u/ponchoeevee

Hi, i'm on a self-improvement journey pretty much and discovering a lot about myself rn. I'm 26(F) and chronically ill, deemed fully unable to work last year and still coming to terms with that as a highly ambitious person even though I see myself too, that ever having a career is not feasible and would 100% wreck my health like studying did.

I'm starting to notice that I have a lot of issues surrounding validation and productivity to give me confidence. I am quite selfconcious, and have always been. my diseases make me fat and even though I am happy with the general way I look with my face and hair, I know I am deeply insecure, who wouldn't be when you contract a disease at 12 that made you gain crazy weight as a symptom and it won't move, not after a decade of trying every and all weightloss tactics. But even before my illness, I was never the most confident kid.

I was laying awake last night and realised that my entire life I have used productivity (school, studying, productive hobbies) and validation from others about those by getting high grades, doing big academic prestations etc. and now that studying and work has fallen away from my life, I struggle A LOT. I notice that I still try to get that validation from others. I sew as a hobby but it is almost gone to a compulsory point where I recognise that the things I sew I use them to get the validation. At the same time, drawing, a hobby I used to do for relaxation has been ruined because I know doing it as a job/monetizing it won't work. I just don't see a point in doing that anymore.

At this point, my health is deteriorating because of this. I do too much, and daily worry a lot. Even things like cleaning my house is difficult because it needs to be tidy at all times in case people show up. I am in the biggest health crisis right now since diagnosis and I know for a fact this insecurity and not being able to deal with being on disability is the main stressor causing my flare.

I want to learn how to give myself the validation I crave, how to get more confident despite it all and how to get out of this cycle of usung productivity and validation as a way to give worth to myself? I want a slow life with as much energy as I can with my conditions, stress free and happy

Hi, I'm really feeling stuck with some things in my life and even though I have lovely friends and parents, I feel like I can't talk to them about it, partly because my feelings are so weird/unidentified for myself. I'd love to hear other peoples thoughts, advices and experiences.

I'm 26(F) and have been ill since i was 12. I feel like the entireity of what I have is not really needed for this story, but in terms of the severity, I am on full disability but can do a few things in a day (nothing big) when I am stable. I am financially stable and have my own house which is a massive priviledge and also important ish for this story.

Last important factor for this story: i had previously been stable ish for years, but fell into the biggest flare up of my life earlier this year. I am only slowly getting out of it now, which is why these worries frustrate me so much. I am literally still recovering and i know i should NOT be worrying about this rn but somehow it remains such a big topic in my head??

I have never had a relationship, no kiss, nothing. Partly it just didn't come from it falling ill at the age of 12 where I just had other priorities, partly I also struggle with a big amount of struggles as to what my sexuality is, compulsory heterosexuality & when I was younger I just had no interest in dating (even when I was 18-20 ish)

Lately, i'm not even sure if it is 100% loneliness or if it is partly social pressure I feel, i have been so preoccupied with almost "needing" to find a partner. And it frustrates me because like I said, I am literally recovering from absolute 0 and it almost feels rude to myself to bother myself rn with something as difficult as this. But I can not let it go.

Why on earth do I do this to myself. I am here at 4 AM awake which I KNOW will cost me a great lot, worrying if I will ever fall in love, being insecure etc.

Dating is so hard, I feel the pressure to get on the apps , then I meet someone but I just can not spend the energy right now with my flare up to go dating as of now. I know rstionally it shoould be looooow on the list rn as even an outing with friends has been difficult (I am slowly doing those again which I would say is my point of recovery now)

I am suddenly so terrified of being alone but I also so badly want to find my person like my friends have, yet I am also so insecure that even admitting out loud that I want that, feels like walking around the mall naked whilst singing karaoke (as something I should and feel very ashamed about). And it's weird, practically there is NO reason for me to feel this rush now, dating is difficult as is and especially right now but I am like I said stable in the sense of financially, I have my own place and peace and in terms of practicality a new person would actually make that a difficult place where as now it is the only stable factor in my life (typing this now, I wonder if *this* may be the underlying reason of feeling this pressure, as someone that has a tendency to constantly find something new to focus on in terms of productivity)

I know looking for a relationship out of this spot is not a good start, may be vunerable even. i also know dating is harder as a disabled person, even if there is little dependency involved. I also know being unexperienced as hell is not helping.

I know for my recovery, as my flare was caused by stress and insecurity, i need to let this go for now, but why is it so difficult. Why do I always feel such a focus to "better" my life in some way or another instead of being happy now and thinking, maybe i'm meeting someone one day.

