u/ocean_stars2

Hii everyone..

I'm 23f and he is m21..

We used to be best friends and when he helped me last year when I hit rock bottom after getting sa'ed by my ex and trying to end my life , I started to have feelings for him..

It broke our friendship but this year we reconnected and he felt the same...

Yesterday we had that conversation,

We wanted to get married after 2-3 yrs and were talking about our future, compatibility and family issues.

There were things I agreed to adjust and there were certain things he agreed to adjust at.

But he wants kinds of his own.

Now he comes from a family where he is an only child, his mother abandoned him, so it's like a broken family and he had always dreamed of having his own children..

For me , I come from a loving and chaotic family, I never wanted children because I wish to travel the world. I even choose to do freelance work because of that.

Also i don't wanna go through the pain of childbirth.

The other reasons are after sa'ed ( r* ) I'm scared childbirth will trigger me also.

I'm upset because obviously we dreamed of a life together, have feelings, in fact he is the only male I feel safe with after my papa. I still feel uncomfortable around male cousins even though I have known them since childhood.

Now I'm second guessing my choice,

Knowing in our culture women are expected to get married and have kids. I don't know how to say no to my parents wishing me to meet people in an arranged marriage setup. Anyhow I'll do it. My papa is loving supportive but it's just how the culture has always been here.

I'm just second guessing if I really don't want kids.

And now I just feel almost nothing, like a breeze of sadness.

I'll just focus on building my career for now and I'm glad I stood up for myself, we are still friends but it's not the same.

Edit : I confessed and he likes me back but we agreed on separating our ways cause I don't want kids but he does.

I'm f23 and he is m21.

Back in 2025 my ex r* me and even after breaking up I had nightmares, can't sleep, hit rock bottom and wanted to end my life.

My then best friend helped me out. He was so gentle with me and the only person I can still feel safe with that I started to have feelings for him. I confessed but he rejected.

This broke out friendship as college ended and we drifted apart.

In 2026 on new year we started taking again about random stuff.

By April he confessed he is having feelings for me and wants to marry someday. I didn't had strong feelings but still liked him...

But I refused and told him I don't like him anymore.

I never told him the correct reason why I refused.

I refused bcs :

1.He and I are of the same religion but his family is extremely religious while my family was religious but something happened and now we don't talk about religion.

( I'm sorry I can't explain it fully but it will just give a reason for his family to look down on mine)

( He know about my family / religious background)

2. His family has 2 people but I wonder if I'll be able to keep up with them if we have diff beliefs.

Also just to mention we might not live with them bcs both of us will be working in a diff city.

3. I'm scared to be in a relationship after what my ex did.

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.

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Recently I am wondering if I should ask him about his feelings ? I'm scared of giving him hope... And asking my papa if there is any possibility.

Now about my papa he is supportive, loving and understanding. But I have disappointed him before badly and I don't wanna disappoint him anymore..

So I'm spiralling and him and I haven't talked since April...

Hii

Do we have any support groups in chandigarh/ mohali for people who have gone through sexual abuse?

I don't want or need therapy I'd rather just want to be in a room with people who went through similar pain.

Hii

I'm 23f.

I'm not married.

But my parents want me to get married in the next 2yrs. I don't have any bf rn so they want me to go with arrange marriage.

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Idk how to tell them I don't want kids. Marriage itself is something I'm not looking forward to but in future if I like a guy and he don't want kids either I might marry as well.

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The reasons i don't want kids :

1. I don't wanna go through the pain of childbirth

2. I was sexually abused by my ex. Inserting cup during menstruation triggers so idk how much triggering this will be.

3. I don't want such a big commitment like kids whithout any major reason.

4. I wish to travel the world in future as well.

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Currently I don't even want marriage but that's already a comvo which I am anxious about to have with them and on top of that if I'll tell them I don't want kids they won't get it.

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They are loving, supportive,

know about my ex, my mistakes etc but won't understand.

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I'm spiralling since 2 days.

I made some choices that were too much and now idk telling them all this feel huge. I have disappointed them badly before and idk what to do now.

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Hii

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I'm 23f.

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1. I was in a toxic and abusive relationship almost 1 and a half year ago So I wonder if I'm scared of marriage because of that.

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2. **Long story short**.

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My parents were disappointed but supportive,

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My ex family has hurt my family badly before too.

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But I was 15 back then

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And when he and I came into a relationship in 2023 I assumed and was manipulated by my ex that he was a victim of his family too.

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I'm not proud of my choices but the situation left me barely with any other choice. My relatives said a lot of things to my parents and I try ending my life but didn't and in genral it was a mess.

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3. I'm having a full time job which i don't like much. I want to pursue a career in video editing side by side. My parents told me to go with the flow. And they will start searching groom for me next year bcs those things take time..

