u/ButY_tho

So, I am a student and my computer is trash because it dies super quickly. Anyways, I brought my computer home for the weekend and needed to charge it. Procrastinated doing homework until now and when I realized my charger was missing, I genuinely lost it. Like crying, clapping (which is what I do instead of hitting myself). I hate this so much you guys

I am a person who really likes labels. I am pansexual and pangender. I've been struggling with what "label" I have for a little while (cisgender or transgender). I've decided on the label semi-trans. This would apply to being gender fluid, too

I am a pangender person, so I'm not sure if I'm trans, cis, or something else

I am going back to school in a week. I have accomodations such as fidgets, but I am not diagnosed with autism, even though I am almost definitely autistic. I am going to a new school so I don't my have my best friend there who would help me when I had a meltdown, and I am actually so scared

(I would add a picture but for some reason I can't)

Since I was little, I was self diagnosed with ADHD. I had done tons of research, and always worried that I was wrong. When I was older, I got diagnosed with ADHD, but it has taken years and years to get a diagnosis. What people don't always seem to realize how much research and self doubt goes into identifying with an identity (most of the time). You know yourself better than a medical professional. Additionally, it is hard to get a diagnosis, even if you have money, but especially if you don't. Self diagnosing is valid to me

• I would eat the same things every day
• My mom took me to the doctor when I was a baby because she thought I had tourette's. I was just stimming
• I looked up why I didn't always have full control of my body
• I hid under tables when I was overstimulated
• I had "tantrums" frequently
• I was "picky" because I hated meat and things with specific textures
• I listened to the same book probably 20 times
• I got hyperfixated on topics like mental health and true crime
• I was always distracted by nothing
• I would struggle with eye contact

So, to start, I am a very out there person. I am also nerurodivergant. I don't usually care about how people perceve me. With that said, it is humiliating to have a meltdown in public. I usually flap my hands, whine, shake my head, and sometimes fall on the ground. I can usually get control of this, but I get extremely overwhelmed where there are a lot of people there.

My mom tries to understand me. When she's calm. She doesn't listen when she is upset, and a lot of the things I tell her go right out the window.

Now, today I went to a play with my mom and my sister (my mom did not pay for the tickets. My aunt had extras because she works for them and gets free tickets, if that matters). So, we get there. I was just at a club for a few hours. I enjoy it, but very very socially draining because it is literally speech and debate.

Anyways, while we are there, I go to the bathroom. While we are waiting there are a TON of people, and my mom grabbed my shoulders. I flapped my hands and she got mad at me for being "disrespectful" to her and the people around us. Then, we get into the theater. I'm trying to keep it together and calm down, but I make whiney noises every now and then. My mom tells me to stop being "grumpy" and let her enjoy her time. This really pisses me off because I am trying to calm down. Later, we get into an argument. She tells me that I should put in a little bit of effort. I have told her countless times that I am putting in a tremendous amount of effort when this happens, but she likes to say that I am not trying. I say "You are my mom. You are supposed to be there to support me", and she laughs at me. I can't remember a lot of the rest I said, but it wasn't any personal attacks.

So, AITAH for arguing with my mom and implying that she should "try harder?"

Edit: So sorry I forgot to clarify. I am not an adult. I am a teenager

So, to start, I am a very out there person. I don't usually about how people perceve me. With that said, it is humiliating to have a meltdown in public. I usually flap my hands, whine, shake my head, and sometimes fall on the ground. I can usually get control of this, but I get extremely overwhelmed where there are a lot of people there.

My mom tries to understand me. When she's calm. She doesn't listen when she is upset, and a lot of the things I tell her go right out the window.

Now, today I went to a play with my mom and my sister (my mom did not pay for the tickets. My aunt had extras because she works for them and gets free tickets, if that matters). So, we get there. I was just at a club for a few hours. I enjoy it, but very very socially draining because it is literally speech and debate.

Anyways, while we are there, I go to the bathroom. While we are waiting there are a TON of people, and my mom grabbed my shoulders. I flapped my hands and she got mad at me for being "disrespectful" to her and the people around us. Then, we get into the theater. I'm trying to keep it together and calm down, but I make whiney noises every now and then. My mom tells me to stop being "grumpy" and let her enjoy her time. This really pisses me off because I am trying to calm down. Later, we get into an argument. She tells me that I should put in a little bit of effort. I have told her countless times that I am putting in a tremendous amount of effort when this happens, but she likes to say that I am not trying.

Anyways, I'm just ranting. Does anyone have advice on how to deal with this?

This is a little bit of a vent, but also an issue that I have heard happens to a lot of people. So today, I started to feel off. I laid on the couch and found myself stuck and nonverbal. I tried to communicate my distress to my mom, who was sitting on the couch next to me (I am a teenager), but she didn't understand, which served to stress me out more. At one point, I was able to move my hand, if a bit erratically, trying to type out a message that would play, but my text to speech was not working. At that point my mom walked away and I felt just completely stuck. I am high functioning so my parents don't often know how to deal with my meltdowns, and I just sort of fell on the ground sobbing. It is so scary to not be able to control your own body or advocate for yourself

Hello. I myself have struggled with depression, and I know how hard it can be how to get out of a negative or suicidal mindset. However, if you are reading this, I want you to know that your life does matter. I know that I don't know who you are, but you are a valuable human, because everyone is valuable. I can't tell you that "it will get better", because I know how frustrating it is to hear that when they don't know if it will get better. But I will tell you this. Life goes up and down. Focus on good things, people you care about, and take advantage of moments when you feel simply content. I know how cheesy this sounds, and I know how hard it is to remember that your life has always had ups and downs when you are feeling stuck in life. But please remember that you matter.