"Because most people don't want someone without experience when they're older. A virgin at 30+ with no dating experience... means they are deeply behind on life experiences. People with no dating experience make bad partners."
"Having previous dating experience generally makes someone a better partner. They know more about themselves and what they are looking for in a relationship."
today two young guys came to the shop and asked for a bunny plush. guy B asks guy A "are you buying this for yourself?". guy A replies "why would i buy this for myself!". "i am just a guy who loves to spoil his girlfriend" guy A adds.
it made me feel something so crushing i actually felt some kinda pain in my chest. i only ever saw these kinds of things in movies. being reminded that this is real just broke me. i apologise for being so jealous and horrible. i didn't treat them badly. i did serve them respectfully, ignoring my feelings.
mine does every time. it's so uncomfortable. i really dislike flying.
i think my brain is changed and settled permanently because of my experiences regarding my appearance. it was shaped in such a way that now i actively seek confirmation that i am ugly and i actually want people to tell me i am ugly and treat me poorly because of it. anyone else feel the same?
and unlikeable? at any given time, anywhere i look i can't find anyone who i think could love me or like me? i feel unloved and unliked even by my parents, let alone by other people. i just can't think of anything about myself that anyone would love or like. ( i am in my late 20s for context).
she was always the beautiful sister. when people learned she is my sister they would be like" 😟 that's YOUR sister?" and she enjoyed that very much. she would point out how big my nose was, how fat my lips are, how tiny my eyes were. according to her, apparently my i had "fat lips" and "fish eyes". now she has been married 10 years, has a daughter of her own. my niece is beautiful, btw. but my sister let herself go a bit but actually she is still very beautiful. when she dresses up and put a minute amount of makeup she looks great. she doesn't make comments about my looks anymore but i can't forgive her.
Any of you noticed how whenever some uggo talks about not finding love and romantic relationships deue to their look most people will chime in saying "it's not all about looks", "your personality must be the problem" but whenever an attractive person professes their dating problems (which they don't face much) their personalities are never questioned somehow.
i think about sex a lot and i have felt sexual since a very young age. growing up in a religious and prudish culture most of friends were disgusted by the thought of sex. they said they never got sexual urges or thoughts. i always kept quiet during these conversations and secretly felt so ashamed of myself that i had sexual needs when they didn't.
even now at almost 30, i feel so horny sometimes it's embarrassing. but my mind is so twisted and i feel so vehemently ugly that i will never be able to undress in front of anyone, let alone be vulnerably intimate with anyone. I wish these sexual thoughts and desires would just stop :(
apparently mine is. they say we are mostly ugly, we are hairy, we stink, we are masculine. we have low SMV (sexual market value) which is a new one i heard. when they find one pretty girl/woman from my race they go like "you are pretty for a south asian woman". i feel sorry for the pretty ones from my race that they get insulted because of the ugly ones. even guys of my own race go after lighter skinned women especially white women. they literally drool over them.
is it even possible to turn that switch off?
first off, is this sub only religious people?
Anyway, i don't want to want anymore. I am 28 and i am virgin but i soemtimes feel strong sexual desires. I have been trying really hard not to touch myself. And i haven't in 2 weeks. I am not a prolific masturbater but i want this to stop forever. And the most important thing i want to stop is to stop the desire for romantic relationship. Because it has never happened and this desire has only caused me immense pain.
what was the final nail in the coffin? for me it was about a year ago. something happened. i met someone and i felt some sort of way but obviously, it was fleeting. something shifted in me. I realized that it's just not for me for a combination of reasons. bad looks, bad luck, bad timing, somebody better arrived, wrong place etc.
it's comforting in a way. although, i still cry often thinking about finding love and romance but i haven't looked at men (because i am a hetero woman) the same way since then. i just don't daydream about them anymore, i don't get crushes, i don't smile or feel giddy secretly looking at a cute guy. it's so relaxing. but at the same time, i feel a sort of melancholy that, that part of me is dead. it could also be because of my age or maybe i just got addicted to the loneliness.
i talk to my old classmates sometimes and they always ask me "so did you get a boyfriend"? i am 28, btw. i guess they understand it's getting too late for me. they are really nice women but i guess they just don't understand my struggles. it's so foreign to them. they ask me "so do you not find anyone attractive?" seriously this question is so ridiculous to me. because i find a lot of guys attractive. i don't have high standards for looks..i always respond with "i like everyone but they have to like me too" then add a forced giggle to make it sound unserious.
those women, they always had boyfriends. none oft them stayed single for more than a few months. they were always noticed and asked out. some of them got married and have children and mprtgages. i, on the other hand, same constant FA. they just don't understand why i am single at this age. do they really not know or do they feign ignorance? i don't know. i know things won't change for me and now i am don't even want to try anymore.
i am only 4'11. most brands make petite clothes catering to 5'2-5'4 women. i almost never find clothes that fit me. being skinny makes it worse. Thanks to also having a flat butt, i only find clothes that somewhat fits in kids section, given that they are appropriately designed for my age. i already hate how i look. and i can't even find fashion to help me out. i always look sloppy. i have never looked cute, pretty or hot. i am just sloppy. always.
i don't smile much anymore. i have crooked teeth and my nose just flares up 2x when i *genuinely* smile. i wasn't the one who first notoced this about myself. people have made negative comments about my smile before. it's crazy that i have to stop being happy because my fucking smile is so ugly.
i hate how i look 99.76% of the times but by any chance if i ever feel like "i am not ugly and my mind whispers "i am pretty" i feel deeply ashamed and guilty soon after. it makes me cry because the reality is that i am below average or ugly. i feel like "how dare you feel like this when this and that person has told you that you're ugly?", "stop being delusional. don't you remember how you've been invisible your whole life? you're sloppy, you have no fashion sense, no personality. you're an FA woman who is nearly 30. men don't even give you a second glance. you don't even register to them. they don't even remember your name." and then i come back to reality. i would rather be delusional.
i am nearly 30 and ever since i relaized that i am ugly my life has been a constant pain. i cry often because of it. i can sense why some people dismiss me, treat me poorly just because of my looks. it kinda hurts but i realise now that they probably don't do it intentionally but it still kinda hurts. i was the "funny" friend at high school. funny as in "butt of the joke" not like "oh she is so funny". it has changed me as a person. i don't even remember when was the last time i was truly happy. i have never been in a relationship not only because i am ugly but it's definitely one of the main reasons. my lack of romantic relationships hurt me for a long time. still does but i am a bit used to it now. but i don't know if i will ever get used to being ugly maybe when i am wrinkly and wiser. still waiting patiently for that day when i look in the mirror and i see an old woman not an ugly one.
i just wanted to vent. i write about this in my journal but i don't know why sometimes i just want people to hear. i don't talk about this with anyone in real life. i don't want to whine and irritatate people.
another vent: the other vent sub always removes my posts i don't know why. but i have looked abd there's some similar and even more sever posts there but they always remove me. why the universe hates me? fuck this shit.
i just look 100X uglier in mall mirrors, public bathroom mirrors, fitting room mirrors. i don't understand this. my face shows more lines, hyperpigmentations, more asymmetry. i can't stand it. i feel awful everytime i use public bathroom and i have to stand in front of a mirror to wash my hands.