u/Dependent-Snow-5057

I just need a bit of support. Weve been broken up with for two months now. Two months of not talking and no contact.

His mom was always sooo sweet to me. She still messaged me after for a while and then tonight I posted some photos on instagram just of a beach etc and she unfollowed.

I’m feeling a bit sad. I have no idea what she thinks happened. I did everything for him and was the best girlfriend I could’ve been and she probably thinks I was awful to him.

And I’m waiting as he is the last person now I have on my socials. All his friends already unfollowed me

My friends say to do it first and just remove him from everything. But I just feel like so hurt that if I do that it’s over for good we’re never ever talking anymore. I know it already is over but I hate the finality of that :( like even as friends eventually talking

So I barely post on insta, I mean I do post stories but not grid pics. Tonight I posted one of me at a beach and with some friends. Almost immediately I noticed my follower count go down and I just have to know who it is bc I’m sensitive to stuff like this and recently I’ve been noticing it more

Like if I post a story I lose around 2 / 3 followers every single time.

The thing is, I don’t have that many to begin with. Under 150. And all my friends have like 2k+ with people from their life from YEARS ago who just… never unfollow them and are always nosy about their life and like their posts.

Whereas almost everyone from my past just unfollows me.

YES it’s just social media. YES it doesn’t mean anything. But tbh I believe it does.

I’m never someone who people just… want to keep around. Never a “what if” in the way I feel they keep my friends like… oh she’s hot what if we date one of these days. I’ll keep her on my list in case. Or something like that. I’m always someone to get RID of

Anyway the person who unfollowed me was an old co worker of mine and I immediately checked if he’d unfollowed other co workers we had who were mutual (all who also no longer work there). Nope, they’re all still there. Why the f is it so important to remove me then? As if I’m some infectious virus? Why not just keep me there? I don’t post weird shit I don’t post offensive stuff. And we were actually close at one point. The people he kept were people he never spoke to ever.

It just makes me sad bc this happens with exes, old friends, old co workers, old acquaintances and anyone I’ve ever met. That’s why my folllwing can’t grow.

I just don’t understand the psychology behind bc to me

I keep people around bc one day we might chat again, it’s nice to see people you used to know doing well and most importantly it doesn’t harm me to have them sitting in my follower list???? Only if they posted weird stuff or offensive stuff would I remove them.

Anyway, I don’t get it. It also I think hurts my ego to think im not attractive or cool enough to be kept in someone’s list in case they wanna slide in my dms or just stalk me or just wanna check out my posts. I’m so easily removable. So it makes me feel I’m not interesting. Bc all my friends have everyone from their life whether they talk to them or not still in their following list bc they’re admirable and people just support them from the sidelines. Why can’t I have this too?

Does anyone else get what I’m saying?? I don’t think I’ve ever went out my way to unfollow someone I used to work with for a random reason. Even if their post bothered me I’d mute them before I did that.

Whatever.

Of course he is the same person still. I’m not saying that he’s an evil monster. But… who he is RIGHT NOW does not want me. And I miss the loving gentle way he would look at me. The sweet names. That person is GONE. So I miss someone that doesn’t exist. That someone will be doing those things to someone else, if not already. I need to get that in my head. The person he is RIGHT NOW, I don’t miss. Not one bit. In fact, I wish more than anything that he would never speak to me again.

Approaching nearly two months post breakup and I’ve spoke to others and feel happy when I think about in general moving forward. The attention I’m having from others has helped a lot and I feel like woah this is what it feels like when people want you? And care? And no I’m not jumping into new relationships. Just casual encounters with people who consent.

However late at night or early morning I sometimes feel haunted by what I had. And last night I had a dream about him. I woke up crying and still do feel a bit shaky bc of how bad it was. Irl he gave up on our relationship but according to him it all “made sense and was the right thing to do” and I was like “no it doesn’t we love each other” type situation. I still do not know what the f went on but he blames me for how it’s not gonna work and I blame him for giving up so fast and bc we were long distance we never even seen each other one last time. I can’t remember the last thing I said to him. Or saw him. It’s gone.

So when I think of him and what we used to be, it’s gut wrenching. Because it’s like it didn’t even happen almost, and I had a taste of what it was like to have a future and a person who cared so much. I miss feeling like I was eventually going to be his wife. That part the most, like we were each OTHERS. And now we are complete strangers. And will never see each other again bc it’s not like we’ll run into the grocery store together or see him on the street. It honestly is like this person I loved so much vanished off the face of the earth.

My dream was so awful.

I was at a friends wedding. And was wearing a nice dress. Everyone there was coupled up and happy. He was there too in a nice suit

And we were in Paris. I’ve never been there alone or with them. so idk why it was there.

But anyway, we had these photos of us printed from a professional person at the wedding, and they made me cry in my dream bc we looked like a couple.

So I found him at this wedding and he was with a group of his friends and I was crying, snot running down my face and said “can we talk?” Everyone had that LOOK… like, dude don’t do it. As if I was a piece of shit on their shoe. But he did come with me and w walked under this massive bridge but inside a tunnel kinda thing with a river flowing through it. It was kinda romantic. And I accidentally knocked my water bottle into the river and he just sighed and was like “ffs” as if… here we go, you’re pathetic. And I kept crying to him about how we were perfect together and I missed him and why was he giving up? (Things I’ve actually said irl over text) and he just kept walking away from me.

And then we came out the other side of the bridge and I was crying begging to finish talking. Someone said “they are cutting the cake let’s go!” Beside us and he looked and was like let’s go.. I said pls I’m not done, I feel like I’m gonna throw up and he just said it’s important and walked away. I sat on the street and cried my eyes out looking at our photos. While couples around me walked past laughing and joking and being nice together.

And then I woke up.

