Hospital MIL update: should we get ahead of the game?

[I posted not too long ago about my NC MIL, who was in the hospital for something relatively unserious.](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/ZCqogbPHPB) She's back home and yaddah yaddah. Thanfully, my SIL didn't start any beef like I expected her to.

My husband and I were at couple's therapy yesterday (we do it proactively; we're a very strong couple), and I was saying how I was stuck in this state of waiting for the other shoe to drop with his family. It's always such an ordeal for me emotionally because of all that we both should have said, but didn't. God, I want to lay into them about the disrespect that they showed towards us both. Surprisingly, our therapist didn't take the stance of "be the bigger person and don't engage." That's an option, but if part of my healing would involve saying all of these things I kept to myself, the it's something to carefully consider. I said that I'd wait until they initiated.

But lo and behold, last night his mother sent him a friend request on FB. Quite a while ago we saw that she unfriended him, and it was such a pathetic move on her part because she couldn't even pretend that she was interested in keeping up with his life. I imagine it's going to be an "I was on my [perceived] death bed and was forced to reflect because my son didn't want to see me" kind of thing. Not reflecting on anything meaningful, I'm sure. Just another "woe is me I'm the victim" case.

I wanted to have some kind of plan about how to handle this next wave of BS, but my husband is in the "we'll cross that bridge we we get to it" camp. He seems intent on just not addressing very much about it, which is fair, but I feel stuck on how to deal with this. I don't want to force him to do anything, but I'm going to be consumed by this regardless of if it's the mature thing to do or not. I don't really think in terms of "the mature thing to do," but in a "how do we get justice?" kind of way. They've caused so much stress to us that them getting in touch just sends me down a spiral of making up scenarios in my head and pettily muttering to myself. I can't help that with my very neurodivergent brain. As time goes on, I start ruminating more and more out of anxiety.

I know the real answer is "don't say angthing," but what's the more flawed-but-realistic way to approach this? I obviously know that absolutely nothing I say will resonate with them. I'm not going about this with the false idea that I can change their minds. I simply want to lay out the facts, or I want him to do so.

Uh, so maybe I want him to defend me after years of keeping quiet. It was the only thing he could do back then, so I don't hold that against him. But my role in this whole kerfuffle has been a bit of an unspoken elephant in the room.

I'm mostly ranting and typing/muttering here. I have such grand ideas of how things should go in my head. I knew this was coming.

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u/mrs-monroe — 3 days ago
▲ 376 r/basset

Heatwave be damned, Judy wants to cook

Don't fret, the chair is in eyesight from our couch. She knows to ask to be let in when she wants. She BEGGED to go out. I haven't seen her so soundly asleep in a while. She loves this weather! There's lots of water, AC, and ice cubes ready for her when she comes in.

u/mrs-monroe — 5 days ago

Hot take: I like this game

How can I possibly get bored when everyone gets the Street Dance 101 dvd? My favourite is when I drag someone over to the person they're crushing on and they suddenly start dancing like it's a mating ritual.

Fun had. Life good.

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u/mrs-monroe — 7 days ago

I got to enact my favourite type of revenge 😈

I have two cool coworkers who told me they would wash my lunch dishes (a knife and a small plate, sometimes a spoon) because dishwater is absolutely killer for my OCD. We established this early on and it's all good. I make sure the dishes are cleared off and place them neatly in the sink. Other people do this too and wash them later in the day.

But my harpy coworker K, who seems to have an issue with anything I do ( work related or not) makes it known how much disdain she has for people who don't wash their dishes. She came into the lunch room when I and another coworker were in there, and started going on about how "you'd think people would do their own fing dishes here, like what a massive display of disrespect!" all while I was awkwardly sitting on the couch. She knows what my dishes look like. I eat the same thing every day and she's seen me put the dishes in the sink. Mind you, every time she complains about something, she doesn't do anything to fix it. It made me feel really shitty for the whole day because she really infantalizes me.

