FEEDBACK REQUEST - Strange Bodies & Glowing Hearts - Feature - 115 pages
Title: Strange Bodies & Glowing Hearts
Genre: Surreal/road trip/adventure
Page Length: 115pg
Logline: a mute strange clown finds his only home and shelter taken away by a tornado. He himself is also sucked up and transported into a landscape which he does not know. From this he must return home. Through this he encounters various strangers which accompany him.
LINK: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1LsnNF-nmP-DzZw3UU2OCCNHth5TU5Egs/view?usp=drivesdk
I’m working on the Logline. It’s best I could come up with for now.
This a rough first draft so grammar errors are present. (I am currently marking errors on the printed pdf of the screenplay as I type)
I just need to have someone else’s opinion except my own. Just so I can prepare for the second draft. The feedback I’m looking is, on how the story structure works or doesn’t work. Also I have been feeling my characters need a lot of work as I feel they aren’t interesting enough to support the story. Also any advice and opinions on what I maybe should add or omit, would be great. I want to keep the surreal tone and strangeness of the story, as the film is essentially about learning about the wide world and how people can be made to feel strange in a world that’s just kinda always present but out of reach. And how we fail to communicate how we once did with people we once knew. Any feedback would be great. Thank you. And also yes if u wanna know wizard of oz is a big influence on this film, hence the tornado being a homage to the film in a sense.