I realised when I did that I missed someone that doesn’t exist anymore. I miss the person in the photos… MY BOYFRIEND. who is no longer a thing. I miss the way he would talk to me, stare at me, was caring.

But my ex is the person walking away from me. My ex is not this person I actually want. My ex does not want me. He has been cold, he has gave up on us. His head over his heart. Logical conversations and “rational thoughts” and no room for my emotions. He’s no longer my comfort or my safe space. He is a stranger to me now. Genuinely, I miss this old person that has gone. They don’t exist anymore. There is an ex in place of my boyfriend, and I miss my boyfriend. My ex however gives me anxiety, low self esteem, feel like crying and throwing up constantly and I don’t want to talk to him at all. It’s not him I want to talk to. I don’t want to see him ever again.

My ex was hot and cold during our breakup which left me with false hope. They were constantly messaging me, my family and liking stories of mine.

But it turns out it was all bc they wanted money from me and once I settled that, they were gone. Ice cold, it’s as if I never knew them and ignored a long message of mine saying I couldn’t believe this was happening and how they didn’t stay to work on things.

It was so quick, all of it. But what has weirdly messed me up the most is that during the last week all of his friends have unfollowed me on insta. Like within days of each other.

We were close, me and most of his friends. Two of them in particular did double dates with us and we’d spoken about a project we were going to do in the future. I thought they liked me separately from my ex.

But I heard through another mutual friend that my ex was telling them that the reason we broke up was because I was questioning my sexuality. This is SO false and gross. I am demi/bi sexual and always have been. This is not why we broke up, but when confronting my ex last week he told me it was always something that bothered him (there’s a whole story about how I used to open up about my sexuality and he’d get uncomfortable, as well as an ex co worker of mine who was female trying to hit on me). During our breakup conversation, he had told me he hoped I found “another guy” and this broke me. I had said (truthfully) “no, I think it’ll be a woman” because to me, he was always the exception and I was so in love with him. I’m more attracted to women than men so outside of him, that’s my honest truth.

Anyway, he obviously decided this was easier to tell people why other than the real reason which was so unclear to me. According to him I “had two strikes and it was three strikes and I was out” the third strike was an argument we had about our communication styles. I have no idea what the other two were. So…

I have felt worthless and not enough through this whole process but for some reason seeing his friends unfollow me and hearing this is the reason he is giving them has made me so hurt. He also told me he told his parents the same reason. They loved me so much and I can’t bear the idea of them thinking it was me who decided this wasn’t enough when it’s been me begging him to stay.

I know I shouldn’t care as I don’t know most of them and will never see them. But I feel ill at the thought he has obviously went to each of them and told them this and they’ve thought ew let’s unfollow or something. Like it’s not a big deal to keep someone in your following list right? But they had to remove me so quickly. I just feel hurt.

I hate that he’s putting a bow on this breakup the way he wants so it makes sense for him and his friends. And I just feel so left and alone.

Advice? :(

My ex was hot and cold during our breakup which left me with false hope. They were constantly messaging me, my family and liking stories of mine.

But it turns out it was all bc they wanted money from me and once I settled that, they were gone. Ice cold, it’s as if I never knew them and ignored a long message of mine saying I couldn’t believe this was happening and how they didn’t stay to work on things.

It was so quick, all of it. But what has weirdly messed me up the most is that during the last week all of his friends have unfollowed me on insta. Like within days of each other.

We were close, me and most of his friends. Two of them in particular did double dates with us and we’d spoken about a project we were going to do in the future. I thought they liked me separately from my ex.

But I heard through another mutual friend that my ex was telling them that the reason we broke up was because I was questioning my sexuality. This is SO false and gross. I am demi/bi sexual and always have been. This is not why we broke up, but when confronting my ex last week he told me it was always something that bothered him (there’s a whole story about how I used to open up about my sexuality and he’d get uncomfortable, as well as an ex co worker of mine who was female trying to hit on me). During our breakup conversation, he had told me he hoped I found “another guy” and this broke me. I had said (truthfully) “no, I think it’ll be a woman” because to me, he was always the exception and I was so in love with him. I’m more attracted to women than men so outside of him, that’s my honest truth.

Anyway, he obviously decided this was easier to tell people why other than the real reason which was so unclear to me. According to him I “had two strikes and it was three strikes and I was out” the third strike was an argument we had about our communication styles. I have no idea what the other two were. So…

I have felt worthless and not enough through this whole process but for some reason seeing his friends unfollow me and hearing this is the reason he is giving them has made me so hurt. He also told me he told his parents the same reason. They loved me so much and I can’t bear the idea of them thinking it was me who decided this wasn’t enough when it’s been me begging him to stay.

I know I shouldn’t care as I don’t know most of them and will never see them. But I feel ill at the thought he has obviously went to each of them and told them this and they’ve thought ew let’s unfollow or something. Like it’s not a big deal to keep someone in your following list right? But they had to remove me so quickly. I just feel hurt.

I hate that he’s putting a bow on this breakup the way he wants so it makes sense for him and his friends. And I just feel so left and alone.

Advice? :(

I’m so over this.

I’m so fed up of feeling unworthy.

When we originally broke up they were hot and cold and coming on to me saying they needed space, were coming home from work everyday crying, didn’t want to lose me forever. We agreed we’d take time out for a few weeks while he decided what he wanted. I had an important event in my life that I needed space for too.

I was respectful, I had apologized before that, I gave them space, I enjoyed my time at the event, posting photos (they liked them all on my insta stories). Their family messaged me while I was away, saying it looked great. I was getting my hopes up.

When I came home, there was crickets. Only neutral talk, like we were co workers. I eventually brought up our conversation. They broke my heart all over again

Knowing they had a whole month to “decide” if I was worth it and they decided no hurt more than the original breakup did where it was sudden and impulsive.