But I go in on our day off to do maintenance. I decided that I would pull of my secret move: DO SOMETHING NICE TO PROVE A POINT! I cleaned that break room! I sanitized and reorganized the pantry and it's SPARKLING. I bleached the gross dish drying rack. I cleaned every piece of the coffee pot. I may not be one for certain types of tidying, but I'm really good at deep cleaning when nobody's watching.

There's some respect for ya, wench. I await my praise showering from my other coworkers. (Jk i would rather not be perceived)

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u/mrs-monroe — 7 days ago
▲ 210 r/JUSTNOMIL

MIL is in the hospital. What in the world do we do?

My husband and I (together 9 years) are NC with his mother and sisters for their abusive and toxic treatments. His mom was an especially damaging force in my husband's life growing up. She's the type that is always the victim and constantly diminishes the pain that she caused when the three were growing up. I don't want them near him because it always turns into a mess. He's so much happier without them in his life.

We just got a text from one of his sisters:

________________

"Just a courtesy update - mom is in the hospital.
She has been having abdominal pain for months but worsen over the past 3 or so weeks.

She is being admitted and will be having surgery for a blocked bile duct.
Then a gallbladder removal is likely in her future.
They are talking about a scope from the top and an MRI. Shes already had a CT and ultrasound, blood work, and lots of anti-nausea drugs and heavy pain killers

She is shaky, tired, in pain and yellow from jaundice."

_______________

First of all, "courtesy update"??

But secondly, wtf do we do in this situation? I'm at work so I can't talk to him directly. We agreed that any texts that come to him have to be dealt with as a team.

Maybe this makes me a horrible person, but I'm on team "don't do anything." I'm going to let him choose ultimately, but I'm really worried about how they affect him and blame him for everything. Plus, they hate my guts because I "stole" him from them.

He's been making some incredible progress in his healing just within the last month and a half, and of course this has to put a wrench in everything.

I also suspect they're overplaying the seriousness, but his mom's 400lbs, so it's risky. But... it's sorta the result of her own actions. She's had a failed bariatric surgery and eats like shit.

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u/mrs-monroe — 13 days ago

My theory: Eshmel will function like Arval

Sothis probably sends them to monitor whoever you choose to play as. I doubt they'll be a full avatar since we've already had confirmation that you control Dietrich/the other 3.

Maybe over time they come to form a bond with us and will betray Sothis, thus eventually becoming a fallen angel.

That's it, that's all I got. I want the two gay wolves inside of me to kiss.

u/mrs-monroe — 16 days ago
▲ 569 r/basset

Judy models while begging

It's so funny to watch. To show how seriously polite she's waiting for what she wants, she will shifts between poses while looking as cute as she possibly can. She loves the camera 🤣

u/mrs-monroe — 18 days ago
▲ 150 r/basset

Judy chewing in 0.5 lens

Don't mind the TV in the background (watching as a personal interest, I don't live in the danger zone)

u/mrs-monroe — 18 days ago
▲ 4 r/Bagels

Do these look like authentic, wood-fired bagels to you?

New business in town that has already posted AI slop and stolen photos from other sites. They look like the bagels you'd get at a Timmy's.

u/mrs-monroe — 19 days ago

Man decided drunkenly shouting at me/threatening my dogs was a normal human thing to do (enjoy some drama that isn't your own)

Pic very related. You do not mess with my dogs. One's a bite risk anyway so good luck.

LEMME BEGIN: This could have been a very reasonable conversation as the core issue is perfectly reasonable. As soon as the situation was over, my husband and I went right to strategizing solutions.

I have three dogs. Two chihuahuas and a basset hound. As you can imagine, they bark a lot. Mostly inside our home under three conditions: something outside, food, or wanting to go on the deck. I run a tight ship, so when I say so, they're pretty good about shutting up. The hound can be especially annoying because since we got her as a puppy, our chihuahua taught her to yap. It's annoyong as hell, but manageable.

They love being on the deck since it's large and great for playing around on. My hound is only 2, so she's in her teenager phase and is excitable. Heaven forbid, at 5:30pm on a saturday, she decides to bark for like 20 seconds. While my husband and I are trying to settle her, we hear "SHUT UUUUUP!!!" from our neighbour's house.

