u/Double-Singer-6631

I just want people to hear me out. I wanna know if this is something anyone can relate with.

I am in my early 20s born in America and I’ve always lived in America. I visited Somalia for the first time in 2024. I was there for 5 months. During my time there, my mindset completely changed. I don’t know what was caused these feelings in me and I think it has to be the fact that I was around community family an amazing local neighborhood and I made great friends there as well. I just feel like since I left Somalia I feel like my whole life has been nothing. Every day I wake up here in America I have a very deep yearning for going back to Somalia. I tell my parents daily where I met with comments that I clearly just wanna be lazy and that I just don’t want to work hard and that I just wanna have fun. instead of them understanding that I genuinely feel connected to Somalia.

I spoke to my mentor about this because obviously it’s been years and I’ve never been able to get over this experience. She told me that it was the first time in my life where I was around people that looked like me sounded like me did the same things as me and have the same mindset as me, and that just gave me comfort and that’s all.

it just hurts me that that is not our every day life so I’ve spent the last few weeks just daydreaming and also journaling about how life would be if we all just stayed in Somalia and there was no war. If we all could just go to high school, middle school, college, university all there and live normally. I know that that might not be possible or seen in my lifetime as everyone around me tells me. they tell me that it’s not gonna happen to get out of my head and of course I make dua for Somalia all the time.

I am approaching my last year of university and a lot of my plans have been just to take at least one year fully in Somalia post grad before I return, move on, and get back to my life. My parents are very adamant that they brought me here and that I need to build something.

as a woman, I just don’t know. feel free to be harsh with me. I don’t mind at this point. I’ve heard it all from family friends and other somalis here in my city. They tell me that there’s nothing for me in Somalia.

my dream is to spend a lot of time there. Here in America, I live in a household with a lot of people and we’re just all working all day. I don’t see any family members. We don’t live near any aunts, uncles, cousins. My grandparents are in Somalia still and I’ve only met them once. Of course i’ve become completely tired of this lifestyle. I of course didn’t have a picture perfect time in somali, 3 months and there were some annoying or downs but overall i felt things were natural.

I want to know what I can do to live my truth and my truth is I feel at ease in Somalia when I was in Somalia I was so healthy! physically healthy, emotionally, and now that I’ve returned you know I do have an autoimmune disease now and I have a lot of stressors in my life, but I just think it’s like I’m really pushing myself. I work full-time and I go to school full-time so I just don’t know what it is.

I have a close friend of mine actually who married a guy in Somalia but for her it’s different because her whole family‘s in Somalia it’s just her that’s here in America with her uncle and she moved back to Somalia and I have her on socials and I talk to her often on the phone and she’s like just like me. her and i just laugh about how everyone thinks somalia is so dangerous and boring and horrible. There’s so many great things there. You know she travels all around Africa with her husband and she’s living her life and she’s healthy.

There’s just something missing in my life since i left. I just wanna feel it again. I’ve lived in Arab countries as well before I do dearly love just being in a Muslim environment in general, but being in Somalia was just a game changer for me everybody who’s ever traveled there that I know hasn’t had a good experience and doesn’t wanna go back including my siblings they think that the lifestyle there is just very old-fashioned but I think everyone’s just different and in my personal opinion I thrive there and it would be amazing for me to find someone with a similar mindset as me and to go back with them and I don’t even have like a want in me to wanna build something change lives there. I know it’s not even possible to do that there, but I just want to live there at least for a good amount of time. I don’t know how I can convince my parents. They think that I’m gonna throw away my life if I go there, I don’t Know. Feel free to message me as well if you rather just that instead of commenting.

