u/AntiqueSignpost

Hi guys. I'm 35m and I have Autism and M.E. The M.E. puts my body in pain 24/7 all over with severe fatigue. I have been bed ridden for 16 years and I go out about once a month to go get a haircut, then straight back home. 

It has been 12 years since I've had a relationship or any physical touch. It is obvious to say that I am deeply lonely and deprived. 

I would very much like to meet women. But I have alot of limitations due to my health, so I just want to clarify what those are so I can hone down hopefully some places I could meet someone. 

Before I do, please know that dating apps do not work for me. I get zero matches. I have consulted with female friends about my profile and they say it's well written and I look handsome. It's just how dating apps go for some guys I think. I tried r/r4rSA and made some good online friends, but I didn't find anyone interested in more than friendship. I don't really feel online is a good approach for me in general though, I would like to meet women in person. I come across much better in person. 

Here are some of the things I struggle with:

Due to my M.E., I cannot go anywhere that is physically strenuous. No activities that involves walking, dancing, etc. I can't really even sit on a chair for more than a few minutes. I do enjoy sitting on the ground cross legged, so things like parks or picnic activities sound perfect. 

Due to Autism, I can't filter my senses out and sound is my most sensitive thing. I cannot go to bars, restaurants, clubs, parties. I need a space that is relatively quiet. 

Autistically, on a social level, I struggle with groups. I prefer one-on-one, but it does depend, something like a picnic or quiet place could start off with some group convo and lead to connecting with someone one on one a bit more? 

I get fixated on one topic and like deep convos, about special interests usually, or about each other's lives. I struggle with groups where the topic changes alot.

In the mental hospital I could sit with a group of people and interact well, because the convo was deep, more open, didn't have to make small-talk etc. There were nice gardens and everyone just sat and chatted, but it was really unique in that people spoke about their trauma, mental illness etc. I struggle without a filter on my brain to hold things in, but I understand it was a unique environment. I am going to be starting my own neurodivergent-friendly meetup for that purpose.

Because of the mental hospital, I found my tribe is in neurodivergent people, or at least people who are deep, spiritual, intellectual. I'm spiritual and free-spirited and like the hippie bohemic type of culture. 

Someone recommended festivals to me but a friend of mine said there is alot of walking, and I'm scared to go sensory wise from the music and noise?

In terms of activities, while I do have many interests, I really don't want to go somewhere where the focus is on that interest. For example going to a silent bookclub and talking about the books. Or going to a pottery class where 90% of it is pottery. Or a board game event as I struggle with board games even though I love them. I'm looking for something more free-flowing where we can just sit and chat. If that's about the interest, like poetry, then I'm cool with that, but not like a class or anything. A poetry event listening to poetry or reciting it would be an exception though, i LOVE reciting poetry and sitting and listening to people read poetry sounds great. I love bookstores as well. 

Outside of meetups where people are there to meet others, I am wondering what the social norms are regarding approaching people I don't know? Like let's say someone has a recommendation to go to the botanical gardens, or something like greenside, I understand during nightlife people go bar hopping and can approach other groups of people and meet, but I really don't know what daylife is like. I do not want to make anyone uncomfortable, especially women, or impose on anyone's quality time. 

Someone on another post mentioned picnic and thrift, so for example there, do people go up to other groups and ask if they can sit with them? Or, outside of a place like that where people aren't specifically there to socialise, what is acceptable in terms of approaching people? 

The way I come across in person is very friendly and approachable, people tend to like me when they meet me. I come across confident even when I'm not (most of the time I'm far from it). Apparently I just appear confident regardless which is great. I am very respectful in how I would approach, like at the mental hospital I'd approach a table of people, or one person sitting on their own having a smoke and just ask "hey guys, do you mind if I join?" standing 2 meters away and asking respectfully. if they say no this is a bit of a private convo, I leave. I'm just wondering like how I can approach new people. I live far from any friends and would be going to events or any places in general alone. I do have the confidence to approach new people (albeit I'd be very nervous but I can do it). I just worry about seeming creepy or something. Or just imposing when people might people please and say yes to me joining them when they don't want it, which I really don't want. I struggle to read their body language. 