My neighbour's a twat and his wife is a harpy. This isn't the first time they've shouted at us, but that day they decided to start a screaming match for the entire block to hear. Dude's face was so red. Some highlights include:

- YOUR DOGS BARK ALL DAY EVERYDAY (false)

- EVERYONE IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD TELLS HIM HOW THEY ALL FIND MY DOGS ANNOYING (i really doubt that)

- HE HAS AUDIO RECORDINGS OF OUR DOGS BARKING (maybe, he does that to other people if their dogs are barking. Weirdo.)

- YOUR DOGS AREN'T TRAINED (false)

- THEY'RE SENIORS SO THEY *DESERVE* PEACE AND QUIET (no more than I do)

- HE'S GOING TO CALL THE CITY! AND ANIMAL WELFARE! RIGHT NOW! Well... LATER! Uh... FIRST THING MONDAY MORNING!!" (Spoiler alert: he didn't. But I did! He'd have to record them barking non-stop for 10 minutes to even have a case for a warning).

He tried to use them barking at that exact moment as evidence, but I would expect them to if someone was being aggressive toward us. Once they clued in that there was no immediate threat, they all quieted down. He's yelling about a dog who was in my husband's arms, dangling tiredly and not making a peep.

I'm chronically unprepared for confrontation, so I fell for the classic autistic trap of "if I explain the situation's details they'll understand." Looking back, I should have just ended it with an "ok!" but alas.

We told him that we'd work on it if he would just chill. He suggested that we get a shock collar or "give them to me, I'll train them for free," and I'm proud of myself for stopping him there with a firm "you will not touch my dogs." I'm also proud for giving a firm "let me speak." He clicked in that I'm not one to back down, so he decided to lay into my husband and rat him out for not taking control of them while I'm gone (he's laid off).

As I said at the beginning, the core issue is very fair. But we've never been told by anyone before that our dogs are barking non-stop when we're both gone, or that it goes on too long. How the heck would we know? He could have just... yknow, told us politely. Or left a note.

We're the 4th house that I know they have a problem with regarding dogs. We live in a residential neighbourhood. One time his harpy wife got tired of another neighbours dogs barking, so she angrily marched over there to yell at the homeowner. Then got mad at my dogs for reacting to her aggressive behavior. She was sure to tell us that our dogs are probably assholes, just like me.

I know he's called animal welfare before on one person, but there's nothing they'll do if it's not a case of distress. And we go to bed at 8pm! There's literally nothing that he can actually complain about. I sure didn't complain to him about how he fires up his leaf blower before 7am to blow snow off his truck. He loves that truck more than his wife. As soon as a light sprinkle of snow touches it, out comes the blower.

We're installing new blinds so they can't see out the window as easily to avoid some barking. I don't mind putting in the work! But holy shit dude, get over yourself.

u/mrs-monroe — 19 days ago
▲ 231 r/basset

Positively ridiculous looking

Judy REALLY wanted it to be chew time

u/mrs-monroe — 23 days ago

Since everyone has Hatsune Miku on their island, who did she end up with?

I'm not even a Vocaloid fan, but the majority of islands that I've seen had her, so I joined in the fun.

They live in a house called Stugats and she calls him Tonii-chan.

u/mrs-monroe — 27 days ago

My Pokemon Miis!

Trinity is supposed to be a nerdy Kirlia. I mostly try to let parents keep the names of their kids unless they're supposed to be a certain character.

u/mrs-monroe — 1 month ago

I'm absolutely devastated

On slide 2, you can see my drawings of my dogs on our work whiteboard. We never use this whiteboard for anything important, so I've kept them there for over a year now. They're tucked away to the side, so whenever my coworkers want to do hangman, they just did it around them and there was no problem. Again, this white board is not used for anything work-related. I'm the only one who works in the back room where it is. Everyone else just comes back to clean/pick up their tools that I sterilize. My coworkers all know how much I love my dogs, and they all know that I'm on the spectrum.

