u/Greedy_Tradition5556

hi i'm 18f. i think like 2 weeks ago i was diagnosed with adhd. my psychiatrist first gave me ritalin 10mg in the morning and 10mg in the afternoon and asked me to book an appointment in a week so i did.
when i went back i told him that it really did nothing to me. i just had terrible headaches and i lost my appetite.
first day i woke up like i think 3 times idk. then i think the other days it just made me sleepy after taking the first pill in the morning.
so he asked my weight i'm 50kgs (110 pounds) let's try 18mg concerta in the morning and a 10mg ritalin around 4 pm.
it's been like a week and i feel like concerta is just giving me a dizzyness/headache and a worse loss of appetite. i lost like 2kgs in a week (5 pounds i guess) is it normal?
and the problem is i still don't feel like it is changing anything😔 i feel nauseous and tired because of the headache situation.
i have a big college entrance exam coming up which happens once a year in my country and i only have a month left. i still can't get myself to study or can't read those long boring paragraphs without starting to fold the corners of the pages or doodling.
i think it made me calmer or sadder?
i don't know i just felt like there wasn't stuff going on in my mind as much but still it wasn't quiet enough me to focus on my work.
i started thinking do i not have adhd? is it why the meds don't work? or is it normal for this dose. i'm scared if my psychiatrist decides to increase the dose more i'd have more side effects.
also my mom refused to believe that i have adhd. i tried to explain how much i struggle etc. during all 4 years of high school and finally convinced her to book an appointment for me. even after the psychiatrist saying i have severe inattentive adhd my mom still doesn't believe and she is saying that maybe next month we should go to a different psychiatrist i think he misdiagnosed you.

i'll start my freshman year of college in korea this fall. i know that students cannot work in the first 6 months. i'm hoping that i'll find a part time job after those 6 months.

i've been doing volunteer graphic design work and some social media management and i want to di freelance work in college.

with the d-2 visa in those first 6 months can you do freelance work if your customers are outside korea? and after the first 6 months i know there are like weekly hours. can a student do freelance work in korea? or is it just not possible in general?

if that doesn't work can i do freelance work with customers from my own country or other countries during my 4 college years?

i'm 18. i got diagnosed with inattentive adhd two days ago. today is my second day on ritalin 10mg. doctor told me to take on at 9 am and one at 3 pm. and we scheduled another appointment for next week. i don't know i feel like nothing changed, it's not really helping me. is it normal? but i feel really nauseous and dizzy. it's giving me a headache 😬 i also woke up multiple times last night. ritalin is not doing anything for me and giving me side effects would it mean that i'm misdiagnosed? or maybe the dosage is not for me? i still can't get myself to do anything 😔 i heard people online saying after taking the meds what's going on their head was getting silent nothing changed for me

i'll be starting college this september and my laptop is pretty old it is a sony. it's not working that well rn. since neo was a lot affordable than the air i'm thinking about it. i'll be majoring in marketing and graphic design. i've been also filming videos on my phone and editing them on my ipad. i want a laptop as well thinking that it will make everything easier. but i'm not sure if it'll handle well. i don't really know much about technological devices as well so i'd appreciate your opinions.

so i only had one close friend during freshman to junior year. i went for a study abroad during my senior year of high school. i came back and im studying for the college test, my friend did bad last year so she is studying as well. she has a fight with her other really close friend this year so i think she is only friends with me and another girl.

when i was in a different country than her, she started replying to me 2-3 days later.

i was like ok there's a time difference and she is studying, she is busy. we are not spending everyday together now.

this year now i think we are both equally busy but i reply to her messages whenever i see...
maybe it can take 1-2 days if i have too much going on but still it wouldn't be three days.

i mean her parents are strict so she isn't going out a lot.

she is studying at home and library maybe

and works part time at a store i guess 3 days a week

it is not like she is never using her phone

but she is replying to my texts like 2 weeks later?

if i don't catch her while she is online, i'm waiting for daysss

am i overreacting? or is it not normal?

i know that she is not having the best year because she didn't do well on the college test and studying for it again.

but i'm not having a great year too. i have too many problems with my family this year which is tiring.

