I had a dream last night where I was flying via some sort of Texan company’s airport to Paris with my family (and really struggled with typing in my phone number for the Parisian airline security) and the airport had decals of this flag (as I remember it) plastered across all their buildings, and I understood it in the dream to be Texas’s flag.
A few months ago, I moved the Bible app into my “useless apps” folder (apps that I rarely use, or that have incredibly niche functions, or that I use alternative apps more often for their functions) and every time I see it, it’s really satisfying and makes me happy. 😊
You know, the device that keeps undesired hormones from acting on his body?
They are not the classic burger from Burger King, which is what I’m referring to, though they do share the same name.
She should have an encyclopedic knowledge of the effects of estrogen by now… 😔
I feel like I figured out my chosen name faster than most trans people, probably about three weeks max after my egg cracked and have been going with it ever since, but after reading some stuff from the r/tragedeigh subreddit especially and what is a bad choice for a name, I’ve been doubting if I’ve made the right choice.
My chosen name is Aevi (AY-vee) day-to-day, although I’ve settled on Aeviora (ay-vee-OR-ah) as a legal or formal version (which I’d one day actually change my name to)and to have Aevi as a daily nickname.
When I’ve had the confidence to use Aeviora somewhere though, people have consistently mispronounced it or struggled to get through it. My deadname didn’t have that problem, being a fairly common English-speaking name, so I didn’t really think about ease-of-use for other people until that kind of thing actually started happening.
A couple other trans people on Reddit have already been skeptical of it too, which kind of made me wonder if even other trans people think it’s a dumb name. I don’t want to to be the next “My friend transitioned, but I found out she’s naming herself Mildred. I want to be supportive but f***ing Mildred?” thing.
I think I’m still fine with Aevi as a day-to-day, but it’s always felt too cute and informal for anything other than a nickname that everyone knows me by. I don’t want my boss with a position of power over me to call me Aevi. I don’t want the government to know me as Aevi and act like it knows me like a friend does. So I’ve been wanting to make a longer formal name to derive Aevi from, but a year on from my egg cracking and I don’t know what to do with that. I was relatively secure in Aeviora until I started using it and people started mispronuncing it, (which is kind of an invalidating experience for me especially when my deadname is always pronounced correctly), and some other people were weird about it.
I’m also scared to commit to Aeviora in a way that I’m not with Aevi. Like I can see myself going by Aevi all my life no problem, but the moment I think about all these legal documents and forms switching to Aeviora, I’m less confident about it.
I’ve also never gone by a nickname version of my deadname, so I’m not used to how the split is supposed to feel. Like do people who go by nicknames just feel disconnected from the legal version, is that normal? Am I supposed to feel like I’m more Aevi than Aeviora?
I think the main thing I’m really relying on is just stitching another ending onto Aevi and then making it a legal name, and although I felt comfortable for nearly a whole year going by Aeviora, I’m wondering if I’m still struggling to justify that choice to myself.
Sorry for the rambling idk
So the symbolism here is that you go from a life full of play and color and freedom, and slowly that gets put into neat tidy boxes with structure and routine, but drains the life out of everything. And your soul dies with it.
Now the reason this is so egg-coded for me is because a lot of my social dysphoria was essentially “as time goes on, more and more life is bound to get sucked out of me” and it’s something I’ve always feared.
But as my egg cracked, it became clear just how much that idea was tied into time passing as a man for me. Not aging itself, but aging too far in a masculine direction. So what I’ve seen throughout my life as inevitable, like I was destined to follow the path of the heart I just drew, was suddenly “growing older only sucks in the man way” and I don’t really feel that way about the future anymore.
So anyway, the reasons I made this piece originally weren’t necessarily about gender, just my perception of what the future was bound to be, but it was after my egg cracked and the illusion fell apart that it became clear to me just how much about gender that perception was, way more than it was about age.
Now I look at this thing more with sadness for what Past Me must’ve been feeling, than I do despair about what it actually signifies. I don’t think in the same way I did when I made it, and there’s a lot of hope and excitement I never really had before. 🏳️⚧️
So the symbolism here is that you go from a life full of play and color and freedom, and slowly that gets put into neat tidy boxes with structure and routine, but drains the life out of everything. And your soul dies with it.
Now the reason this is so egg-coded for me is because a lot of my social dysphoria was essentially “as time goes on, more and more life is bound to get sucked out of me” and it’s something I’ve always feared.
But as my egg cracked, it became clear just how much that idea was tied into time passing as a man for me. Not aging itself, but aging too far in a masculine direction. So what I’ve seen throughout my life as inevitable, like I was destined to follow the path of the heart I just drew, was suddenly “growing older only sucks in the man way” and I don’t really feel that way about the future anymore.
So anyway, the reasons I made this piece originally weren’t necessarily about gender, just my perception of what the future was bound to be, but it was after my egg cracked and the illusion fell apart that it became clear to me just how much about gender that perception was, way more than it was about age.
Now I look at this thing more with sadness for what Past Me must’ve been feeling, than I do despair about what it actually signifies. I don’t think in the same way I did when I made it, and there’s a lot of hope and excitement I never really had before. 🏳️⚧️
I haven’t had plushies that were like super fuzzy like this and so I wanted him to fill that niche. 🥹 I’m naming him Red (and yes I’m aware he’s brown, his name doesn’t come from that 😌)
Was on a Wikipedia rabbithole when I came across this in the wild. Glad they clarified.
(I made the meme, the map image is from https://www.pinterest.com/pin/4574037108288497/)
And no, I did not think about how it looks like blahaj is sniffing the chef’s butt until it was too late… (I was just trying to minimize actual states being cut off from other chunks of themselves when I drew it in 😭)