I have spent all day crying. They want to remain friends and they thought of them gone to be a stranger is too much for me to bear, but I have to put myself first now. It’ll hurt more interacting or seeing them knowing they aren’t mine.

Sometimes it’s so hard to actually get it through that someone does not want you. This was me for a whole month. It’s now hit me, the second time has really knocked sense into me. This person hasn’t chose me. They never were going to choose me. They missed my company. I’m not enough for them in a relationship, and my heart is broken.

Don’t wait around for anyone. My head was like: oh but this is your chance! You need to show you can be mature and give space!
No. I should’ve just cut them off entirely at the time and moved on. Giving them a month with me hovering in the background solidified I was always there and wanted them.

I’m feeling entirely depressed that someone not only had to think about whether they even wanted to be with me, but came to a no conclusion. And that they’ve spoken with friends. Who probably all helped them make that decision: “it’s too much” “you’re better off without her” “have fun!”

My friends are saying the same about him. But it doesn’t help. I told them I didn’t agree, they’d hurt me with all the mixed signals, I still loved them but no I wasn’t going to be friends or meet “for the last time”. I was vulnerable and honest yes, but I don’t care anymore.

Don’t give anyone space to tell you twice you’re not enough. Starting now I have to get my respect back.

I’m so over this.

I’m so fed up of feeling unworthy.

When we originally broke up they were hot and cold and coming on to me saying they needed space, were coming home from work everyday crying, didn’t want to lose me forever. We agreed we’d take time out for a few weeks while he decided what he wanted. I had an important event in my life that I needed space for too.

I was respectful, I had apologized before that, I gave them space, I enjoyed my time at the event, posting photos (they liked them all on my insta stories). Their family messaged me while I was away, saying it looked great. I was getting my hopes up.

When I came home, there was crickets. Only neutral talk, like we were co workers. I eventually brought up our conversation. They broke my heart all over again

Knowing they had a whole month to “decide” if I was worth it and they decided no hurt more than the original breakup did where it was sudden and impulsive.

I have spent all day crying. They want to remain friends and they thought of them gone to be a stranger is too much for me to bear, but I have to put myself first now. It’ll hurt more interacting or seeing them knowing they aren’t mine.

Sometimes it’s so hard to actually get it through that someone does not want you. This was me for a whole month. It’s now hit me, the second time has really knocked sense into me. This person hasn’t chose me. They never were going to choose me. They missed my company. I’m not enough for them in a relationship, and my heart is broken.

Don’t wait around for anyone. My head was like: oh but this is your chance! You need to show you can be mature and give space!
No. I should’ve just cut them off entirely at the time and moved on. Giving them a month with me hovering in the background solidified I was always there and wanted them.

I’m feeling entirely depressed that someone not only had to think about whether they even wanted to be with me, but came to a no conclusion. And that they’ve spoken with friends. Who probably all helped them make that decision: “it’s too much” “you’re better off without her” “have fun!”

My friends are saying the same about him. But it doesn’t help. I told them I didn’t agree, they’d hurt me with all the mixed signals, I still loved them but no I wasn’t going to be friends or meet “for the last time”. I was vulnerable and honest yes, but I don’t care anymore.

Don’t give anyone space to tell you twice you’re not enough. Starting now I have to get my respect back.

I just feel like I’m being put through it.

And would like some advice on what to reply, if at all.

So long story short, my ex and I broke up around 3 weeks go. (Both early 30s). I initiated but it wasn’t a serious conversation, more like an impulsive emotional moment, changed my mind intensely, he said he agreed and was set on breaking up now despite my change of mind.

I spent about a week begging, pleasing, being really emotional. I love him so much and I guess I had suspected he wasn’t really “in it long term” and wanted my feelings proved wrong.

Anyway, he told me his head always wins over his heart and was so certain on this decision. I found it too hard to talk still.

Important to note, we had a wedding abroad for my sibling we were supposed to attend to (I am abroad on this wedding right now), as well as a holiday after that we agreed to split the cost while in a relationship. We had to cancel it and also cancel his place at the wedding. He still wanted half his money.

About a week after we broke up and weren’t talking, he ended up texting me saying he was struggling. That he came home every day after work and cried. He didn’t want to lose me forever. He loved me so much. He didn’t know what to do. His heart was being pulled one way, his head the other. I was so confused because I had apologised at this point for anything I did in terms of impulsivity, had been mature about it, told him I believed we had gave up too soon.

And he agreed and said he needed space to think. Because both decisions were “heavy on his mind”. We agreed to take space until after the wedding as he knew how important it was for me to be in the right mind to go, since both my parents were not going (one has passed, one had cancer) and I was now representing my sibling alone. As well as the only person without a plus one now. So we said let’s meet up when I’m back. And we can talk. We said let’s just not speak until after it.

So fast forward three weeks of silence.
I’m now here on this wedding. I’m enjoying myself. Posting insta stories.

I get a message from him saying he’s spent “hours and hours” on the phone with the vacation company and managed to get most of our money back. How stressful it’s been for him. The message is formal and he says he wishes my family well and hopes the wedding will go okay. There’s nothing similar to how we talked three weeks ago. In fact, the message above his is his last message saying he loves me and us calling each other our pet names, being emotional. And it looks so different.

The worst part is that during our break up, when he had made up his mind the first time, he typed “heyyy” to me, which he never does. And then when we called after and were being loving again, he asked me “did you know I wasn’t going to change my mind because of the way I said hey, I was trying to be civil and neutral” and I said yes and we’d joked about it.

This same message he’s sent while I’m at abroad yesterday starts with heyyy so I feel like he’s deliberately trying to get in my head to say… I know we said we wanted space, I was emotional, don’t get your hopes up, I’ve not changed my mind and we’re done.

