u/pathetic-nobody

I'm 20yr male. i have severe adhd, add, low iq and social anxiety (not officially diagnosed).

Last student job I worked at was where my mom worked. It was at Hubo and I was terrible at it. I kept getting customers in the store asking me where things are or how they work and I had zero clue and I would embarrass myself every day. My boss and coworkers hated me.

I wanna find a student job that's repetitive and doesn't require me to use my brain. I don't mind anything physically challenging, just something that's predictable, almost like hitting the gym. I really don't know what I'm doing tho, finding job is hard.

Is it a bad idea to look for a niche job like this instead of just taking anything I can get and deal with it? I feel like I'm being a coward.

No one loves me. No one's ever loved me. I've only been a cunt my entire life. Everyone hates me and I can't fucking stand myself

Can a mentally ill depressed, lonely, socially anxious, adhd with no one who loves him, all alone, addictions, no will to live, never had a life, can he get his life together all by himself with no guidance

As an incel, If no one needs or gives a fuck about me, why should i drain my energy? I seek love from others because i can't stand myself. I give absolutely no reason for anyone to more than tolerate me so that makes sense

I miss and attach to people because i can't stand my own company. At the same time, I can't allow myself to get close and have to withdraw from everyone because no one cares about me and it just hurts worse

I'm so fucking depressed and dopamine depleted litteraly porn bores the shit out of me. I'm litteraly so fucked right now i don't even wanna procrastinate. That's how deep in this hole i am right now like forget actually productivity, I'm litteraly even having trouble procrastinating That's how bad it is right now in this summer heat while everyone's hanging out with friends and having sex and being better than me 👍

It's basically impossibly to get a girlfriend without looks or charisma. This is why when i say I'm not born or meant to have romantic attention, it's the truth. It's just how the social system works. It's not anybody's fault it, just is what it is.

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But it really makes me a low status compared to everyone else and that hurts. Knowing I'm just meant to be the side character like that's just who I am. It sucks it really does.

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They say just ask them out asap if you have any intention or if you have a crush. But why should I if I'm a loser and know the response anyway? This is why i won't ask my school partner out. Actually i will never ask anyone out because i will never be enough. I'll forever be alone and miserable due to how I'm born and who i am.

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My life has objectively been set to hard difficulty since birth. My parents never taught me how to socialize or anything about life in general, only provided for me.

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I'm a full armenian born in Belgium. So as a toddler I only spoke my native language until I got to school, everyone was already ahead of me and it was like I was first introduced to earth and had to start from scratch. For some reason everyone spoke french too, eventhough it's the flemish side of the country and a flemish school (i could only speak dutch) wich narrowed my social availability down even more.

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Throughout my entire life, I've been ugly, boring, un charismatic and left out while everyone else was just going through the natural motions of life. I've never fit in, never had the same interests as others, never had friends, etc. I was the nerd who stays indoors and jerks off. I would get picked on, not taken seriously, ignored, laughed at, the joke of the class, the npc, I could go on...

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My family hates me, I hate myself more than anyone and I have absolutely zero motivation for life. I'm now 20 and litteraly never lived a day in my life. I know for a fact there are things I need to work on, at least this summer. Like getting my driver's license (my adhd ass been trying at this since 17), getting a student job, maybe acting class/wrestling class, but I can't bring myself.

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The funny part is growing up, i never even put it into thought how left out i was. It was just normal to me. Others have relationships, I don't. That's just how it is. It's like it's nature, like animals. Lions are stronger than chickens. I was the chicken, the other dudes in my school are the lions. Animals don't quistion the status difference, it's just nature. I never even quistioned my status

It's basically impossibly to get a girlfriend without looks or charisma. This is why when i say I'm not born or meant to have romantic attention, it's the truth. It's just how the social system works. It's not anybody's fault it just is what it is.

​

But it really makes me a low status compared to everyone else and that hurts. Knowing I'm just meant to be the side character like that's just who I am. It sucks it really does.

​

They say just ask them out asap if you have any intention or if you have a crush. But why should I if I'm a loser and know the response anyway? This is why i won't ask my school partner out. Actually i will never ask anyone out because i will never be enough. I'll forever be alone and miserable due to how I'm born and who i am.

I'm such a loser. I wish i was more than tolerated by someone. I wish i was normal. I don't know what that's like. I don't know how to earn it. I'm tired

What do I do about this aching loneliness. What do I do about having zero friends, no connections, no one who texts me, no one who cares. What do I do about this craving, this expectation of someone texting me, but no one's there. I've made a bunch of random connections with random online girls all over the place, all from the consequence of me doomscrolling reddit for hours, dating apps, as cope, as hope that something will come, but they only tolerate me. I've confessed a crush and love three strangers up to this point and it's made me feel even more pathetic and alone. They aren't real connections, just online strangers, and none of them text me unless I text. What do I do about the fact that I can't control my loneliness or do something about it, how do I deal with the pain, this depression, all alone, I don't have any motivation to "focus on myself" I don't care. I don't have the motivation to strive towards success and earning a social life. I'm tired and sad