u/Cherryberrylady

Kia Ora everyone I hope this is okay to put here for anyone that can relate to this.

I am exhausted and envious I pour so much of my heart into uplifting my people and yet I feel such a divide.

I am envious of other iwi and what they do for there people and it is a tough pill to swallow right now when I have dedicated so much of my life my time into being Māori I’m surrounded by te ao Māori yet I feel my iwi will never in my lifetime have what Ngāi Tahu has have what Ngāti kahungunu have.

I give so much to my culture and I feel I don’t get anything back compared to others and maybe that is where I’m messing up as they say comparison is the thief of joy right…

You can whakapapa to an iwi, turn up to your marae, learn te reo, participate, volunteer, support kaupapa, bring your children into it and still look at another iwi and think, Why don’t we have this?Why doesn’t my iwi have these opportunities for our people. And… feel so discouraged.

I’m lucky on one side is that I had a first generation pakeha mum who promoted our culture in our whare learnt te reo taught te reo and her family when they moved here immersed themselves in the culture that I really am grateful for but I feel like my whānau have given soo much to being Māori and don’t see anything in return when you at pouring so much into it and you see others who don’t give a crap receive so much.

Having a Pākehā mum who is first-generation New Zealander but has immersed herself in te reo and Māori culture more deeply than some people who have lived here for generations really illustrates something important whakapapa and cultural participation aren’t the same thing.
Being Māori isn’t something you have to constantly prove through how much you contribute. Your whakapapa doesn’t become more legitimate because you attend more hui, speak more reo, volunteer more hours or do more for your marae.
But at the same time, it’s completely okay to want that reciprocity.
You shouldn’t have to pretend that you’re satisfied simply because you’re grateful to belong.
You are completely allowed to say
I love my iwi. I love my marae. I love being Māori. And I wish there were more opportunities for our people.
Those things are not contradictory.
And perhaps genuinely the saddest part is that people who care deeply can eventually become exhausted because they’re always being asked to give time, knowledge, labour, money, energy, attendance without ever seeing the infrastructure, scholarships, housing opportunities, employment pathways, education programmes or financial benefits that other iwi have been able to build.
You don’t have to stop caring. But you also don’t have to measure your worth by how much you can give.
Sometimes the people who are deeply invested in their iwi are actually the ones who eventually help create the thing they wished had existed for them.
And if you’re thinking, “I don’t want to spend my whole life just contributing and watching everyone else benefit,” that’s a very reasonable feeling.
You deserve to benefit from being part of your iwi too. Not because being Māori is transactional, but because a healthy iwi relationship should have some element of reciprocity he tangata, he tangata, and all the infrastructure around that should ultimately strengthen the people.
And I think you can hold both truths at once:
“I am incredibly proud to be Māori.”
and
“I wish my iwi gave its people more.”
Neither statement diminishes the other
J

(* I am sorry if my paragraph is not well written I am not a write I’m just here expressing a perspective that I believe many can relate too my only intention is to create a positive discussion and share opinions in hopes to understand my feelings a bit better )

Kia Ora and Hello NZ so where do I go and find a business mentor I’ve been running my company for a couple of years now and there have been mistakes I’ve made which I call learning curbs which I feel I could have avoided but HEY you don’t know what you do not know right that’s the ugly beauty of
✨ TRIAL AND ERROR ✨ right ? 😐

I sell modest activewear it’s much more than that I also host fitness events my market in the states is huge with my being able to scale up our inclusive sizing range and events on a bigger scale is my dream and it is achievable I have the customer base I just don’t know how to get there and I need a robust plan.

I am tired of being lonely in this journey.

Anyway my company has grown and I really need to get into the American market because I have a lot of customers there and a lot of amazing opportunities to grow my business but I have no BLOODY CLUE how and im anxious.

I don’t know where to look for a business mentor or where to even find one that can help me set up shop there.

The only connection I have that I feel comfortable with is my 3PL provider that’s it I don’t know a soul in the states expect for my exes sister who I’m obviously estranged with and when she went over the process was complicated and there is so many laws / rules I don’t understand.

If anyone has had experience taking there business to the states and would love to share some tips or anyone that can point me in the right direction to find a mentor that would be appreciated so much.