Which I feel is so cruel, but maybe I’m just anxious but he knows I’m here trying to get in the best mind for my sibling and surrounded by love and happiness. Especially since he went so back and forth with me and got my hopes up. I really did think from the way we were talking before he might need some space to chill and realize his feelings can’t be ignored as that’s what essentially he was saying. And now my emotions have been rocked with this message. On the second day of this trip. Which is five days long.

I haven’t replied to his message. It’s also annoying as it’s about money and a lot of my friends think I don’t even owe him anything as the terms of our relationship changed. I feel like I do want to send something but it just sucks. All of it.

What should I reply?? So far I haven’t said anything and just read the message as I was genuinely enjoying myself yesterday.

I feel sick at the thought of going home and having to have a conversation I don’t want to have. I feel so put through it and worthless and that im also being tested almost to talk politely with someone I’m heartbroken over.

Any advice?

So to cut a long story short, my ex and I broke up two weeks ago. I was technically the one who initiated it but then immediately regretted it. He finalised it and told me it was for the best. The situation kinda rocked me bc I did have an impulsive emotional moment of panic, but his solidity in ending it didn’t make sense to me.

Anyway, since we broke up we kept in contact for a bit as both of us admitted love was still there and it hurt. We then had a week of no contact after I said it would be too painful to continue as friends, and I also cancelled a trip we had planned while we were together that he was happy coming on (I asked about it here before and the advice was overwhelmingly: don’t go on this trip. So I let him know this but it cost us a lot of money and hurt because I think he always had it in his head he was seeing me soon)

So since then, I reached out and apologised for hurting him. I sent a video and it was a genuine, calm mature video of me taking accountability because I did feel bad and in my head I wanted to move forward knowing I’d apologised.

What I didn’t expect was for him to watch it immediately and we began talking again. He confessed these things to me

- he still loves me and cried watching the video
- he misses me everyday
- his heart is still wanting to be with me and wants to work things out
- his head is still set on the decision as “you know how my rational brain always wins”
- he doesn’t want to lose me forever and has dark days imagining this happening
- he is torn between each decision and needs time and space to think about it

I wanted to immediately be like “fuck you, stop playing with my emotions” but I love this man. I do want a future with this man. So I took a breath and told him okay, let’s have space. I told him I didn’t believe giving this up was right and that it happened too fast but that I also need some space to think about it all. I have an important event to deal with anyway in the next couple weeks and he knows this.

So he said he appreciated that I understood he needed that time and we agreed we’d talk, potentially meet in a month time.

I have no idea what to do about this. I’m trying not to have anxiety but I have a personality where if I care about something, it consumes me. The only way I’ve found to “switch off” from this waiting and uncertainty is going out with friends, focusing on my life without him and this is making me go the other way, where I’m pain free if I believe we don’t talk again even if it’s not what I want.

The thought of spending this month in hope only for him to come back and say I’ve decided I want to stick with my decision is so heartbreaking for me. I’m trying not to let my mind wander about us getting back, but it’s all I want.

I don’t feel enough, and friends keep telling me “why do you want someone who doesn’t know one hundred percent if they want you?” I keep telling myself it’s different, he does need to sort his head out. But are they right?

Should I just forget this? I’m not planning to contact him after my event and just see if he reaches out.

He is a genuine guy. He’s never hurt me intentionally and is gentle and caring. I’m just saying this because I know it’s easy to read something online and jump to “player” or something, when he’s furthest from this. He’s got autism and is very black and white at thinking.

Any advice? I guess I feel sad as I felt the only way to not push him further away was to agree to this but now it’s happening, my urge to just move on as I hate uncertainty is overwhelming. All I want is for us to work this out but I cannot sit in uncertainty and I’m finding it so difficult.

Long story short, my ex and I broke up two weeks go.

Without going into all the details why. He technically dumped me although I initiated the conversation and didn’t regulate my emotions and had a “saying something in a moment of anxiety” situation. But he wanted to go through with it.

The breakup was intense, over the phone, emotional. I knew from talking to him he was not set on his decision but he kept repeating that he was.

Anyway, a week later I reached out and apologised for my impulsive behaviour that caused all of this and said I could work on my emotional regulation.

He got emotional back and we talked like we always did - calling each other out pet names, saying I love you, etc.

He told me he was struggling and had “dark moments the last week imagining life without me”. He said he didn’t know what to do as his heart wanted me and his head still thought he made the right decision.

He asked for space because both of us were obviously still emotional and cared. During this conversation I made sure I was calm and collected and mature. I agreed we needed space and he said he appreciated that. He said he couldn’t decide right now as both answers lay heavy on his heart and he needed time.

So we agreed to talk in a month.

The main reason for this is because I have a sibling wedding during this month and he was supposed to attend. Because we broke up in such a bad way, we ended up cancelling his invitation and our trip after it. We lost a lot of money.

At the moment, this is the thing giving me a lot of trauma and anxiety. I don’t know how to come back from this. I am having a lot of worry for two reasons

- if we do end up wanting to get back, how can I move forward knowing he missed the most important family milestone in my life? He just wasn’t there and then he’d have to come back into my life knowing he missed this event?

My mother passed and my dad has cancer so can’t make it either so I’m essentially going alone, the only single person and it’s abroad. I don’t know how to move forward knowing there will be this gap there without him and how we come back from that. Especially knowing we lost so much money from the trip. It all feels too much.

- if we end up not getting back together.

Like I want to so much, and part of me thinks it’ll be “easier” if he says no as it’ll “make sense in my brain”. Because we broke up, that’s why he wasn’t there, I’m single. Etc. rather than it being messy. Because this wedding has been such a once in a lifetime thing for my family due to everything that’s happening in our lives.

