u/morethanyell

So, just like that. In a snap of a finger..nangyari yung kinatatakutan ko. Everything gone.. Poof! Goodbye everything. I just wanted to let this off my chest.

In April 2018, my employer offered a free bootcamp/training (with certification) for this very hot new technology in cyber security. My salary then was around 37k/month. At dahil nire-require na kami ng current account namin na maghanap ng bagong malilipatang project, grinab ko yung opportunity na to. Completely zero awareness ako dito but was able to finish the training, labs, and got certified.

With this new skill, I got assigned to a new account and was given an increase of 47k/month! What a massive win that I did not expect, tbh. This was my first instance of imposter syndrome na naramdaman ko. From June 2018 to Feb the following year, I was already getting the groove of this tech and was enjoying using and practicing it. One day, a friend of mine introduced me to LinkedIn. Sinabihan ako na dapat daw, tayong mga professionals ay merong account dun. I did not take that platform so seriously. Pero nagcreate pa rin ako ng account.

And just 24hrs after I created the profile, complete with details of my current role, binaha ang inbox ko ng offers from other companies.

I absolutely has zero interest in leaving my current employer. Masaya ako sa project, mababait ang mga tao, mabait ang bosses. But the curiousity was there. So, I did try to entertain a few of them. Karamihan sa mga recruiters, nagmamadali talaga makahanap ng candidates/talents to the point na yung technical interview halos hindi na ganun kabigat ang bearing. I guess, sobrang in demand talaga nung skill.

After a couple of interviews, I got this one who offered a salary of 75k/mon. That's a massive jump from my current salary! I was so tempted to grab it. The only thing lang is yung employer is just a "sourcing" type of company who acts as a sort of contractor. Meaning, yung totoong entity na naghahanap ng talent was a company from abroad and this local sourcing company acts just as a middleman to handle taxes, salary, and other benefits. The doubt there was if I accepted the offer, merong clause sa contract na if the main employer (from abroad) ceases to continue the engagement, wala din silang reason to keep me. Meaning, end of employment yun.

But the offer was (again) a massive jump from my current salary, so, pinag-isipan ko talaga. Kinausap ko yung boss ko and explained my position (na tempted talaga ako). Pero, sobrang galing nya mag convince sa akin. Sabi nya, "in a few years, maaabot mo rin yang 75k/month dito satin." Basta, sobrang galing nya at na-convince nya ako. I responded to the recruiter na I'm not proceeding with the application. The following day, papunta kami ng s.o. ko somewhere for a planned beach vacation (matagal ng planned to).

Upon arriving sa hotel, tinawagan ako ng recruiter. Binanggit nya raw dun sa employer yung pag decline ko. Pero, sabi nung employer, gustong gusto raw talaga akong kunin and ASAP pa! Kaya tataasan nila yung offer to 100k/month PLUS 2 weeks of business travel sa Australia to visit and meet the team offshore.

Ah, eh, pucha. Nanlamig ako sa mga narinig ko sa phone. I told the recruiter na give me 24 hours to decide. But, really, decided na ako nun. Decided to grab it. Kasi, I'm not in the position to decline such good offer. Lumaki akong mahirap, and mahirap pa rin ako then. And this was around March 2019 na pala. And syempre, na excite ako sa thought na; "wow 6-digits!" and on top of that, makakapag Australia pa ako ng all expenses paid. While in the beach, I spoke to my s.o. and told her na I'm grabbing it. Kahit may concern ako about security of tenure. It was very nerve racking kasi first time ko magresign. My current employer then was my first employer ever since graduating sa college.

Messaged the recruiter that night while seated by the beach looking at the stars and listening to the waves.

April 2019 ako nagstart dun sa bagong company. Agad agad, nakaramdam ako ng imposter syndrome. Hindi ko masikmura yung laki ng pera na pumapasok sa ATM ko every 15th and 30th. From earning 47k (minus taxes) to earning 100k (minus taxes). And I was doing exactly the same stuff, the same tasks...but I'm paid over double?!?! Nakakabalisa and nakakakaba, like: "ano to, temporary lang ba to? mawawala lang ba to eventually?"

With these toughts running in my head, nagtitipid ako. Pero over time, time desensitized me. I started buying things na mga di ko naman nabibili before. Phones na magaganda, smart watches, mahal na sapatos, kumain sa mga mahal resto, etc. Grabe, life changing.

Fast forward about 10 months into this new life, with this new employer, naisipan ko buksan ulit yung LinkedIn ko (hindi ko na talaga sya binubuksan eh). Nagulat ako sa dami ng mga na-miss ko na mga bagong opportunities! I mean, sobrang in-demand pa rin pala talaga nung skill na yun (around Dec. 2019).

One day, just maybe out of boredome, in-entertain ko yung isang recruiter. Medyo magaan yung work that day kaya pumayag ako sa request nya na mag technical interview ako. They told me that they were happy sa kinalabasan ng interview and would get back to me. After a few days, they offered me the job. And wth?! it was 120k/month. I mean, like, how can I decline that? Aaminin ko, medyo asshole talaga kung tanggapin yung offer dahil parang lalabas na "wala akong utang na loob after akong offeran ng 100k/month dito sa current company plus dinala pa ako sa Australia". And tbh, masaya rin ako sa company na to dahil mababait yung mga counterparts ko sa AU. Sila yung kausap at katrabaho ko on a daily basis. Pero may mga nakakasalamuha ako sa office dito sa locally (ibang line of work lang sila).

Pinag-isipan ko ng mabuti kung kukunin ko ba yung opportunity...

Meron akong isang major justification kung bakit ko dapat tanggapin yung bagong offer: dito sa current employer, walang yearly appraisal. Meaning, kung tumagal ako, 100k lang talaga sahod ko through the years to come.

