u/harpiria

This is gonna be long and jambled, im gonna try my best to make this easy for you guys to read.

I *want* to worship something. I want to take the time out of my day to offer something to a god, acknowledge it, learn about it, and become a better person through the journey. The thing is, I hate the idea of "miasma" or "purity" within Hellenic Polytheism and Kemeticism. Like, I feel like I should (in my own belief) be able to go to these imperfect gods as I am because I am a human and I am imperfect. I feel like I shouldn't have to purify myself for a god or anyone for that matter unless I think a lot of negative energy has came around, then I'd cleanse myself.

I also don't want to worship something that won't necessarily care about me or may appear as strict. I can describe myself as a free, wild person. Wild as in I dont like rules that feel restricting to my true self and others, not wild as in a party animal. The gods dont need us, they have no reason to even like us, and that is what throws me off a bit, because when I worship a god I hope that it will be fond of me at some point.

Another thing is, it feels like specific religions tend to be restricting (besides norse paganism, but for some reason I haven't really felt a pull to worship any specific god there) and so many people worship these (non closed) gods that aren't the common Egyptian pagan God, greek pagan god, or norse pagan god. They are like some sort of other god that I didnt even know existed and cant find any information on

I also find this idea of the afterlife wayyyy too closed off. Like why do you only believe in limited afterlifes? "The gods will send you to this place or this place depending on how you were" or "you're nothing after you die" or "reincarnation." Like why cant we choose? Why does no religion believe in an unlimited afterlife where you can *choose* where to go just like you *chose* to worship them in the first place?

also I have tried "creating" (discovering) gods but I never feel a strong connection. Some people have been lucky enough to dream about the god coming to them or literally the god is making themselves known but ive always had to go towards a god, it never feels like they make themselves known, which is a lot harder for me

I just wish I could devote time to a god i truly feel comfortable with without any strings attached, and then when I die I get to respect their sanctuary, tend to it, and still worship them while flying with the wings i chose to have (i always wished I could fly) yet it feels like NOBODY believes this is possible and I wish there were more people who did so I can have some reassurance that im not crazy

I hope this post doesn't seem rude, I just have a lot on my mind that i need to find some sort of help with. ​​

Remove if not allowed, just an appreciation post for a new favorite band. Inkubus Sukkubus' "Belladonna & Aconite" album is absolutely a banger. "Eternity" has that choir sound I like through the background. We all know why "Vampyre" got popular. But genuinely this album is so great, and so is their other one "Vampyre Erotica." But you know what really tops off the beautiful goth rock background, the synth keyboard, sometimes the organ, and everything in-between? The lead vocalists vocals. Genuinely such beautiful and haunting vocals, I can't believe I've been missing out on such a great band for so long. Easily became one of my favorite bands. Currently listening to the song "Vampyre Erotica" and her harmonised vocals and the intro oh my god its killing me. The violin (or cello) or similar sound around 2:20 is so PERFECT. Probably one of my absolute favorite songs right now. I just had to express my love for this band because I'm in a lovey, very happy mood now that I found another band I love. ​This is exactly what I've needed lately. If you're thinking about listening to them, it's definitely upbeat goth rock with those haunting lyrics. It's perfect for dancing, for yearning, for luring men into the depths of a siren filled ocean (yes I'm referencing one of their songs), and for just listening overall.​

In May, my cat ran outside (he was an indoor/outdoor cat, not anymore) and we've had him for 13 years, no problems. It was 8 pm and we spent days looking for him. I remember praying to literally any god, specifically Greek gods because at the time thats who I worshipped, but I got no answer and just felt hopeless. I saw a few angel numbers, and Facebook had mysteriously had him pop up. It got to the point of finding nothing that I assumed he ran out and died from old age, because a cat disappearing at night would likely have that. Well, a guy called and said a cat that looked like him ran out of his garage when he came back from a four day trip. I prayed to the norse gods, all of them I could name off the top of my head, and specifically Freyja, and I asked "please oh plesse let this be my baby please let him get home safely and be alive if it is truly him." This guy was on the other side of my small town too, my cat would NEVER have gone that far on his own. I couldn't give anything at the moment besides water and i said I would do something as soon as I could, and probably devote a lot of my time and worship in the process, because this would be a really big gift without having much to give. And sure enough, 3 days later, my prayers were finally answered and he was at my back door, skinnier than ever and constipated, but healed beautifully. I thank the gods all the time for making sure he got back safely, all. The. Time. I will never forget this, even if it wasnt them i still thank them because after a month of prayers, I pray to the norse gods and suddenly my baby is home and more clingy than ever. Thank you Lady Freyja, I will never forget what you did for me bringing my baby back safely. My soul baby, the one I truly believe is my soulmate in a platonic animal form. Thank you for protecting him, I owe you so much. To Freyja, such a wonderful Goddess, and to the other gods incase they helped too🧡​