My idea in my head is if I was at a picnic and thrift thing, perhaps just saying "hey guys, I'm trying to meet new people, would it be ok if I join you? No pressure". Something like that? 

I'm in Northcliff, Randburg. I'm new to the area. I'm in montgomery park.  As close as possible would be ideal as driving is painful. But I don't mind driving anywhere within 20 mins drive, though if there's a really special place I guess I'll drive far if it's gonna be worth it for me. Unfortunately I have to push through immense pain to meet people but I'm really desperate because I can't keep living like this in this deprivation. I have online friends but I really want more. 

So, this is AMAZING. like, truly. Thank you u/aurelle_b for this incredible app!

I am on CachyOS with Niri+Noctalia

I am wondering if it'd be possible to make an app drawer open up when vicinae is launched?

For example using AI, I just made an app drawer for rofi like this:

https://preview.redd.it/mmzhp5m92ejh1.png?width=948&format=png&auto=webp&s=892f29d80330ce6b78aa990c2790c7730662ab3c

Would this be possible on vicinae?

What I would want it to do:

• When my keybind is pressed and vicinae opens, it shows a grid like this with pinned apps i've chosen to pin (i dont mind adding these manually in a config file)
• if I type, it just goes to the way vicinae normally is and i can type commands for anything
• i'd want this app drawer/grid to ONLY have apps ive pinnned to it. i do not want suggestions or most recent apps. currently noctalia's launcher has a grid but doent allow pinning and only shows your apps according to recent use. i want a grid with pinned so that i have muscle memory to move my mouse exactly where i want it to be to open certain apps

Another feature I'd love if possible:

Close on focus loss is great. but would be nice to also have an option to close when you click outside of vicinae, rather than just when the mouse leaves vicinae. cos right now it feels it closes too easily. id prefer it closes when i click away from it like spotlight and raycast do

thank you so much!

So, this is AMAZING. like, truly. Thank you u/aurelle_b for this incredible app!

I am on CachyOS with Niri+Noctalia

I am wondering if it'd be possible to make an app drawer open up when vicinae is launched?

For example using AI, I just made an app drawer for rofi like this:

https://preview.redd.it/mmzhp5m92ejh1.png?width=948&format=png&auto=webp&s=892f29d80330ce6b78aa990c2790c7730662ab3c

Would this be possible on vicinae?

What I would want it to do:

• When my keybind is pressed and vicinae opens, it shows a grid like this with pinned apps i've chosen to pin (i dont mind adding these manually in a config file)
• if I type, it just goes to the way vicinae normally is and i can type commands for anything
• i'd want this app drawer/grid to ONLY have apps ive pinnned to it. i do not want suggestions or most recent apps. currently noctalia's launcher has a grid but doent allow pinning and only shows your apps according to recent use. i want a grid with pinned so that i have muscle memory to move my mouse exactly where i want it to be to open certain apps

Another feature I'd love if possible:

Close on focus loss is great. but would be nice to also have an option to close when you click outside of vicinae, rather than just when the mouse leaves vicinae. cos right now it feels it closes too easily. id prefer it closes when i click away from it like spotlight and raycast do

thank you so much!

Hey guys

I'm new to Firefox. I love how it currently looks. But really don't like the way the new nightly build looks.

I want to begin customising my Firefox but am wondering a few things:

1. If I begin now, will what I create be broken when this new redesign comes into the main?
2. Will I be able to bring the look back to the way it is currently? (Only thing I'm using is compact mode on the tabs but I like them bigger as well so not picky).

