u/samithefish

My doordasher is currently doubledashing rn and my order is 70 minutes late and I'm trying not to cry bc like bro that was all I had my hopes up for today now it's gonna be cold as fuck💔😭

I was bullied by many people in my school years but one girl I will call her Jenny.

My little group of middle school friends and I were friends with her. We sat at lunch together. I don't remember when it happened, i think maybe when other kids started bullying me, Jenny just flipped. She would call me ugly all the time, body shame me, call me a whore(i was an early bloomer, D cups at 12), tell me to kms, etc. The main thing I remember is that all my "friends" defended her and told me to get over it. We couldn't change lunch spots for the year so i was stuck with this everyday.

Sophomore year of hs Jenny randomly apologizes to me and says she was just insecure etc. Can't remember the exact words. But then she was nice to me while I had class with her, then she never spoke to me again.

I don't really hold a grudge against her since she apologized, but it's funny how I remember her telling me that I was a "big titted whore", but not the apology.

When I have told some friends about wanting surgery, one thing they tell me is "I've been bullied too!"

In every case a pretty person(in this case, women) are bullied, it's usually being insulted one time. Not repeated bullying every fucking day.

My one friend in hs dressed similar to belle daphine. I am not insulting this style at all because I truly do find it cute, but let's be so fucking for real. It is very clear who that style is associated with and why the called her weird.

My other friend in uni, she was also alternative. It happened like twice where someone said "ew" or gave her a dirty look. Everytime it would happen she would say something like "SEE, PEOPLE BULLY PRETTY GIRLS TOO!"

Notice they are never called ugly. They get called weird, freaks, never ugly. BECAUSE THEY AREN'T. A stupid person insulting you one time is different than getting harrased every fucking DAY even at your JOB (yes this happened to me). I hate that they tried to make that even comparable.

I used to post on here like every other day, but I had stopped for a while.

Today I'm feeling down in the dumps again. I'm almost 20f and still no relationship. Never been asked out. I genuinely don't feel like a girl.

Im back at college and I'm feeling it all over again. Seeing women get asked out just by exsisting in their lazy outfits, my roomate already having guys over, thinking about friends I kind of lost because they would only talk about relationships, and I had nothing to add or relate to them.

It fucking sucks.

I'm forcing myself to walk to class tomorrow if it's not too hot(it's literally been 90 fucking degrees Fahrenheit where I live so I've been stuck inside), because got I need to lose this weight. Without it I would still be average but it's been than being absolutely fucking chopped.

I hate this.

I know I technically shouldn't feel this way because I'm a lesbian but still. The general thing of being asked out that apparently every woman goes through has never happened

I just got off the bus and I saw this really chopped guy sitting next to a REALLY HOT guy. Like I think he might have been top 10 of the guys ive seen in my life. Not just some oh he's cute guy like he GENUINELY looked like someone out of a black pill video.

Like these two looked like a stereotypical Disney jock and nerd who gets bullied. It genuinely felt like something out of a movie.

Sometimes I gotta be greatful I'm only like a 3/10 and not 1/10 like that dude.... sorry bro

Recently I discovered part of my identity that I had been wondering about for years. But I found myself wondering what the point of it was, when there's no one I can share or celebrate with. There is no one in my life who cares, and no one I can tell about my life.

It sucks.

Women that all day are like "omg i feel so ugly" then have like 50 people ask them out a day. Women that say "omg my boyfriend only texted me twice today he hates me" meanwhile the guy gives them all the love.

Like genuinely shut the fuck up you will never understand how hard it is so actually be ugly. Shut the fuck up if you were so fucking ugly you wouldn't have a boyfriend literally shut the fuck up.

"Pretty people can be insecure too!" That's like saying that rich people can feel poor too. There's a difference between feeling ugly and actually being ugly.

I hate when girls make up a random insecurity for no fucking reason. Like shut the fuck up you know damn well you're pretty. Shut up.

I genuinely think girls like this are stupid.

Something my therapist said to me a couple months ago is coming back to me now.

She wanted me to find a psychiatrist so I could get medicated, so that when we are revisiting trauma it can help me with intense feelings.

But if the severity of my trauma is dimmed by medication, doesn't that just make it seem like therapy is helping me, when really its the medication?

I mean it's like doing physical therapy while on ibuprofen the whole time. You can't actually tell if it's working or not.

My mother was extremely shitty to me during childhood. Saying she wished she could kill me, im a burden, choking the shit out of me for things like dropping food on the floor, etc

I can't remember the build up but I just was pissed off with her. So I went and punched her $2k laptop and the screen broke. She still hasn't replaced it to this day.

I don't feel bad.

Not sure if anyone has heard this either in therapy or by other people. But I have. I remember getting told this when I was outpatient. It pisses me off

Its so dumb. Like, mf yes some people's struggles will never compare to others. My life will never been as bad as a child who survived war, and elon musk's life will never be as bad as mine financially.

Some people do have it worse and acting like people are insane for saying that is so fucked. It purposely diminishes someone's issues.

I am currently 250 lbs. About 6 years ago I was 90. But once covid hit i started listening to the body positivity bs and let myself get fat.

