u/terptrekker

Our pediatrician said that at 12 months we are just supposed to stop formula. I told her that he’s not slowing down in his consumption at all and she said I could start weaning him around 11 months. Right now he takes six bottles at 6 ounces each. She has never expressed concern about this and has just said that babies take different amounts and has just given us the bare minimum he needs. I’m concerned that it’s going to be an abrupt change for him. He is on solids, but is still not eating large amounts. Maybe a half a piece of toast and some Cheerios in the morning, 1/3 of pasta for lunch, 1/3 cup of chicken and rice for dinner (as an example). There have been days where life gets crazy and we’ve missed a bottle and he’s been fine. In contrast when I’ve reduced a bottle by half he screams. So it seems like the better method will be to drop bottles rather than to reduce amounts? Would appreciate anybody’s lessons learned or tips who has gone through this process.

My 10 month old used to wake up between 5:45-6:15. Now it's 4:50-5:00am. He did change daycares (this is his second week). I am hoping it's just that but I don't see why it would be when his schedule has not really changed from one daycare to the next?

At the old daycare, we was doing a 9am nap and a 12pm nap and usually between them it would be 1.5-2 hours. The times varied (sometimes he did 9-10 and 12-1, sometime he did 9-9:30 and 12-1:30). Then I would (and still) pick him up at 4:30 and he gets a ~15 minute car nap between 4:30-5:00. Bedtime in the crib is 7:30. He sleeps through the night but wakes now closer to 4:50/5:00 whereas before it was 5:45/6:00. Is he just needing less sleep as he gets older? I hate to shift bedtime to 8pm and lose even more evening decompression time but these early wake-ups are rough. I've tried getting him to go back to sleep with no luck. The daycare has a policy saying they cannot wake a child up for sleep so if anyone suggests that, it's not an option.

Other new things: He has a new tooth that broke through, he's eating more solids, and he's pulling to stand a lot and clearly interested in walking but doesn't have the ability yet. Don't think these would impact it but just mentioning.

It is essentially the same as the new daycare.

I wonder if anyone has experience doing this program. I do have a therapist I work with. I have been with her almost 4 years now, and I discovered the affair in the last six months. Continues to be a topic in therapy, but I’ve been wanting something more guided and focused lately. The program caught my eye and I did a discovery call. It’s $8000. It’s $7000 if you sign up on the call. And it’s $6000 if you sign up on the call and pay in full. I have to first say that those kind of sales tactics feel icky to me for someone in the wake of betrayal. I was told I would get weekly online modules video content to watch with homework and activities to complete and that there is a weekly call where Michelle May herself will answer questions submitted ahead of time. And then you get a “Mindset Coach” that you get three private appointments with. The step-by-step really appeals to me, but the cost just seems overpriced. I’m wondering if anyone has experience with this program? And if not, have you found other resources that are more structured helpful?

I've had my son at two daycares (1 independently owner, 1 franchise owned) and need to move him again in the next year. After being at two very different location and touring almost 20 daycare centers, I learned a lot along the way. I wanted to share what I wish I had thought about or asked every daycare from the start. I focused on daycare centers (not in-home centers) so this may skew towards a particular set of questions and a particular set of priorities for me. My son is 10 months but he was 5 months when we put him in daycare. (Note: I say "teachers" informally here - I just mean the individual in the room).

• What do you require for the people you hire? Does it differ by age group and how? Why: I toured several daycares where I was able to quickly tell that they were hiring people fresh out of high school that were just looking for a summer job or a stepping stone to enter into the public school system (leading to a high turnover). I learned that my state has particular certifications. Some daycare centers required those before applying, some allowed the caretakers to acquire those certification while working for them.
• Are your teachers Montessori inspired, certified, or licensed? Why: I was interested but not committed to Montessori. I learned, however, that just because locations that say they are Montessori can vary widely. Some are just inspired by the method, some have teachers with a credential from AMI or AMS, and some have teachers with an actual licensure.
• As we tour the facility, can you share the names of each teacher in the room and how long they have been with you all? Why: Many daycares will share their retention rate. But when you push further, you learn that rate may be a retention rate over a year. Sometimes two. What is more important to me is to see that teachers have stayed for 3, 4, 5+ years. And it was important to me that the person doing the tour had this knowledge.
• Do the teachers stay in the classroom or rotate with the child? Is it a consistent 2 teachers or do you utilize floaters? Why: I quickly learned that even at my child's current daycare, even though they introduced two teachers, my son changes hands many more times than that (which I dislike - I want him to have consistency). In the morning when I drop off, usually one of his teachers is covering for someone else who is late so there is a floater. In the morning when I pick him up, it's the same situation. In one week alone, my son was with 4 different people beyond his two classroom teachers. Now, I really press this question by asking "OK so this teacher comes in these hours and the other teach comes in these other hours? Do you use floaters? How and when?"
• Are you independently owned, franchise owned, or corporate owned? Can you tell me more about this? How does it impact your policies, practices, and hiring and training? Why: I learned one large corporation acquired a set of schools that had been previously owned by a single person. After it was acquired, there was significant staff turnover and parent dissatisfaction. This doesn't necessarily change my opinion, but it's helpful context.
• What are the 3-5 most important things to ME? Why: Daycares will throw so much information at you. Where they put the bottles, the playground schedule, the fact that they don't use restrictive devices, what updates you will get throughout the day...At the end of the day, I figured out most of this day to day care is generally the same with minor differences across centers and ultimately didn't really matter to me. My "big five" things I looked for on each tour: (1) Does the classroom have plenty of natural light with big windows? (2) What are the hiring requirements of the teachers and how long has each teacher been with you? (3) Is the building located in a safe, secure area (for me this was not on a main road, not next to a gas station as one center was)? (4) Is the outdoor area large with natural surroundings (trees, real grass, wood chip rather than asphalt, rubber, or fake grass)? (5) Do I get a generally good feeling in my gut about the space, the location, the person giving me the tour, the daycare teachers I am greeting? In other words, am I feeling a sense of being welcomed and feeling some sense of initial trust?

