If you are up now reading this,
remember inner peace.
this baby learn too much in the day
at night many things to say.
they will choose sleep over waking up soon, don't give up the good fight.
If you are up now reading this,
remember inner peace.
this baby learn too much in the day
at night many things to say.
they will choose sleep over waking up soon, don't give up the good fight.
If you are up now reading this,
remember inner peace.
this baby learn too much in the day
at night many things to say.
they will choose sleep over waking up soon, don't give up the good fight.
Posting anonymously because my family is trying to make sense of a very difficult situation involving my brother’s marriage, and I think Singapore context (especially around HDB/divorce timelines) may matter here.
My brother married a Malaysian who is now a Singapore PR. They dated for less than a year before getting married.
Initially, everything seemed normal. Before marriage, she joined family gatherings occasionally and never expressed major discomfort with our family dynamic. Our family gathers roughly once every 2 weeks, but attendance has never been mandatory and she already skipped many gatherings even early on, usually saying she was unwell or tired.
A few months into the marriage, however, she suddenly started crying to us on separate occasions saying there were “too many family gatherings” and that she wanted more personal space and “me-time.” At the time, we thought it was just adjustment issues and did not interfere in their marriage.
The important point here is that our family was actually NOT involved in most of their conflicts. My brother kept almost everything to himself throughout the marriage.
It was only around 1.5 years later, when she had already escalated discussions into divorce, that my brother finally started revealing what had been happening behind closed doors.
From what he shared, we became increasingly concerned because many of the patterns sounded emotionally unhealthy:
- frequent threats of divorce during relatively minor arguments
- attempts to distance him from his family
- verbal humiliation in front of her own friends
- emotional breakdowns whenever topics like alternating holiday visits between families were raised
- repeated accusations that he was “trying to win” whenever he tried explaining himself
- statements about wanting to kill herself if she were ever pregnant
Over time, my brother also became visibly withdrawn, anxious, and emotionally exhausted, which was why the family eventually became concerned.
Another thing that confused us involved conversations surrounding divorce timelines and their HDB flat.
At one point, she insisted divorce could only happen after 5 years. When my brother mentioned that divorce can already happen after the 3-year mark, she apparently seemed unsure and checked online herself. Later, when the 3-year timeline was mentioned again, her immediate response was reportedly: “What about the house?”
That was the point where our family started wondering whether there were underlying concerns about the HDB situation influencing the discussions, especially because she had originally pushed strongly for waiting until 5 years.
To be clear, I understand every story has two sides, and I’m sure my brother is not perfect either. I also understand that marrying into a close-knit family can be difficult for some people.
But from our perspective, the issue was never “she didn’t attend enough family gatherings.” The issue was that we only discovered much later that my brother had been struggling emotionally for a long time while repeatedly facing threats of divorce, emotional escalation, and increasingly unhealthy conflict dynamics behind closed doors.
Would genuinely appreciate outside perspectives, especially from people familiar with Singapore marriage/HDB realities.
If you are up now reading this,
remember inner peace.
this baby learn too much in the day
at night many things to say.
they will choose sleep over waking up soon, don't give up the good fight.
I generally support what endowus or similar providers do but saw this comparison, isn’t it similar to comparing ILPs (which I don’t support) with bank saving rates or basically different asset classes so to speak?
If you are up now reading this,
remember inner peace.
this baby learn too much in the day
at night many things to say.
they will choose sleep over waking up soon, don't give up the good fight.
Had this discussion during that went on way longer because could not end, gonna continue during tea break again.
Anyone’s mindset and decision changed after having kids? Aside from just wanting to make money, anyone you know maybe from being super ambitious or capable to become full on family oriented?
I have an auntie who went either UK or US to study which is a big deal in the early 2000s, after she had a kid, which is just maybe 3-4 years after her glorious return from overseas, she’s since became a housewife.
She has two kids now, her husband makes enough to sustain the whole family and money no issue, not filthy rich but enough to own a 4BR private property.
But you can tell, she often has changing interests and hobbies, nothing really took off. Her kids are now much older, but I always wondered like what would it be.
Anyone or anyone around them is like that?
If you are up now reading this,
remember inner peace.
this baby learn too much in the day
at night many things to say.
they will choose sleep over waking up soon, don't give up the good fight.
If you are up now reading this,
remember inner peace.
this baby learn too much in the day
at night many things to say.
they will choose sleep over waking up soon, don't give up the good fight.
If you are up now reading this,
remember inner peace.
this baby learn too much in the day
at night many things to say.
they will choose sleep over waking up soon, don't give up the good fight.
If you are up now reading this,
remember inner peace.
this baby learn too much in the day
at night many things to say.
they will choose sleep over waking up soon, don't give up the good fight.
hi all, would really appreciate some honest, grounded perspectives from parents in Singapore who are in a similar stage or have gone through this:
partner and i have a combined household income of about $21k/month (1k included is food allowance)
current setup roughly looks like this:
- ~$6k mortgage (private; we recently put about $500k into the downpayment from savings)
- emergency fund set aside
- $80k currently invested in stocks atm, still growing
in the future we’d budget for:
- weekly cleaner
- mostly cook at home
- gym membership
- 2 mid-range trips a year
- normal day-to-day spending (transport, groceries, misc)
-
not planning on private childcare at the moment, open to anchor operators.
we are trying to understand how realistic it is to comfortably have a child in Singapore with this setup that still allows:
- financial stability (no constant stress)
- maintaining some quality of life (e.g. occasional travel, gym, etc.)
- not having to cut everything back drastically
- being able to provide a decent quality of life for the child
for those who already have kids here, would you be open to sharing a rough monthly breakdown? eg:
- childcare / infant care
- helper / caregiving support (if any)
- groceries / household expenses
- medical / insurance
- enrichment / classes
- any other recurring costs that added up more than expected
thank you so much
If you are up now reading this,
remember inner peace.
this baby learn too much in the day
at night many things to say.
they will choose sleep over waking up soon, don't give up the good fight.
Articles aside, additionally what’s your take on your parents using phones around your kids?
If you are up now reading this,
remember inner peace.
this baby learn too much in the day
at night many things to say.
they will choose sleep over waking up soon, don't give up the good fight.
If you are up now reading this,
remember inner peace.
this baby learn too much in the day
at night many things to say.
they will choose sleep over waking up soon, don't give up the good fight.