u/oystersinmypocket2

Hey everyone, looking for advice on handling a long-term fan without burning a bridge, while protecting my time and business.

The Situation:
2-Year Dynamic: Daily casual texting (GFE check-ins) and a weekly 30–40 min video call. Mostly friendly, spicy only 4–5 times a year. He’s a very nice, shy guy, on the spectrum for sure but I genuinely enjoy the rapport.

Then: He used to buy heavy off my Amazon list (~$15k+ total over time) and send a few hundred here and there, plus $5 tips on daily posts.

Now: The big gifts/tips stopped completely a couple of months ago, but he still expects daily texting and the weekly 30–40 min video calls.

I’ve started pulling back on texts, but he’s still asking for our regular Friday call. He’s gotten too comfortable getting full GFE attention for free/pennies. I’m not naturally pushy and don't want to be mean, but this is taking up real time and energy.

Questions:

1. How do I gently script a transition back to paid calls/GFE without sounding harsh?
2. Has anyone successfully reset boundaries with a fan who got used to free attention?
3. Is it better to set a clear price tag now, or just phase the attention out?

Appreciate any scripts or advice!

Hey everyone, looking for advice on handling a long-term fan without burning a bridge, while protecting my time and business.

The Situation:

2-Year Dynamic: Daily casual texting (GFE check-ins) and a weekly 30–40 min video call. Mostly friendly, spicy only 4–5 times a year. He’s a very nice, shy guy, on the spectrum, and I genuinely enjoy the rapport.

Then: He used to buy heavy off my Amazon list (~$15k total over time) and send a few hundred here and there, plus $5 tips on daily posts.

Now: The big gifts/tips stopped completely a couple of months ago, but I think he still expects daily texting and the weekly 30–40 min video calls.

I’ve started pulling back on texts, but he’s still asking for our regular Friday call. He’s gotten too comfortable getting full GFE attention for free/pennies. I’m not naturally pushy and don't want to be mean, but this is taking up real time and energy.

Questions:

1. How do I gently script a transition back to paid calls/GFE without sounding harsh?
2. Has anyone successfully reset boundaries with a fan who got used to free attention?
3. Is it better to set a clear price tag now, or just phase the attention out?

Appreciate any scripts or advice!

Never wanted kids, wasn’t planned, and now I have a 13 month old son. Curious to hear from others in this sub who felt the same way before having their one…how did you adjust, and when did it start to feel easier?

Some of the hardest early stuff (the sleep deprivation especially) has gotten better. But it’s not like the hard parts disappeared, they just changed shape. Now it’s things like travel basically being on hold, because the idea of flying with a one or two year old just doesn’t sound like something I can enjoy right now. Different season, different challenges.

The thing I’m really struggling with though is identity. I loved being child-free. That was genuinely who I was for a long time, and having a kid has completely rearranged my life and sense of self. I’m one and done for sure (husband’s getting a vasectomy), so this isn’t about wanting more or regretting having him. It’s more that I’m still trying to figure out who I am now, on the other side of a life I never actually planned for.

Would love to hear from others who relate:

*How old is your kid, and what does the hard stuff look like for you now?
*When did things start feeling easier, or did they?
*How did you work through the identity shift, going from child-free by choice to being a parent?
*Anything you wish someone had told you at 13 months in?

Would really appreciate hearing how this has gone for others, especially the identity piece. That’s the part I feel like doesn’t get talked about enough.

If you want to hear that having kids is all rainbows and unicorns, this is not for you. When I accidentally got pregnant at 38 after being told I couldn’t have kids (which was a relief as a 95% no FS), it was a shock.

**The ugly:**

**Sleep deprivation is no joke.** The first 6 mo were some of the hardest of my life. Bad PPD. Breastfeeding was depressingly hard. Question your sanity; PTSD-level hard. Mix in the biggest hormonal crash that any human ever goes through.

**The impact on my body: I used to be extremely fit pre-pregnancy then also during my pregnancy. Everything took a toll on my body after I had the baby and it was really hard on me to see how much my body changed. It took me about 13 months to finally get a different version of my body back.

**Loss of autonomy is a shock.** 38 years of independence, gone. Having someone need you every single minute is an identity crisis nobody warns you about.

**Your old life gets restructured.** Hobbies, travel, spontaneous date nights. All paused or renegotiated.

**It's expensive and exhausting.** Daycare, formula, gear, babysitters, diapers & wipes, future summer camps, etc. it adds up.

**Minimal help is brutal.** If you don't have family nearby or can't afford support, you are truly in the trenches.

**The strain on my marriage** yes my partner is very involved and helps a ton, but it is very hard. Moms always tend to take on a little more, Since all he wants is mama. It’s stressful regardless of help from your partner.

**The good:**

At 13 mo I can see it getting genuinely fun. He's becoming a little person with a personality. We finally have a close bond. Watching him hit milestones and seeing him happy is special. I’m looking forward to when he’s a bit more independent!

I don't regret it, but I wish someone had been this honest with me. I may have reconsidered.

Ask me anything.

I thought I was through the worst of it. Had severe PPD the first 3 months, went on Lexapro, it helped but the side effects were rough so I stopped. Around 6 months when I finally started sleeping again I felt like myself. I thought I was okay.

Now at 12 months I feel like I’m back in the hole. No joy in anything, no interest in hobbies I used to love. I find myself grieving my old life constantly. Obligatory “I love my son” but I also genuinely regret becoming a mother sometimes, and I feel so ashamed of that. When he’s teething and screaming I just want to disappear. He feels like a burden. Daycare days are the best days.

Has anyone experienced PPD coming back this late? I’m scared to go back on SSRIs because of side effects. Are there options that helped you?

I have a psych appointment coming up. Just needed to know I’m not alone in this.

38, had my son 11 months ago. I love him but honestly don’t love motherhood. Found out I was pregnant again and had an abortion: best decision I’ve ever made.

This is for the women who feel pure relief afterward. Two under two would have taken me to a very dark place. I’m so grateful I had the choice.

Going through this made me deeply aware of how fortunate I am to have had that option…and how devastating it must be for women who don’t. It can be an incredibly hard decision for some, and either way, it should always be yours to make.

Husband is scheduled for a vasectomy. Also…heads up for California women, my insurance didn’t cover it and it was $670.

Your feelings, whatever they are, are valid.

I completely underestimated how hard this would be and 11 months in I’m still adjusting.

I’m 39 and was fiercely independent my whole life. Nothing prepared me for being needed this constantly. The bedtime battles, the food refusals, the 5am wake-ups followed by 3 hours of play before work…my nervous system is fried. He only wants me, which is sweet, but I genuinely cannot find a moment of peace. Husband is great, but when he only wants me there’s nothing he can do. And yes, we did sleep training and he sleeps through the night.

By the time he goes to bed I’m done. In bed by 7:30. No decompressing, no evening, nothing. And I wake up dreading starting over. Stuck in a loop!

I’m flying with him next month and I’m terrified. I used to love traveling.

I downplayed how much this would take from me. I thought I’d handle it better, especially with such an easy baby.

For those who had a hard first year or didn’t love the baby phase, did it get better? Do you just get used to it? I keep hearing toddler years are “different hard” which I’m bracing for, but I’m really hoping something shifts soon.