The bigger part of me is in love with him so much and terrified I lose him. I’m spending this whole month in so much anxiety, alone, feeling lost and worrying that it’s all for nothing anyway. What if he forgets me? What if this distance and not talking means he realises it is too much to come back from as there isn’t this memory of me right there? I’m just so scared. I miss him so much and wanted to spend my life with him. And now everything is messy and my sister is getting her happy ending and this feels so overwhelming for me.

Please help? :(

Not sure what to think about this situation all I know is it’s making me so anxious and I’m barely sleeping.

Long story short, my ex and I broke up two weeks go.

Without going into all the details why. He technically dumped me although I initiated the conversation and didn’t regulate my emotions and had a “saying something in a moment of anxiety” situation. But he wanted to go through with it.

The breakup was intense, over the phone, emotional. I knew from talking to him he was not set on his decision but he kept repeating that he was.

Anyway, a week later I reached out and apologised for my impulsive behaviour that caused all of this and said I could work on my emotional regulation.

He got emotional back and we talked like we always did - calling each other out pet names, saying I love you, etc.

He told me he was struggling and had “dark moments the last week imagining life without me”. He said he didn’t know what to do as his heart wanted me and his head still thought he made the right decision.

He asked for space because both of us were obviously still emotional and cared. During this conversation I made sure I was calm and collected and mature. I agreed we needed space and he said he appreciated that. He said he couldn’t decide right now as both answers lay heavy on his heart and he needed time.

So we agreed to talk in a month.

The main reason for this is because I have a sibling wedding during this month and he was supposed to attend. Because we broke up in such a bad way, we ended up cancelling his invitation and our trip after it. We lost a lot of money.

At the moment, this is the thing giving me a lot of trauma and anxiety. I don’t know how to come back from this. I am having a lot of worry for two reasons

- if we do end up wanting to get back, how can I move forward knowing he missed the most important family milestone in my life? He just wasn’t there and then he’d have to come back into my life knowing he missed this event?

My mother passed and my dad has cancer so can’t make it either so I’m essentially going alone, the only single person and it’s abroad. I don’t know how to move forward knowing there will be this gap there without him and how we come back from that. Especially knowing we lost so much money from the trip. It all feels too much.

- if we end up not getting back together.

Like I want to so much, and part of me thinks it’ll be “easier” if he says no as it’ll “make sense in my brain”. Because we broke up, that’s why he wasn’t there, I’m single. Etc. rather than it being messy. Because this wedding has been such a once in a lifetime thing for my family due to everything that’s happening in our lives.

The bigger part of me is in love with him so much and terrified I lose him. I’m spending this whole month in so much anxiety, alone, feeling lost and worrying that it’s all for nothing anyway. What if he forgets me? What if this distance and not talking means he realises it is too much to come back from as there isn’t this memory of me right there? I’m just so scared. I miss him so much and wanted to spend my life with him. And now everything is messy and my sister is getting her happy ending and this feels so overwhelming for me.

Please help? :(

Not sure what to think about this situation all I know is it’s making me so anxious and I’m barely sleeping.

Long story short, my ex and I broke up two weeks go.

Without going into all the details why. He technically dumped me although I initiated the conversation and didn’t regulate my emotions and had a “saying something in a moment of anxiety” situation. But he wanted to go through with it.

The breakup was intense, over the phone, emotional. I knew from talking to him he was not set on his decision but he kept repeating that he was.

Anyway, a week later I reached out and apologised for my impulsive behaviour that caused all of this and said I could work on my emotional regulation.

He got emotional back and we talked like we always did - calling each other out pet names, saying I love you, etc.

He told me he was struggling and had “dark moments the last week imagining life without me”. He said he didn’t know what to do as his heart wanted me and his head still thought he made the right decision.

He asked for space because both of us were obviously still emotional and cared. During this conversation I made sure I was calm and collected and mature. I agreed we needed space and he said he appreciated that. He said he couldn’t decide right now as both answers lay heavy on his heart and he needed time.

So we agreed to talk in a month.

The main reason for this is because I have a sibling wedding during this month and he was supposed to attend. Because we broke up in such a bad way, we ended up cancelling his invitation and our trip after it. We lost a lot of money.

At the moment, this is the thing giving me a lot of trauma and anxiety. I don’t know how to come back from this. I am having a lot of worry for two reasons

- if we do end up wanting to get back, how can I move forward knowing he missed the most important family milestone in my life? He just wasn’t there and then he’d have to come back into my life knowing he missed this event?

My mother passed and my dad has cancer so can’t make it either so I’m essentially going alone, the only single person and it’s abroad. I don’t know how to move forward knowing there will be this gap there without him and how we come back from that. Especially knowing we lost so much money from the trip. It all feels too much.

- if we end up not getting back together.

Like I want to so much, and part of me thinks it’ll be “easier” if he says no as it’ll “make sense in my brain”. Because we broke up, that’s why he wasn’t there, I’m single. Etc. rather than it being messy. Because this wedding has been such a once in a lifetime thing for my family due to everything that’s happening in our lives.

The bigger part of me is in love with him so much and terrified I lose him. I’m spending this whole month in so much anxiety, alone, feeling lost and worrying that it’s all for nothing anyway. What if he forgets me? What if this distance and not talking means he realises it is too much to come back from as there isn’t this memory of me right there? I’m just so scared. I miss him so much and wanted to spend my life with him. And now everything is messy and my sister is getting her happy ending and this feels so overwhelming for me.

Please help? :(

Just finding it really difficult. Usually people are like just put on a movie, some music and stuff.

I’m finding it so hard to watch stuff I usually did, we had so many shows and movies together. It was our thing. Music makes me feel ill as it’s too much to remind me of them. Social media is filled with couples and happy people.

