u/DisastrousLand6863

Hey guys. So I start T next week and I'm over the moon. However, my family is severely transphobic and I will be keeping it secret from them. I'm only planning to be on it for 6 months ish - has anyone managed to be on T successfully without family finding out?

I'm a college student so I live away from home (but I return for a month at Christmas and Spring break). I'm worried about the changes being obvious since they don't see me every day, but I do video call them around twice a week and visit home almost monthly.

I came out to my parents 6 years ago, they went insane with just raw fear and anger and started becoming super controlling over my every move - but eventually forced me to admit it was a phase and I just fake agreed and went hyperfem. I'm presenting masc again now, but we haven't spoken about it since.

I'm not convinced they understand what HRT is, they think being trans is all surgeries and I didn't correct them. This said, it probably will make the conclusion of "you must be taking testosterone" difficult to jump to, right? I managed to hide a 3 year lesbian relationship as a teenager simply because my parents hadn't considered that their kid being gay was even an option.

I don't know if I'm delusional for thinking that speaking in a high voice and shaving my face every day is gonna work but I'd feel better hearing accounts from people who have managed it... or equally, those who got caught. 😬

I keep seeing conflicting things about this so I'm looking for a straight answer. Is low dosing bad for you? I've heard people saying that it can cause problems, like being in-between on hormones can cause depression, anxiety, fatigue, or scarier stuff like osteoporosis.

I'm only planning to take T for 6 months max (as soon as my voice becomes androgynous), but since I won't have a doctor's input and I can't afford regular blood tests, I'm worried I'll fuck my body up. I'm using gel so was thinking I'd use 25mg daily, or 50mg every other day, so the changes can come slowly enough to hide from my family.

Is there any truth in low dose T being unsafe or is it fearmongering? (And if so, are the bad effects reversible when you come off of T?)

Sooo… I think I’m bi. After years of being out and proud as a lesbian, and then a solidly straight guy for the past year post egg crack, this is quite an awkward realisation for me. (Turns out I had just never interacted with mlm media or met a gay man ever. Guys… gay dudes are attractive, wtf)

Anyway I’m having a bit of a crisis because my brain won’t allow me to be attracted to men. Every time I find a guy hot, I get a burning wave of dysphoria because feel like a giggly feet-kicking hair-twirling teenage girl. I don’t have this problem with liking women because I’m the man, yk? But when it’s another guy it feels almost emasculating and I get a deep feeling of shame. I guess my brain is heteropilled or whatever but it’s really annoying feeling like a girl whenever I like a guy.

In practise none of this matters because I’m not gonna be dating, I’m in a rl with the most beautiful girl ever. However I would love to be at peace with my own mind (and share in my bisexual joy with my also bi gf). Does anyone have any advice or have been in a similar situation?

Having a real frustrating time shopping atm because every top I buy is SO. LONG.

I'm 5'7, so I'm only a couple inches shorter than men's average in my country (UK). I understand that dress shirts are long because you typically tuck them in, sure. But even when buying t-shirts, they are just so lengthy and I don't understand why cis guys don't seem to have a problem with it. I have to either hem the shirts or keep adjusting them to bunch up a bit on my hips so they don't drape over my butt, cling to my figure, and look like a dress (if that makes sense).

Why do they design them like this? It surely can't be to account for bigger bellies because I typically wear a size S, and it can't solely be my height, right? Because again, I'm not even that short. I've basically only had luck with tops that are designed 'boxy cropped' like Hollister and Uniqlo, but they cost an arm and a leg and I wear out clothes pretty quick (plus knowing they're cropped is mildly dysphoria inducing. sigh).

I see a lot of advice for short trans dudes to shop in the kids/teens section for better fitting tees, but unfortunately that's aimed at 5'0-5'3 guys and everything there is usually too small for me. I'm skinny but not little boy skinny, even men's XS can be ill fitting skintight sometimes.