It's even hard for me to do basic things in this area now, like for instance, my friends told me they have a single male friend they think I may like. They didn't insist anything (for which I am thankful) but I also keep breaking my head over what to do with it. Do I follow the guy on insta, do I do nothing simply because rationally I know I need space and RECOVERY

I have such a good life in the base, good friends, good family, a stability I know is a princess experience as a disabled woman, I do fun things, have an amazing dog, I can do amazing things creatively. Why do I feel such a deep deep pressure and almost obsession right now at an unstable period health wise to this topic? It's so extreme that I am laying awake even though I can't even fully grasp why I am feeling this so much.

I guess I have millions of questions, but mostly I just want to hear people respond to my struggles that also gets being disabled. Do you recognise this?

Hi! I'm wanting to make a pair of dungarees but struggle with a big hip to waist size difference (120 to 160 cm) so i'm also plussized. So far I have 2 patterns I am eying, but I would have to regrade the pattern in order for it to fit. (Is that even possible with dungarees?)

The 2 patterns I am eyeing:
- rhinecliff overalls by cashmerette, the elastic seems great for my waist difference but the side zip intimidates me and i'm not sure the overall look is what I want even though the pleats are nice at the top part.
- the heritage overalls by sewn with grit patterns, this looks great overall, but the hip to waist difference is 4/5 sizes and that feels a lot to grade.

Have you ever sucessfully made a pair of dungareees especially with size differences? It kind of feels like an impossible project

Ik ben echt dol op lavendel, en zoek naar een luxe ruikende parfum, die ook wel een tintje tonka of zoet mag hebben

In de basis vind ik lush sleepy dan ook heerlijk, maar echt veel te sterk en vervaagd niet lekker.

Dus andere lavendel tips?🪻🪻🪻(dat is een hyacint, maargoed)

Hi! I quit all social media earlier this year, and only have reddit at times, goodreads & sewcial (a sewing app) left. However I find it difficult to do my mornings and was wondering for inspiration.

I am chronically ill with my mornings being the hardest to wakeup. I usually used my phone deliberately to use the blue light and brain activity to wake up. But lately especially with no easy place to doomscroll I find I overwhelm myself within 20 minutes and start my day anxiously.

I'm looking for some activity I could pick up on in the early morning to wake up to. I usually do go out to do my skincare and brush teeth and let my dog out of her crate but that is not until I feel a little awake.

What does your morning routine with as little phone as possible look like?

Hi, I had a really nasty experience at dinner today and I really feel the need to speak about it with someone.

Short info: I got ill at 12 years old with a disease in a extreme form that made me gain weight and makes it unable to lose it. Before hand I was always a skinny kid and teen, playing sports 5 days a week and that changed almost overnight. To this point, my weight has been stable for 10 years ish now, but I can't lose any. I don't feel like defending myself here, just take my word for it, I have multiple specialists treating my now 4 chronic illnesses and I tried everything in the book, the weight is going nowhere. And we aren't worried as all my organs and blood is always showing up as a skinny person as I eat healthy and have always done. But I am fat regardless. i am getting more and more accepting to myself, but I do struggle with body image issues.

Today I was at dinner with my friends, and a group of boys from 18/20 ish years old kept talking about my size, joking about obesity, looking at me and very obviously making fun of me. Mind you, I was just at the other table having dinner with my friends.

I just don't know how to deal with this now. It messes me up. i already have eating disorder behaviour making it hard for me to allow myself to eat after everything I have been trough and it is so frustrating to me that things like this happen and I can not do ANYTHING about it no matter how hard I want to. And this is only getting worse in ozempic time. (And no, ozempic isn't an option for me either, it is unsafe)

How would you best deal with this? I want to be the bigger person and stand tall as I know these little shits aren't worth anything (they also multiple times said the N word out loud just to laugh when people reacted, treated the servers like absolute shit and said loud things like "I hate.. *insert race, obesity, or any variation*

Hi

Short info: I am 26 (F) and have severe hashimoto's among other diagnoses. I got this when I was 12. Was always a skinny sporty kid but hashimotos made me gain a lot of weight and unfortunatelyI have it so bad and instable that I can not lose any weight. I tried every single diet on the planet and eat in a constant calorie deficit it just doesn't go anywhere as my thyroid barely works anymore and my metabolism is non existent among constant inflammation. I try to move as much as I can, I miss being able to sport so much, but due to 3 other chronic illnesses, I just can't (i'm also on full disability deemed unable to work ever). My weight is therefore a stubborn insecurity, especially in ozempic times now that weightloss is a trend again. (And I can't do ozempic as my endocrinologist is sure it will mess up my already annoyingly unstable hashimoto's even more making me more sick, with no clue what it would do to my diseasw which is risky for a life long med like ozempic and it doesn't even guarantee weightloss as food is not my issue atm)

Today I went for dinner with friends, and I was constantly being talked, laughed and looked at by a group of what I assume were 18-20 year old boys and they, no joke, kept talking about my size, joking about obesity and looking and imitating me. I feel so hurt and so frustrated. I can't do a thing about my weight no matter how much I want to, even my doctors don't talk about it with me anymore as they agree (we all know how rare that is) and it just is infuriating to be treated like that. I now feel super insecure and I already have an eating disorder (i am often too scared to eat as i'm terrified to gain weight) and body image issues.

