u/Academic-Park-8440

Hi. So this post is because I’m tired and I need someone to talk to and let me know If I’d be in the wrong here.

I’m (28f) pregnant with my first baby. My mom and I have had a very rocky relationship. Among many other things - she’s obsessed with health, being skinny, weight, etc and that was unbearable for me growing up and it gave me several eating disorders. So much so that right now I’m really overweight.

She always mentioned stuff around weight, foods, health, eating much, eating unhealthy, all the things.

We’ve tried to improve our relationship and she’s made an effort to improve. She’s apologized, she’s been better over all. Or so I thought. But it’s gotten to a place that I’m a little bit more comfortable some times to discuss things around my pregnancy, body, etc around her.

I do have severe PTSD and anxiety to be around her. For example, a couple of days ago she invited me to a pilates class, and I said that working out it’s something I rather do alone because the anxiety it gives me to think I’d be doing that with her.

She’s going back to her town next weekend, and I was thinking to go with her but I’m arranging another airline to avoid her seeing how my belt in the airplane fits me because of my hips the belt doesn’t really fit and I don’t want her to see that.

For Mother’s Day she asked me to go with me to an eco and see the baby. She’s been asking for months and I said no everytime, so when I asked what she wanted for mother’s day and she said that I said ok but only the eco. Little did I know my chart popped up in the screen and I think she saw my weight (i closed my eyes because I didn’t want to see that) and I got an anxiety attack when I got home and just spent the rest of the day crying because I could only think of that and the excitement I had to see my baby was just gone.

I don’t want to get into the whole context of everything that she did before, but I am explaining how my body and mind reacts to certain stuff so can get an idea.

So for what happens next:

For some context, she gave me the house my husband I live in as a gift. She wanted to do something’s to the house before the baby arrives, as a gift, and we said yes.

She’s also renovating her apartment, so she’s living with us part time (because she lives in another city part time and in this city part time). So whenever she’s here, while they are renovating her apartment she’s staying with us.

We also have someone (let’s call her Ana) who helps us in the house with cleaning and cooking. Today she told me that my mom told her that she needs to serve me less food to eat.

What happened was that Ana told my mom earlier today something along the lines of “you need to know your daughter better; she doesn’t like her food like that”. I reached out to Ana and said she can’t speak like that to my mom, then during lunch I asked her for some carbs because she only served salad and beef.

Ana then said she’s in an awkward position because my mom told her Ana needs to serve me less food so I’ll be eating less. So she’s trying to manage that the best she can. But she doesn’t want me to tell my mom she told me.

I came to my room, started crying and decided to do this post. I want to tell my mom, tell her that she can’t longer stay with me and I’m thinking her involvement on my pregnancy/baby if she’s having this attitude because I don’t want her around my food, my body, any of it.

But again - she’s spending so much money in getting the house in a nice place for the baby, and also gave me the house. And I know in her mind she’s doing it because I’m so overweight it’s not healthy anymore and she’s thinking about that.

Would I be the asshole if I tell her that? Or do I just have to suck it up and stop being an hormonal pregnant lady?

Hi! So. I never thought pacifiers were an option lol in my mind baby = pacifier, right?

We are starting to buy things for baby (still pregnant) and my husband said pacifiers are bad for their teeth and he would really like if we could not give them to our baby.

Then unrelated my friend whose baby is 8 months was recommending products and she mentions NUK pacifiers. I jokingly told her my husband won’t let me buy them.

She went a little mad and basically said we are crazy, baby needs them to self soothing, and if they don’t a pacifier they will take their finger which is worse for their teeth and that you can’t later teach them to not use a pacifier but you can’t take off their finger and so on and so forth.

Is there any experiences here of baby’s not using pacifiers or thoughts you can share with a FTM?

UPDATE: Hi! I’m trying to go over all responses and read them so. Didn’t know it would blow up haha. Thanks for all the tips, stories and everything you shared!!

To be clear my husband is open to do it. It’s just something he introduced for us to discuss.

Also we are not from the US and SIDS here it’s not as a big deal. I read in a comment rates of SIDS in different parts of the world change, and that might be it here.

We decided to keep a couple just in case for emergencies, just as we will for formula. If really need them in a crisis or need to redirect the sucking from the thumb no the pacifier great we have them, if we don’t then we won’t use them. Also learning cues of what my baby will like or no when they are earth-side🤍

Thanks for the tips! Sharing a new question tomorrow in sleeping lol

Hi! So. I never thought pacifiers were an option lol in my mind baby = pacifier, right?

We are starting to buy things for baby (still pregnant) and my husband said pacifiers are bad for their teeth and he would really like if we could not give them to our baby.

Then unrelated my friend whose baby is 8 months was recommending products and she mentions NUK pacifiers. I jokingly told her my husband won’t let me buy them.

She went a little mad and basically said we are crazy, baby needs them to self soothing, and if they don’t a pacifier they will take their finger which is worse for their teeth and that you can’t later teach them to not use a pacifier but you can’t take off their finger and so on and so forth.

Is there any experiences here of baby’s not using pacifiers or thoughts you can share with a FTM?

So I’m 17w today and I’m freaking out because I just realized the baby has to come out of me somehow and the Sims way it’s not an option😭 i don’t like any of the two ways we can do it lol

With natural labor I feel there’s so much we can’t control. I’ve heard stories of people being in labor for +30 hours and that’s scary. I’m also scared about peeing, poop, vagina pain and the whole thing after.

Then c-section sounds incredible painful for a 6 week recovery for something that can be over with in less time with labor. And also sounds to me Drs can have more control with a c-section

In the country where I live Drs usually do c-sections, I’ve heard stories where women actually have to fight their Drs to give birth.

Anyway just ranting and wanting to have a conversation about this with my fellow pregnant sisters🤧🤧

need to find my people, almost like a virtual AA for people trying to stop being such a workaholics.

Hi! My dog, yorkie female 5 years. got this weird spot/discoloration in her nose. I think I first saw it a couple of weeks ago

Is it something I should worry about, take her to the vet or run some tests?

Thanks for the help! Adding photo in the comments

I like to think I got pregnant being prepared for it. I spent 5 months doing research and studying preparing on what was going to happen, what to expect, etc.

NO ONE prepared me for the fact that I wasn’t going to be able to brush my teeth without puking.

So I want to do a thread for my fellow women in pregnancy who might need a resource or do research on symptoms no one ever talks about.

Let’s help our future pregnant sisters😭