Things I don't like about the new redesign:

- The circular tabs with the border around them. I love them as is right now

- The separation between the top bars and the main part of the screen

3. If the above are not possible, would sticking with the current version cause issues for me in the future? I really don't want to be stuck on an older version that can't make use of updates

4. Do you recommend maybe just starting with the nightly build? would there be any risk to me customising it and then my customisation breaks with a new version?

For the sake of just showing what it looks like for me now, this is how I have it right now without any modding:

https://preview.redd.it/vvc61508eyih1.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=0ce1a3eeab4eee5727eb9d2c797a7e9efab14381

I am on Linux with CachyOS

The link in this post no longer works. Does anyone have access to these amazing shaders? Or any similar? (the glowing text animation, the lightning)

Any other cool cursor shaders would be appreciated

Hey guys. Fairly new to linux, a few weeks but getting into it well. I was using Ghostty perfectly fine.

At one point opencode was doing something, I don't remember what, and I accidentally closed it during. Now, ghostty shows up completely blank.

I'm using CachyOS with Niri and Noctalia

I do think it is actually running, cos when I run CachyOS update and tried to close the ghostty window, it warned me that something was running. I think its just visually not showing anything.

All other terminal emulators work.

Things I have tried:

- Snapshotting back to my original first cachyOS fresh install. It didn't have ghostty installed, I installed it and same issue.

- Uninstalled using -Rms and reinstalled using Pacman

- Opencode has tried for me to fix it multiple times to no avail

- Manually followed Gemini and Claude instructions to no avail

- Removed ghostty config with a fresh one, to no avail

Anyone experience this before?

https://preview.redd.it/90pwwfw2obhh1.png?width=968&format=png&auto=webp&s=4f7a73bfe0ca23f4ccd8a4f9a282a1f407b9ca3b

Hi guys, posting this again as I'm really in need of someone

It's very hard to share this, I feel very vulnerable. Sorry for the length but I wanna be thorough too

I've been bed-ridden for 17 years due to M.E./CFS. I have Autism and PTSD as well. So my body is in pain 24/7, all over, as well as sensory overload

It's been 12 years since I've had any sexual contact. I get a hug about once a year, it's been 4 months since my last hug.

I am really in need of physical touch. I would be happy with even just cuddling and nothing sexual. I'm very gentle with physical boundaries.

I'm a virgin too. Not by choice. But I'm not looking to move fast sexually. I need someone who I can trust and feel safe with. I would need to take things slow.

I know I said I'm bed-ridden, and I am, but I am able to meet up in a public space first, it puts my body in alot of pain, but I understand the need for safety. And of course I'm happy to talk in text first to get to know each other.

About me:

I'm a white guy, I'm told I'm very handsome. I am very deep, and introverted. I love long, deep talks. I am the most open and honest person you'll ever meet. I hate lying. I like depth and talking at length about things, including challenges we are going through in life.

I'm a music producer, game designer, creative director, writer/poet/blogger. I love cooking and would love to cook for you. I love reading and chess though I rarely get to due to my fatigue. I am Spiritual (eastern philosophy, meditation, energy etc. not religion)

Please only dm me if you're in jhb, and are not looking for just friendship. I am ok to be friends first if it's going to go somewhere 💙

Hey guys. I'm new to Linux but not new to music production. I'm using reaper which is native to linux. Never tried installing windows plugins into linux. Just wondering if cracked plugins would be any harder than non-cracked plugins into linux? Would applying cracks/patches work like they do in windows?

I'm using CachOS

Hey guys. I'm on a low budget and getting a laptop to use primarily for writing. So keyboard is really important to me. I tested a 5420 today and fell in love with the keyboard.

I have an opportunity to get a Latitude 7320, but am unable to test it as I'd need to get it couriered or drive very far to get it in person.

I just want to ask if anyone can attest to whether the keyboard is any different to the 5420? If they're the same, then I'll get the 7320. But if it's different, I might stick with the 5420. Even if specs are better on the 7320, keyboard is a must for me and alot of other laptops I tried, including other dells just didnt have a keyboard i liked at all (even the lenovo thinkpad, not for me).