All I do is stay in and watch really depressing stuff. I watched a documentary about true crime. Conspiracies and police videos. Plane crashes. No I’m not kidding. This is the only stuff I can handle right now. And then it makes me feel more depressed.

But I can’t watch any happy stuff either.

I’m just existing by surviving, and have no idea what to do.

I understand this post might frustrate some people as I understand I’m coming from a place of hurt, loss and fear. But I also genuinely know this person was the love of my life, and I’m scared and confused. I don’t want to hurt him anymore. I just would like the best advice on how to approach this situation without ruining it further.

So I (F32) got broken up with by my boyfriend (M30)

I’ve experienced so much loss recently, and he broke up with me in the middle of me dealing with all this loss
- my mom passing, my dad getting cancer right after, grandparents passing, new job in amongst all this, new place to stay

He broke up with me 2 weeks before my sisters wedding. A wedding where my sister will have no one to walk down the aisle with except me. Where I’ll be alone already grieving no one from our family being there.

For context, all I’ve got out of him for ending things is two reasons

1. his mind is made up, and due to past trauma from a previous relationship where he went back after ending things, his “rational brain cannot do this”

And 2) he is scared that what happened will “happen again”. His feelings have not changed but his mind is battling his heart.

So, what happened? I called him one night last week (and the regret I feel from this is insurmountable) in a panic at 2am after reading a gay fanfic (two women) and was crying with guilt and didn’t think we should be together anymore.

I am bisexual, and I was fully committed to him. I fall in love with people, and he was my everything. But the reason I felt guilt from this is due to a situation in December I was assaulted by a co worker who happened to be a gay woman, not sexually just kiss, but they pushed me and assaulted me. Everyone in my workplace saw this and I quit the job in distress. I’d called my boyfriend the second it happened.

But because I’m bisexual, he correlated the two things and assumed I’d asked for it, flirted and yes id been friendly to her but never ever asked or wanted it. Despite this we worked through this issue and he supported me while saying it broke his trust even though that hurt me.

Because during this conversation I opened up that yes, sometimes I do think of women, not a woman, but women in the fact that once I marry him that identity part is gone etc. just being transparent. The same would happen if I married a woman. I’d crave that traditional life and have a pang. That’s just who I am.

So when I read the fanfic and enjoyed it, i freaked out and I just called him wanting to be transparent and honest, and I felt so much guilt for some reason and saying he shouldn’t be with me as maybe I was awful, but it was all panic/anxiety. Now that I look back, I realise I was only reading a story and I shouldn’t have felt this fear.

However he did end things and didn’t listen to me in the days after that I wanted him and always wanted to choose him. I’ve begged and pleaded and asked him to change his mind, to even see me, to work things through. As we were long distance it hurt more that this was all over the phone.

They were supposed to be my rock. we were supposed to go on holiday right after the wedding together for a once in a lifetime trip around the country the wedding is in.

Everyone else will be doing this with their other halves and I’ll be going alone now, full of grief and getting on the plane alone after it while everyone goes off celebrating each other.

They wanted to still come on the holiday, I have tons of posts about it on various subreddits. People told me not to go. On here and my friends and family. Bc being their friend on this trip would be worse. So I cancelled it. Now I feel worse because when I did that, they got upset and thought I wasn’t being an adult, that they wanted to sort it out and have a final goodbye and still see each other and they didn’t know why it had to be so “dramatic”.

They wanted to stay friends and after I cancelled the holiday I said I didn’t want this or to talk anymore because it was too painful.

When I did this, they then sent an emotional message to me saying

-they still loved me,
- they felt relief after their previous breakup but not this time
-the thought of losing me forever was hurting them - but that they didn’t want to hurt me and still had made their mind up
- they cry every day over me and think of me constantly
- their heart was battling this
- they asked to talk

When I didn’t respond, they immediately cancelled all the trip and asked me for half the money. I had only said I wanted to cancel the trip with them, not that I wanted the whole thing cancelled in terms of booking as maybe I could’ve went alone. But that’s what they did I guess after feeling hurt I didn’t reply. But I was only gathering my thoughts.

When I then messaged saying we can only talk if something has genuinely changed and that is send them some money soon, they sent paragraphs to me again saying maybe it was for the best we didn’t talk, they respected my decision, wished me the best etc and went cold again. They also asked me for more money than I agreed to send.

I feel like this all happened in a blowup, in a rush. Their “logical” head is taking over as his words on the call were “you can’t take it back” and “it’s too late” and making me feel like a monster. We were happy and he told me this whole phone call was “strike 3” after December was strike 1, and an argument we had in march where we had a big disagreement was strike 2 and he couldn’t argue with his head.

I understand my anxiety and thoughts are driving me to want to do these desperate things like turn up and fly to his house, make him a video trying to explain that he was the love of my life. But I understand this will probably push him away. He’s told me that the only “way he might possibly change his mind is space” but not to get my hopes up. This was before he sent me the message saying he was emotional.

I know we were in love so much and this is what hurts. I know we could do this, and I genuinely love this man. I know you may have feelings reading this about me. I know all my loss is making me maybe seem like I’m “clinging” but I truly, have thought about this all week from different mindsets. I want him so badly and while I want to respect his feelings, I want to try one last time.

We live in separate countries. They’ll forget me. I supported them through so much. I was their support through their own battles. And I’m scared of this happening.

So, my question is. After reading. What is the best way to approach this?

If you’re someone who is struggling with love and knowing that person is the one person you love so much but your head is set. What would you want the other person to do, if they had to?

I know the correct answer is leave and work on myself. I know this. I know I should leave him alone.
But I can’t tell you how much this just blew up randomly and we both have now lost each other, our holiday, a trip and this wedding, everything over this.

Since we’re now in no contact, I just want to try one last time and if he tells me it’s definitely over despite his feelings then I will try to move forward. But I know him, and I feel like I know this doesn’t feel right.