Hello! I wanted to go BLW with my son, but at the time he was ready for solids, I went through a very contentious and difficult separation. I relied on a lot of jarred purees and basic mashes (mashed by fork avocado, banana, potato) and only recently started to give him more whole pieces. He does not seem to like to pick items up and even seems to have a hard time with his grasp. He has no teeth yet. He prefers to be spoon fed than feed himself. I'd really appreciate some advice on getting him to eat more independently, pick items up, and eat more vegetables. Here's what he's had so far...

• Yogurt, oatmeal, or chicken and rice...I've never tried plopping this in front of him to self feed. Should I? Primarily always spoon feed him this.
• The best he is able to do right now is pick up long pieces of fusilli with pasta sauce to self-feed
• I got excited when he sucked all of his steamed zucchini wedges off its skin the first time I gave it to him...Now he won't touch it
• His favorite foods seem to be a diet of white. He likes cheerios, pasta, mashed potatoes, toast...Mostly starches. I am having a very hard time getting him to self-feed or eat any vegetables.
• I truly don't feel I have time in the morning to get into the mess of BLW. Should I just accept spoon feeding in the morning and use dinner time for BLW?

I am moving to the area and am looking for childcare for my son. He will be about 2. I have toured the following:

• Goddard Ellicott City
• Goddard Columbia (And I know there is a brand new location opening nearby)
• Goddard Laurel
• Children's Manor Montessori Ellicott City
• Children's Manor Montessori Columbia
• Young School Ellicott City (I also plan to tour the Kings Contrivance and Kendall Ridge)

Of all of them, I loved the environment of Young School the most. But it's so difficult to suss out teacher satisfaction, retention, and vibe when you don't get the chance to actually meet teachers on the tour - besides a friendly wave through a window.

Does anyone have any experience with any of these? I also planned to tour Bryant Woods Montessori Children's House and Primrose.

The location I am moving to is flexible which is why I'm looking at daycares in a wide radius. I work down in Greenbelt, MD.

I went on a tour of a daycare. When we walked past the infant room, I saw one of the teachers with an infant that was sitting in one of those floor baby bouncers that you can rock them in. But it looked as if she was hitting the baby’s head and chest at the same time. When I say hitting, I mean… It was like she was taking her hands and pushing them against the head and the chest at the same time to aggressively rock the baby. I was so shocked I wasn’t even able to process or say anything in the moment. Now I am just racking my brain. The only other explanation I can come up with is that perhaps she was holding the babies head in place so that it wasn’t jostling around? I honestly don’t know what to do. Do I contact the daycare? Do I contact my State agency? If the daycare doesn’t have cameras installed, I don’t even know how they would investigate this.

Separately, this has now created some extreme fear in me. I keep replaying the image in my head and it makes me sob. One for the potential that that baby was a actually being hit. But now I have almost obsessive thoughts about my own son being physically harmed, and it’s sending me into near on panic attacks. I think seeing something like that happen right in front of me is just… So terrifying.

