u/Firsttakelikeamf

The gage will jump up to like 225 and then go back down after a bit. No smoke, I don’t smell coolant burning or anything, the fan runs. One time my car overheated and it was like a washing machine full of bricks was under the hood and it hasn’t done that.

I’m scared to drive it but it seems fine other than the gage. They say they’re inaccurate but this just started happening this week.

I’ve began a routine, work, come home, get wasted on weekends, repeat. I’ll never start a family in this modern dating scene, I’ll never have a wife or children to come home to, all there is is work and solitude.

I’m drinking more, a few months ago I had a low alc tolerance and now I can drink ten beers with no hangover. I’m becoming oddly at peace with my life, for years I wressled with loneliness but now I’ve finally accepted that this is just who I am and how it will be.

The thing is I don’t want to live this way. I’m 20 right now, and as far as I’m concerned I won’t make it to 30. Life is becoming too peaceful, I can sense death on the horizon and I welcome it with open arms. It’ll be over soon.

It keeps going from 210 up to like 225-230 and then drops back down. I checked and I don’t think it’s overheating because the gages were giving me trouble before. Maybe it’s a battery connection?

I met him in a parking lot in my town. It’s not a big town and we know a lot of the same people so he’s not like some off the wall dude that I need to be afraid of, just to make that clear.

He’s SO FRIENDLY though. Like I’m not used to someone wanting to hang out with me so bad, I almost always initiate with people. I told him I had to cut grass tomorrow and he offered to help. I guess he’s just lonely? But I’m afraid he’s lonely for a reason and I don’t wanna have to find that out the hard way.

Another thing is he’s almost a decade older than me. I’m 20 and he’s 28. I don’t understand why he wants to hang out with someone so much younger than him. Maybe I’m just not used to people being this way to me? Is this normal the way he’s acting?

I’m starting monday, and I really have no clue what happens exactly. They just talk about wildfires a lot, but what else do they do besides help against wildfires? I didn’t wanna ask and look stupid.

I can’t get why someone would choose me out of all the people to choose from. Like if I asked a girl out why would she be like “yeah I’d date this guy” instead of considering the fact that there’s billions of other people to choose from instead of me, and that I’m not the best choice.

It just seems impossible to even try anymore. There will always be someone who’s a better fit for whoever than me. It feels selfish and arrogant to think I’m a good match for someone.

If you bring it down to first then back up into drive it runs fine, but putting it in reverse scares me. If I go to first then into reverse it jerks the truck and feels like the gearbox is gonna fall out of the truck, but if I go from park (which is in 2nd) to reverse it feels even worse. Just saying that sounds terrible.

Guy I bought it from says it’s the ECM, which he heard from a mechanic. Could that be the case?

I was thinking about my high school bullies, and I tried thinking of times I got them to stop. I never did, I felt utterly helpless. My dad always told me to hit them and they would leave me alone. The two times I did I got my ass whooped and they kept messing with me, as a matter of fact it got worse because now they could make fun of me for being weak.

I was a loser. Nothing ever worked to stop them, everybody saw me as an easy target, and now it’s too late to do anything about it because I’m out of school. My friend made mention of it today and it just made me feel worse, he wasn’t being mean, he was just trying to be blunt with me and it rubbed me wrong. He said I never bowed up to anybody and that’s why they saw me as an easy target. Even though when I did they’d just see through me and hurt me.

I just feel like a complete nobody. Any time I’ve stood up for myself it just made things worse. Now I feel like this helpless, subhuman creature. Another problem is that I got to thinking about this buddy of mine, and he’s VERY insecure, and any time someone rubs him wrong he resorts to violence and always wins. That got me thinking, even if I whooped everyone’s ass I’d still feel this way, so what is it then?

Part of me wishes that I was a bully growing up. Sure I’d had been mean to people but I wouldn’t have cared because I would be a bully. Hell even then though people wouldn’t have respected me because nobody respects bullies but fears them. So I have no idea how to have people respect you.

