u/woshuaaa

This is a very niche rant so I do not expect any responses this is just me lightheartedly venting more or less!!

Recently Ive been going through a bit of a phase where I've been fascinated by vintage clip art.

Now i'm not talking windows XP clip art, i'm talking about BOOKS.

yes, in the early computer times they had genuine books filled with clip art people literally cut out and arranged like a collage for their posters, flyers, cards, ads, etc.

the one i've been fascinated with most is Clipper Creative Art Service by Dynamic Graphics Inc.

Clippers were a monthly subscription from Dynamic Graphics that contained TONS of clip art in various styles on big 12x18 sheets with 3 holes punched for keeping in a binder. Some of these clip arts are genuinely so gorgeous i want to save them all. I came across a bunch of them at a local zine fest in december last year and was so in love with them i snagged the covers (with permission!) and i intend to frame them and hang them somewhere in my apartment. there are a bunch of others, as clipper ran from the 60s to the 90s

However, what breaks my heart, is that *nobody bothered to preserve them.*

If you go online right now, you are very unlikely to find scans of these pages or covers anywhere, because i guess nobody cared enough to do so? Some of these most beautiful artworks ive seen are these clipper covers, and i cannot find scans of them anywhere! i had to clean up photos from an auction site for several of my favourites.

I still see many of them for sale, but unfortunately i dont have the disposable income to purchase them all. If i did, i would get a big flatbed scanner and scan every page in a free archive online, just so that these artworks can live on. my reddit icon is one pulled from an instagram post about it, and its hard to believe its clip art its so dang pretty!

it really just breaks my heart that because its "just" clip art, or "just" from the 80s, that people decided it wasnt worth saving. Unless some good samaritan who feels the same way but has a bigger budget for this kind of thing, i'm afraid these clipper books are destined to become a lost media. a niche lost media, but lost nonetheless.

TLDR: didn't win an art contest, am sad

the last time i remember winning anything art-related was third grade (i am 26)

even in like "show off what your class has done" events in school, my art would never be posted up. i'd stare at the gallery wall searching for even just one piece, but never see any. was never posted on my school's instagram.

even in art college i would never get chosen in assignments for clients. my entire thesis was overshadowed by everyone elses.

i entered this skate deck competition because i thought it'd be cool to see something i made in game! granted, i used an older piece i tweaked to follow the rules (the subject didn't have a shirt on and would probably have been deemed inappropriate) only to see one of the winners most likely using genAI to upscale their image, which is entirely against the rules (i did contact the person hosting the contest, i haven't gotten a response)

no matter what i do i always feel like i never get picked, or only get picked dead last. i wish i could say i'm not disappointed, but i am...

before we go into this: if this is too much mods can remove it

i know what i've done is wrong, i feel horrible, i'm not looking for more people to tell me i'm a bad person i just need to get this out because i feel so awful

my bf absolutely broke me last night. he recognized my action of reaching for my phone for the flashlight as me wanting to pick at his skin and he said "can we not, tonight?"

i immediately stopped dead in my tracks and i feel so fucking horrible- i should never have imposed my compulsions on him to begin with

i thought i was being good by asking before i just go for it, but looking back its so easy to tell he was more or less capitulating and allowing me to do it.

i slept on the couch last night- when he asked why i just said "i didn't feel good" (which isn't a lie necessarily) but i feel so horrible i feel like i can't even face him right now.

this was supposed to be a good week and now it's all ruined because i can't keep my hands to myself...