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I wish to move out and just ma all weke a career, live alone.

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But my parents are loving, only reason I didn't ended my life and somewhere understanding.

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Work load at home is so much so if I'll leave ik there will be no one to take care of them.

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3. I'm wondering if I should just give in.

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Saying no to children or marriage in genral feels like a big decision after the kind of disappointment I have been to them past year. I was a topper and everyone expected too much.

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4. I don't want children at all and idk how to tell them, they are loving but won't get it.

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5. My sister says my mindset has been negatively influenced by watching BLs ( yaoi) and reading psychology had made me too understanding and easy to manipulate.

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6. Are there some mistakes in life which cannot be undone ?

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My ex family was criminal

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What they did to my family was a crime too.

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Everyone sees the mistakes but no one understands the choices we rarely have and no explanation can help.. I feel just so stupid.

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7. I don't wanna gave in to marriage but sometimes wonder if it's not that bad. I know my parents won't force me to marry someone I don't want to.

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I'm scared to let any boy in my life again.

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8 lastly, my bestie told me he wanna marry me, he indeed helped me when I tried ending my life last year and I like him too but his family is traditional and he wants kids so I rejected the offer. And also i was scared.

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Thank you everyone for reading. 🩷

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I don't know what I will do but I'll never stop building a career or pursuing the life I want. But also i wonder if the least I can do is to get married to a guy I like in an arrange setup. In 2-3 yrs

Hii

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I'm 23f.

​

​

​

1. I was in a toxic and abusive relationship almost 1 and a half year ago So I wonder if I'm scared of marriage because of that.

​

​

​

2. **Long story short**.

​

​

​

My parents were disappointed but supportive,

​

My ex family has hurt my family badly before too.

​

But I was 15 back then

​

And when he and I came into a relationship in 2023 I assumed and was manipulated by my ex that he was a victim of his family too.

​

I'm not proud of my choices but the situation left me barely with any other choice. My relatives said a lot of things to my parents and I try ending my life but didn't and in genral it was a mess.

​

​

​

3. I'm having a full time job which i don't like much. I want to pursue a career in video editing side by side. My parents told me to go with the flow. And they will start searching groom for me next year bcs those things take time..

​

I wish to move out and just ma all weke a career, live alone.

​

But my parents are loving, only reason I didn't ended my life and somewhere understanding.

​

Work load at home is so much so if I'll leave ik there will be no one to take care of them.

​

​

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3. I'm wondering if I should just give in.

​

Saying no to children or marriage in genral feels like a big decision after the kind of disappointment I have been to them past year. I was a topper and everyone expected too much.

​

​

​

4. I don't want children at all and idk how to tell them, they are loving but won't get it.

​

​

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5. My sister says my mindset has been negatively influenced by watching BLs ( yaoi) and reading psychology had made me too understanding and easy to manipulate.

​

​

​

​

​

6. Are there some mistakes in life which cannot be undone ?

​

My ex family was criminal

​

What they did to my family was a crime too.

​

Everyone sees the mistakes but no one understands the choices we rarely have and no explanation can help.. I feel just so stupid.

​

​

​

7. I don't wanna gave in to marriage but sometimes wonder if it's not that bad. I know my parents won't force me to marry someone I don't want to.

​

I'm scared to let any boy in my life again.

​

​

​

8 lastly, my bestie told me he wanna marry me, he indeed helped me when I tried ending my life last year and I like him too but his family is traditional and he wants kids so I rejected the offer. And also i was scared.

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​

​

​

​

Thank you everyone for reading. 🩷

​

​

​

I don't know what I will do but I'll never stop building a career or pursuing the life I want. But also i wonder if the least I can do is to get married to a guy I like in an arrange setup. In 2-3 yrs

Hiiii I'm 23f

So I have a full time job and I work from home. I have to take care or work at home also. My family is loving but we have a lot of work at home due to grandparents, our shop, financial issues and etc.

​

I do get some time but not enough at home to build a skill like video editing asap.

​

My family already wants to start searching for a groom for me from next year because even if your parents are loving and supportive they still want you married and have kids.

​

Although I absolutely don't want that. My last relationship was abusive. I'm better now. My parents know. But they don't know I'm planning to never have kids.. infact even if I go with the flow I'll never have kids.

​

Now everyone tells me to keep going with the flow and life gives you opportunities.

But i wish to move to a diff town and get a full time job there , learn video editing professionally ( from yt cause I don't have time for courses),

do shoots as a videographer too...🩷

​

I can't leave everyone behind because the situation at home doesn't allow that.

​

I'm feeling so stuck.

​

I don't know if one should actually make peace with it. Going with the flow of life and trying to do their best. Or should push boundaries too much at cost something imp. To you. (

​

​

Hiiii I'm 23f

So I have a full time job and I work from home. I have to take care or work at home also. My family is loving but we have a lot of work at home due to sick grandparents, our shop, financial issues and etc.

