u/rakshasiRani

No curves at all. I am a woman yet my body is not feminine. I hate my frame. It's shaped like an "H". I fucking hate by body bruh. I am literally built like a brick. in the rare chance that i see my full body in the mirror it gives me extreme anxiety. My head literally hurts i am not even exaggerating. I always wear baggy clothes to hide my body shape. I am so ashamed of it. Imagining myself undressing in front of someone or going to the beach in a cute swimwear makes me extremely stressed as if it's not my imagination it's reality. Don't even wanna talk about my face. It's shit.

just kidding :(

(mini vent)

you know the p0rns where some real couple make home-made p0rn? i saw some of them. they were so hot together, so cute and wholesome. and it dawned on me that i will never find that kind of love. nobody will ever love me like that. i think i watch some p0rn only once or twice in 2 or 3 months because my body just decides to be super horny. i hate being horny. i hope i never feel horny again because now i gotta be horny and a sad bitch at the same time? fuck this shit.

I don't know why it bothers me so much. "you" is a 3 letter word. It doesn't take much time to type it and keyboards now have word suggestions feature that suggest words constantly. Then why? i understand in the early 2000s when we had button phones (dumbphone/feature phone?) and we had a limited mobile plan we used to shorten our words but why people still do this in 2026!

i never ever wore a cute outfit. it's always t-shirt and jeans. most times i am covered neck to toe (not saying covering can't be cute but i never am). in the last 2 years i wore a tank top only twice because those days got extremely hot. i never ever wear shorts. i bought a off the shoulder top a few years ago and returned it. i never wear my traditional outfit because it doesn't suit my short and stocky body. i only ever wear a small earring. that too only sometimes. in the rare chance if i ever try to dress nicely i look sloppy insted because i never developed a fashion sense. i have one dress that i only wore once because my peers convinced me to. i never wore it again. i can't even look at myself in the mirror. i always put a towel on immediately as soon as i get out of the shower.

last year i got so desperate i sent random people my photos thinking i would get compliments but it was just pity because before sending photos i lamented about my unfortunate appearance. most decent people won't tell you on your face "you ugly". i am thankful to those people. they tried. some people immediately blocked me or deleted their profile.

why does the post body show "(optional)" if my post is just gonna be removed for not writing a post body and being too short? 🙄

Anyway, i feel like the main reason for me being FA is my stupid face and body.i literally resemble a ruler. Fuck this shit.

I grew up in south asia. i knew early on i was ugly. but we didn't have this rating system on a scale of 1 to 10. I noticed it in 2019 when a friend mentioned it. She called a girl 2 and i was so confused what did she even mean. Then i ket hearing it and gradually it became more and more noticeable to me. A lot more people were using it. And now almost everyone uses it. It has taken my self-esteem from the toilet to the sewer system directly. Knowing that i stand on a 3 on my shampoo day and a 2 on most days just k!lls me.