i can't even talk about my family issues with her because i just don't feel comfortable anymore

we were gonna meet on march 23rd

she cancelled last min like 11 pm on the 22nd saying she doesn't really feel like meeting

and i got a bit mad and didnt reply for a while

on apr 17 she texted me are you mad at me?
i still didn't reply because 'i didnt feel like it this time'

apr 20th she texted me
arent you even gonna reply

i didn't reply i didn't know what to say
i'm mentally so overwhelmed from other things already i don't think i can handle a conversation or a fight like that

i don't know if i'm exaggerating it in my mind but after not replying to her she is asking me back aren't you even gonna reply but she doesn't reply for too many days

so i only had one close friend during freshman to junior year. i went for a study abroad during my senior year of high school. i came back and im studying for the college test, my friend did bad last year so she is studying as well.

when i was in a different country than her, she started replying to me 2-3 days later.

i was like ok there's a time difference and she is studying, she is busy.

now i think we are both equally busy but i reply to her messages whenever i see...
maybe it can take 1-2 days if i have too much going on but still it wouldn't be three days.

i mean her parents are strict so she isn't going out a lot.

she is studying at home and library maybe

and works part time at a store i guess 3 days a week

it is not like she is never using her phone

but she is replying to my texts like 2 weeks later?

if i don't catch her while she is online, i'm waiting for daysss

am i overreacting? or is it not normal?

i know that she is not having the best year because she didn't do well on the college test and studying for it again.

but i'm not having a great year too. i have too many problems with my family this year which is tiring.

i can't even talk about my family issues with her because i just don't feel comfortable anymore

we were gonna meet on march 23rd

she cancelled last min like 11 pm on the 22nd saying she doesn't really feel like meeting

and i got a bit mad and didnt reply for a while

on apr 17 she texted me are you mad at me?
i still didn't reply because 'i didnt feel like it this time'

apr 20th she texted me
arent you even gonna reply

i didn't reply i didn't know what to say
i'm mentally so overwhelmed from other things already i don't think i can handle a conversation or a fight like that

i don't know if i'm exaggerating it in my mind but after not replying to her she is asking me back aren't you even gonna reply but she doesn't reply for too many days

i stopped taking medication two years ago. i'm 18 now, it was a huge struggle back then when i convinced my parents to take me to the psychiatrist.

now i can't even make them believe that i have anxiety still, they are saying that i'm exaggerating and faking it.

i only had one friend who knew about everything.

we're not talking anymore. i cut the friendship last month because i was feeling really uncomfortable. so it feels weird after 5 years.

i felt like i needed to talk to one of my friends, because too much has been going on right now like my dad left us, i'm having problems with academics and other daily life relationship problems too.

i lost a big amount of money because i was dumb.

i'm also feeling like i'm not enough or i'm not on the right path or just too late to some stuff.

we were texting with my friend a couple hours ago and we started getting close last year.

we quite have like a sarcastic friendship and we are completely different personalities.

we share the same interests.

i think we never talked about our feelings or something deep to each other.

i told her about the things going in my mind right now and texted bunch of messages at that moment.

while reading the texts she just disappeared.

it's been hours so idk.

i also remembered a detail from her x page after texting her. she had like one tweet saying one of her friends with social anxiety was insufferable or sth like that.

remembering that it made me second think everything

ik that she probably read most of it so deleting them wouldn't make sense.

i'm feeling like what if her way of seeing me changes after this.

only 3 friends of mine knows that my dad left us this year and she was one of them.

atp i don't know why am i even writing this

i'm 19 now, was just a casual listener since middle school but just before the album came out i started finding myself listening 5sos nonstop and thinking abt them and watching the silliest videos randomly 😭 probably now every friend of mine knows 5sos because of me too‼️they are not coming to where i live rn istanbul should've been a star as well😔 i applied to three colleges in korea this february and march because after doing an exchange year during high school i was thinking of going somewhere completely different for college maybe. i didn't really think of a possibility of me seeing them live. i'm making plans in my head literally. i don't even know if i'll get into any of the schools... even if i do i need like a big scholarship so we'll see. i'm not so sure how fast the tickets sell out but i hope there will be not super overpriced tickets if i get into one of the schools i applied to with a full scholarship 🤞🏻and i hope i will have enough money to buy vip tickets 🙏🏻 i just wanted to share lmao thank you if you read it but i'm kinda super excited about this small chance

i was trying to explain it as short as i can but it somehow got so long. also my english might sound a bit broken.