Thanks everyone

My husband’s specific porn searches have completely changed how I see our relationship. Am I overreacting?
This has been bothering me for a long time, and I honestly don’t know if I’m overreacting or if my concerns are reasonable.
I’m 28, my husband is 35. He’s 6’4” and I’m 5’3”. I’m petite myself and, by most people’s standards, considered attractive. Our relationship has always seemed great from the outside. Our family and friends constantly tell us how well matched we are and what a lovely man he is. In almost every other way, he is.
But I’ve discovered that when he watches porn, he doesn’t just watch random videos. He specifically searches for AA breasts and petite. It’s not an occasional thing it’s a repeated, very specific preference.
What has really unsettled me is that all of the performers he searches for seem to have the same physical characteristics: extremely petite frames, very small AA breasts, and very youthful-looking appearances.
Some of the names I found included:
Daisy Fox
Jenna Clover
Tara Ashley
Kenzie Reeves
Rachel James
Kristine Kahill
Megan Petite
Seeing that consistent pattern has really affected me.
I know everyone has preferences, but specifically going out of your way to search for AA breasts over and over again feels unusual to me. It’s not just that he likes petite women—it’s how narrow and specific the searches are.
I confronted him about it, and he told me he likes petite women because he’s a big guy. Maybe that’s true, but I can’t shake the feeling that there’s more to it.
The performers all have a very youthful appearance, and that’s what has made me so uncomfortable. I’m short and petite too, but when I saw what he was searching for, I started questioning what he’s genuinely attracted to. It’s affected how safe and secure I feel in our relationship.
I’ve also started wondering whether this could be a porn addiction, simply because of how specific and repetitive the searches are.
This has honestly become a deal breaker for me unless we’re able to work through it openly and honestly. I’ve even started thinking that therapy might be necessary if we have any chance of saving our relationship.
Am I reading too much into this?
Has anyone else experienced something similar with a partner who had very specific porn preferences?
Would this concern you, or would you see it as just another fantasy that doesn’t necessarily reflect real-life attraction?
I’m genuinely looking for honest opinions because I feel stuck, and this has been weighing on me for a long time.

✨ Night shift / Wake over shift ✨

Hey multiple parents we are expecting twins soon

I’m looking at doing wake-over/night shifts and would love to hear from others who make it work.
Would you let your partner work nights ? 4 days a week for 10 hour shifts ?

✨ How do you manage night shifts with your partner and family life? Is your partner happy with you working nights, or has it been an adjustment?

✨ How many hours do you work per week, and what shift times do you usually do? Do you work permanent nights or rotate between days and nights?

I’m considering doing wakeover shifts initially and then studying nursing in the future, so I’d love to hear the realities the good, the bad, and any tips.

I live rural so day shifts don’t work for my schedule with having to drop my primary aged child off to school in mornings

Thanks in advance for sharing your experiences lovely ladies 😊

Only 1 week and 2 days until I meet my little twins. 🤍🤍

I’ve honestly been excited since day one, but now that we’re so close, it feels surreal think this has been one of the coolest things that has happened to me.

This morning I’m sitting on the deck, sipping my orange juice, feeling these two kicking and rolling around, and I can’t quite believe this is my life.

A few years ago I met a guy at a gas station because the tray under my car had fallen off. Such a random moment. If someone had told me then where life would lead, I probably wouldn’t have believed them.

I already had two beautiful children and have been lucky enough to have amazing support from my sisters and family. They’ve helped me through so many stages of life and I’ll always be grateful for that.

I was also in a previous relationship where, despite our best efforts, our values and beliefs didn’t quite align long term. We’re on good terms, focused on the kids, and have worked together to make sure they have opportunities for their future.

Now here I am at 28, living on a farm, building our dream home, raising my children, and counting down the days until we welcome two more little humans into the world.

I keep imagining my little Kiwi country kids growing up together running barefoot through the paddocks, camping, fishing, diving for kina, learning about their whakapapa, spending time with whānau, and making the kind of memories that stay with you for life. They will be brought up knowing every part of there culture and heritage and acknowledging how beautiful and diverse this world is.

I would love to hopefully go do some family trips abroad one day.