​

I do get some time but not enough at home to build a skill like video editing asap.

​

My family already wants to start searching for a groom for me from next year because even if your parents are loving and supportive they still want you married and have kids.

​

Although I absolutely don't want that. My last relationship was abusive. I'm better now. My parents know. But they don't know I'm planning to never have kids.. infact even if I go with the flow I'll never have kids.

​

Now everyone tells me to keep going with the flow and life gives you opportunities.

But i wish to move to a diff town and get a full time job there , learn video editing professionally ( from yt cause I don't have time for courses),

do shoots as a videographer too...🩷

​

I can't leave everyone behind because the situation at home doesn't allow that.

​

I'm feeling so stuck.

​

I don't know if one should actually make peace with it. Going with the flow of life and trying to do their best. Or should push boundaries too much at cost something imp. To you. (

​

​

Hiiii I'm 23f

So I have a full time job and I work from home. I have to take care or work at home also. My family is loving but we have a lot of work at home due to sick grandparents, our shop, financial issues and etc.

​

I do get some time but not enough at home to build a skill like video editing asap.

​

My family already wants to start searching for a groom for me from next year because even if your parents are loving and supportive they still want you married and have kids.

​

Although I absolutely don't want that. My last relationship was abusive. I'm better now. My parents know. But they don't know I'm planning to never have kids.. infact even if I go with the flow I'll never have kids.

​

Now everyone tells me to keep going with the flow and life gives you opportunities.

But i wish to move to a diff town and get a full time job there , learn video editing professionally ( from yt cause I don't have time for courses),

do shoots as a videographer too...🩷

​

I can't leave everyone behind because the situation at home doesn't allow that.

​

I'm feeling so stuck.

​

I don't know if one should actually make peace with it. Going with the flow of life and trying to do their best. Or should push boundaries too much at cost something imp. To you. (

​

​

Hiiii I'm 23f

So I have a full time job and I work from home. I have to take care or work at home also. My family is loving but we have a lot of work at home due to sick grandparents, our shop, financial issues and etc.

​

I do get some time but not enough at home to build a skill like video editing asap.

​

My family already wants to start searching for a groom for me from next year because even if your parents are loving and supportive they still want you married and have kids.

​

Although I absolutely don't want that. My last relationship was abusive. I'm better now. My parents know. But they don't know I'm planning to never have kids..

​

Now everyone tells me to keep going with the flow and life gives you opportunities.

But i wish to move to a diff town and get a full time job there , learn video editing professionally ( from yt cause I don't have time for courses),

do shoots as a videographer too...🩷

​

I can't leave everyone behind because the situation at home doesn't allow that.

​

I'm feeling so stuck.

​

I don't know if one should actually make peace with it. Going with the flow of life and trying to do their best. Or should push boundaries too much at cost something imp. To you.

​

Ever since we are born we are told to study, get good marks, be good at sports, art , choose the right career, earn a lot of money and marry the right person..

But what if you made choices and slipped from this plan?

​

Hii everyone.

I'm 23f

I have a day off from work and am feeling sad rn.

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Sometimes I feel if I have wasted my potential. I wonder if other people go through this. Or other people make better choices.

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Ever since I remember I was an obedient kid. Getting good marks. Always get 90+. I was in sports, photography, theatre, dance and debates.

Won prizes in 2 yoga competitions at 11-12 yr old.

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I always loved the universe, science and dance but at 15 everything changed.

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Of course i was stupid.

Made a stupid choice.

Idk who to blame.

Ruined 2 yrs of my life.

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I was back but I lost all my confidence, was depressed, just started playing taekwondo professionally when lockdown happened and it ended.

I was in BLs (Yaoi) , self harm, anxious and depressed due to the past. Choose the wrong stream. Bcs that's what everyone said to choose...

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I went to a diff city for college.

Find myself again.

There were restrictions, but I was happy and confident again.

Although lost about the career.

I wanted to do something creative but everyone wanted me to go in academics because I was good at studying. So I chose an art major, wondering if I should go into an officer post and change the education sector.

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Well back then i used to think it might be possible but my country isn't where officers get to do good for people much due to bureaucratic restrictions.

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I made two best friends. And some other close friends in college. It was fun. We were close. Indeed very close.

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Then I get in a relationship with someone from my past. Someone I loved since back then.

I was a bad person in that relationship.

But he became the worst and verbally abused and r* me.

I somehow escaped.

I almost tried ending my life. My best friends saved me. I hurt my family.

My family was still supportive but my Papa was most loving.

But it broke me from inside, all self confidence etc gone.

but I'm trying to rebuild all.

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It was in 2024 ending and 2025 beginning. College ended.