i was super alone when i started high school and had a terrible freshman year because of anxiety and other family problems. like i had friends from middle school but each of us moved to different places so we weren't able to meet so often i also got bullied by a few people from my class so i was trying to communicate with people from other classes. (like i was in 9b and had friends from 9c) i don't know if i can really call them friends because i learned they were talking from my back and we slowly stopped talking. i wasn't even in my own class' group chat etc.

i was sleeping during every break doing every group project alone.

when 9th grade ended i tried to transfer to a different school but it didn't work.

first day of 10th grade, i sat together with someone (the desks are for two people and you usually sit with the same person the whole year). let's call her x.

the summer between 9th and 10th grade her friend group stopped talking with her and hanging out and meeting without her. when school started they were still acting friendly to her but she told me they were being fake.

since the day we started sitting together, we started spending our free time at school together. all the breaks etc or pe classes we weren't really doing anything in those classes but hanging out. we don't have super common interests but we got along well. she reads a lot like a lot and i don't really read much, i've been like a fangirl to shows celebrities singers bands everything possible. we both like playing games, board games, puzzles, crosswords together. there was a really small shopping mall close to our school like at least twice a week we were going there after school having food or drinks.

idk we were spending our time pretty good.

she has a different mood sometimes, she has curly hair and like if it was raining she wasn't coming to school even we had plans after school?

her family was super strict. we didn't have opportunity to meet together on weekends. the mall was like 5 mins to her house that's why her parents were letting her to go there.

(and my house is like 45min away from there)

like i said she has strict parents and her parents get angry when she gets low grades etc. she is really smart like i mean she won high school level math olympiads in middle school in english when it's not her mother language.

she is almost all the time getting the highest grades at school. i wasn't a bad student during high school too but i wasn't as smart as her. if i had 20 teachers during high school probably only 5 remembers me or ever learned my name. i was like in top 3 in my class always but always like a ghost imo. teachers were somehow never remembering my name even after me taking their classes three years in a row... whatever i think like alllll the teachers from my school knew her.

i was getting higher grades than her in like literature or history.

if i was saying oh i only studied last night which is usually true for the humanities social studies classes i wasn't studying for weeks? she was constantly telling me oh you are lying i know you studied if i got a score higher than her.

i never got higher than her in like maths etc. once when i got like 100 in chemistry which ahe helped me study for it because i was sick and missed a couple classes. she got like a lower score and that week whenever we talked about grades or chemistry i felt under attack like she was hating me.

idk if it was just me but i think even the times when i had academic achievements whenever she congratulated me she was faking it.

during 10th grade she had no other friend than me other than her one online friend that she was talking once a month

so when i was talking about oh i did this last weekend with someone

i was feeling like she was getting annoyed.

all the things im explaining only seems like my intuitions idk if i try to be more optimistic

so i send my friends a billion tiktoks and silly videos and i tell them that they dont have to reply to all ik we are students and we are busy

i send those to them either its something that reminds me of them or cool or funny that i want them to see

so x is terdible with texting

like bad

if something happens i usually wait for the other day to meet at school and tell her

she doesnt use instagram much ans i understand it but i was posting a lot during my exchange year (ill talk abt that too)

but she one hundred percent uses tiktok for hoursss

so her not replying to my messages for a few days doesn't make sense to me

i reply to my friends as soon as i see their messages

if i don't feel like it that day i'd reply the next day

when it's like lunch break or whatever i was seing her scrolling on her phone while not even looking to my texts

sometimes my whatsapp messages like i was sometimes asking something important but she was really ignoring them.