I also wanted to add that I am first gen! so every single one of my aunts and extended relatives and even my eldest half sister who’s still Somalia, have lived a certain lifestyle and it’s just me and my siblings who live this completely different lifestyle then basically my whole bloodline has ever lived, and I’m appreciative of it. I live in amazing city and an amazing neighborhood with an amazing home and an amazing school alhamdulliah. I think we all are kinda uneasy about what’s going on in America right now maybe just the xenophobia. that doesn’t really affect my daily life I mean it does upset me when I see it on social media but I do live in a liberal city.

anywho what i am saying is it feels unnatural the way im living, and my parents just want the best for me they want me to change the lifestyle they’ve all grown up in. it’s not like i can look around and get advice im doing it all on my own. i do wanna be the change. but damn what’s the compromise here?

we are all watching a movie in the living room and during the commercials i was sitting on my knees just bent forward a bit on instagram. my brother is literally 13 years old. my mom goes “how can you sit with your butt in the air like that with your brother in the room, he can see your butt.” mind you i’m wearing a long sleeve night gown that’s not a fabric that even shows my body well. not that it matters… i tell my mom that’s not right for her to say and my brother is too young and i raised him. she then tells me i don’t know anything about islam and that i just talk. it made me fume. my brother told my mom thats weird she even said that and no one thought that. i left the whole room. i’m just fuming.

any fathers here that are 30+ who are married and have daughters, teenagers or young or even adult. that hasn’t ever hit or layed their hand on their daughter ever? and would be even more nice to hear if the mom hasn’t either. please be honest…

how annoying would it be for you to come home at 9pm and try to make a late dinner for yourself and your mom just always asks you for your food. even though you have dietary restrictions for your auto immune disease. and any grocery i have for myself she eats them

Any one here at SQU or NU or any universities that offer health careers?

I have a question and would love to speak to someone who’s willing to speak to the school on my behalf. I would deeply appreciate the help as i’m working on a project and want to involve an Oman school.

i’m 22 years old and a women.

Did anyone else have their own sister turn on them to side with their mother and your mother and your sister have been besties ever since?

in highschool i was in a relationship with a guy my mom didn’t like. this turned into severe emotional abuse from my mom which my sister joined in on and spent years just causing worse problems and instigating and basically ruined me in the family. i’ve never been the same with my family.

before this, my sister and i who are only 2 years apart used to be so close and together and my mom was openly jealous of it. saying that we would be having fun without her. now my mom and sister are besties, who talk for hours while my sister is outside and when my sister comes home they talk more. and they hug each other all day. and my sister gets away with things i never was allowed to. my sister takes melatonin and my mom laughs about it. but when i took it my mom told me i wanted to get high and would throw it in the trash. my sister now has a boyfriend and my mom supports them together as she likes this man. and my sister has the audacity to complain to me about how my dad won’t accept him and how it’s unfair. my aunt, mom, dad and older sister ruined my entire life in ways i don’t even have time to explain right now.

it’s now 11am on saturday and im depressed, never leave the house and i want someone who had the same situation as me explain how the relationship turns out in the future if it’s like this now. its so disheartening seeing how much they love each other and my mom telling me im nothing like my sister and seem like a stranger to her.

what does this mean for me. i just hope to love my life enough some day where i wont even care about how much they love each other.

it’s kind of embarrassing to say but i’ve always been jealous of the non religious families. like a certain specific kind. i had a few friends all throughout high school that we lived near each other and ofc i wasn’t allowed at their house because of my parents but id sneak anyways. one thing i used to admire is how the girls would wear even a bra and shorts around their mom and it was no comments no judgement no weirdness about a human body. the girls can say things about how heavy their period is and it was just normal talk within their family. and it seems the moms never judged the girls for being girls or doing anything. if they said oh at school i was joking with my teacher the mom would converse and laugh back. if i did any of these things with my mom she’d first tell me to cover up, ask me why i own shorts. she’d tell me not to converse with men even if it’s my teachers. if i spoke about my boobs hurting she’d act disgusted. and idk i just feel like these white girls grew up free and unlike us like maybe you have parents that are normal you surely have extended family that spoke about you. these white girls extended families wouldn’t even care if they had their bodies out. not that i want my body out. but my mom judges me for every single thing. even wearing makeup outside. talking outside. talking on the phone. all i do is sit in the house and help her take care of all the kids she keeps having and i’m 22. i can’t do vacations. like my friends have taken trips, road trips everything this summer and for me my mom always fear mongers and tells me if i go with them, they’ll probably kill me and hide my body. or she’ll tell me ill get in a car crash. just anything to scare me to stay in the house. tbh i hate my life guys and i can’t wait to graduate and find a way out or find a man to take me far away.