I cut contact with those 2 besties.

can't help it. Reasons too long to elaborate.

I miss them both every day.🩷 And they too. 🥺

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2025 mid I started a job, it's a customer care one. Hectic, hated but first time earned my own money, financially supported my family,

was able to pay for my tooth surgery ( had many RCTs)

Yesterday only I got tooth surgery and stitches and yes I cried from pain.

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Now,

My family was never financially good. 8 yrs ago they lost everything financially and emotionally too,

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Although, I still love history , universe , science and qs about life.

But now I'm able to choose a creative field for me like video editing. I have always loved photography.

My family is supportive.

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But like every other asian parent they told me they will see a groom for me too after some time maybe a year.

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Now I want to learn video editing asap. Can't do a course because I'm having a full time job. And even if I learn by myself it will take time.

I can't leave my job I have to pay for my laptop and other things.

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So it makes me question when I see people around me.

As if I have wasted my potential. I either wanted to be a professor or get into the creative field like a videographer and video editor.

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Teachers aren't well paid in my country.

.

.

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What if back when I was 15. I went on to study science and have a good job today.

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I don't wanna get married, every time my periods come, i insert a menstrual cup , I feel like crying.

I'm writing it here because I still feel ashamed.

My relatives got to know about my relationship. That person comes from a family which has a criminal record but i loved him despite knowing all this because he said he's a victim too...But everyone now thinks I'm the stupid one...

They said a lot of things to my family which I hated. But I couldn't do anything.

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I know I'll be able to build a peaceful life.

Living in my own place , making my own food, freelancing and watching my fav. Series. Enjoying fav. Hobbies and having quality time with family.

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But currently it feels too far away.

My parents will never force me in marriage . But i don't want kids. I don't wanna go through that pain. Idk what to tell them.

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I just wanna be with me , my hobbies and my family. Some workshops too.

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Coming to reality,

A full time job, house chores and learning something new takes a lot of time. I feel behind so much. And never having enough time.

My parents agreed to send me to a diff city so I can work and learn and have more time.

But I see my mumma papa working all day and night and it hurts if I'm not here to help them out.

​

Sometimes I wonder

If everyone in their 20s makes the right choices or we all build life bit by bit.

If so why do people even compare.

So I work in a customer service role where I take calls. There was some technical issue with my system today. Since I work from home, IT rectified the issue but it took them 1 hour.

Now my login hours will be short acc. To my shift.

So I already insisted on an exception to my manager who was first making it an issue from my end but later understood.

​

Now I'm so stupid

Since I was an hour short, she told me to extend the login by one hour.

( We don't get calls in one last hour so I agreed)

​

Now here it seems the issue is resolved.

But I forgot we are having Over Time pay only for today. Everyone in my team will extend their shifts for one hour, will get 0 calls and will get paid extra but i won't.

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Now the money is not the issue, me being stupid , low self esteem and never speaking up is the issue.

​

No matter how much i try, i reach somewhere but never enough. I am getting better but never enough.

​

And this isn't the first instance, it always happens.

​

I'm frustrated with myself atp.

​

So I work in a customer service role where I take calls. There was some technical issue with my system today. Since I work from home, IT rectified the issue but it took them one hour.

​

Now my login hours will be short acc. To my shift.

So I already insisted on an exception to my manager who was first making it an issue but accepted later that it's not my fault.

​

Now I'm so stupid

Since I was an hour short, she told me to extend the login by one hour.

( We don't get calls in one last hour so I agreed)

​

Now here it seems the issue is resolved.

But I forgot we are having Over Time pay only for today. Everyone in my team will extend their shifts for one hour, will get 0 calls and will get paid extra but i won't.

​

Now the money is not the issue, me being stupid , low self esteem and never speaking up is the issue.

​

No matter how much i try, i reach somewhere but never enough. I am getting better but never enough.

​

And this isn't the first instance, it always happens.

​

I'm frustrated with myself atp.

​

So I work in a customer service role where I take calls. There was some technical issue with my system today. Since I work from home, IT rectified the issue but it took them 2 hours.

Now my login hours will be short acc. To my shift.

So I already insisted on an exception to my manager who was first making it an issue from my end but later understood.

​

Now I'm so stupid

Since I was an hour short, she told me to extend the login by one hour.

( We don't get calls in one last hour so I agreed)

​

Now here it seems the issue is resolved.

But I forgot we are having Over Time pay only for today. Everyone in my team will extend their shifts for one hour, will get 0 calls and will get paid extra but i won't.

​

Now the money is not the issue, me being stupid , low self esteem and never speaking up is the issue.

​

No matter how much i try, i reach somewhere but never enough. I am getting better but never enough.

​

And this isn't the first instance, it always happens.

​

I'm frustrated with myself atp.

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