I think most Hashi's can relate to some extend. do you have any tips to gain a bit more confidence but also for me to not have this turn into yet another traumatic event?

Hi! Ik (26F) woon sinds kort op mezelf en ik merk al dat alle "alleen wonen is super duur" verhalen kloppen. Ik ben vooral veeeel kwijt aan boodschappen. Even ter info:

Ik ben chronisch ziek dus dagelijks naar de supermarkt gaan zit er niet in, de supermarkt is voor mij echt wel flink vermoeiend. Hierdoor is mijn tactiek nu om het meeste bij picnic te bestellen maar ik heb het idee dat dit financieel in m'n nadeel werkt.

Ik eet in principe alles, en heb soms een maaltijd service omdat elke dag koken ook fysiek best zwaar kan zijn, maar deze vers service is prima te betalen.

Verder heb ik geen gekke etenseisen, in de ochtend m'n yoghurtje en in de middag een broodje en wat groente of noten. Ik eet wel veel verse dingen.

Ik denk nu dat ik volgende maand ga proberen om 1 keer in de week grote boodschappen bij lidl te halen, en dan de nodige lactosevrije dingen 1 keer per maand bij picnic te bestellen.

Waar doen jullie als alleenstaande boodschappen en hoeveel kost jullie dit? En heb je nog tips?

Hi! Lately I have slowly been working on adapting a more slow lifestyle. It has done me so well to be more concious in the moment and it feels so freeing to let go of the modern life chaos that is so normalized. So far I have also deleted all social media apart from sewcial (sewing media) youtube and reddit so I have little research methods.

However I am looking for some podcast recs! One of the things that has been eyeopening to me has been the effect of "intense" media to my general state of being. I used to listen to true crime and other heavy topic podcasts daily and I try to not seek those subjects as much anymore. i however miss podcasts so I am looking for some recommendations for fun podcasts that aren't true crime or other heavy subjects! I speak English, dutch and podcasts in german are welcome too as I want to work on my german skills anyway

I am open to anything but my interests in general are: sewing, fashion history, dogs, books (fiction), journaling, slow living (a slow living inspired podcast would be great?), general crafting, women history, lgbt themes, video gaming, disability rights, travelling & world cultures.

Thanks!!

I'm feeling stuck and having no one to talk about this is very annoying. I am 26, never had a relationship, had 4 dates, 5th planned.

I am feeling very confused by my sexuality and even though I am familiar with comp het, I kinda gaslight the things I recognise. At the same time I also don't feel comfortable identifting as bi, as that doesn't feel real. So here is the deal:

As a teen I never dated, simply it didn't interest me. I'm not sure whether that was because I wasn't adult enough yet, I got chronically ill and was busy with other things or if it had to do with men/boys just being uninteresting to me. Let's say though, I was not interested in boys and simply "chose" a crush for myself to feel like I took part in it too. I never seeked anything out and my first date ever was when I was 24. I also have not had my first kiss yet, and that is something in general that has scared me a lot, men have been a scary topic weirdly. The idea of a man seeking me out still makes me extremely uncomfortable and I don't know why. To make it clear, it is not any form of trauma as nothing ever ever happened. I just have had this since I was young.

What confuses me most is, I have had one date with a man (and one planned tomorrow which is why I am laying awake pondering, not sure what that says) and 3 with women. I find it incredibly difficult to learn more about my sexuality. The 3 dates with women were, admittedly, not good dates. One was good, and I did like her but the talking was very draining to me being not in my native language ( I learned that haha)

And the others just felt like it dragged on for too much and even though I liked the way they looked, the spark was not there. But the 1 man went ona date with, the spark wasn't there either.

So in my dating experience I am not sure what I like. However, my awakening was when I saw a woman walking that is totally my type and for the first time ever I had the "wow oh my god" feeling everyone is talking about when they see someone cute. and I still sometimes (not often, if anything I do know looks is not my main attraction) have that, but only ever with women. i can admit a man looks good, and can feel vaguely interested but it is differenr and it more so feels like "he will do" or it's a thing of imagining how my family would like him.

