u/splatapult

I keep holding out hope that maybe two or three anonymous posts on The Unsent Project are from her. They look and sound like how she’d type.

I know I shouldn’t keep checking and sometimes I’ll go days or weeks without checking, but lately I haven’t been able to stop.

It doesn’t help that she potentially changed one of her usernames to the nickname I gave her.

Goddamn it, I can’t accept that she’s gone for good.

But then immediately flashed back to the memory of me holding her from behind, while we stood together watching the fireworks last year.

The fact that I can no longer do that with her, damn yeah. That hurts. Shit hit me like a train.

Edit: I’ve created a Discord server to coordinate our first meetup! Please DM me for the link, thanks!

Hey there! 29F here and I’ve been wanting to get a small group of women together to learn and play basketball in a fun, supportive, and low-pressure environment. I tried searching online for local women’s leagues but didn’t find any close by, so I thought I’d reach out here to see if others might be interested in starting something casual.

This is specifically for women, all skill levels welcome. I only have experience shooting hoops, but would love it if we can eventually get enough people to play 5v5. The goal is to create a safe space where we can learn, encourage each other, and have a great time!

I’m hoping to have this be a weekly meetup. If you’re interested or know someone who might be, let me know! Looking forward to connecting with you all!

I’m trying to do this thing where I let myself reminisce on the things I used to love doing with my ex, the places we used to go together, as opposed to suppressing the memories. But, I’m also trying to be realistic about the breakup, keeping in mind why things didn’t work out in the first place.

For me, I miss the fact that she was down to do absolutely anything with me. Whether that was playing chess at our favorite poke spot, driving down the coast blasting our songs, or reading a book by our spot by the water—we always had so much fun spending time together.

What I don’t miss were the fights. They can last anywhere between 20 mins to several hours. I remember how trapped and suffocated I felt, not knowing what to say or do to get things back to normal…

Healing isn’t linear. You’ll likely feel like you’re drowning before your head pops up above the water. From a fellow heartbroken person to another, know that you aren’t alone with what you’re feeling.

just like that…

The last thread I was holding onto after struggling for over 5 months of no contact… and you just snipped it…

Why…

I almost couldn’t believe it. The only thing I desired most in the entire universe—and it was finally happening. But I treaded carefully because I was afraid of getting my heart broken again. I think I remember looking into your eyes, trying to find any trace of doubt or dishonesty. But you seemed sure of yourself. Little did I know that I was in for a disappointing surprise.

I forgot why but I had grabbed your phone to look something up, and you immediately panicked and tried snatching it away. I held onto your phone as tight as I could and before you could tear it away, I saw texts you sent to someone… saying that you were pregnant.

My heart shattered in that moment and the shock hit me like a giant wave. I didn’t know who you texted but I was convinced it was the baby daddy. The sheer thought alone of you having been intimate with someone else—of letting someone finish inside of you—that was enough to make me want to end myself.

I didn’t know what to do, so I just booked it. Ran away as fast as I could. I had no real destination, I just wanted to get as far away as possible from you. But more importantly, I wanted the pain to go away. You ran after me.

I ended up at a wharf and stood out over the edge, watching the waves crashing against the bearings. I knew I only had a couple seconds before you could reach me. That wasn’t enough time for me to decide whether I wanted to actually go through with jumping. So, I said fuck it and climbed over the railing. But before I could jump, you managed to grab me in time.

I remember feeling the wind being knocked out of me as you desperately clung to my torso, pinning me against the railing. I can’t remember all the details but I think you were sobbing, begging me not to do this.

I was almost convinced that you truly wanted to be with me again, that you still loved me the entire time we were apart. The breakup had already left me feeling empty, like no one else in the world could ever make me feel the things I felt with you. And here you were, 12 weeks pregnant with someone else’s child growing inside of you. Betrayed doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt.

You tried your best to calm me down. When it was clear I wasn’t gonna try jumping again, you told me that you had no intention of allowing the father be in the kid’s life. And that… you wanted to raise it with me.

I was floored yet again. On the one hand, it killed me that you could even be with someone else in that way. And this baby would be a constant reminder of that. But on the other hand, I was flattered you even wanted me to raise the baby with you at all. There’s so many complex layers to that.

I don’t think I gave you an answer before I woke up.

You and I going to the movies and watching Backrooms, and then discussing it after.

You and I going to trivia night at a brewery.

You and I going on bike rides and catching the sunset at the beach.

You and I finally going to pride together.

Am I really supposed to just let all of this go?

The last three posts I’ve made, I can only see a number of the people who’ve commented. However, when I check my notifications, I can see a lot more people who’ve actually commented but when I tap on them, their comment doesn’t show up under my post at all.

Is this a bug?

but I like reliving how I fell in love with you.

Goddamn it, this sucks.

I hold my breath before checking your Pinterest, afraid that you may have finally blocked me.

This is how it’s been for months. I kick myself for wanting to check, going back and forth about it for several hours before finally caving. It’s always a relief to see the same two boards up on your profile.

And like clockwork, I switch over to The Unsent Project archive and search for my name for the 5th time in a week, anxious to see if you’ve left me any sort of message. A hint, a clue. Any trace I can try to find of you that tells me you haven’t given up on us. That you’re still there and willing to give us another chance.

You feel it, don’t you? That I haven’t given up on us? That I’ve been yearning for you the entire time since initiating no contact?

They say once you finally let go, that’s when your specific person will reach out. It’s as if you guys can feel it- the moment we realize we’ll be okay without the person who once was our entire world.

I’m not even sure if it matters to you but… you should know that I haven’t reached that point yet. Nor would I ever want to.

It can’t have all been for nothing. I know what you are to me. I wish I could say you feel the same but I’m not so sure anymore. But, I refuse to accept that our story is over. And if you feel the same… please reach out to me, okay?

Forever yours,
EM

you’re supposed to be here. to hold my hand, to care for me while i recover. we were supposed to watch movies and play videogames together.

you’re supposed to be here.

I’ve been going through a pretty rough breakup for over half a year now, and it left me with little to no friends.

I had been lurking on this one all-female social group for the longest time, but couldn’t gather enough courage to go to any of their events. I finally introduced myself online the other day on their Discord server, and made the final push to actually go to one of their board game events earlier this evening. The entire drive there, I was so anxious, I had to do breathing exercises lol.

But god, it was so effortless the minute I got there. Everyone was SO sweet and friendly. I had so much fun playing the different games we had, and getting to know everyone. It made me so happy being able to laugh as much as I did. I hadn’t laughed that much in such a long time…

I’m so incredibly thankful for spaces like these, and so beyond proud of myself for pushing myself to go despite being so anxious about it. I’m excited to continue making more friends and being a more active member of this community! Nothing but up from here! 😁