when we are at school i remember telling her can you look at what i texted you on whatsapp last night about blablabla

this happened manyyy times and i didn't really know what to do and i asked her why she wasn't replying she just sais that she didnt really feel like it

since she has strict parents about letting her go out or school stuff whenever i had family problems i think she wasn't really seeing them as important but idk im telling it like this but maybe it's just the way i feel

idk i always had an emotionally absent father and extra emotional mom

and i think she wasn't understanding my problems

my parents weren't forcing me for school stuff but they were implying that they trusted me so i always had something heavy on my shoulders as well knowing that my mom believes in me

she didnt study so she wants me to study

her parents both work and graduated from college

i felt like there was a class difference between us sometimes too

she is a year younger than me but started school earlier so i know that she is intelligent but i think she wasn't as mature as i am sometimes

she was telling me like no you are rich you are this you are that just because my dad works like at a phone something so i get technological devices with a big discount? while i live in the cheapest and most dangerous

neighborhood in the city

between 10th and 11th grade

since she wasn't really replying to mytextes on the day we haven't talked like a lot a lot but still texted

when 11th grade started everything is like how i explained above

one day when we were walking after school i wanted to get some street food and she acted like i was the most disgusting person ever so i didn't even buy the food that i wanted to eat.

mind you she eats fast food often too...

during 11th grade i applied for an exchange year

i applied online during like september

there were group and individual interviews in december

i haven't told anyoneee that i applied for a program like this because i know i wouldn't like to tell people that i got rejected so i kept it as a secret until i passed the first interviews

after getting the results of interviews in dxcember i told her about the program

she haven't said anything like oh how was the interviews etc first she said why didnt you tell me? and went to her friend in like 11a she has a friend from that class bcs they are like neighbors oh i forgot to tell abt this but in 9thgrade this girl from 9a and my friend a had a private driver that took them to school but they weren't super close in the end of 10th grade they got closer

like i think she asked me how was it etc a day after so i found her reaction weird

because i didn't even tell that to anyone other than my sister mom and dad

time keeps going we still soendinf a lottt of time together and i dont have other friends from my school too

during 11th grade she randomly was going to her other friends class pretty often

her friend is super social

i got my acceptance lerter for my exchange year in april with full scholarship plus stipend

and from that moment x was acting like you know we didn't have other friends and people in my class literally bullied me in 9th grade and not so great ppl ik that but like i always wanted to go abroad since like 7th grade so exchange year during 12th grade wasn't an opportunity that i would let go just because she wont have a friend during 12th grade in class. she still has a friend from another class which she was leaving me like halfway if i was explaining something

she made friends outside of school during 11th grade too

we also startsd out going out a little to a bit further places like 20 mins from her house

12th grade here is pretty full with academics too so anyways we wouldnt have a ton time to go out after school

so she told me so you are leaving me alone and just going?

i went on my exchange year best and worst year of my life that's a wholee another story but i've experienced things i've never had a chance before. i've seen a whole new life and learned a lot. probably 95% of whatever i did in my life is from my exchange year with the problems too

you don't really know who you are until you leave and you are in a different place with different people different culture and lifestyle

while i was there we started texting less

there was a huge time difference i knew that sometimes we talked on the phone but i felt a distance

we didn't have any fights or problems but it was like when i was texting her she was replying after 5 days

i stopped like instagram and tiktok stuff

it was just pure text sometimes only like wyd type of text that she decided to not reply because she doesnt feel like it

i obviously changed during that year who wouldnt?

my ideas perspective everything

i dont want to say this in a bad way about her but she is very insecure about her everything

im not super confident too

but going on an exchange year and not surrounding myself with someone who was complaining about themselves all the time was mentally helpful

i never had super close friendships during my exchange year

like i met cool people but we never got so close and we are more causal we talk once in months like oh how is college going etc and that's okay i think

with another exchange student ww were spending a lot of time but this year we both are so busy and hardly find time to talk so we just text sometimes i dont even remember the last time we were on a phonecall together

i probably had more memories with this exchange student because we were visiting every place together going to same school and even staying at the same house like pajama parties sometimes we even had multiple not so big deal fights like i never had fights with x

and we like talk once in two months just text each other random stuff and i dont feel the same heartbreaking things like i feel with x

i dont really have any problems with her i miss her too i might never maybe see her again in my life idk