Now that I have a date planned with a man again, I just feel confused and am riddled with anxiety and not wanting to go so much I can't sleep. I want clarity, I am so confused having so little experience and i am so confused having so little knowledge and not really a friend to talk avout this to (I feel awkward).

In terms of relationships, I think I see myself more in a relationship with a woman, except when it comes to marriage to my wedding day specifically, marriage as a whole is no issue, that is something I always dreamed about and I do struggle to visualise that but that may be due to standard visualisations. When I do watch media like the ultimatum it does weirdly feel more for me than hetero reality tv does, even though I also like to watch that.

What would this say to you about me? Anything you want to share with me? Have you always felt attracted to every date or is it not as common as I make it out to be in my head?

Help lol

Ik was laatst bij de huisarts, voor iets anders (mentale hulp mbt ziek zijn) en ik benoemde dat ik vorige zomer ongeschikt ben verklaard in de wajong

Nu moet ik zeggen, deze huisarts kende mij niet, en mijn diagnoses kennen een heel breed verloop, je kan vrijwel geen klachten hebben, of er bij zitten zoals mij en deze huisaets is ook niet mijn behandelaar

Maar ze gaf aan dat zij denkt dat ik heus wel kan werken. Ik wist zelf niet hoe ik daarop moest reageren, mede omdat ik al veel schuldgevoelens en productiviteitsdrang ervaar (daarom wil ik ook hulp)

Ik zou aannemen met hoe streng het UWV is deze dagen, dat dit niet meer zou gebeuren? Dat artsen wel het oordeel van een andere arts vertrouwen dat die doordacht is gemaakt?

Hiii, ik ben 26, en sinds vorig jaar in de Wajong. Ik ben al sinds mijn 12e chronisch ziek (autoimuun problemen en later long covid en pots daarbij). Ik had de aanvraag eigenlijk op mijn 18e al moeten doen, maar heb dit, door eigenlijk het hoofdonderwerp van deze topic uitgesteld. Ik bleef ten koste van mijn gezondheid maar doorgaan, elke keer als ik uitviel iets nieuws proberen. Om die reden was mijn wajong ook snel geaccepteerd, en in die zin ben ik dankbaar dat ik geen slopend traject bij het UWV heb gehad.

Echter loop ik nogsteeds tegen dezelfde problemen aan. Ik voel me onwijs schuldig. Ik voel me elke dag schuldig, op goede dagen zodanig dat ik soms ook gekke sprongen maak omdat ik zodanig voel dat ik me nuttig moet maken voor de maatschappij. Zo had ik in januari een goede maand, en heb ik me opgegeven voor vrijwilligerswerk wat gewoon te zwaar is, hoe leuk ik het ook vind. Ik ben nu herstellende van de grootste flare up uit m'n zieke leven, puur door een combi van extreme stress en veel te ver over mn grenzen gaan (met VW maar ook vanuit schuldgevoel dat ik teveel ga opruimen etc).

Ik zit nu in de shitty situatie dat ik me realiseer dat ik het vrijwilligerswerk moet stoppen, en ik weet absoluut nier hoe. Het voelt weer als falen en maakt mijn onzekerheid nog erger.

Het stomme is, ik heb echt ruim genoeg hobby's, ik maak mijn eigen kleding, schilder, game, lees en heb veel vriendinnen (die wel verweg wonen). Ik struggle wel met eenzaamheid maar heb in principe echt een hele geprivilegeerde situatie waarin ik stabiel kan wonen, financieel meer dan prima uitkom en ook af en toe op (aangepaste) vakanties kan. En ook dat laatste, wat een fijne situatie moet zijn bezorgd mij vaak een groot schuldgevoel.

Hebben jullie ook last van dit schuldgevoel? Hoe gaan jullie er mee om?

Op dit moment wil ik zo enorm graag een leven opbouwen waar ik stabiliteit en rust ervaar, geen stress, en vanuit rust mijn leven tegemoed ga. Zodat ik ook eens ruimte ontdek voor andere dingen in het leven zoals daten, socializen en met zo min mogelijk hulp zelfstandig zijn. Die laatste dingen zijn er eigenlijk mijn hele leven bij in geschoten om maar zo productief mogelijk te kunnen zijn. Dit is des te belangrijker omdat mijn autoimuunproblemen gewoon erger worden door stress, ik maak mezelf letterlijk zieker en dat besef ik door de redente flare up maar al te goed

Hi! I'd love to learn more about fashion history (eg: victorian fashion, cultural fashion, middle ages fashion, war related fashion stories) things about how clothing was made, what people wore, why etc. i am open to things about big brands but I am not into anything too commercial or too much about the modeling industry.

Does anyone have any tips as to fun things to watch? Documentaries etc! Also fiction series with beautiful costumes is something else i'm interested in.

Thanks!!