u/Due_Talk_7379

I suspect I might be in a long state of autistic burnout

I just remembered something that is important for me to remember. It’s that I keep forgetting things. I feel like I’m having some type of amnesia

I don’t have a doctor or insurance or anything. I,
of course, forget to sign up and they said I couldn’t apply late. Sign up was in November

The whole period/menstrual cycle is hell..
First of all I get pmdd which is very intense
Then I get my period and I have intense cramps and I hate standing up. I get very short of breath, dizzy, lightheaded and my vision gets dark and I hear ringing in my ears.
I’m current prisoner to my bed now

I hate this so much

Random question. So I was just at the grocery store and there’s this common thing that happens. Men always say “excuse me” to walk around me, but I’m never even close by to them. My guess would be that they’re trying to be respectful since I’m a woman. But am I supposed to say something in response? It’s always so confusing to me because they are never even in the way to begin with

Ever since I was a young girl I refused to wear bras and never have worn them. Now as an adult, I still hate wearing bras. Before anyone says “my boobs are too big to not wear a bra” - mine are obviously small enough that it feels comfortable for me

My issue is constantly being looked at. Most commonly by all men and older women. I hate feeling that I’m possibly being objectified. Or judged. Idk what to do because I’ve never worn bras before and I just prefer to not wear them.

I’m getting out of a relationship with a man who is a narcissist.
I’ve been abused by this man sexually, financially, and emotionally. He’s cheated on me, degrades me every day, and more

Past relationships, I’ve also been cheated on and sexually taken advantage of. The ones who are “nice” are also just shit. Bc they are bitter that they’re not with a hot girl or their “dream girl”

And then you see on subreddits all across this app of men doing shady shit. They lie, cheat, are sex obsessed, ego driven, and just overall pieces of shit. They also don’t know how to keep romance alive, how to be okay with monotony in relationships, and always seek novelty and dopamine hits. The next hot piece of ass and tits

I work inside a hardware store (I’m audhd - I’m a vendor not an employee so I don’t have coworkers and it’s perfect for me) and men always stare at me every day and it repulses me. When they ask me out and I reject them - then they glare at me and ignore my existence. As if I’m only worthy of being treated as human if I stroke their ego

I think the patriarchy tries to sell us this idea of relationships and needing to be with a man because it forces us to rely on men. They took away communities from us, and the most conventional way nowadays for strong bonds is through romance

I wish I had a girl friend I could just cuddle with. Because I fucking hate men

I’m getting out of a relationship with a man who is a narcissist. I was manipulated and believed his words. I finally found out the truth not too long ago and it’s changed everything for me.

I’ve been abused by this man sexually, financially, and emotionally. He’s cheated on me, degrades me every day, and more

I’m at a point now where I just let him do whatever he wants as it’s best for my nervous system. Before, he used to get me to points of panic attacks every other week

I am afraid of ever interacting with men In a romantic sense again. Part of me feels like that has died in me, the desire for that. I don’t see the need or desire for it any more when I give that love, patience, and kindness to myself every day. I feel a lot better this way because I know I will never hurt me the way men have (past men have sexually taken advantage me as well. Along with emotional immaturity)

I see posts all the time about men who cheat, who do terrible things, etc

And I find myself averse to the idea of ever trying to seek that kind of connection again

Does anyone else want to be single forever? Is this okay to do?

New to this

Is it common for narcissists to love their messy place? My narcissistic bf that I’m leaving soon loves to have his place be messy

Every day he loses things and rages and blames me. Bc I “move” his things although I don’t move all of his things. And it’s impossible to keep clean because he will just make a mess immediately as I clean it

I can’t wait to move out and have my own place

He says he likes the mess bc it works for him is what he says

Me and my narc are separating when the lease is up

I remember when I first started with him, I noticed something was wrong.

I would post on relationship advice reddit, and people would always say “this isn’t the full story” “what else happened” etc

And that was always the full story. He always just reacted this intensely from the beginning of when we met

I am autistic and believed all the stories he would tell me. I believed all his lies and tried to be a “better partner” but deep down I always knew something wasn’t adding up

I’ve been studying his behavior this entire time. This entire time trying to figure out what was going on with him. I’m still reeling from the shock of this realization

It hurts how much I loved him. He always tells me that what we shared was real. But now I know that it was only real as long as I let him walk all over me and treat me like a doormat. As long as I let him degrade me and take advantage of me. Conditional love as it gets

I also realized - that when I met him - he was in a collapse. It shocks me now to realize

He was deeply deeply depressed. Said he was misunderstood, that the world was against him, and was suicidal. He looks crazy to anyone who laid eyes on him. And I believed the things he said. He had no shame in manipulating and taking advantage of me, someone who struggles deeply with social awareness and context.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I’m in the worst relationship of my life right now. Stuck on a lease with him, I’m gonna be free soon. I can’t even explain everything he’s done to me. It’s insane. He’s financially, sexually, and emotionally abused me. Along with cheating on me, degrading me, always arguing with me.
And he’s always the victim, never wrong, is the most fucking delusional person I’ve met in my whole life. He has to be a grandiose narcissist. He thinks he’s so much better than every person and has never once apologized to me or taken accountability for a single thing he’s done. He’s insanely entitled and the most awful person I’ve ever had to endure
This just happened to me and I wrote it down as it happened so that’s why the writing is weird