she made one friend during i was abroad

i dont remember her name lets say q

that girl is rich

she was when i was during in the us sending photos of her friends gifts to her

q got me this this week

she went to japan and got me a billion snacks

she got me five makeup something idk

i wasn't really enjoying those conversations

when i came back to my home country my school had the prom and i went there as well

we met twice during the summer

and i feel like

i know i said i didn't get close friends other than that one exxhange student but had like memories with a billion people

the other exchange students from my country we went to camps

and thats a whole community from different cities places

so i learned a lot from them as well

i just came back from a whole different country after 10 months obviously i don't have anything other than that to talk

but after realizing she wasn't really interested i stopped talking

we met once in september

she told me she had a fight with the girl from class a

the friend from the other class that they made a plan and the next day the girl forgot their plan so x was pissed

x said she waited for her to call or text back and apologize but said she didnt

she said she wasnt really doing anything for their friendship

when we met in september she gave me a gift for my bday i was born in august but she was in a different city

her a year before that wouldn't have bought thay gift for me when i opened it like i felt like oh she doesn't even know me anymore

idk i always got her the best gifts in my opinion like when we were talking about something i was always noting down things on my phone for future that she said she wants or likes or finds cool

she was getting me like not expensive gifts but like maybe a little keychain with something i enjoy on it etc in the past and i was getting really happy idk this time it felt like she didnt even care

also i am the one always asking should we meet next week next month etc never x

we met for the last time this november

and i feel like it was awkward

we ran out of things to talk about

we no longer have any jokes or things rhat comes to our minds that we talk about

it was weird

we went to a movie and i thought we would just get a drink after and go home

she said aren't we gonna eat

i said my mom made blabla for dinner today i was gonna go home

and she said i always eat out whenever i hang out with my friends outside, dont you?

didn't you tell your parents

and i felt kinda forved and like called my mom saying im gonna go home late

she told me that their building was something something so they needed to move before may etc

also during my exchange year i didnt know but i learned that my dad left home while i was there in december or january

i came back early june

i had a really great reverse shock when i was back but i didnt feel any comfortable telling this to hee still dont want her to know that my dad lives in a different house rn that i dont even know where and visits us every sunday

i also started dancing mid september taking classes

i told her when we met in november since she doesnt really look at texts she only said why didnt you tell me again

nothing about the classes or dance just why i never told her before

my other friends when i told them had completely different reactions so i felt uncomfortable

it was really weird while we were eatinf there were longgg silences and it was the last time we met

her bd was in february

i got her a super cool gift that she said she wanted last year but was out of stock and like packaged it so cool but i don't really wanna give it to her

since i came back from my exchange year

she started replying to my textes 10 days later

during college test she did terrible yk she is smart but did so bad so she is taking it again this year i'm taking it this year to because i didn't last year

i also applied colleges abroad so i took sat and ielts

and i had like questions studying for stuff

somethings dont have the explanations online so if im stuck on a math question i was sending it to her sometimes

bro she replied to me 24 days later

i already took the test in that period and the results came out

ik that she uses her phone so it pisses me off

she didn't even pick up her diploma from last june from our high school and i had to go there for paperwork

so i texted her in first week of marxh or like last week of february

this date are you free im gonna go to school

do you wanna come with me we xan hang out after

and she said im busy that day it was monday

and said tuesday works

so i said ok

it was thursday the week before and i texted her i got the paperwork done online

sunday she texted me oh okay i didn't really actually wanted to go to school

i understand that since she did bad on the college test teachers etc gonna ask her about it

i thought we were just gonna meet and texted something else

she said im not really feeling like it

i said so are we not gonna meet

she said i know you are gonna get mad lets do it another time but in a rude way i showed it to my other friend and she approved that the way x said that was rude

i then didnt reply

because since august i think fhe shortest time she replied to my message was like 8 days

most of them usually 15-20 days

i didnt want to reply

around like 25 days ago she texted me

are you mad at me?

i didnt reply

23 days ago she texted me

arent you even gonna reply

after me not replying for 1.5 days

:)

i haven't said anything since than

i don't know if i'm being dramatic and aggressive

or exaggerating most of the things so i wanted to ask someones opinion who i don't know personally

idk what to do