Anyway, I'm going crazy here - why is every men's top so long and no one has a problem with it?

I'm a partially closeted trans guy, been thinking about what to change my name to for a while now. I landed on Elliott a month ago. I told my sister last week, and her fiancé was there at the time - after hearing it he held back a laugh basically and said it was kind of a stupid name and he didn't like it. I saw in his face that he wasn't trying to be nasty but it obviously hurt.

I'm aware that Elliott is THE trans guy name and everyone says it's clocky blah blah, but in my case my birth name is Elizabeth after my late grandmother and I wanted to continue to honour her. I've cycled through a lot of names but Elliott is the only thing that feels somewhat right.

I was basically already decided but my BIL suggested I change it and put forward Nick, Ethan, Matt, among other names that are popular with guys my age. I'm second guessing my choice now, bc I guess I don't want someone who will be involved in my life indefinitely to hate my name. And if he as a cis man thinks it's stupid, will others?

So anyway, I'm overthinking a little bit and whenever my sister calls me by my name now the worry resurfaces. Would appreciate any advice

Hi all. Is it possible to obtain gel from DIY source in the UK? Is it significantly more expensive?

I’m only wanting to be on T for a short while, half a year maybe. I’m scared of needles + I think they’re gonna be difficult to source and hide from my family anyway. Is sourcing gel impossible?

Hey everyone, need some advice. I'm struggling to understand why I should stop using self harm as a coping mechanism for when I'm upset, if it works well and the method I use poses very little medical danger and rarely scars. Everyone tells me to stop (family, therapists) and I know I'm supposed to be trying to quit and I try but I don't really understand the point - which makes it harder bc obviously that motivation to stop isn't there. I know I could try and develop some more healthy coping mechanisms but I mean nothing else is as fast and accessible. If it works as emotional relief and it isn't dangerous, genuinely why should I not do it?

I’m 22, college student living in dorms 7 months out of the year. Voice dysphoria is killing me and I’m thinking about doing DIY when I move back after summer. I’m wondering if there’s a way I can take it short term and keep it a secret, since my parents are very transphobic and I don’t want to lose financial security while I’m still at college.

My ideal scenario would be going on T just long enough to get a small voice drop, something that will ease my dysphoria slightly and maybe be able to pass as male with voice training. But, also be not too suspiciously noticeable to my parents and be easy to mask as girl voice or a natural growing-older-voice-change when I’m home.

Is this realistic? What kind of time frame would I be looking at? And would it mess things up if I wanted to go on T properly long term in the future?

(idk if this is the right place to be asking for this advice but the main subreddit doesn’t allow DIY talk)

Guys with textured hair - what should I prioritise when going for a first-time haircut? In my area I have a choice between:

A Black barbers that specialises in textured hair but, judging by the portfolio, only really cuts male hair (the problem there being that I'm pre-T and don't pass, so 1. Not sure how conservative they are, don't wanna have an awkward time or be harassed and 2. Don't want to end up with a feminised cut)

Or, a queer owned trans friendly barber - this is the one I'm leaning towards for comfort reasons, however, they do not have anyone with textured hair on their portfolio so I'm worried about the skill set there.

For context I have a 4a TWA and am looking to get my first masculine sides and back haircut, I will probably be going in with a photo bc I have only been to salons in the past and I'm not confident on the barbershop/male haircut lingo. Which option would be best?

Interested in yalls opinions. What’s a masculine style of nostril piercing or what do you see men wear the most, a ring or a stud (or something else)?

I’m not able to take my nose piercing out rn but want to maximise my chances of passing by choosing masc leaning jewellery.

I'm 22 but I live at home and I'm financially dependent (college student), so I won't have a chance to decrease contact for another few years. Basically, when my mother is angry, it's everybody's problem. Her mood controls the house, or more accurately, controls mine. I don't have siblings and my father is absent often so her wrath falls entirely to me.