I sleep trained our son early. He is currently nine months old. His bedtime was 7 PM but he was waking up at 5 AM which was hard for me. His bedtime is now 7:30 PM with a typical wake up between 5:30 and 6 AM. He will put himself to sleep within 5 to 10 minutes, but usually he is crying lately while he does it. This kind of breaks my heart because I hate for him to go to sleep crying. I would not say that he cries himself to sleep… It’s usually a little crying and fussing… Then he gets quiet and moves around his crib and rubs his face in the mattress before falling asleep. What I’m wondering is if his crying is a sign he’s not ready and tired yet? I would love for him to go down quietly just knowing that he’s not upset right before he falls asleep. He typically takes two naps a day (9 and 12) that are usually an hour to an hour and a half each and his weight windows between our 3 to 3 1/2 hours. There’s usually a late afternoon car nap in there as well (usually 4:30-5/5-5:30) which might make his bedtime a bit tricky. Bedtime routine is very consistent. 7 PM he gets a bottle, then we do bath time, and then we do pajamas, and I walk him around the room while singing before I put him in his crib.

Question:

How do I cope with shared custody of my son when the reason behind the divorce is an affair? It kills me knowing I am going to lose time with my son because of a horrible and selfish mistake his father made.

Context:

I am considering divorcing my husband who had a 8-month affair. It spanned most of the pregnancy with our son (first child, mutually wanted) until I discovered it 3 months postpartum. He said very clearly that I did nothing wrong and that he is dealing with some "serious shit" and is "not well". He has had bouts of suicidal ideation since the discovery. We currently live separate. I have told him I am willing to try and repair from this but need him to cut contact with the affair partner. It is 6 months post-discovery and he is still in contact with her and says he is not ready for marriage counseling because he needs to figure out himself first, why he did this, and why he keeps going back and keeping contact with her. Yet at the same time says he does not want a divorce, wants to be with me, and loves me. He sees our son maybe once a week - he says he does not come around more often because he feels too much shame, is not well, or does not want to hurt me by coming around.

I am getting to the point of seriously considering divorce, but the main thing holding me back is losing time with my son and the thought of my son with him. I don't really feel comfortable with my 8-month old son alone with someone who is having a mental health crisis and talks about killing themselves. He's also just generally impatient and cold towards our son. I think he harbors resentment towards him. And, I just don't want to lose time with my child because of my husband's selfish mistake. I have spoken to a lawyer. I have told him my concerns even that my husband held a knife to his wrist once. She says I could potentially get primary custody, but likely not sole. Sole is usually in cases of abuse. Even with primary custody, my husband could have him up to 90 overnights. Even that feels unbearable. I am at a loss. How do you cope with this? Thinking my child won't be in his bed every night is breaking me.

Hello! I am looking for a 2-bedroom apartment with 1 or 2 baths. Ideally I'd like areas such as the living and dining to be wood, laminate, or tile rather than carpet. I am looking for more "garden style" rather than high rise. I have a 8 month old so I need a place I am going to feel relatively safe in. My budget is between $2,500-$2,800. Would greatly appreciate people sharing their experiences with apartment complexes they have lived and appreciated.

If not an apartment complex, is craigslist a good place to find housing rentals or apartment rentals within a larger home

I’m heading towards an inevitable divorce that is going to either end with 50-50 custody or with me having primary physical custody (which still means up to 90 overnights). I’m wondering if anybody has a situation where, even though this is the case, they have worked out with their partner that they are still able to see their child, the majority of the time. For example, even on nights where our son is with his father… With his father, be willing to let me come over and be there until bedtime? Or arrive in the morning to spend breakfast together until he goes to daycare/school? I cannot bear the idea of missing 50% of my son‘s life. I’m wondering if anybody has been able to make an arrangement where you were still seeing your child the majority of the time. What does this look like and how did you manage it? How has it changed overtime? (Our son is 8 months old right now.)

My husband is suffering with depression and suicidal ideation. I feel at a loss of how to support him. He is in therapy and we are trying joint therapy. Please suggest any books that: discuss how to cope as the partner/spouse/loved one of someone with depression, give me insight into how we might feel, might be books he may find helpful, and practical/grounded suggestions for how to respond to him. Feeling lost.

Hello! Moving to the area and looking for daycares/preschools people can recommend that are outdoor based/heavy or Montessori based. Would appreciate hearing from people with personal experience at the locations you mention. Thank you!

My son is 8 months this week. I have been making purees for him for daycare. The daycare teacher recently told me I need to start sending actual foods. She said he "needs" to be eating with more texture so he can learn. My life has been so chaotic (become a de facto single parent unexpectedly) I haven't had the time to even think through this. Now I am feeling guilty that I am "behind" on solids. Looking for reassurance that I am not doing it "wrong" and/or tips to help me transition. Today I sent him with sweet potato mashed with a fork and some sweet potato roasted wedges.

I’m looking to move to the Ellicott City or Columbia area. Could you please share if you live in an apartment that you really like in either of these areas? I’m not listing budget because I can be flexible and I know the area is expensive.

Help! Would really like to use it. Tried Chrome and Safari.