what do you guys do if no matter how much you clean in your house the house gets nasty in a week. today the house is so dirty i can’t relax but i also don’t want to clean the whole house while the 8 other people do nothing and then dirty it up again

after being sexually assaulted in December and having penetrative sex without my consent, it was extremely traumatizing and i’ve been building up the courage to get tested. i was so scared i would have something and i already have a auto immune disease so im already sick

imagine ive been stressing myself sick. i hate the hospital so everyday i thought of getting tested i would chicken out the day of. randomly last thursday i left class, (im in college) and went to the clinic for a walk in. i missed my quiz for my next class. my parents have my location and kept calling me asking me why im in the hospital. i was shaking the whole time. i spent friday and the weekend not sleeping, not eating and extremely sick from stress. kept refreshing the chart. finally less than a hour ago my results came in and negative. i’ve never been more thankful. i’m from a religious family so this would’ve been the end for me. even though i lost a lot of weight and am still not feeling well. i think i can finally close the chapter of my life of just thinking about me being raped. it’s over. i’m not a victim. i feel like i can move on with my life now.

has anyone else’s Gi try to prescribe them depression medicine for nausea? i said no twice and he still recommended it. i was diagnosed with celiac officially in march.

did anyone else as a teenager have a mother who would shame you constantly for everything you did and told everyone your business and spoke about you behind your back and treated you like you were some nuisance?

my mom was this way all of highschool and tried it even in the start of college. and now i’m 23 a full adult and she keeps randomly repeating to my family or me in the most inappropriate times “remember when you..” and it’ll be like the most traumatic time of my life.

like for example when i was 19 she found my birth control in my back and called everyone, told my dad. my dad lost his mind and threatened me because i guess my mom convinced him i was having multiple partners and i just had a boyfriend. my mom was telling me im probably a who*e. told me im not her daughter anymore. she even used to go through my phone while i was knocked out and save the number of the guy i was talking to. i’m sitting with her today and she randomly tells me remember the guy u used to “do things with” because the name sounded familiar of someone my sister talked about. and it just triggered me and i asked her why she worded it this way and then started ignoring her she asked me why im mad.

my mom always talks about my past often but for some reason my older sister who’s her favorite child can never do any wrong. in middle school my sister and i BOTH got caught with a vape but for some reason she only brings it up to ME in fights. while my sister still smokes vapes and i don’t. if anyone wants to know what its like being in a family where theirs a favorite child and that’s NOT you. it sucks. and honestly im so numb to it now. idgaf. i know some day ill make my own family and all this bs won’t matter anymore.

any early 20s women live in a dysfunctional house where they don’t allow you to drive or do anything but expect you to clean after and take care and cook for the family of 100 kids that your parents keep popping out for Allah knows what reason. they fight me against getting a job, they go through my stuff, they track me, i can’t speak on the phone, i can’t wear what i want. my moms keeps having children and then thinking im gonna be her emotional support. she wakes me up at night when the baby is crying and she needs help like she thinks im her husband or something. she complains all day about her life and her pain and all this but isn’t it her choice to keep having kids? my dad just keeps asking me to massage his feet all day and make specific meals for him like he’s a prince but he contributes the bare minimum and everything i ask him to buy me he uses against me by saying i need to do the chores he asks but he’s the same one who won’t let me work. what kind of life is this ladies tell me. you guys don’t understand how lucky some of you have it. i’m in my own personal hell.

worst part is she lets the younger ones do whatever they want. no one cleans after themselves they just expect me to do it. she doesn’t let me even discipline them with my words when i tell the kids they aren’t listening and stop that she jumps in and says leave my kids alone. if the kids break my makeup and i’m angry maybe not even shouting she will jump in like oh they are kids you can’t say this to them stop that and yell at me. but she has no problem telling me she will take my phone or hit me and she doesn’t do it with any of the younger ones who actually are out of control and won’t listen. she’s so backwards and i’m growing such a huge resentment towards my parents.