If it means anything, I'm autistic so I'm very sensitive to tactile which is why I'd notice even the smallest differences

EDIT: being offered a 7420 now as well. for the same price as the others, so seems a much better deal. is the keyboard the same though? also wont be able to test before doing courier

Hey guys, I'm fairly new to linux, have tried it in the past briefly but went back to windows cos I needed music plugins and games.

Right now in my life I am not gaming or producing music, and am gonna be getting a low-budget windows laptop, so I'm excited to be able to use linux for my needs properly.

I will be blogging and writing professionally, so need to multitask alot between apps.

I do want something beautiful, aesthetics help with creativity and feeling relaxed for my mental health.

I've been using Mac for 2 years, and while I love some aspects, the one gripe I have with it is how it handles window management. The things I don't like that I don't want in a linux distro are:

- it makes some apps open up not fully maximised. This is my number one gripe. on a laptop wit a smaller screen, i want things fully maximised and to alt-tab between them. file explorer might be fine as an exception but still i often like to make it maximised so idk.

- finder opens up new instances instead of just a new tab. ie: if I'm using claude and it makes a file for me to show in finder, and I do that 20 times, I'll have 20 instances of finder rather than 1 instance with 20 tabs.

- closing an app doesn't quit the app. I have used 3rd party tools to do this on mac. just annoys me seeing an app open still on my dock.

- dragging files between apps is so slow, you have a long delay between switching apps. I want a distro where I can quickly just drag a file into an app easily.

- in general, anything with good multitasking features would be great. i am not a fan of tiling , i prefer keeping windows maximised and alt-tabbing between them. tiling stuff is still nice to have for special use cases, but its not my ideal workflow.

As for preference in terms of looks, the distros that catch my eyes are:

- deepin. beautiful looking

- cutefish OS looks amazing. but i heard it isnt being updated much

- lingmo OS also looks beautiful

- zorin. also looks nice.

- ubuntu budgie (I like the bar at the top the way mac has, its useful)

And I love anything with rounded corners lol

I'm kinda open to dock or windows-style taskbar. but kinda leaning towards the windows style again after being annoyed with mac for a while. kinda sick of my dock. i would like things to be in the centre though like windows 11. I assume all of this can be done regardless of distro? but its ideal to have one that is in the box with this customization. not a biggie though.

Hi guys. I know I can just google doctors near me but thought I'd ask if anyone has a recommendation incase there is someone great they've had experience with.

I have had M.E. for 16 years but am beginning to suspect I might have fibromyalgia or something else as well, as I only now found out that M.E. doesn't always have pain and that fibromyalgia can include muscle pain and not just nerve pain.

I have no nerve pain, but muscle pain all over my body consistently, as well as swollen glands.

Idk if a rheumatologist is who i should see, so any other forms of specialists are welcome as recommendations too.

I'm in northcliff by montgomery park. Preferrably someone close enough would be a huge help as driving is painful.

Thank you so much

I have BPD, I'm here to help people who have partners with BPD. I love doing it. But it is becoming increasingly hard to scroll through this sub and see reposts from BPDLovedOnes. I've encountered about 5 tonight. Every time I see it, it's a trigger.

Mods, please help us feel safe by removing any reposts from BPDLovedOnes or if that isn't possible, to consider disabling reposting at all. People can copy paste to a new post if they want to share something they wrote for another sub. But we are gonna be triggered seeing the BPDlovedones posts, and every time I see it, I also feel compelled to tell the person they're breaking rule 8. every. single. time. and to warn them about participating in that sub.

its just such a trigger, to the point it causes self-harm ideation for me. really mods, please do something about this. this sub is fantastic and aside from this and a few bad actors on occasion, I feel safe here, and want to help people more.

I think us as pwBPD have unique lived-experience and perspective to offer to the sub. Please don't let us be alienated by these posts.

