NAT (Not a therapist).

A couple of years ago, I had an experience that really shook my sense of safety in therapy. I’d been working with a therapist for about 20 sessions when she ended our work together. I didn’t know beforehand that it would be our last session. She came prepared with a list of three referrals and told me she wouldn’t be seeing me anymore.

Before that, I’d worked with two therapists for several years each, one at my university’s counselling centre and another after graduating. Those relationships gave me a sense of continuity and stability. I understood that retirement, maternity leave, or changing jobs could bring therapy to an end, but none of those circumstances applied here.

From my side, it felt like I’d been gotten rid of. Having referrals didn’t take away the hurt of unexpectedly losing a relationship I’d come to trust.

Even a couple of years later, I’m hesitant to start with someone new. I worry about spending months opening up and becoming invested, only to arrive at a session and discover that they’ve already decided to stop seeing me. I know no therapist can guarantee that we’ll work together indefinitely, but the possibility of another unexpected ending makes it difficult to feel secure.

For therapists here: how would you work with a client who has this fear? What could we discuss or agree on at the beginning about continuity, concerns about fit, and how a possible ending would be handled?

To provide a little more info,

-level 1 ASD

-32 years old

-always late, having to rush to get to work, appointments, etc.

I think I am trans. Over the summer, I've been able to wear what I want and do my nails without having to worry about going to work.

Now that summer is over, I don't want to remove my nails. I am male presenting at school.

I am honestly debating just leaving them on. I just hate the idea of my nails becoming a conversation topic for other staff and students.

I’ve realized that I need a therapist who feels like an actual person in the room. I understand that therapists aren’t friends and need professional boundaries, but I find it difficult to build rapport with someone who remains completely opaque.

Is this a reasonable thing to look for, and is it fairly easy to find?

I recently got the notes from a therapist I saw a couple of years ago. After around our fourth session, she wrote:

“[My name] appears to have issues working effectively with colleagues and appears to struggle with trusting others in general. It is reasonable to expect that building a therapeutic alliance with [my name] may be a lengthy process.”

What does this even mean? Was she basically saying she thought I would be difficult to connect with or work with in therapy? I’m curious how other therapists or clients would interpret it.

I am into home renovations/maintainance, and I feel like I need to have all Dewalt brand tools. I think this comes from watching home renovation shows and seeing that is this is the brand that often got used on the show. I'm not sure if this is an autism related thing?

Is it to avoid the client forming any thoughts, beliefs, feelings, opinions, etc about the therapist?

Like for example, a therapist might say that they took their dog for a walk over the weekend during some sort of inital small talk at the beginning of a session. But like what if I'm a client who is coming to therapy because I have trauma from a past dog bite and I don't like dogs? Maybe disclosing that they took their dog for a walk (sometime that seems pretty benign on the surface) might actually be damaging the theraputic relationship.

You truly never know what a client might have been through or what might trigger something negative. So out of caution or to avoid this, they try to remain a blank slate.

My therapist told me that they have a motor home and travel during the summer. Maybe if I were someone who was in a really desperate financial situation, I might feel jealous or envious that she has the means to do these things and I don't. Maybe it would even make me choose to stop seeing her. Maybe she should not have disclosed that?

This happened a few years ago, but it's always bothered me.

I had a phone appointment with my therapist that I thought was going to be a normal session. Instead, within the first five minutes, she told me it would be our last session because she was specializing in sex therapy and wouldn't be seeing me anymore. She already had the termination letter prepared, and it was emailed to me seconds after telling me.

I understand therapists can change their practice or decide they aren't the right fit. That's not really the part I'm struggling with.

What I'm struggling with is that I paid around $150 for what I thought was going to be a therapy session, but it became a termination meeting almost immediately.

After she told me, my first thought was honestly, "Well... what's the point now?" There didn't seem to be any point in continuing to work through the issues I'd come to discuss because she had already decided she wasn't going to be my therapist anymore. The therapeutic relationship had effectively ended within the first few minutes of the appointment.

I ended up ending the phone call early because, from my perspective, there just wasn't anything meaningful left to accomplish. It honestly felt like my money had been wasted. If the decision had already been made before the session, I almost would have preferred to receive an email or phone call beforehand rather than paying for an appointment that I never really had.

I also think therapy is supposed to be a space where you can show up expecting to work on yourself. I don't want to feel like I have to wonder whether I'm about to be blindsided by something that's already been decided behind the scenes. For me, that took away some of the sense of safety that therapy is supposed to provide.

They were generally reluctant to give them.

Is this normal?

In the dream I was in palliative care. I knew I only had maybe a week or so left to live. What hit me wasn't that I was dying. It was realizing I'd gone through my entire life as a man and never transitioned.

At one point someone came into my room. I don't remember if she was a nurse, a care aide, or some other staff member, but she was a trans woman, probably in her 20s or 30s.

