u/okcamp_reborn

https://youtu.be/9fFoJVVRgC0?is=bR4e3q187Fs1pxZN

Pønker tormod

I rarely hop on the hype train once an album drops. But this is just fantastic. Its everything i could have hoped for.

I have a close friend who is diagnosed autistic. We have been friends for around six months, and I care about her a lot, but the friendship has become increasingly painful and confusing.

I often feel that she mainly contacts me when she is lonely, needs emotional support, or suddenly has an empty slot in her schedule. I frequently listen to her problems and help her understand social situations, but I do not feel equally chosen, prioritized, or considered by her.

This is not the first time she has said something deeply hurtful or inconsiderate. It happens regularly. She makes blunt comments that seem to show very little awareness of how another person might receive them. When I tell her that something hurt me, she usually does not apologize. Instead, she becomes defensive and explains why my interpretation is wrong, why she did not technically mean what I heard, or why I should not feel hurt by it.

The conversation then becomes an argument about whether I am justified in feeling what I feel. I end up having to explain basic perspective-taking while she focuses on defending her intentions. Even when she eventually understands that I am upset, I often do not feel that she understands what she actually did. Recently, I tried to explain this broader problem to her. I told her that when I say I feel unimportant or used, I need her to try to empathize with my experience instead of immediately arguing with my interpretation or proving that I am wrong.

She said she needed some time to think, so I stopped talking and let her think.

About two minutes later, she said that if I moved somewhere that required around 25 minutes on a bus, we probably would not be friends anymore. She then said something very close to:

“The reason we are friends is basically that you live so close and are available whenever I want, and that is a good thing.”

This happened immediately after I had explained that I was afraid she only valued me because I was conveniently available whenever she felt lonely or had time to fill.

I started crying almost immediately. It felt as though she had confirmed my exact fear: that she did not primarily value me as a person, but as an accessible source of company, advice, and emotional support. When she saw me crying and I said I needed to leave, she panicked. She tried to stop me from going and became afraid that I would block her. She then said something like, “I analyzed it again, and it isn’t true. It isn’t true.”

I left and went home.

I am struggling to understand what happened in her head. I do not know whether she sincerely meant what she initially said and withdrew it only because she feared losing me, whether she was trying to analyze the practical reason we see each other but completely missed the emotional meaning, or whether she understood only that I was crying and leaving without understanding why.

She has previously told me that our friendship means a lot to her and that I may not understand how important I have been to her. Her panic when I left also seemed genuine. That is why this feels so contradictory. She appeared terrified of losing someone she had just said would probably stop being her friend if the bus journey became 25 minutes. What makes this much harder is that this was not an isolated verbal mistake. She repeatedly says things that feel dismissive, condescending, self-centered, or startlingly lacking in perspective. When I explain the effect, her first response is normally to dispute my experience. She explains her intention, analyzes my interpretation, and argues that I have misunderstood her. I rarely feel that she simply stops, recognizes the injury, and takes responsibility for it.

She often seems highly confident that she has understood something, but then appears genuinely surprised when her interpretation is inaccurate or hurts someone. During emotional conversations, she treats the situation like a technical problem where she needs to demonstrate that her reasoning is correct. Once she sees tears, anger, or the possibility of abandonment, she may panic and reverse what she said, but I do not know whether she understands the injury or only understands that the situation has become dangerous for her.

I am not asking whether autistic people are incapable of empathy, and I do not believe autism automatically makes someone selfish or cruel. I am asking for autistic perspectives because I want to understand whether this pattern could involve literal thinking, delayed emotional processing, difficulty with perspective-taking, difficulty generalizing social information, or something else.

At the same time, I do not want autism to become a reason why I am expected to repeatedly tolerate being hurt, defend my own emotional reality, or teach an adult friend why her words affect other people. How would you interpret what she said? Is it possible that she genuinely did not understand why I started crying, even though I had just explained the exact insecurity that her statement confirmed? Why might someone repeatedly respond to another person’s hurt by arguing that their interpretation is incorrect? What would genuine accountability and repair look like when the person’s usual response is defensiveness rather than an apology?

TL;DR: My autistic friend regularly says deeply hurtful things. When I explain why I am hurt, she usually does not apologize; she becomes defensive and explains why my interpretation is wrong. I recently told her that I feel she mainly contacts me when she is lonely or has free time. After thinking for two minutes, she said we are basically only friends because I live nearby and am available whenever she wants, and that we probably would not be friends if I lived 25 minutes away. I cried and left; she panicked and withdrew the statement. I cannot tell whether she lacks understanding, revealed how she actually views me, or both.

I have a close friend who is diagnosed autistic. We have been friends for around six months, and I care about her a lot, but the friendship has become increasingly painful and confusing.

I often feel that she mainly contacts me when she is lonely, needs emotional support, or suddenly has an empty slot in her schedule. I frequently listen to her problems and help her understand social situations, but I do not feel equally chosen, prioritized, or considered by her.

