u/pessimistic_damsel

Hey, sorry if this comes across to you. I just have no one to talk to. Sorry. If it's too much, please move forward. Sorry.

So, I'm trying to put my life back on track. But I'm panicking because I know I'm not God's favorite, so I'm pretty sure it's not going to go my way.

Nothing ever does, anyway.

I've been in-between jobs for the past few years, because our country has a problem with people with mental illness/es or those with disability. I get less opportunities and often get rejected because of it.

I'm drowning in debt, thanks to my therapy, expensive meds, and impulsive expenses. I also lost friends, for being self-destructive, but I just couldn't get over it. I'm sorry.

What makes me feel bad is that nothing goes right lately and I'm kinda getting sick of it. The last time I went to my psychiatrist, I told her I'm feeling numb because I'm too tired of everything. I'm passively >!suicidal!<, and I want to stop being a burden.

So, yeah, I think I'm panicking because if I get rejected again, people will tell me that it's because I'm such a failure and I don't do my best. I honestly don't know what to do if I fail again.

If you're still reading at this point, thank you for your time.

TW: This is a vent, so if it gets overwhelming, please feel free to stop reading at anytime. I just needed to let it off, because I have no one to talk to. Thank you.

It ironically amazes me how people can sympathize on others, while they can't to me. Like, people featured on shows, fictional characters, personal accounts—they suffered a lot and even made the audience cry for them, but not with me.

Sorry if it's not clear, but here are some instances I experienced so far.

Whenever there are people who talks about bipolar on TV, say a famous TV personality, people automatically say, "aww, that must be hard." or "that's a terrible illness."

But when I share it with them, they would say, "you just need to focus on other things." or "just be positive!"

I remember the first time I realized I had suicidal ideations. I told my sibling about it, who was working as a social worker for LGBT teens. Since I was also a teen back then and I've heard how the teens he worked with also encounter similar ideations, I had a notion that he may understand what I'm going through.

Unfortunately, he only told me that I was just overreacting. He told me that he also attempted to do that before when he was dumped, but he never asked for help.

That moment made me think that maybe I don't have it worse. Like those teens face cruel treatment, while I don't; maybe because I'm a cisgender thus, my experience aren't that bad.

Another time, my boyfriend told me his cousin had been going though depression and anxiety, to which they assume was because of his dad's untimely death. The cousin isn't diagnosed, but I heard my boyfriend tell him that he's just a DM away.

I got a bit jealous because the first time I told him about my trauma, he told me I was only overreacting.

That got me thinking that maybe because I still have my parents and his cousin doesn't. So yeah, maybe I'm just making a huge deal out of it.

But I do feel envious because they got support they need effortlessly, while I need to always explain everything from the beginning, just so I can imply that things are hard for me, too.

Sure, I don't have it worse. But it's still difficult to bear.

Sorry for the rant, but...

I'm getting really tired of people telling me to just be strong and get up, pull myself together. Because if they only knew, I've been trying so hard to survive.

I'm okay when people make me feel I'm useless. I'm okay when they tell me I'm stupid. But please, don't assume that just because I'm in medication and therapy, doesn't mean I get healed immediately. I can't wake up one day and instantly feel good and productive.

It's really hard, but I'm trying. I swear.

Hello po! Just want to share about an email I received about an invitation for a Business Manager partner request from verified and official Facebook email.

Subject title is: You've received a Business Manager partner request

This is likely a phishing scam.

Upon checking din po dito sa Reddit, it has been going on for awhile now and even those accounts not affiliated with any pages would receive one. Some even get up to 10 emails per day. Messages ranges from plain "request" to "account locked in 24 hours".

Ingat po, lalo sa mga may business accounts and digital creator profiles. I don't manage any pages anymore, but I think to check if it's legitimate, makikita niyo mismo du'n sa app imbes na i-click 'yung link from email.