u/lvlaheunsu

Do all women cheat?

I was talking with a coworker and he started talking about his wild party guy time from a few years back.

During this time he did a lot of drinking and hooking up at clubs, the problem is some of these women were married, when he learned about this he asked them why they cheated and many of them said they just wanted to do it and even enjoyed cheating on their husband's.

This has ruined my confidence when it comes to getting out there and dating women.

I have a fear of getting cheated on and other insecurities as my post history may suggest.

Is this really a thing amongst women in relationships where they just cheat?

For some background, my “friend” and I are both M22, and my fiancé is F20. Justin and I have known each other for 15 years and were roommates for about 10 months. We moved out because I lost my job, and he couldn’t afford the place on his own. My fiancé and I moved in with my grandpa and worked on getting back on our feet.

Also, for context, things between him and me have been tense since we moved out of that apartment about 8 months ago. A few weeks before we moved out of the apartment we had together, we got into a big argument. He was mad because after I left the house to go drinking with some friends, my dog pooped on the floor. I tried explaining to him that he was a puppy; if I’m not home to take him out, he’s probably going to have an accident, no problem. I can pick it up in the morning, or if he had a big problem with it, he could pick it up. My dog is small, and his turds aren’t messy. Not to mention, at the time of him blowing up on me about this, his cat’s litter box hadn’t been cleaned in about a month, and the house reeked because of it. But I’m the one who’s disgusting.

So it’s been a few months since that happened. Since then, my fiancé and I have found a pet-friendly apartment where we can have both the dog and our pet pigeon. When I was moving things out of my grandpa’s house, I found a study Bible that Justin left at the apartment when we moved out. Perfect opportunity to let Justin come over to grab the book he bought and let him check out our new apartment. I invited him over, and he accepted. The next day, he comes over, checks out my room, the bathroom, then I go sit on the couch in the living room. He’s standing in front of the tv next to the bird cage, and he says, “I’m gonna fart on that bird.” I ask him politely not to, and he says,

“But it looks so fartable.” I tell him if he farts on the bird, I’m kicking him out of my apartment. He says,

“Look at him, he’s basically begging for it.” Then he farts. Directly into the bird cage. I’m pissed. I tell him to leave multiple times, and he doesn’t. Then he tells me he’s going to move to Georgia and have kids very soon. Which is news to me, but he claims he’s told me at least four times. He then says he needs to poop. I tell him we don’t have any toilet paper since we’re still in the process of moving things in. He then grabs a bunch of paper towels off the roll in the kitchen and heads to the bathroom. I tell him he’s not flushing paper towels down my toilet, and he protests, “If you ever need anything at my house, you’re not getting it.” Then he leaves without closing the door. He was at my house for 10 minutes.

The next day, I send him a text telling him that I felt very disrespected and that I feel he’s never had any respect for my fiancé. He blows up on me, calls all my friends the R slur, and says straight up that he doesn’t respect my fiancé. After that, I blocked him.

So am I overreacting for cutting off my childhood best friend?

I (20f) want to start this off by saying that I know relationships with people who have severe trauma are never easy. I know I must be hard to be with as well because I have complex post traumatic stress disorder and I am very aware of the way it can make relationships hard.

Recently though, I have had trouble with my episodes. Sometimes I lose time in situations and just space out. I don’t really have any ability to interact in those moments, I am just on autopilot and sometimes experiencing flashbacks. My boyfriend knows about my disorder and usually helps me steady in those moments. It hasn’t really affected us poorly until recently.

The other night I had a friend over and we were organizing my apartment together, figuring out where furniture should go and making sure everything had a place. My boyfriend (24m) came back in the middle and ate his food at his desk while my friend and I tided up.

When my friend left my energy dropped and I went nonverbal. I sat at the couch. I remember my boyfriend asking how I was and I told him I would be okay. My boyfriend told me he was a bit overwhelmed by all the changes to the apartment and I apologized for the mess that had been there when he got home. I don’t really remember the rest, but he told me that to him it was like I left my body. He sat there while I was on autopilot and cried. He said I didn’t notice him and that it made him feel terribly lonely. He said his work week had been hard and that I just leave my body randomly and it is just so hard for him.

He gripped onto me and cried when I came back to awareness. He told me he had been crying for awhile (while I was in the flashback and not fully aware) and said I ignored him which is a new type of loneliness. He said work isn’t a comforting place for him like it used to be since his new coworkers are assholes and started crying that home is stressful too because of my episodes.

This is not usually how he helps with the episodes. Sometimes the episodes include panic attacks and passing out so he usually helps me sit. This time I was apparently trying to find places for things (even though things were already put away) and I was drinking as well.

For me during that time it was like everything was muted. It was like being underwater. I wasn’t aware of him being there and was having a lot of really hard memories coming back to me at the same time.

But when I came back to awareness I did my best to comfort him. I tried to wipe away his tears and I apologized.

When I am not in an episode, I am very perceptive to him. I wouldn’t leave him by himself crying (although I have never seen him cry before) if I was there.

I guess it sort of hurt that he said I left him alone and that he feels lonely as if there was intent behind the episode. Especially because he let me wander around and drink during it.

This is not the first time an episode has occurred, but again he usually helps me and sometimes prevents me from going to deep by grounding me with touch.

My service Dog wasn’t able to ground me this time (I wasn’t able to que like normal because my energy just dropped and he is still in training.) My boyfriend didn’t bring the dog to me or help me he just sat away from me and cried hoping I would notice.

AIO for feeling a bit hurt? This dynamic with what happened just doesn’t feel right. I also want to know if I am in the wrong because I don’t want my boyfriend to have too much responsibility for helping me with the episodes and hopefully in the end my dog will be able to do everything and/or I will be able to get a better medication.

Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn’t be in a relationship or if I ever should even try for a long term relationship because of my disorder, but AIO for feeling hurt or is it actually my fault and I need to do better with epsiodes? I am in therapy and I am hoping that with time they will stop and my boyfriend used to be supportive about treatment, but after this I don’t know what to do.

I never post, but I really need a different perspective on this one.