I know this isn't goth related, but a few days ago I made a post asking for goth song recs that had something to do with cats after my cat disappeared over a month. He came back, we believe he was stolen. Some guy called us saying a cat that looked like ours was trapped in his garage for 4 days. We believe he was stole, then bolted out of where he was (he hates strangers and recognizes us and our home aswell as our cars and such) and then possibly was taken again or went to hide. He is skinny, but he is finally home and healing. I've never felt so blessed and happy before. Thank you for all the support and love, aswell as recommendations.​

I really liked cats by eat your makeup and then feyleux's songs that were dedicated to his cat. I really appreciate the suggestions <3

The music makes me happy and calms me after a long day, and it keeps my mind going and prevents me from getting tired (though ironically, it makes me tired, but it stimulates me at the same time, weird huh?) The fashion and the goal of how I want to look after the years makes me smile, its like a breath of fresh air. The community is amazing, people I can finally share my interests with. The literature and the media is what im super excited exploring when I can access it. It makes me smile knowing how long the gothic theme has existed and how much its spread. The fact that you can have a safe space with most of these people and you'll agree on the same political views (most of the time, ive seen some bad ones :<) I've been going through a deep depression and have had so much loas, but being goth and looking forward to the days ahead as a goth is what is making me happier. ​So with that being said, im proud of being a goth and I love it. It makes me so happy, and im happy and proud of all of you. Thank you for embracing your true selves

I'm specifically looking for that choir sound. Oh my god when I heard this song I ascended because of that choir sound. It has always been one of my absolute favorite sounds and it's so hard to find so any help would be seriously appreciated 🖤🖤🖤🖤

edit: oh and harmonies! harmonies would also make me super happy :)

also I didn't know when to post this because it does mention SoM but since it's a song recommendation request I thought maybe it would be acceptable 😅

I literally don't know myself anymore, and I can't get therapy until after my moving process. I don't understand myself, and I feel annoying changing so much, and like I am annoying others. In 2020, I saw a video of gacha life and a guy who was trans, and it made me question things. I decided to be what "god made me" but then in 2021 identified as a guy until october of 2022. I went by so many names through that year trying to find one I liked, and it was bothering people. In 2023, I came out as nonbinary but not in the "I don't feel like any gender" way but rather "I identify as my soul, as my soul isn't gendered" way. I stopped identifying as nonbinary in I think 2025, then I identified as male, and then female, male again, then female for a while, and this month identified as male, and then female again. Now you're probably thinking: "You sound genderfluid." I've also tried using the genderfluid label, and I didn't like it. I don't like any label unless its me being trans or me being cis, because then I feel sure and actually like it. I don't LIKE being genderfluid, I don't like switching all the time. I was raised girly and love princesses and girly things but if I was a guy, I wouldn't want to be too girly yet I would still appreciate it. See, I love dark academia both as a girl and a guy. If I was a guy, I would want to dress dark academia or downtown boy, and be a gentlemen. I would take girls out for dancing and such. But my height and chubbiness always makes me feel less motivated to be trans. Everytime I see myself with short hair after I cut it, I feel wrong, because I'm chubby and don't look like the man I imagined in my head. And when I put on a masc outfit, I look chubby and feminine and don't look like the man I imagined. But when I try to be feminine, I'm not feminine enough, I don't look or sound like a girl enough (my voice is naturally deeper and I have PCOS and refuse to shave so I look more masculine. Plus my mannerisms are really masculine, for example I naturally manspread because it makes me feel most comfortable) and I always like dresses but none of them look good on me..again because I'm chubby and if I'm not skinnier and curvier I don't feel like a woman and if I'm not square then I don't feel like a man. I am so beyond sick of being confused and trying to figure this out. Why do I choose a name and then not like it a week or month later? I regret cutting my hair short every time and try to grow it out to my butt because I've always wanted long hair, and I would have long hair as a guy but here is the problem: I won't feel like a guy enough, and until I feel masculine enough I don't want long hair as a guy, plus I just don't want long hair as a guy but I don't want to cut my hair and regret it. And it's too hot and heavy having long hair but I'm still growing it out and not making any rash decisions. I feel so complicated and annoying. I wish I wasn't the way I was and could just know myself already. I wish I could just be a woman and if I ever get a partner, my partner will have a consistent partner and not someone who is chaotic and confused all the time. I'm so sick of it. I'm 17 by the way, and I have been confused for 6 years. I just wonder if maybe you guys can brighten my mood a bit on this? Man I wish I wasn't so confused all the time. If this doesn't fit your subreddit then you can remove it, I don't mind, I'm sorry if it doesn't

FOUND! It was Chobits. Thank you to the person who told me :)

My memory might be a mix of things so bare with me here: I remember going on Netflix and seeing an anime that had a black haired guy coming out of a house or a club or something. He found this woman in a trash can (i think) with like long pink hair and she was covered in wraps? And then he went to touch her. I cant remember where he touched her, it might have been explicit, and then she jumped up and was either naked or covered in wraps. And then I remember her being in his room in one of his shirts and having to hide when one of the guys friends or something came in.

I know this sounds weird but I still remember it to this day and have looked for it but can never find it. I swear it existed! Im going crazy over it 😭 i was really young when I found it too, probably around 2012 or above that? which sounds bad but im an adult now and im curious if it even existed.