Life hasn’t always been a straight line, but sitting here today, feeling these babies move and looking out across the farm, I can’t help but feel grateful.

One week and two days until I meet my twins. For now, I’m soaking up every kick, every roll, and every moment before they arrive.

My heart is so full. 🤍🍵✨

⚡️Power Bill Sanity check ⚡️

Hello everyone I just wanted to sanity check our power bill because I’m not sure if we’re doing okay or getting overcharged.
We are with Powershop.

We’re a family of 4 living in a rural farmhouse in Hawkes Bay here is our most recent power bill is about $354 per month. Only cause I put $50 p/w aside for power.

Our situation:

2 adults + 2 kids
Rural farmhouse
Fireplace is used for heating we don’t use electric heaters at all.
No one is home during the day Mon–Fri until 4pm onwards.

I thought our bill would be lower since the house is empty most of the day and we don’t rely on heaters, but it still feels a bit high.

Is this pretty normal for NZ rural living or should I be looking into things like the.

hot water cylinder settings , insulation / heat loss and hidden constant usage?

Would love to hear what other families are paying and if this seems in the normal range or not.

Thanks guys

I am personally raising my eyebrow at this proposal as I do not believe and know for a fact that New Zealand is not genuinely facing a labour shortage in this industry we have an abundance of workers in New Zealand who want to be in the industry. I am on a station in the area of Hawke’s Bay. Here are my thoughts employers are struggling to attract local workers because of poor wages, working conditions and the nature of the work.

New Zealanders simply want the industry’s to have some integrity proposing this visa is taking the wrong standpoint.
To me it seems like there agenda is to bring migrants in because they simple won’t complain about subpar conditions.

Across Hawke’s Bay and many other parts of New Zealand, there are people who are willing and able to work in farming. For example beneficiaries on job seeker and high school leavers my sister is one she will be attending field days this weekend and approaching people in hopes to secure employment she has just finished a course in agriculture.

Before creating new visa pathways, I believe there should be a stronger focus on ensuring wages, training opportunities, and working conditions are attractive enough to recruit and retain New Zealand workers.

Migrant workers have long played an important role in our rural industries I know that but but they should not be a substitute and a quick band aid for issues that need to be addressed and fixed.
immigration should complement the local workforce, not replace efforts to improve employment opportunities and the conditions for Kiwis. The real solution may require looking at both labour supply and the quality of jobs being offered.

Hello and Kia ora name nerds community.

We are due with identical twin boys next week and we have landed on the names on Bert and Kurt.

Bert is an important name sake name but Kurt is not and am needing a replacement for that name as I’m not 100% happy with how they sound.

Here is a list of options for names they are all important family name sake names.

Please do refer to list below before that here is a brief history of us.

For context, we’re a mixed Kiwi European Scottish, Irish other European and Māori family who are your classic farming family so very stereotypical what you think of when you think of a Kiwi. 🥝 🐑

The choice of names below:

1: Reginald
2: Chad
3: Dion
4: Te Maanihera
5: Te ururoa
6: Lyall
7: Zachary
8: Broderick
9: Hemi
10: Kevin
11: Warren
12: Cory
13: Cody

I’d like your opinions on what name you feel matches best with Bert.

Thank you.

Hello and Kia ora name nerds community.

We are due with identical twin boys next week and we have landed on the names on Bert and Kurt.

Bert is an important name sake name but Kurt is not and am needing a replacement for that name as I’m not 100% happy with how they sound.

Here is a list of options for names they are all important family name sake names.

Please do refer to list below before that here is a brief history of us.

For context, we’re a mixed Kiwi European Scottish, Irish other European and Māori family who are your classic farming family so very stereotypical what you think of when you think of a Kiwi. 🥝 🐑

The choice of names below:

1: Reginald
2: Chad
3: Dion
4: Te Maanihera
5: Te ururoa
6: Lyall
7: Zachary
8: Broderick
9: Hemi
10: Kevin
11: Warren
12: Cory
13: Cody

I’d like your opinions on what name you feel matches best with Bert.

Thank you.

Can someone help me understand why it has become so difficult to access healthcare appointments?

I’m finding that booking a doctor’s appointment can take weeks or even months, and if you need to reschedule, you can end up waiting another few months for the next available slot because clinics are already fully booked.