I'm not always the one causing her anger (and whenever I do, it's for stupid stuff like forgetting to wash up), but I feel responsible for her emotions and often very scared of them. It would not come down to physical abuse from her, but I'm in constant fight or flight because her mood can change just like that and lead to shouting and sulking and manipulation. I've never been a classically bad/rebellious/stay-out-all-night-and-party person, but me going out during the day ever (unless it's to run an errand) is a big point of contention - especially if it's to see friends - and she often will try and forbid me from doing so altogether if she's in a bad mood. And yeah, I'm an adult, so I can just choose to go anyway - but the stress and guilt of going against her will, receiving angry text messages while I'm out, and knowing when I get back I'm going to have to face a wall of rage (whether that's direct scolding or a cold, snappy, one-word-answer attitude), just makes it feel... not worth the emotional effort. So I often choose the easy way and just stay at home which has began to make me depressed.

Because she's highly irrational and textbook emotionally immature, I would love to just be able to literally ignore her feelings. Be able to chill at home without caring that she's in a bad mood, be able to deal with her yelling at me without fear (both of her, and of upsetting her further), or leave the house often and be able to brush off her irrational anger about it without it having an emotional effect on me. However I literally can't, I feel like my emotions are tied to hers. I know in my brain that she's genuinely unreasonable and absurd and I shouldn't be bothered by the words of a crazy person but I can't seem to disconnect the feelings.

I want to know if anyone has advice on emotionally detaching from her so I can stop feeling such physical anxiety every time I so much as detect her tone shift. (I struggled to word this description so I'm happy to answer follow-ups if that will help to provide advice, thank you)

CW for abuse. 23M, partner is 22F. We started experimenting with CNC (at her suggestion, although it's also a kink I had independently) around six months ago bc its something she's really into. It was difficult at first to work through the barrier of "no" not actually meaning no, but I now really enjoy it, and feel a lot of guilt around the fact that I do enjoy it.

I see a lot of people online talk about how disgusting it is to be into that sexually, and the rebuttal to it generally refers to the subs with something along the lines of "victims of SA do it to work through trauma". Now, this is my girlfriend's situation, but not mine. I've never been sexually assaulted. I don't know why I'm into this and seeing people say what a bad person I am makes me so horrified at myself. Obviously I'd never rape anybody... it's an evil evil act. I don't think about it outside of this specific context and person whatsoever. But during research I came across genuinely so much hate for CNC doms, saying that it's absolutely disgusting to fantasize about raping someone or enjoy acting the part of a rapist.

It's upsetting to hear and lowkey very confusing, I'm just not sure what to think now. I can't even argue that I only do it to please my partner because it's not true, carrying out the scenes is a genuine physical and emotional turn on for me. I can't pinpoint exactly what it is that does it for me... bc seriously what could possibly be the appeal? Am I just a bad person? I have pretty bad OCD and struggle with guilt so I'm not sure if this is normal. Would appreciate some advice

Pre T guy here. Does anyone have advice on hair cuts? I have a TWA currently (4a hair) and it's making me very dysphoric. Don't want dramatically masc styles like a lineup or anything since my parents are non-accepting, just shaved back and sides (fade?) ig.

I maintained my own locs for years, I'm not rlly clued up about hair stylists - so my main question is, where should I go? I'd be comfortable with a hairdressers but would a hairdresser be able to give me a masculine cut like that?

Or should I be trying to find a barbershop? I don't pass remotely so the idea of a barber worries me, since it's impossible to find a Black and outwardly LGBT-affirming barber in my area. Is it likely I'll be harassed/stared at/questioned, or forcibly given a really feminine style?