I've made a post about this before and nothing was done. I hope the mods see this. I'm really finding it triggering and worrying about how many bpdlovedones reposts are coming up now.

I see in rule 8 it says "Anyone who posts/comments here with history in hate subs will be automatically issued a ban.". These people reposting clearly have a history in that sub, why are their posts being allowed through?

I also saw this post now right after making my post, and this also just feels like our sub is now being used to just vent about how bad one's BPD partner is https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDPartners/comments/1uwf409/zero_coping_skills/ reposting from r/NarcissisticSpouses is spreading stigma - one of the reasons we have stigma is being in cluster B next to NPD and ASPD. we dont need to be put in the same boat as them please.

This is getting out of hand.

How can I speak to the mods about this? Does anyone know?

Hey guys. I've had M.E./CFS for 16 years. The entire time, I've been in constant pain 24/7.

Someone said this on a reddit comment and it's made me worry that I might have missed that I might have fibromyalgia, but I really thought the pain was part of M.E

>Fibromyalgia is a common comorbidity with ME. The full body pain you describe could be that. While pain can be a part of ME, it’s often new onset headaches/ migraines, a poison feeling in the brain, muscle weakness, etc. And not everyone experiences pain.

At my ME clinic, they assess for both ME and fibromyalgia and there’s a picture of a body they have you fill out. My pain is only on one side and is hypermobility pain, but if you draw pain that is on both sides equally/ all over the body, they diagnose you with fibromyalgia.

I thought Fibro is about nerve and joint pain and localised on sensitive areas. Mine is all over, and is entirely muscular, no nerve or joint pain at all.

So I just want to know if you guys have pain and have had a doctor rule out Fibro? Or do people with M.E. not have pain at all? I really thought its part of M.E.

Hey guys

I'm autistic and have sensory issues, so I struggle with anything too hard or coarse on my skin. I need something soft for showering. I use liquid body soap.

In south africa, it's normal for us to use sponges, which feel great to me. But they gather bacteria easily and replacing them all the time is expensive.

Washcloths are not common for us, but I tried them and found them too coarse on my skin. Also didn't find them to absorb alot of my liquid soap, and hanging them overnight they were still wet. A bit confused why people use them, unless there are different specialised washcloths overseas.

I've tried African nets, way too coarse on my skin. Same with loofahs

I've tried silicon sponges, they don't absorb enough so I have to use extra soap which is expensive.

Wondering if there are some soft cloths that are super absorbent, quick drying, machine washable I can use? Any recommendations, including any other things I havent thought of would be appreciated.

Hi guys. I'm Autistic and wanting to start a weekly meetup group for Neurodivergents (any mental illness).

It is difficult to find anywhere to socialise. I also have M.E./CFS so have debilitating pain and chronic fatigue, hence various group activities like yoga, hiking etc. is very hard for me to do.

In the mental hospital, we had beautiful gardens and people would just sit around at the tables and talk. I have never found it easier to socialise. And it was easy to connect with my tribe, like minded neurodivergents.

So I want to create a space for neurodivergents that is ND friendly.

I'm looking for a venue that'd meet the following criteria:

- I recently moved to Northcliff so not familiar with the area. Looking for somewhere close to there.

- Must be quiet. Including ambient sound and traffic. Sensory overload is a symptom of autism. Restaurants, even fairly quiet coffee shops, don't work as clinking of cutlery etc can be hard.

- I am imagining some sort of park, something like how horwood's farm used to be when I was a kid. Though weather might be a factor if outside, I still think it'd be most healing and quiet. Also spacious so people can branch off into 1-on-1's and smaller groups, as many of us NDs struggle with big groups.

- Not sure about whether I'd need permission from a venue? For example I see the botanical gardens is nearby, sounds lovely but dunno if I need permission to host a meetup there. Whichever suggestions you have, let me know if you're aware if that is a thing or not. It's not a support group or anything, just a social meetup

- We would not be drinking etc. So no need, or want, for that.

Thanks so much!