I’m letting myself down by in fact, giving a fuck. Me and this guy have been friends for our whole lives, we get along fine, he just keeps voicing his opinion about things that I feel no need to change but it keeps bothering me how incessant he is.

So he has a very traditional mindset, like very close minded traditional. Like I’ll grow my hair out past my ears and he won’t get off my ass about getting a haircut. He keeps telling me I “need” one, and it drives me nuts that someone could be so dense that they care about the length of someone else’s hair. I feel that very well kept hair on a man signifies governability and compliance to a collective mindset.

This isn’t friendship ending for me. He can think my hair looks bad I don’t care. I’m just tired of him reminding me how stupid he is, also arguing with him is out of the question, he’s confidently ignorant.

It’s not possible for me to date. There is just something inherently wrong with me that makes me unlovable. I try and they either say no or there’s something keeping us apart. There’s no winning for me. I’ve lost all hope and quite frankly I’m tired of having it. With hope you’re relying on blind faith that things will get better, but without hope you already can see your future it feels like. I know I can’t see my future, but to just say “it’s not happening” instead of daydreaming of this girl that isn’t real or that I’ll never meet I can just know.

My worst part is my friend trying to keep me having hope. He tells me that you can’t lose hope in something because life is truly unpredictable. He’s 6’4” and handsome and always has some girl interested. He’s never even been heartbroken, the only breakup he’s had was his fault because he cheated. He got broken up with because he had so many options he lost control of himself. It makes me mad that he would even begin to compare our lives to one another. I’ve had one girlfriend in my life and that was the only woman that’s ever really showed interest, and even she lost it. I’m done, I’m tired of convincing myself that it’s worth it to get out of bed every day. No more.

I test drove one I saw for sale today and I felt like I was going to break something trying to get up to 55mph. I wasn’t expecting for it to take off or anything but it was slower than my 00 grand Cherokee. It didn’t seem like it wanted to shift either.

It’s not gonna happen, I’m a fool for thinking that it could happen. Any time I feel like there’s a chance with anybody it blows up in my face. People keep telling me to keep my head up, but they don’t understand who I am. I’m like a monster to people, whenever I approach a girl it feels like a humiliation ritual with no positive outcome. I’ve tried and tried and I always get ghosted.

I’ve only ever had one real girlfriend and she dumped me over a year ago. Life was worlds better than it is now, I could approach people without that voice in the back of my head talking me down, I had someone in my life that had chosen me, and for the first time in years life felt livable.

I’m taking a different path now. I’ve decided to just destroy my body and future. I get drunk whenever I feel like it, I smoke cigarettes, I don’t really have a job so I just do whatever I want all day. I’m not planning on stopping, there’s no reason not to stop. I don’t care if it kills me.

I hadn’t heard from her all day, and finally she responded over 24 hours later. In the conversation we had been having the day before I was about to see if she wanted to go out sometime, so I followed through on it and she said she’d love to, she even seemed surprised.

She didn’t respond to me for another whole day, and I haven’t heard from her today but I’m sure I either will at like midnight or not at all.

What is happening? She seems interested when we text but then she just goes all day without saying a word to me. It doesn’t feel like she wants anything to do with me at all. “Maybe she’s busy” yeah she’s so busy she went off the face of the earth for 3 days, I’m just overthinking.

I potentially have a date lined up and my friend told me that I had to “lock in” and cut off all female friends so that my gf isn’t uncomfortable. That seems outrageous to me. I’ve been friends with someone for 4 years and to cut them off because of a relationship makes it seem like the friendship meant nothing. He swears this is the way things work but this feels wrong to me. If I was worried about a girl cheating, I wouldn’t expect her to stop talking to men. If she wants to cheat she’s gonna cheat, and trying to stop her from cheating means she’s not even worth it, because why would you want someone you have to make sure doesn’t cheat?