a surgeon that her late father had used. I thanked her, but I wasn't interested in that surgeon. The next day she brought him up again. Then she called the office herself to see where he practiced after I had already explained why I wasn't interested.

This past week I had one of the most stressful weeks I've had in a long time dealing with specialists, medical records, referrals, and administrative problems.

During one phone call I repeatedly said things like, "I've got to go," and, "I haven't even eaten today." The conversation just kept going. I felt like every time I tried to end it, she kept talking.

Going into the holiday weekend, I told her by texts her several times that I wanted a complete break from talking about doctors or surgery. I wished her and her family a wonderful weekend and said we'd talk next week.

After I finally sent a more direct message asking for that break, she didn't respond for the rest of the day.

Then around 11 p.m. that night she sent me a wedding photo of her adult daughter and son-in-law feeding each other cake.

Another thing that made me pause happened during one of our calls. Her daughter answered the phone and greeted me by name even though we'd never met. I commented that her mother had sent me a nice picture of her, and her mother casually replied, "Oh yes, I showed her your picture."

That caught me off guard because I had never given her permission to share my photo with her family, and we had only known each other a short time.

So I'm honestly wondering...

Am I just an unusually private person, or would most people also feel like this friendship became very personal, very quickly and that some of my boundaries weren't being picked up on?

I'm genuinely looking for honest opinions. I'm not trying to criticize her. She may simply have a much more open personality than I do. I'm trying to figure out whether I'm the unusual one here or whether others would also feel uncomfortable.