u/frogo_dude

I’m on a very long healing journey. I just had a massive emotional period about a month ago, which has allowed more recent scars to heal. And with heat coming back soon, how can I, I guess, train myself to be comfortable with my scars and be able to wear what I want to? would it trigger others? is it worth it?

won’t go to details, but I’ve been struggling with my mental health for so long now, and although I have access to psychologist and psychiatrist, I think it would be best for me to go to hospital.

i find it really difficult for me to reach out, and I’m scared he’s going to get mad.

support and advice is appreciated, thank you dads

UPDATE: first of all thank you guys for the messages, it’s really sweet to read through.
i ended up cowarding out and not telling him last night, but (long story short) my dad found out and im currently in the hospital process. Not sure where this will take me but thank you for the kind words, I’m safe

I’m going to ask my dad to be hospitalised. hopefully I don’t back out of it, I need this.

as the title suggests, Ive finally accepted I need 24/7 support (I domt want to write out everything on here) but I dont know how to write it to him. idk

this is my last try of asking this, I’ve tried before but got either answers going nowhere or posts not gaining attention. before I begin just note:

- major TW for sh and s*****al thoughts, possible attempts idk if it counts. please, if this triggers you, click off. your wellbeing matters

- I’m really tired so there may be incorrect grammar or weird explanation of everything (to be fair, there is a lot in my life that has deeply impacted me. I won’t go too into detail because that’s for my therapist , but necessary info will be provided)

- I’m going to try keep it short, so I apologise for any simplifying and stuff ig

Ive been struggling with sh for about 2-3 years now, and I am still experiencing it constantly. My parents (divorced) are aware of it, my dad took it better than my mum (who I already have issues with so that was not fun. ATM I am living with my dad full time). I’ve had highs and extreme lows over the years, but recently it’s been worse, way worse. depression has taken over my life and everything I had, which began to turn into thoughts of unaliving myself. yes, I have technically attempted I think 3 times since December. (idk if it counts because it wasn’t planned ig, no notes or anything. all of them were od)

a couple months ago, I did ask my dad about hospitalisation. my sh had risen and I was worried for my safety. understandably, he wanted to try some at home help and extra psychology appointments before and try to improve it. when he asked about unaliving thoughts, I said no. I didn’t want him to worry about me. I didn’t want to scare him.

but now, this has just made me believe constantly that I’m just pretending to be bad. that I’m not as important as other people in the world, who do need this kind of help. I am very fortunate to be in a family and country with good access to mental health care, I really am, and to be fair people do need it more than me. however, I do think this has made me more “motivated“, not really, it’s more like a sense that if I do nothing, I’m not actually hurting, and it’s just another thing (eg my adhd. I swear EVERYTHING is caused because of it or medication, and not just because I don’t want to be here anymore).

I tried to push it down, i really tried to be normal. to be okay. but I can’t anymore. Ive gone too deep in this. ive been having massive relapses of sh, a recent-ish attempt and some more not so great habits (mainly drinking). I just can’t anymore. I love my family, I live my friends, I have so much positive things in my life happening, and I can’t every feel the joy from it. it’s almost like I’m broken, or taking this life for granted. if so many people see me improving on the outside then why am I get worse and worse with every single day? what the fuck is wrong with me? i don’t want to be like this anymore but I don’t want to escape it. I can’t, at least while I’m home. I know I’ll find ways to get into bad habits again. I don’t trust myself.

please, any help, advice, or even just saying if I’m fine or need medical attention will help. I’m sorry for being a bit of a burden, and sorry for wasting your time.

please stay safe,

it’s 11:40 at night and my insomnia has been terrible recently, especially with the mental state I’m in atm, I don’t wanna go into detail. so I decided to try put some music on to help me sleep, but when I picked up my phone I saw a notification from a couple hours ago- my brother sending me 3 photos. he found a vent page thing of mine, i dont want to go into detail but it may be seen as concerning to the outside. (mostly saying how I’m so done with everything)

I don’t know what to do. I’m scared I’m going to relapse. I care about my brother. I love him so much. I don’t want him to worry about me. I’m so stupid. I’m so fucking stupid. I don’t want to wake up. I don’t want to sleep. I don’t want to go through another downhill again.

I have struggled with sh for about 3 year now, and it’s just been getting worse. my dad knows about it, and I have access to a physologist, but recently its been getting worse and worse. Im genuinely worried for myself, but at the same time wanting to continue with it. (this downhill thing is adding onto some suicidal ideation I have had for a couple months now).

I have asked my dad about hospitalisation probably a month and a half ago, but it didn’t end up going anywhere, which to be honest, contributed to me getting worse. I know it doesn’t sound like it but I can feel myself breaking apart. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want my dad to get mad at me for this. I’m just so tired of this.

any help will be appreciated, please stay safe.

Before we became friends, my friend, “archie” liked this guy in the year above for about 3 years. now Archie is the kind of person to obsess over crushes, e.g finding photos of them, filming his band, but it was in a mild extent. so when I met him about a year and a half ago, we had found out that the crush was my brothers friend.

Jumping forward a bit- he no longer likes him anymore, but we still joke about it time to time. and through the joking, and us becoming closer, he became aware of my brother.

So on our schools swimming Carnaval, I stayed home that day, I got a call from Archie, joking that he saw my brother without a shirt on, and how he’s “low key buff”. this kind of caught me off guard guard but I brushed it off and left it at that.

fast forward to 5 months later and this has crossed the line. At first it was just small references to the carnaval, but now he has somehow acquired photos of my brother that I have NEVER SEEN BEFORE. HOW THE FUCK??
As well as this, whenever I see him he gots “where the hell is my husband?” referring to my brother.

his been to my house with another friend of mine and from those meet ups he has gained many more photos of him (including younger photos) without my permission and make stickers (on messenger) of him. He Also started calling me “sissy in law”, which I thought was funny at first but now it’s getting too much. It crossed the border for me when he was looking at a photo of my brother holding my dad‘s goddaughter (newborn at the time). Archie then took a photo and BEGAN TO REFER THE BABY AS THIER CHILD. i know this may have been meant for a laughing matter but I’m genuinely scared for my safety. That same day he also learnt my dads phone number off by heart by reading my dog’s name tag. (Which also include my fucking address)

i do acknowledge that at first I did think this was a weird inside joke, but now it’s getting really uncomfortable. im really close to my brother so this is a bit scary for me. Recently, if Archie brought it up, I’ve been really exhausted with my replies. today while waiting for the bus, he mentioned it again and I just said “dude can you stop. Please”. I don’t know what I did but he sat away from me that bus ride. I don’t know.

so, strangers on the internet, AITAH for distancing myself whenever that joke is made?

my 1000 word essay was due on friday, luckly i got an extension until monday but my assignment fucking deleted the last save and became currupted. I did about half of it, so about 500+ words, plus sources and references for them is gone. I'm so fucking done. Its sounds dumb but im so done. im so burnt out, im feel like shit, ive got other assignments to do, im so fucking done. im so done, i want to cry, i want to rip myself to shreds, i fucking hate how stupid I am. i hate everything. im so fucking stupid. im so done

I ask my dad a couple weeks ago, but he wanted to try some things to help me at home first. My psychiatrist supported that idea, and i did, but its not working. i dont know if i can keep myself safe from sh but i also feel that im not that bad of a case, people have it worse than me.

i dont know

I lost a lot of blood and now feel so shakey and slow, kind of light headed. Cant even type idkj. i felll so heavy

Edit/update: been an hour or so, a bit better but im still feeling tingly in my leg and heavy.