This is not the first time she has said something deeply hurtful or inconsiderate. It happens regularly. She makes blunt comments that seem to show very little awareness of how another person might receive them. When I tell her that something hurt me, she usually does not apologize. Instead, she becomes defensive and explains why my interpretation is wrong, why she did not technically mean what I heard, or why I should not feel hurt by it.

The conversation then becomes an argument about whether I am justified in feeling what I feel. I end up having to explain basic perspective-taking while she focuses on defending her intentions. Even when she eventually understands that I am upset, I often do not feel that she understands what she actually did. Recently, I tried to explain this broader problem to her. I told her that when I say I feel unimportant or used, I need her to try to empathize with my experience instead of immediately arguing with my interpretation or proving that I am wrong.

She said she needed some time to think, so I stopped talking and let her think.

About two minutes later, she said that if I moved somewhere that required around 25 minutes on a bus, we probably would not be friends anymore. She then said something very close to:

“The reason we are friends is basically that you live so close and are available whenever I want, and that is a good thing.”

This happened immediately after I had explained that I was afraid she only valued me because I was conveniently available whenever she felt lonely or had time to fill.

I started crying almost immediately. It felt as though she had confirmed my exact fear: that she did not primarily value me as a person, but as an accessible source of company, advice, and emotional support. When she saw me crying and I said I needed to leave, she panicked. She tried to stop me from going and became afraid that I would block her. She then said something like, “I analyzed it again, and it isn’t true. It isn’t true.”

I left and went home.

I am struggling to understand what happened in her head. I do not know whether she sincerely meant what she initially said and withdrew it only because she feared losing me, whether she was trying to analyze the practical reason we see each other but completely missed the emotional meaning, or whether she understood only that I was crying and leaving without understanding why.

She has previously told me that our friendship means a lot to her and that I may not understand how important I have been to her. Her panic when I left also seemed genuine. That is why this feels so contradictory. She appeared terrified of losing someone she had just said would probably stop being her friend if the bus journey became 25 minutes. What makes this much harder is that this was not an isolated verbal mistake. She repeatedly says things that feel dismissive, condescending, self-centered, or startlingly lacking in perspective. When I explain the effect, her first response is normally to dispute my experience. She explains her intention, analyzes my interpretation, and argues that I have misunderstood her. I rarely feel that she simply stops, recognizes the injury, and takes responsibility for it.

She often seems highly confident that she has understood something, but then appears genuinely surprised when her interpretation is inaccurate or hurts someone. During emotional conversations, she treats the situation like a technical problem where she needs to demonstrate that her reasoning is correct. Once she sees tears, anger, or the possibility of abandonment, she may panic and reverse what she said, but I do not know whether she understands the injury or only understands that the situation has become dangerous for her.

I am not asking whether autistic people are incapable of empathy, and I do not believe autism automatically makes someone selfish or cruel. I am asking for autistic perspectives because I want to understand whether this pattern could involve literal thinking, delayed emotional processing, difficulty with perspective-taking, difficulty generalizing social information, or something else.

At the same time, I do not want autism to become a reason why I am expected to repeatedly tolerate being hurt, defend my own emotional reality, or teach an adult friend why her words affect other people. How would you interpret what she said? Is it possible that she genuinely did not understand why I started crying, even though I had just explained the exact insecurity that her statement confirmed? Why might someone repeatedly respond to another person’s hurt by arguing that their interpretation is incorrect? What would genuine accountability and repair look like when the person’s usual response is defensiveness rather than an apology?

TL;DR: My autistic friend regularly says deeply hurtful things. When I explain why I am hurt, she usually does not apologize; she becomes defensive and explains why my interpretation is wrong. I recently told her that I feel she mainly contacts me when she is lonely or has free time. After thinking for two minutes, she said we are basically only friends because I live nearby and am available whenever she wants, and that we probably would not be friends if I lived 25 minutes away. I cried and left; she panicked and withdrew the statement. I cannot tell whether she lacks understanding, revealed how she actually views me, or both.

I have a close friend who is diagnosed autistic. We have been friends for around six months, and I care about her a lot, but the friendship has become increasingly painful and confusing.

I often feel that she mainly contacts me when she is lonely, needs emotional support, or suddenly has an empty slot in her schedule. I frequently listen to her problems and help her understand social situations, but I do not feel equally chosen, prioritized, or considered by her.

This is not the first time she has said something deeply hurtful or inconsiderate. It happens regularly. She makes blunt comments that seem to show very little awareness of how another person might receive them. When I tell her that something hurt me, she usually does not apologize. Instead, she becomes defensive and explains why my interpretation is wrong, why she did not technically mean what I heard, or why I should not feel hurt by it.

The conversation then becomes an argument about whether I am justified in feeling what I feel. I end up having to explain basic perspective-taking while she focuses on defending her intentions. Even when she eventually understands that I am upset, I often do not feel that she understands what she actually did. Recently, I tried to explain this broader problem to her. I told her that when I say I feel unimportant or used, I need her to try to empathize with my experience instead of immediately arguing with my interpretation or proving that I am wrong.

She said she needed some time to think, so I stopped talking and let her think.

