
Why have I had such a trying time forming deep, lasting friendships?
Growing up, I've always felt..different. I noticed i do horribly in "cliques". I cant even fake it. However, I noticed I was only successful in them when I was the "leader" per say. But I prefer one-on-one friendships. I can make friends with no problem, but turning them into a long lasting friendships, there never seems to be any reciprocity.
My family has constantly told me I cut people off the second they do something I dont like (ive improved DRASTICALLY over the past 5 years). and I tend to make a friend or two, then we just fall off. Most of the time nothing happens. Ive always wanted to be the one that had a close tight knit group of girl friends. My birthday is coming up and i only have one girlfriend that i actually enjoy! This makes me feel uncomfortable so I’m coming here to see if theres something i may be doing wrong? or not enough of? I will admit, i need to make an effort in joining a sports team, social group, etc. just to get acclimated with people my age. Ive just been so busy!
I can only pinpoint two times in my life where i met some dope ass females! One had strong opposing religious beliefs, so I figured we wouldnt be long term friends anyway. But the reason we stopped talking was that she graduated from school before me. And as I think about the other friend...she had strong opposing religious beliefs as well, and pretty much fell back when i didnt want to conform. She also disclosed a mental disorder and said she suspected that got in the way of communication as well.
Oh! Also i do VERY well with older people. As in 10+ years older. Like the older the better. Ive never really had younger friends besides the one girl i talk to now, but she's mature for her age! Its been like that since childhood and something my mom would frequently point out. Any advice?