Thanks 🙏🏽

Any recommendations for plain affordable boxer brief style underwear that is specifically designed for women? Something similar to typical boyshorts but with more thigh coverage (for comfort), and ideally without the thick branded waistbands. I live at home and my parents will flip their lid if I buy men’s underwear or anything that emulates it. I’m UK based if that helps - thanks a lot

My GP practice has a notice on their website that since a couple years ago, they are no longer accepting shared care. Now for my diagnosis I was referred to Psych-UK by them using Right To Choose, and I'll be starting titration in a few months. Post-titration I'm expecting P-UK to request shared care and my GP to reply with a rejection.

My question is what typically happens from there? Do I end up having to pay private prices? I love the service and convenience of my GP practice but would it be better to try and change? It sucks because at the time of my referral two-ish years ago I was assured I could get shared care by the end of it. I'm a bit anxious because I think meds would be really helpful for me but I'm not in a position where I can splash a lot of money on it.

If anyone knows anything about this I would appreciate some advice. (Not sure if I've flaired appropriately.)

Contrary to what’s thrown around in trans male subs a lot of the time, I actually find it more difficult to pass as someone who is mixed anf black passing. At least where I live, I feel that it’s more socially acceptable for black women to have traditionally more ‘masculine’ read visuals such as short hair and a deeper voice. Cutting my hair short lowkey worsened my dysphoria, bc I look like every other black girl. Is it just me? Haven’t seen any discussion around this yet.

In the least self-deprecating way possible, does anyone else feel like such a 'nothing' person? I have so much anxiety around meeting people because I just feel like I'm so... boring? I don't do much because my life revolves around my current special interest, which for the last few years has been MCYT >!(the hermitcraft/life series/empires side, I'm NOT a dsmp fan before anyone flames me)!<.

People ask what music I'm into, but I don't listen to music because if I want background noise I just put on my YouTubers. They ask what I do in my spare time but dawg I just watch Minecraft videos. Do you read books, yeah... I read fanfic of the MC series' I watch? Etc etc. Like... I literally don't have anything to say or offer. Most of the time it's too embarrassing/inappropriate to even share most of this, because I'm actually an adult 😭 Plus generally no one knows or cares about a people who make videos about a block game. So I end up giving vague, generic half-baked responses. Even if I end up in a space where I don't get judged and someone actually wants to hear about my interests, I never know where to start and ADHD brain makes me forget every fact I ever knew about what I like so I just sit there and stammer and look like an idiot. I'd love to have a broad, useful, or fascinating special interest that people are happy to hear about like animals.

I do okay talking with the few friends I have because they understand my vibe and they know what questions to ask. Aside from talking about my SI I guess I like to recount stuff from the past or talk about future hypotheticals, but it's pretty tricky to get straight into that kind of talk when you've just met someone and they're throwing out 'get to know you' questions like what music do you listen to. 💀

All in all - I feel like I hear a lot about people being 'too much' in social situations, but does anyone else just feel so boring? It makes me not want to meet people because I just seem like an insane letdown.

Trying to declutter currently and my stomach literally lurches every time I see my skirts and dresses and cute blouses in my wardrobe. I got really into fashion before my egg (re)cracked this year so I have a bunch of fairly expensive women's clothes that have only gotten a few wears. It would add up to hundreds of pounds for clothes I only bought a year or two ago.

I want so badly to donate them/sell online because I hate owning stuff I don't use, but I feel sick with guilt over it because it's my parents' money and it's obviously so wasteful. They're transphobic but I still live at home and I'm not out to them, so they wouldn't be understanding if they found out I got rid of my girl clothes. It wouldn't be such an issue if I were totally financially independent but I'm still in university.

(Internally wrestling with trying to keep them and style them in a 'guy way' like I did as a younger genderqueer teen, but apart from making me dysphoric it just doesn't look right now. I'm also trying to gain weight so I can throw the "no longer fits" excuse but my idiot past self really tended towards stretchy/elasticated waist clothes. Gah.)

Sorry for the yap but I'm feeling a bit defeatist about it right now. Any words of advice, relatability, or consolation? I want rid of them so badly but the guilt and terror is all-consuming.