There was a song playing saying “pistol whip a bitch” something along the lines of suggesting slapping someone with a pistol if they’re a bitch
And he said. That the artist would do that to me
I asked why do you feel the need to degrade me like that
He said I’m not saying I would do it, I’m saying he would
I said yeah that’s exactly my point.
I tried to say (but he interrupted me) that’s degrading because he’s suggesting I’m a bitch or a brat to such a degree that he (the artist) would perceive me that way
He literally yells FUCK YOU with his whole chest at me. Before I even finish explaining. And then complains about how I’m “victimizing” myself
And then yelled fuck you again. Talked about how hates me and is looking forward to never seeing me again

He always does things like this. I’m 99% sure he will never realize he’s a narcissist. Matter of fact - he always accuses me of being a narcissist. He will think, for the rest of his life, that it’s always the world that’s at fault and never him. If he was ever diagnosed with narcissism - he would say that the person who diagnosed him was wrong. But if he ever got over it and admitted he was - I already know what he would say
He would say the “bad” narcissists \*are\* wrong and could be bad people. But that \*he\* is actually always right unlike the other narcissists and that he’s deeply misunderstood. And that maybe narcissists actually have good points and that people should listen to them instead of misunderstanding them and “ignoring their reality”

I’m in the worst relationship of my life right now. Stuck on a lease with him, I’m gonna be free soon. I can’t even explain everything he’s done to me. It’s insane. He’s financially, sexually, and emotionally abused me. Along with cheating on me, degrading me, always arguing with me.
And he’s always the victim, never wrong, is the most fucking delusional person I’ve met in my whole life. He has to be a grandiose narcissist. He thinks he’s so much better than every person and has never once apologized to me or taken accountability for a single thing he’s done. He’s insanely entitled and the most awful person I’ve ever had to endure
This just happened to me and I wrote it down as it happened so that’s why the writing is weird

There was a song playing saying “pistol whip a bitch” something along the lines of suggesting slapping someone with a pistol if they’re a bitch
And he said. That the artist would do that to me
I asked why do you feel the need to degrade me like that
He said I’m not saying I would do it, I’m saying he would
I said yeah that’s exactly my point.
I tried to say (but he interrupted me) that’s degrading because he’s suggesting I’m a bitch or a brat to such a degree that he (the artist) would perceive me that way
He literally yells FUCK YOU with his whole chest at me. Before I even finish explaining. And then complains about how I’m “victimizing” myself
And then yelled fuck you again. Talked about how hates me and is looking forward to never seeing me again

He always does things like this. I’m 99% sure he will never realize he’s a narcissist. Matter of fact - he always accuses me of being a narcissist. He will think, for the rest of his life, that it’s always the world that’s at fault and never him. If he was ever diagnosed with narcissism - he would say that the person who diagnosed him was wrong. But if he ever got over it and admitted he was - I already know what he would say
He would say the “bad” narcissists *are* wrong and could be bad people. But that *he* is actually always right unlike the other narcissists and that he’s deeply misunderstood. And that maybe narcissists actually have good points and that people should listen to them instead of misunderstanding them and “ignoring their reality”

Stuck in my apartment with my cheating bf for four more months. We have a lease together. Can’t afford to break the lease, and he would have to reapply and qualify for the apt on his own which is absolutely not going to happen

I’ve been with him three years and he’s cheated on me throughout the whole relationship. Sexting onlyfans girls countless times, sending them hundreds of dollars while not helping me with rent, and also has never even bought me flowers, or anything nice really. But for some reason, sending money to onlyfans girls is so fucking easy. Rather than caring for his girlfriend who’s dedicated three years and sacrificed so fucking much for him

And then he’s also physically cheated and had sex with a woman TWICE. on two separate occasions. Raw. Got her pregnant. Didn’t tell me and never intended to tell me, I found out through deleted messages. Had sex with me after and didn’t care or consider STIs. When I mentioned stds to him, he said he asked her and it “didn’t seem like she’d lie”

Im so pathetic and loved him so hard that I stayed with him. I found he was messaging women on this app that live in our city (for the numerous time), and also once again sending girls on OF money, I said I was gonna leave. He deleted his OF and this app’s accounts right in that moment. The next day he redownloaded this app and made the acc and messaged a girl in our city that he wanted to have sex with her. And just yesterday, sent an OF girl $150+ meanwhile he hadn’t helped me with rent!!!

Also he was using MY car. He was going some gig work, and I found that about a week ago, he went to a motel to have sex with a p*********. He didn’t go through with it probably bc he didn’t have enough money. I highly doubt I was even considered in his choice

This isn’t even everything he’s done to me. I know I sound so fucking stupid and I actually am. Sometimes I think I have a disability bc I’m audhd and I gave him the benefit of the doubt too many fucking times. And because I have never had romantic feelings for anyone - not in elementary, middle, high school or college. He’s the first. The first man I ever liked and then loved. So I stayed for too long. But I’m ready to seriously leave. I know he’s never going to change and I wish I realized it sooner. But I have four months on the lease with him, and I don’t know what to do with myself. I am at work right now and I just want to scream. I’m so full of rage and anger. The things he’s done is so vile. It’s not even a full list, doesn’t even include the things he’s done to ME. i want this to be over. I’m tired of this push and pull. I don’t want to be around him for another four months.

