u/ouupygoopy

Trigger Warning: Child sexual abuse, victim blaming, emotional and physical abuse

My mother told me about something that happened in my family today, and she broke down crying while telling me. I honestly don't know how to process it

For some context, I have always adored my family. I also had an older cousin brother whom I looked up to and adored since childhood

I have another cousin sister who is a year younger than me. She lost her mother when she was little. Her mother took her own life, and after that she and her two older siblings lived with my Nani in a joint family. All my mamas, their wives and children, my masis and their children all lived under the same roof

Most of the children slept in the same room. At some point, when my cousin brother was 17 and this girl was only 10, he sexually assaulted her. He got scared afterward and ran away from the house

What happened after that is what I find almost impossible to understand

Instead of protecting her, the women in my family started blaming her. She was taunted and told things like maybe she had seduced him or maybe she wanted it. She was mentally and physically abused and called horrible slurs, including the r-word

My Nani and my Masi were among the people who abused her. Her own father also knew what was happening and simply ignored it. And not a single person, including my mother, stood up for that little girl

The cousin I had adored and looked up to had done something horrible to a 10 year old child, and somehow everyone eventually acted like nothing had happened. His mother denied that any of it was true, and whenever he came back, everyone treated him normally, even affectionately

I feel so disgusted and ashamed thinking about all of this. Not just because of what he did, but because of how the adults around that little girl treated her afterward, She had already lost her mother, and then the people who were supposed to be her family and protect her became another source of pain

I was a child too, so I never understood why she stopped coming to family functions or calling anyone. She eventually left the household and never came back

Today I finally understand why

I don't know where she is now, but I genuinely hope she is safe, happy and surrounded by people who actually love and protect her. I hope she has been able to heal from everything she went through

I just wish someone had protected that little girl when she needed it the most

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CURRENT SITUATION

10th board- 80%

I bombed my 12th boards- 67% (compartment in maths and physics)

I'll appear for the maths compartment and will be passed overall.

But to clear the physics compartment I've to wait till next year ofc

I'LL BE TAKING A DROP YEAR for JEE

but deep down I had this only dream to study architecture and design abroad but because I was avg in my studies and not a very strong financial background i thought I'm not worth it, and I gave up on the only dream I had.

Is it still possible for me to study architecture abroad?

Or should I just go for Indian colleges?

I can appear for improvement if it'll help me to get a good scholarship

"my_qualifications"

.

I've compartment on my 12th board exam.

I'm not getting any colleges cuz of my low cuet scores and priv cllgs are not affordable for me

I never thought I'd be in this position, I just feel like ending it all

I tried and thought up many ways to make a comeback but I just can't

I don't even know what i wanna do w my career

I always decide that it's enough I'll change but I fall back in the same pattern always.

I just don't wanna be so miserable i wanna have dreams and motivation like everyone, I need a purpose

Idk what i should do, i don't even have anyone to guide me through this I decided to talk about this w my parents since I dont have any friends but they just end up criticizing me.

If this goes on I dont think I'll be able to make it

I'm a teen and I always loved baking, I've had a dream of starting my own cafe in India, but before that I actually wanna work in the same industry to get an idea about how everything works inside a cafe.

I'm thinking of working in the local cafes of my area.

But how do I apply there? Should I just walk in and ask if they're hiring or approach them online through call or text first?

Do they have any specific requirements?

Will they teach me the basics?

I've basically no working experience I just passed my 12th.

Everyone is just saying practice to make your skills better. But practice what?

What should I start with? What should be the first step and then what next after the first step?