it was my first time trying the chip ahoy gf cookies. i never had them because i remember someone on here saying it tastes like straight sugar or corn syrup, something like that.

can i tell you i had half the box last night and i just woke up trying to figure out what i did with my life last night. it was sooo good i need to give the other half away or ill do damage probably before noon😭😂😂😂

please guys drop your favorite gluten free apple pies that are really good. for context i’m in boston. so grocery stores or even cafes 😭

just a general question and really would love answer women to women without explaining WHY we should love our parents but this is more asking about your personal experiences.

does anyone that’s in their 20s or older feel like their parents either mom or dad really helped them grow as a women? like genuinely emotionally supported them and mentally. and taught you things. and worked hard to change you for the better. and not as much criticism but more motivation and like they really believe in you. and they invested in spending time with you and listening to you. does this exist in your life as a muslim women? take a moment and be honest with yourself then write a reply here please. this is just a thought my friend and i had and i want to see the experiences of others.

i’m tired of my mom watching everything i eat. this is normal in my family where anytime u eat food they just stare at u and make comments about what you’re eating or how you’re eating or just grab ur food and try to eat it.

i’ve long ago stopped eating infront of my dad because of this, and most of the time i eat outside of if i’m home ill go to my room. even lunch. because i can’t stand how gross everyone in my house is.

i’ve been home for three days after a hard busy week, my period is coming soon. and i’ve been more hungry and tired. i’m not eating anything exactly unhealthy. my lunch and breakfasts are pretty much healthy whole foods but ive been snacking a bit. like regular people stuff like ill have some chips or some cookies or maybe a poppi. my mom these whole three days been talking about please don’t get fat and continuously making comments on every single thing i’m eating i’m starting to get upset.

my sister bought ingredients for a icecream night and this is like the 4th time my mom called me fat. i’m wondering am i actually fat like why is she only saying it to me. i get so embarrassed eating around my family it’s so tiring. everyone’s making ice creams and i put some in and she keeps repeating that im getting fat and need to stop. it’s so tiring. i told her that its exhausting enjoying urself around her and she told me okay fine i wont look out for u anymore and you wont hear me trying to help you stay on track. i didnt even eat my icecream i left it on the table and just went to my room.

and remembering friday we all went out to dinner and we all ate. we were out for like 4 hours and when i came home i napped. she came in my room twice shouting about this is how you become fat, sleeping after eating. and i ignored her and slept. and when i woke up she asked me again why am i sleeping after eating and im really trying to gain weight. i told her we literally walked around 3/4 hours after eating this isn’t directly after eating and she’s like no doesn’t matter. than my sister yesterday, on saturday ate food and went straight to sleep after for so many hours and then my mom didn’t say a single thing to her ….

i lost a good amount of weight from getting a auto immune disease not long ago and its the first time im getting my appetite back. so she praised me for getting slim and now she sees me eating she says i dont want you like before. anyways most days i spend day dreaming about my life once i live away and around people who respect me and dont shame me about everything.

what does islam or Allah say for us with auto immune diseases? i spent so long asking myself how i could’ve prevented it or what did i do to deserve it and i read some of the book “the ideal muslimah” and seen inside that it says whatever happens to us nothing we could’ve done could prevent it or cause it and everything is out of our hands and from Allah. this gives me more peace. i wonder what my learning lesson from this is.

that being said im in really bad pain, and in days like this im thankful as it could’ve been worse but what can be told to me islamically that’ll make me stronger mentally. during fajr i told Allah i would be happy if he took me during this prayer because i really am having a hard time dealing with this pain. i do want a future but days like this makes it seem not worth it. i really want some islamic proof that my suffering is for a reason.

any one else crave sugar and processed stuff so bad when they are glutened ?

does anyone else just crave and love the gf cheez itz?! i allow myself like 1 box a month at most but still i loveeee her shes my everything