Stuck in my apartment with my cheating bf for four more months. We have a lease together. Can’t afford to break the lease, and he would have to reapply and qualify for the apt on his own which is absolutely not going to happen

I’ve been with him three years and he’s cheated on me throughout the whole relationship. Sexting onlyfans girls countless times, sending them hundreds of dollars while not helping me with rent, and also has never even bought me flowers, or anything nice really. But for some reason, sending money to onlyfans girls is so fucking easy. Rather than caring for his girlfriend who’s dedicated three years and sacrificed so fucking much for him

And then he’s also physically cheated and had sex with a woman TWICE. on two separate occasions. Raw. Got her pregnant. Didn’t tell me and never intended to tell me, I found out through deleted messages. Had sex with me after and didn’t care or consider STIs. When I mentioned stds to him, he said he asked her and it “didn’t seem like she’d lie”

Im so pathetic and loved him so hard that I stayed with him. I found he was messaging women on this app that live in our city (for the numerous time), and also once again sending girls on OF money, I said I was gonna leave. He deleted his OF and this app’s accounts right in that moment. The next day he redownloaded this app and made the acc and messaged a girl in our city that he wanted to have sex with her. And just yesterday, sent an OF girl $150+ meanwhile he hadn’t helped me with rent!!!

Also he was using MY car. He was going some gig work, and I found that about a week ago, he went to a motel to have sex with a prostitute. He didn’t go through with it probably bc he didn’t have enough money. I highly doubt I was even considered in his choice

This isn’t even everything he’s done to me. I know I sound so fucking stupid and I actually am. Sometimes I think I have a disability bc I’m audhd and I gave him the benefit of the doubt too many fucking times. And because I have never had romantic feelings for anyone - not in elementary, middle, high school or college. He’s the first. The first man I ever liked and then loved. So I stayed for too long. But I’m ready to seriously leave. I know he’s never going to change and I wish I realized it sooner. But I have four months on the lease with him, and I don’t know what to do with myself. I am at work right now and I just want to scream. I’m so full of rage and anger. The things he’s done is so vile. It’s not even a full list, doesn’t even include the things he’s done to ME. i want this to be over. I’m tired of this push and pull. I don’t want to be around him for another four months.

And no I don’t have family or friends that I can stay with for four months.

Stuck in my apartment with my cheating bf for four more months. We have a lease together. Can’t afford to break the lease, and he would have to reapply and qualify for the apt on his own which is absolutely not going to happen

I’ve been with him three years and he’s cheated on me throughout the whole relationship. Sexting onlyfans girls countless times, sending them hundreds of dollars while not helping me with rent, and also has never even bought me flowers, or anything nice really. But for some reason, sending money to onlyfans girls is so fucking easy. Rather than caring for his girlfriend who’s dedicated three years and sacrificed so fucking much for him

And then he’s also physically cheated and had sex with a woman TWICE. on two separate occasions. Raw. Got her pregnant. Didn’t tell me and never intended to tell me, I found out through deleted messages. Had sex with me after and didn’t care or consider STIs. When I mentioned stds to him, he said he asked her and it “didn’t seem like she’d lie”

Im so pathetic and loved him so hard that I stayed with him. I found he was messaging women on this app that live in our city (for the numerous time), and also once again sending girls on OF money, I said I was gonna leave. He deleted his OF and this app’s accounts right in that moment. The next day he redownloaded this app and made the acc and messaged a girl in our city that he wanted to have sex with her. And just yesterday, sent an OF girl $150+ meanwhile he hadn’t helped me with rent!!!

Also he was using MY car. He was going some gig work, and I found that about a week ago, he went to a motel to have sex with a prostitute. He didn’t go through with it probably bc he didn’t have enough money. I highly doubt I was even considered in his choice

This isn’t even everything he’s done to me. I know I sound so fucking stupid and I actually am. Sometimes I think I have a disability bc I’m audhd and I gave him the benefit of the doubt too many fucking times. And because I have never had romantic feelings for anyone - not in elementary, middle, high school or college. He’s the first. The first man I ever liked and then loved. So I stayed for too long. But I’m ready to seriously leave. I know he’s never going to change and I wish I realized it sooner. But I have four months on the lease with him, and I don’t know what to do with myself. I am at work right now and I just want to scream. I’m so full of rage and anger. The things he’s done is so vile. It’s not even a full list, doesn’t even include the things he’s done to ME. i want this to be over. I’m tired of this push and pull. I don’t want to be around him for another four months.

And no I don’t have family or friends that I can stay with for four months.

I’m wondering how to achieve small details. It’s a bit hard, is there any video or method you recommend? I’ve just started learning and I’m loving oil pastels so far