What would work best for you? An honest, video I could send explaining my thought process and how much I want to fix things and work things through? Visiting him? Asking to meet? Genuinely just leaving him alone?

I’m so sorry. I’m a mess, I know. But the love I have for this man is unimaginable. I need to try.

My body and soul are in so much pain

I’ve experienced so much loss, and they broke up with me in the middle of me dealing with all this loss
- my mom passing, my dad getting cancer right after, grandparents passing, new job in amongst all this, new place to stay

They broke up with me 2 weeks before my sisters wedding. A wedding where my sister will have no one to walk down the aisle with except me. Where I’ll be alone already grieving no one from our family being there.

They were supposed to be my rock. we were supposed to go on holiday right after together for a once in a lifetime trip around the country the wedding is in.
Everyone else will be doing this with their other halves and I’ll be going alone now, full of grief and getting on the plane alone after it while everyone goes off celebrating each other.
They wanted to still come, I have tons of posts about it on various subreddits. People told me not to go. Bc being their friend on this trip would be worse. So I cancelled it. Now I feel worse.

The loss I feel is unimaginable.

All that makes me feel better is the idea of running to their place and begging at their feet. Obviously it’s fucked up. But they were my chance. My chance to get away from all this pain. I loved them so much
I went no contact even though they wanted to stay friends. The pain is so bad

I have no one. Nothing to live for.

We lived in separate countries. They’ll forget me. I supported them through so much. I was their support through their own battles.

I’m now left alone. I am going to do something stupid. Message them a video of me talking and crying. Going to their door and getting on a plane. Just not wanting to be here anymore which is my worst fear.

I can’t get through this. I’ve suffered too much and realise I’m broken. They’ve broken the last piece of me that was standing

I’m sorry. I’m just in so much pain.

And I hope anyone out there who knows this struggle of identity and sexuality can help me

I’ve only ever dated women before my boyfriend. He was my exception I guess, as sexually I don’t feel attraction to many men it’s really rare but it does happen. And I am romantically attracted to them. he came along and I did. I felt everything. We were together two years and he has now ended things with me. And honestly he’s the reason I feel comfy using this label

We’re both autistic and I’m bisexual, which is a massive point in this story.

The reasons we broke up feel so awful to me because it all happened so quickly. Some of it was my own fault. I impulsively did something that he didn’t like and ended it. I have since tried to explain my reasoning and why I did it, it involves struggles with my sexuality (I was reading a wlw book) and called him in tears feeling guilty saying I’m not sure we should be together. I ended up regretting this and I realise I was having a panic attack due to feeling so much guilt. The reason for this is because of something that happened months ago which I’ll tell you below.

Anyway He ended it due to not trusting me to not having these “feelings” again even though I don’t have feelings for Anyone he is the love of my life. It’s more like I enjoy reading this media for some reason. But in December a gay coworker of mine kissed me without consent and we both had to work through this, my bf and I. Bc all my coworkers saw this and told him themselves it wasn’t my fault but he was still hurt as according to him “I must’ve given her signals” which broke my heart as I was harassed at work by someone who had done this to every woman, even married straight women. No seriously, she’s done this to at least 6 other coworkers. It was at a night out and she was drunk. And I felt so disgusted I called him after it happened and then quit that job. It took me ages to find another good job but I did.

But because this happened, I was honest with my bf that yeah sometimes I feel weird due to knowing I’m going to marry him and that my sexual feelings for women… not A woman, but women in general confuse me as sometimes i have the urge to look at celebrities and watch women. But it’s not a love thing. Or a relationship thing. It’s just who I am.

My struggle never once threatened my relationship in my head. Ever. He is my soulmate and the man I wanted to marry. I told him as much after my impulsive moment on the phone that the only reason I did that was due to guilt and wanting to be transparent with him. In my head I thought: reading this behind his back is wrong. Especially after how upset he was in December. I need to be upfront. But he heard me crying and upset and feeling guilty and thought the worst and it got blown up.

He has since the breakup ended told me he misses me and feels like he can’t deal with losing me but that his decision remains due to “the fact I always go with my rational brain”

I’m just heartbroken. I’ve since begged him to change his mind and also apologised and owned up to the fact that I am impulsive with my emotions with EVERYONE and I’m owning up to this and trying my best. I don’t think and put myself first , my thoughts are always.. they need to know as I’m a bad person. Then I regret it.

The worst part I’m struggling to deal with as immediately ending our breakup call he told all his friends and family that he ended things as I was “struggling with being gay”. This has hurt me so bad as I’m not. That is not my story and not my truth. I am attracted to men in my own way and attracted to him fully. And when I dated women before I used to feel that pang for men and a more traditional life as well. I’m shocked and hurt because obviously they all agreed with him and thought he was better off.

I’ve been a great girlfriend to him, I was with him through a year of depression where he quit his job and lived off my money and then only got apart time minimum wage job. He told me repeatedly no one would ever find him attractive as he was balding and things and I would make him feel so good as I believed he was amazing. He felt like a loser and a failure all the time and I constantly hyped him up despite sometimes myself looking around at my friends with big houses and provider partners and worrying that I’d be the breadwinner. But I still stayed and supported him.

I’m just so genuinely gutted. I have tried to convince him and I’m done begging. But I don’t know what to do.

I asked for space after we had a few conversations about it as talking to him while not being with him hurt me. This is when he sent me an emotional message saying his “rational head was battling his heart” and he couldn’t stand to lose me forever. When I replied he went cold again and said he wishes me the best and it’s for the best if we don’t communicate right now

I haven’t stopped crying. He was everything to me and I’ve felt so low over what’s happened. I never cheated and never ever wanted to be with anyone else yet I feel like a monster or something. I’ve tried to fight for this relationship and he has severe autism, he is so black and white. Nothing will change his mind once it’s set. Even if he continues to battle with his heart.