About two minutes later, she said that if I moved somewhere that required around 25 minutes on a bus, we probably would not be friends anymore. She then said something very close to:

“The reason we are friends is basically that you live so close and are available whenever I want, and that is a good thing.”

This happened immediately after I had explained that I was afraid she only valued me because I was conveniently available whenever she felt lonely or had time to fill.

I started crying almost immediately. It felt as though she had confirmed my exact fear: that she did not primarily value me as a person, but as an accessible source of company, advice, and emotional support. When she saw me crying and I said I needed to leave, she panicked. She tried to stop me from going and became afraid that I would block her. She then said something like, “I analyzed it again, and it isn’t true. It isn’t true.”

I left and went home.

I am struggling to understand what happened in her head. I do not know whether she sincerely meant what she initially said and withdrew it only because she feared losing me, whether she was trying to analyze the practical reason we see each other but completely missed the emotional meaning, or whether she understood only that I was crying and leaving without understanding why.

She has previously told me that our friendship means a lot to her and that I may not understand how important I have been to her. Her panic when I left also seemed genuine. That is why this feels so contradictory. She appeared terrified of losing someone she had just said would probably stop being her friend if the bus journey became 25 minutes. What makes this much harder is that this was not an isolated verbal mistake. She repeatedly says things that feel dismissive, condescending, self-centered, or startlingly lacking in perspective. When I explain the effect, her first response is normally to dispute my experience. She explains her intention, analyzes my interpretation, and argues that I have misunderstood her. I rarely feel that she simply stops, recognizes the injury, and takes responsibility for it.

She often seems highly confident that she has understood something, but then appears genuinely surprised when her interpretation is inaccurate or hurts someone. During emotional conversations, she treats the situation like a technical problem where she needs to demonstrate that her reasoning is correct. Once she sees tears, anger, or the possibility of abandonment, she may panic and reverse what she said, but I do not know whether she understands the injury or only understands that the situation has become dangerous for her.

I am not asking whether autistic people are incapable of empathy, and I do not believe autism automatically makes someone selfish or cruel. I am asking for autistic perspectives because I want to understand whether this pattern could involve literal thinking, delayed emotional processing, difficulty with perspective-taking, difficulty generalizing social information, or something else.

At the same time, I do not want autism to become a reason why I am expected to repeatedly tolerate being hurt, defend my own emotional reality, or teach an adult friend why her words affect other people. How would you interpret what she said? Is it possible that she genuinely did not understand why I started crying, even though I had just explained the exact insecurity that her statement confirmed? Why might someone repeatedly respond to another person’s hurt by arguing that their interpretation is incorrect? What would genuine accountability and repair look like when the person’s usual response is defensiveness rather than an apology?

TL;DR: My autistic friend regularly says deeply hurtful things. When I explain why I am hurt, she usually does not apologize; she becomes defensive and explains why my interpretation is wrong. I recently told her that I feel she mainly contacts me when she is lonely or has free time. After thinking for two minutes, she said we are basically only friends because I live nearby and am available whenever she wants, and that we probably would not be friends if I lived 25 minutes away. I cried and left; she panicked and withdrew the statement. I cannot tell whether she lacks understanding, revealed how she actually views me, or both.

29-year-old trans woman from Trondheim, Norway, looking for connections. Particularly weirdos, like me.

I feel pretty alienated from normal society. My brain just seems to work very differently from most people’s. I can’t even really manage to fit neatly into subcultures, because even there you’re expected to understand and follow a specific set of social norms. I don’t know how to play roles or be anything other than myself.

I’m very direct, and I don’t really do social games. I’m a poet, I love experimental rap music, I’m a stoner, I dress like I found all my clothes in a dumpster, and I love architecture. I will also give you weird and sometimes brutally hypothetical scenarios and force you to take a stance on them.

Are you weird like me?

Send me a DM here on Reddit and ask for my Discord.

29-year-old trans woman from Trondheim, Norway, looking for connections. Particularly weirdos, like me.

I feel pretty alienated from normal society. My brain just seems to work very differently from most people’s. I can’t even really manage to fit neatly into subcultures, because even there you’re expected to understand and follow a specific set of social norms. I don’t know how to play roles or be anything other than myself.

I’m very direct, and I don’t really do social games. I’m a poet, I love experimental rap music, I’m a stoner, I dress like I found all my clothes in a dumpster, and I love architecture. I will also give you weird and sometimes brutally hypothetical scenarios and force you to take a stance on them.

Are you weird like me?

Send me a DM here on Reddit and ask for my Discord.

29-year-old trans woman from Trondheim, Norway, looking for connections. Particularly weirdos, like me.

I feel pretty alienated from normal society. My brain just seems to work very differently from most people’s. I can’t even really manage to fit neatly into subcultures, because even there you’re expected to understand and follow a specific set of social norms. I don’t know how to play roles or be anything other than myself.

I’m very direct, and I don’t really do social games. I’m a poet, I love experimental rap music, I’m a stoner, I dress like I found all my clothes in a dumpster, and I love architecture. I will also give you weird and sometimes brutally hypothetical scenarios and force you to take a stance on them.

Are you weird like me?

Send me a DM here on Reddit and ask for my Discord.