Just seeing her made everything hit me at once.

The feeling wasn't jealousy. It was just this overwhelming regret that I'd waited too long. Like I'd always thought there would be more time, and suddenly there wasn't. I never got the chance to know what it would've been like to actually live as me.

I woke up feeling genuinely shaken. It was one of those dreams that felt less like random nonsense and more like my brain forcing me to confront one of my biggest fears.

Has anyone else ever had a dream like this that stayed with you long after you woke up?

​

I think I'm starting to realize that what actually helps me isn't traditional therapy so much as regular peer support.

I used to call an autism peer support line almost every day. The people answering weren't therapists or counselors. They were just peer support workers with autism themselves. There wasn't really an expert/client dynamic, it just felt like talking to another person who genuinely understood.

Honestly, I found that way more helpful than therapy.

Unfortunately, they've changed the program now so you're only allowed to call once a week. I understand why they probably had to do it, but I've really noticed the gap it's left.

It's made me realize that I don't think what I'm missing is clinical expertise. I think I'm missing consistent human connection. I'd honestly rather have someone I could talk to every day or every couple of days than see a therapist once a week. Even once a week is considered pretty frequent for therapy, and a lot of people go every couple of weeks or even monthly.

Has anyone else come to the same realization? Does anyone know of any services that are more like ongoing peer support than traditional counseling? I'd really appreciate any suggestions.

I don't even know what I'm looking for anymore. I just know I miss feeling connected to someone.

I don't just mean having people around. I mean having someone you can say good morning to, tell them about your day, laugh about something random, send a picture of your coffee, complain about work, hear about their day, and just slowly become part of each other's everyday life.

Instead, I feel like most of my conversations are either transactional or stay on the surface. "How was work?" "Fine." "What did you do today?" "Worked." That's about where they end.

I have autism, and making close friendships has always been incredibly hard. I can meet people, but getting from "we've talked" to "we genuinely know each other" almost never seems to happen. It feels like everyone else already has their people, and I'm always standing just outside the circle.

It's been like this for so long that it's starting to feel less like a rough patch and more like my normal. That's the part that scares me.

I don't need dozens of friends. I just want one person where talking to each other every day feels natural instead of forced.

Has anyone else felt like this? If you did, did anything actually help?

I want to get it because my father likes seeing what's on TV when he comes to my house. He is elderly, not tech-savvy. He needs something where he can press the power button on the remote and start flipping through the channels without any BS (no signing into any subscription service or anything like that.)

Even something super bare bones basic would do. I'm on the western avalon in case that matters.

I have level 1 ASD. I'm 32 y/o transwoman.

Right now my social and emotional needs are not being met. I want someone I can text good morning to, ask them about their day, keep in touch regularly. Someone I can bond with over time.

If you would be interested in providing this kind of mutual support (I promise to do my part too), my dms are open :)

Mainly for social reasons. I've been in many different workplaces over the years. As for in person workplaces, I'm not someone who can navigate the social side of a workplace well. The different colleagues and their personalities. The small talk. The office Karens. People trying to get other people fired. Knowing who has informal power. The mandatory fun. Who likes who and who doesn't like who. Pecking orders.

I just don't care about the above mentioned things. It's so exhausting to be part of these environments.

I have a work from home job as a second source of income and it's so much better.

I'm autistic, and I've been wondering how much conventional attractiveness changes people's experience of autism.

Do you think "pretty privilege" makes it easier to make friends, get support, be forgiven for social mistakes, or generally navigate life as an autistic person? Or does it not make much difference?

I'd be interested to hear from people who feel they've experienced both sides of this, or who have noticed it in others.

I have autism and there are periods of burnout where I feel like I would benefit from accessing LTD through my employer.

I understand that my LTD claim would likely be rejected if I don't have any documentation showing that I'm in treatment. Insurers often want to see documentation and if there is not any, then that can be used as something to point at to deny a claim.

I have long-term disability coverage through my employer, but if I ever end up applying, it would likely be because of autism, burnout, and related mental health issues rather than a physical condition.

Right now I'm seeing my family doctor and I've recently started seeing a therapist. My understanding, though, is that LTD insurers often want a significant amount of medical evidence, and even then claims can still be denied.

I'm trying to be proactive rather than waiting until I'm in crisis. For those of you who've been through the process, what kind of documentation or medical evidence was most important?

Besides my family doctor and therapist, are there other practitioners I should consider seeing? Are there particular assessments, reports, or records that carry a lot of weight with insurers?

Basically, I'm trying to avoid finding out after taking leave that my claim was weak because I didn't have enough evidence or the "right" kind of documentation. I'd really appreciate hearing what helped your claim, or what you wish you'd done before applying.

Or is the only option to go through NL health services?