Mixed family background. I want to start connecting with my faith and heritage but don't know where to start
F/25. I live in an Eastern EU country with a rich Jewish history but a tiny (and very conservative) Jewish population, shrinking organized Jewish community and no synagogue in my small city. I've considered participating in community events but since I come from a mixed family background (Polish/Lithuanian/Litvak) and don't exactly "look" Jewish, I'm a bit hesitant on how to go about it. I actually get strange looks from coworkers when they learn I'm Jewish and I even got some very offensive comments in the past, despite having a quite common Jewish name given to me by my grandmother.
I was raised atheist with a small Christian influence from that part of the family, like celebrating Christmas some years as a child. I've never really "fit in" in school/university/jobs due to my mixed background. I began questioning atheism in 2020-2023, then started reading more about Hebrew language and Judaism and practicing some traditions on my own. This brought a great amount of depth and peace into my life, but I feel quite isolated at the same time as I have no one to talk about these things.
I don't have access to information about my mom's family, because so much information was destroyed when they had to flee the country during the war. Although my mom comes from a Jewish family line, it's been really hard to talk to her about these issues due to her personal beliefs. It's also quite sad since I'll probably never get to study in Israel in the future as I would most likely have to present documents which I'm still trying to retrieve.
I wonder whether there are people who can relate to these experiences of coming from a mixed family background and could share their own or any resources or reading materials.
(Sorry for any mistakes as English is not my first language.)