I’ve experienced the same issue with scans and specialist appointments. I have regular fortnightly appointments booked, but when I recently tried to change the time, I was told there was no capacity and the next available appointment wasn’t until the end of June.

What I also find concerning is that many medical centres aren’t accepting new enrolments, which means changing clinics often isn’t an option either.

I’m genuinely interested in understanding what’s driving this. Is it a shortage of doctors and healthcare staff? Funding pressures? Population growth? Or a combination of factors?

I have a lot of respect for the healthcare professionals working incredibly hard under pressure, but from a patient perspective it feels like accessing timely healthcare is becoming increasingly difficult.

It simply just should not be this difficult why am I even paying taxes and dealing with rate rises in Hawke’s Bay if they can’t even offer us residents quality health care.

I am also insured with southern cross

Sincerely a disgruntled 28 year old women

Thoughts please personal finance New Zealanders .

I’m currently pregnant with twins to my new partner and I are trying to figure out how to approach buying a house together, but I am struggling and I honestly don’t know if I’m being unreasonable.✨

So the ISSUE is he also wants me to contribute my $70k savings into the house deposit. And I don’t feel comfortable with that. In my mind, what we build together should come from what we save together going forward through our joint account NOT the emergency money I built before him in a completely different life situation. ✨

Before I met him, I already had two children and had managed to save $70k completely on my own. That money was incredibly hard to save. I come from a very dysfunctional family background my parents fought constantly growing up and I never really felt emotionally or financially safe all my siblings left home at 16. My dad has passed away and had no inheritance or anything left behind for us cause he lived in a state home and my mum is unable to support herself financially and lives in a caravan at caravan park where she works part time in retail to buy food etc. I’ve basically never had a safety net or anyone to fall back on. ✨

When my older kids were little, we shared one bedroom for almost 3 years so I could save money and build some kind of stability for us. That $70k isn’t just savings to me it is security and protection for my children because I know what it feels like to have no backup if something goes wrong.
✨
My partner comes from a much more privileged and supportive background. He had family support, was able to live at home for free build a unit on his family farm to live in, and still has parents and siblings he could rely on if anything happened. There’s also likely future financial support or inheritance in his family when they sell there farm which is soon I don’t have that same kind of safety net at all.
✨
We already have two joint accounts together, and I was the one who suggested we set it up one account for bills and one for a house deposit I currently putting money into n the regular because I thought we can to hard and build everything together I’m happy to build something together from there.
✨
It also feels hard because if anything were to happen to me, I genuinely don’t have family I can rely on in the same way he does. He has parents and siblings he could go to for support. I don’t have that backup system. So that money is my only real safety net for myself and my PRIOR kids.
✨
I do want a future with him and I do want us to buy a house together, but I’m really struggling with the idea of giving up the only financial security I’ve ever built.
✨
Has anyone been in a situation like this where there’s such a big difference in family support and financial background? How did you handle it✨

Being mixed race Māori, Scottish, and Irish has honestly always been something I’ve loved about myself and my family / whānau like how I have 6 siblings and we all look unique to eachother all have a sprinkle of this and that kiwi people New Zealanders think I’m exotic 😅 but get confused why I have freckles my older sister looks very Irish she has blue eyes blonde hair etc. more than that I love and honour both of my last names, and I love every side of where I come from.

I feel like we’ve seen New Zealand change over time and see human nature because of our family business we seen certain fruits and animals introduced here as we have sold kiwifruit and had dairy farm to now dry stock.

Growing up, our family never made us feel like we had to choose one side over the other. We appreciated each other for who we were. We grew up with kapa haka and Irish dancing that was and lots of whakapapa, but also Irish dancing and strong ScottishIrish family traditions. We have whānau who are deeply Māori, and family who are very proudly Irish and Scottish, and somehow it’s always just worked naturally together.

Our family has even been running the same family business for six generations, which is something I’m incredibly proud of. At the end of the day, we were raised to value family, hard work plus culture. no matter which side it came from.

I genuinely love being mixed. I love that I come from different histories, different stories, and different traditions. It’s never felt confusing to me it’s felt like a privilege.

Anyone else ? ✨