I miss the man that groomed me.
growing up I was never allowed to have social media or my own phone, my mom's very weird like that, and when I got one when I was 13, I had no "talk" about safety, and I very quickly got groomed. he was 27 at the time, a cook. I till this day have a thing for cooks/bakers because of him, I prefer older white men because of him. and I feel disgusting. he told me I was his special little girl and he was in love with me, I now know it was only because I was 13. I'm tired of hiding this, I'm still in love with him. he was the first man to show me any kind of compassion (my father died when I was very young) and he said my weight and body was perfect (during the peak of my mother's body shaming and emotional/verbal abuse regarding my body) I lie awake and think about him still. I miss him so much. people tell me that he was a creep, groomer, pedo, dangerous person and all, but I still want to be his special little girl...