I was a really good girlfriend to him and I know this. He knows this. I just have internal struggles that even I don’t understand and wanted to open up to him but in a really bad way. I know this. But all I wanted was security.
Thank you for letting me vent. I’m just heartbroken and any advice would help me. :(

Hey all. The other day I posted this thread:

https://www.reddit.com/r/whatdoIdo/s/vU6SpJ9uVp

Basically to sum up, I was dumped a week ago by my ex. I still want the relationship. They don’t. We were due to go on a trip together in two weeks time and it’s non refundable. Everyone in my life including on that Reddit post told me to cancel the holiday, move on and go no contact. I had no idea why they even still wanted to go but expressed concern I was hurt and wanted to see me for the last time. We were long distance.

So last night I did.

I was brave and sent a message saying I didn’t want to go on the holiday, didn’t want to be friends, really wanted this but couldn’t keep hurting myself and that I needed to step back and heal.

Almost immediately I got sent a message saying they had “things to say” and they’d send it tomorrow when they were feeling better. This was late at night. Then, they said never mind I’m sending it now. They said in three long paragraphs

- they missed me so much, were struggling and still loved me so much
- didn’t want to lose me forever
- their head was still in the same place but that their heart disagreed and couldn’t cope and was confused if they were being too rational
- thought about me constantly and cried everyday since we ended
- didn’t want to hurt me so respected the decision of cancelling the trip but that they didn’t want it and they’re really upset
- they wanted to see me
- they wanted to talk and said they’d understand if I didn’t want to

To me this was so unexpected and emotional so I waited overnight before replying because I didn’t know what to say. My friends said, they’re not explicitly saying they wanted to get back so be careful.

However before I had a chance to respond this morning I woke up to new messages

- cold texts saying they’d now cancelled the trip
- they wanted half the money as some of it was non refundable (I’d agreed to pay half eventually while we were going out, see previous post)

I’m so torn and heartbroken all over again. I have no idea how to go about this.

My message at first was helping me feel better to move forward but now hearing all this has just made me emotional all over again

The last thing I want is to cave and start pouring feelings out responding to his previous messages but don’t want to ignore them either.

Do I just say thanks for cancelling, I’m so upset this has ended this way, bye? Or agree to talk? Or just say I don’t know what there is to talk about since nothing has changed? I want to just say I’ll pay you when I can and end the conversation as going back and forth with him on practical stuff is torture for me right now.

I really feel cos he didn’t get a response from me after pouring out those thoughts he went full logical again and snapped back to reality. This is his problem. He is impulsive with his decisions and I do feel we broke up way too fast.

I’m just devastated and have no idea how to go from here.

I appreciate anyone’s advice as I know people already thought I was delusional and pathetic on the last post.

So we broke up a week ago he dumped me very suddenly
And we still had a trip planned that is in two weeks

Everyone in my life told me to begin moving on and cancel the trip, tell him I don’t want to be friends and go NC.

So I messaged him last night saying this and put my boundary up.

He ended up messaging me this really emotional message about three paragraphs long about how he’s struggling to move on, his heart hurts, he misses me and can’t accept he’s lost me forever. That he doesn’t know what to do and that he wishes we could talk one more time. But that he understands if I don’t. This left me so confused and hurt as it was the last thing I expected since he wanted space from me.

I didn’t know what to respond and found myself going into a surge of hope, but I left it overnight as I didn’t want to reply emotionally.

But before I had a chance to respond he ended up the next morning really early messaging me again saying everything is canceled and he wants half his money back as some of it was non refundable. Really cold and dry

Maybe because I didn’t reply quick enough. But I’m now left feeling absolutely heartbroken all over again. I was so ready to move forward with my message at first and reading everything he wrote makes me in more pain because we are both devastated but he isn’t explicitly saying I want to work on this. More like that he’s struggling.

What do I do now? Should I message practically or just say this is too painful to talk like I said

He’s sending me so much stuff and wanting to sort out the money. I just want one message that says I’m done I’ll pay you when I can, I can’t talk to you. Every message is like a dagger through my heart as he isn’t willing to work on this, a small part of me even hoped we could reconcile on this trip and now it’s all gone. Even if it’s what I asked for. I’m just devastated

So we broke up a week ago he dumped me very suddenly
And we still had a trip planned that is in two weeks

Everyone in my life told me to begin moving on and cancel the trip, tell him I don’t want to be friends and go NC.

So I messaged him last night saying this and put my boundary up.

He ended up messaging me this really emotional message about three paragraphs long about how he’s struggling to move on, his heart hurts, he misses me and can’t accept he’s lost me forever. That he doesn’t know what to do and that he wishes we could talk one more time. But that he understands if I don’t. This left me so confused and hurt as it was the last thing I expected since he wanted space from me.

I didn’t know what to respond and found myself going into a surge of hope, but I left it overnight as I didn’t want to reply emotionally.

But before I had a chance to respond he ended up the next morning really early messaging me again saying everything is canceled and he wants half his money back as some of it was non refundable. Really cold and dry

Maybe because I didn’t reply quick enough. But I’m now left feeling absolutely heartbroken all over again. I was so ready to move forward with my message at first and reading everything he wrote makes me in more pain because we are both devastated but he isn’t explicitly saying I want to work on this. More like that he’s struggling.

What do I do now? Should I message practically or just say this is too painful to talk like I said

He’s sending me so much stuff and wanting to sort out the money. I just want one message that says I’m done I’ll pay you when I can, I can’t talk to you. Every message is like a dagger through my heart as he isn’t willing to work on this, a small part of me even hoped we could reconcile on this trip and now it’s all gone. Even if it’s what I asked for. I’m just devastated