Meron din akong isang major justification kung bakit dapat mag-decline ako sa bagong company: napakalayo ng office.

So, torn talaga ako. Pero one day, yung mga DDS kong kasamahan sa office, tinanong nila ako kung sino iboboto ko sa 2019 senatorial elections. Sabi ko yung kila Chel at Bam. Tapos pinagtatawanan nila ako na "Otso Diretso sa Inidoro" daw ako. Pumintig talaga ulo ko. Pero, hindi ako nakikipag politically argue with them. Just kept my cool and stayed quiet sa office.

But at the back of my mind, sabi ko, "kahit di sila yung kawork ko on a daily basis, ayokong pumapasok sa office at napapaligiran ng mga katulad nila." So, that was it. Good bye to y'all.

I messaged the recruiter of the new company and good thing the offer still holds even after (maybe) a week.

Boom, just like that. March 2020, bago na ang company ko. And coincidentally, nag pandemic pa. Meaning, yung concern ko about sa office na sobrang layo, hindi na rin naging issue. Kasi from day 1, WFH ang nangyari until present (1 RTO/month lang).

Over the course of these past 6 years, my income just kept on increasing. With the yearly appraisal of 7-15%, yung salary ko lumobo ng lumobo. Aside from fat bonuses that we get yearly, I was also promoted with a 25% increase in 2022. Needless to say, nag-iba yung life namin. Acquired a car, a condo, did international travels, got married etc. Sobrang gumanda talaga ng buhay. Literal na life changing. My salary now is 250k/month.

Pero still, in the course of this 2020-2026, andun pa rin talaga yung imposter syndrome na pakiramdam: "temporary lang ba to? lahat ba to mawawala in a snap?" Remember, hindi ako sanay sa ganitong buhay. Just a few years ago, nakatira ako sa isang sikat na squammy district sa metro manila. Bunked sa isang dilapidated, cockroach and rat infested apartment...yung pag lalabas ka ng apartment, ang dadaanan mo, basa na eskinita, may naglalaba, may nagreredhorse ng 8 a.m. in the morning. Ganun. From that to all of a sudden upscale lifestyle. Naka condo, naka kotse, aircon 24/7. Nagpo-pause ako and napapaisip na pag nawala to, nerve racking feeling. Nakaka anxiety. Pero tuloy tuloy lang yung biyaya eh.

Days, months, years passed. Until June 2026. I got the most terrifying news of my life. The company has eliminated our role.

Pucha. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. Panic and depression sabay. Hindi ako makakain, hindi ako makausap ng asawa ko. Visited LinkedIn ulit and found out na yung skill na to, laos na. In the 8 years of using it, tapos na yung hype nya. I have submitted a countless number of applications and sadly, walang kahit isang tumatanggap sa akin. After interview, rejection agad. Partly siguro dahil sa taas ng current salary ko, and partly din siguro dahil yung ibang inapplyan ko, hindi na rin din talaga itong technology na to ang hanap. It's not fully obsolete but it's not that in-demand anymore.

This was me the entirety of July. Lost, depressed, and yung pakiramdam na in front of the abyss. I just mortgaged my condo. And I have a lot of loans to pay. One good thing lang is tapos na yung kotse bayaran. The money I have saved (including the retirement fund na binigay ng company after letting us go) is around 3.4M. Yes, meron nga siguro akong ganung pera now (pero hindi lahat liquid kasi a bulk of it ay nasa MP2). Pero in my calculation, kapag hindi pa ako nakahanap ng work, hindi magla-last yung pera ko ng 1 year. Natatakot ako na hindi ako makakapag provide sa asawa ko. Hindi ako takot bumalik sa buhay na simple o maralita. Natatakot ako na hindi ko mabibigay sa asawa ko yung pinangako kong magandang buhay.

I spent the entirety of the past 30 days in both depression and sulking. I also looked at the possibility of just leaving everything and disappear. Pero takot din ako magpakamatay.

Start of August na bukas and wala pa rin kahit anong good news.

But to be honest, after writing this, medyo gumaan ang pakiramdam ko.

Looking back, yung imposter syndrome na nararamdaman ko was maybe this future me telling my old self na temporary lang talaga pala ang lahat.

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EDIT: spelling and fixed a few details

Excluding of course the situations where cashless (Google Pay, Tap to Pay, QR Ph) method is not available.

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So happy to report that after my 2-week vacation this June, the number of merchants accepting Google Pay (credit card payment via Phone/Watch tapping) has significantly increased since just last year!

Nung umuwi ako last year, medyo lito pa or unaware kung anong gagawin ng mga crew/cashier about my preferred way of paying (bumping my watch). About 8 out of 10 would still leave the crew clueless or will ask for the physical card.

Now, grabe. Sobrang bilis ng improvement! Halos wala ng ganon.

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p.s.: my normal transactions would be: Grocery, cafes, gas station, convenience stores.

I don't see iMessage as widely adopted as how the (western-based) tech youtubers may have presented it, no?

I mean...I've been 2 months now using iPhone, pero only a handful of my iPhone-user friends are really responding on iMessage. Facebook Messenger pa rin talaga or Instagram DMs ang main communicator nila (despite being on iPhone for decades).

I can be wrong, tho! 😅 (probably just in the wrong circle of friends).

I don't know how this YouTube channel Aleph Arena is able to stream WC matches for free. I vividly remember how difficult it was last 2022 to look for games. Parati ako nag eendup maghanap ng bar sa Makati para makanuod. And finally succumbed to the PHP 2000+ na DAZN subscription.

Ngayon, mukhang lahat ng games (sana) libre mastream sa YT channel na to.

Grabe!