I wish I could go back in time and beat the shit out of 14 year old me and tell myself no motherfucker stop it. Keep starving yourself. You are right, being fat is hell. Being fat is worse than being underweight ever could be.

Im out of breath every day. Sweat drips down my face when I work my fast food job. I wake up in sweats every morning. I have constant back pain when I walk that makes it impossible for me to even COOK sometimes becsuse I can't stand for more than like 10 minutes.

Of course I'm losing the weight but half of the time I can't get my steps in because of my back, and I can barley fit in the machines at the gym like I used to. Even if I were able to do these things, I'm sweating insanely the whole fucking tiem. It's embarrassing.

Oh let's not even get to hygiene. I sweat more because im fat so I stink more. I have to apply deodorant multiple times a day because I'm so fucking sweaty.

Don't forget about the loose skin I have when I'll eventually lose it. The physical reminder that I almost ate myself to death, and that I will NEVER look like other girls my age.

Being fat is absolutely hell and I will never let myself eat that much again.

TW: Small CSA mention near the end

It's not intentional. I don't exactly resent the people themselves, but the fact that I'm not able to talk to people about my trauma or mental illness without them kind of invalidating me.

I know they mean no harm. It's just happened multiple times when I vent to people and tell them how I feel, because they told me I could since they also have dealt with trauma, just for them to say that my trauma was overwhelming and I just need to talk to a therapist.

Like it's always "i understand how you feel" until i actually tell you what I've been through.

I guess this isn't exclusive to those who have less trauma, but the most recent experiences have been like that.

It feels like a survivor of getting rear ended is telling the survivor of a 30 car pile up that it's going to be ok. Meanwhile, the person in a 30 car pile up broke all their bones and still has trouble walking, and the person who got rear ended came out with one scratch.

And I can never even express this to ANYONE because they say I'm comparing trauma and I'm saying I have it worse. When I have never claimed that.

The truth is just that there's a different level of understanding. I knew a girl who was sexally abused by BOTH of her parents until age 15. I will never understand that because its not my experience. and I would never try to imply to her that she's just not trying hard enough in therapy because it isn't helping her. It's just weird to me.

I was just looking up how long it's been since the first book in canon time, and it's been about 14 years(Brightheart was born in the first book, she's still alive and is 13.5. That's how I calculated). To me i could've sworn its been like 20. Because wdym we've went through like 30 thunderclan cats in 14 years!?!?!

These poor cats have experienced:

Brokenstar, Tigerstar, Scourge, TNP Moving, Leafpool's kids drama with ashfur dying, A freaking HEAVEN VS HELL BATTLE, Darktail and his kin, ASHFUR POSSESSING A LEADERS BODY, Riverclan having no leader, Splashtail then taking over Riverclan, And the current issues with having to move again, and Moonpaw's little ghost, And of course all the innocent cats that were taken because of all this.

That's like, so much trauma to live through oh my gosh. Idk how those Thunderclan elders didn't die of shock by now

Wherever a woman is male centered(examples: defending sexist behavior, choosing a man over her friends, etc), people often say "but we live in a patriarchy!!!!! We are raised to believe we have to be with a man!!!!" But this is not entirely true.

Yes it is often pushed on women to have a husband and children, but nowhere does it say to accept shitty behavior, or pick those shitty men over your friends and family.

I often hear things like, "Every movie we watch growing up, the woman's main goal is to be a wife!"

Yes... but where does that include shaming other women? Where does that included ignoring every single red flag your man of two weeks does, despite every single person in your life telling you to leave him? Where does that include dating a man you know has cheated and abused other women? I've never seen any movie or heard anyone tell me to do those things.

Not only that, but just because you were taught something growing up doesn't mean you have to believe it. If someone tells you your behavior is harmful, the response shouldn't be "well thats how we were raised!!!!" Like, ok? That means nothing. Behavior can and should be changed when it is harming yourself and others.

Growing up I assumed all abusive relationships were shit like them beating and raping you and then saying "if you leave I'll kill you stupid bitch". Which often it is!

But that is not the majority.

People will share their abuse stories, whole time its just "they beat the shit out of me but said sorry so I believed them.... they promised!!!!"

Like bro.

That's not master manipulation, thats ignoring obvious red flags. And then this happens like 50 times and they're like "omg they're not changing!". Ok so why are you still there!?!!?!?

Obviously it's different if you've been married for like 5 years and they randomly pull this shit, but that is RARELY the case. It's usually just them believing over and over and over and over that the person who has been shitty to them for months is going to randomly kiss them and say you're right baby!!! I should have never hurt you!!!

I hate the fact that if you point out an opportunity to leave, you're "victim blaming". Why do we act like it's 100% impossible to avoid further abuse.

If I get in a car crash and I'm not wearing a seat belt, the cop isn't victim blaming me because I didn’t wear one, it's more like, please learn from this mistake.

Would I ever actively shame a victim? Of course not. But to me it's a little strange that we act like it's completely unavoidable and there's absolutely nothing they can do, when majority of the abuse would be avoided by acknowledging red flags.