I loved those drawings so much. They perfectly captured their personalities, and they brightened my day every time I looked at them. I get very sentimentally attached to things like this.

However, this morning, my drawings were erased. To anyone else, this isn't a big deal. But I'm so upset about it, and I hate that I am. It's embarrassing. But my entire day is ruined and there's no coming back.

I suspected it was a specific coworker, K, who just has it out for me. She's always to condescending to me for no reason, and has confronted me about my conduct at work because it wasn't exactly how she wanted it to be. She's not my manager, in fact my manager always takes my side in these matters because they're always so ridiculous. Everyone else knows what she's like. OCD out the wazoo, and a big control freak. ND as hell.

This feels SO intentional. Just the fact that the hangman gallow is exactly where the Judy drawing was. And why even erase the Rosie one in the left corner?? There's nothing there!

When K and my other coworker (who I'm on very friendly terms with; she knows and understands what I'm like) showed up, I said to the other coworker "my dogs are gone!" in a relatively playful tone. K immediately got defensive despite the fact I wasn't talking to her. Here's a bullet list of her quotes from the matter:

- "They've been up for like 8 months, I didn't think it would be offensive to erase them!"

- "I just wanted to do a fun thing, I didn't realize it would be offensive!"

- "Everyone else's pets got erased!" (I was doodling the pets of other coworkers, funny enough she was the only one to not send a pic of hers. It was requested that I erase those ones, but I could keep mine because I was uncomfortable with letting them go)

- "They were just little doodles, you can just draw them again!" (It doesn't work like that. It won't be the same.)

- "I'm sorry if that offended you!"

- "Whatever!"

God I don't know why she has to keep using that word. I just said "it is what it is" and tried to move on because I hate dealing with her. And just now, I heard her talking to another coworker near my office door, and she said "nah, I'm not dealing with that immaturity."

It's times like this where I feel so much shame. I'm embarassed for being so upset. But at the same time, what the actual fuck is wrong with her?? She KNOWS. There was literally NO point in erasing Rosie from the corner. NO point to putting the gallow right where the other two are. She KNOWS that every other time we played hangman, people just worked around the drawings. It's been like that for the entire time. And again, the back room is MY area of responsibility. This feels like she threw out framed photos of them and under the excuse of "I was just cleaning up!"

This day is going to be SO long. I just want to go home. I'll probably sneak out early (I'm allowed to if my work is done). Whyyyyyy must there always be thay one coworker who ruins everything??

u/mrs-monroe — 1 month ago
▲ 276 r/JUSTNOMIL

Shoutout to us who miraculously manipulated our husbands against their family by doing... nothing

Anyone else really good at brainwashing their husband by simply existing?? MIL insists that he's only ever spoken against her and his sisters after moving in with me, so clearly I'm putting words in his mouth and making him believe this delusion that he was actually treated poorly his whole life by them. "It's just not you!" she says.

I didn't realize that I was actually casting an evil witch spell on him when I said "you can say 'no' to them" and "you know that's abusive, right?" He just suddenly had thoughts that weren't his own! He's soooo weak-minded that he couldn't possibly think about his life and adjust his attitude towards them. I just had to stand there next to him and he somehow felt safe enough to say these crazy thoughts!

Just bonkers.

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u/mrs-monroe — 1 month ago

All of my dogs are here!

I'm way too lazy to make super detailed dog-like miis, so I just made them into what I imagine their human counterparts look like. Judy the friendly goofball, Rosie the grumpy old Italian lady, and Nougat the hyper-reactive freak ❤️

Judy is the child of my husband and I's miis, so it was really fun to see which of us she took after (it was her papa, which is perfect).

And of course, the two chihuahuas bonded over biting people.

u/mrs-monroe — 1 month ago
▲ 988 r/Chihuahua

How do I break the news to him that I'm getting a reduction?

Sorry bud, but my back has ached long enough.

u/mrs-monroe — 1 month ago