u/IllustriousWall1564

8 years ago I entered into a relationship and had a surprise pregnancy with someone who was not very nice to me. I ended up leaving him and taking the child with me when our child was 1 year old. After 3 years of separation I got back together with him after believing he was different, and although there were signs of him being exactly the same as what he used to be like - i continued to “see his potential” and had another child with him. Unsurprisingly he ended up just as abusive and selfish as he had always been. I finally got the courage to leave a couple of months ago, but now that I’m out of it I see how much delusion I held for this man. I can’t regret the time because I have two beautiful kids but I have such shame and embarrassment over going back only to end up in the same situation.

A lot of my family don’t know exactly what went down because they only seen the charming side of him, they didn’t see the rest of it. It’s really hard to explain the kind of abuse I went through because it was never physical. It was emotional and confusing, to the point I still look back and ask myself if I was overreacting or have some kind of victim complex. I know that isnt true, but I also don’t know that isnt true?

I’m proud of myself for leaving, however now I’m in my early 30’s with two kids, and a loss of many years to build the life I actually wanted. I put my career on hold to raise our kids and now I struggle to see how I can even get back into the work force especially with a baby. I know I don’t need to right now because I am on government assistance and can be for some time, though I don’t wish to rely on that forever. I want to build the life I want, and I know I can to some degree but it’s going to be really hard, and I feel so beaten down by everything I’ve been through and unmotivated by the shame and embarrassment I am holding.

It’s hard not to look in the mirror and see the shell of who I once was and feel like I wasted so much of my life to this terrible relationship and have brought kids into this world without the stable foundation they deserve. I know people come back from this kind of situation all the time, it’s just hard to see it for myself right now, even though I left to begin the accent into a better life I feel so stuck and sad and ashamed.

How can anyone ever love me for being so stupid? So delusional? How can anyone ever believe the things I went through went I don’t have physical scars but a scramble of stories that are hard to explain?

My mother is not in my life, and my father is mostly checked out so I don’t know who to talk to or how to go about how I’m feeling. I guess I just need reassurance and stories of people rebuilding their own lives after similar instances. Oh and a hug. Damn I could do with a parental hug.

Forgive me if this isn’t the right sub.

I am a single mom with two kids aged 5 and 1. I separated from their dad a couple of months ago and currently have sole custody, but we are coparenting and their dad often comes to visit and parent during some evenings.

We got Mr 5 a kids smart watch for multiple reasons but one being that he can always contact his dad whenever he needs.

We are currently all a little under the weather with a cold, dad included. Mr 5 is mostly fine, and well enough to go to school. Their dad was supposed to visit last night but opted out due to being unwell (honestly it’s not that bad of a cold but I do agree we all need rest sometimes when we are sick) and said he would visit tonight instead. He let me know today he would still not be coming around tonight, and honestly I wasn’t going to push it, (golly if only I could have a night off when I’m sick too, but I digress). I didn’t look forward to telling Mr 5. When I picked Mr 5 up from school I gently told him dad wasn’t coming around again because he was still sick, and he said “okay, I’m going to call dad”… he gets out his watch and when dad picks up he says “you need to do the things you say you are going to do. When you don’t do them it makes me sad and it feels like you are lying. I don’t like it” and then proceeds to hang up on him. I asked him to call him back and allow dad to talk it out with him, and he did.

Honestly I’m proud of my son for sticking up for himself. This is a topic I have spoken to his dad about on multiple occasions, and can be somewhat of a reoccurrence that I commonly protected the kids from knowing about, but I think the honesty coming from his son actually helped. His dad was apologetic. I have always tried to raise Mr 5 knowing he could speak up for himself and I’m glad he felt comfortable to do that today. Dad still didn’t come around tonight but I think he’ll think twice before going back on his word again.

Forgive me if this isn’t the right sub.

I am a single mom with two kids aged 5 and 1. I separated from their dad a couple of months ago and currently have sole custody, but we are coparenting and their dad often comes to visit and parent during some evenings.

We got Mr 5 a kids smart watch for multiple reasons but one being that he can always contact his dad whenever he needs.

We are currently all a little under the weather with a cold, dad included. Mr 5 is mostly fine, and well enough to go to school. Their dad was supposed to visit last night but opted out due to being unwell (honestly it’s not that bad of a cold but I do agree we all need rest sometimes when we are sick) and said he would visit tonight instead. He let me know today he would still not be coming around tonight, and honestly I wasn’t going to push it, (golly if only I could have a night off when I’m sick too, but I digress). I didn’t look forward to telling Mr 5. When I picked Mr 5 up from school I gently told him dad wasn’t coming around again because he was still sick, and he said “okay, I’m going to call dad”… he gets out his watch and when dad picks up he says “you need to do the things you say you are going to do. When you don’t do them it makes me sad and it feels like you are lying. I don’t like it” and then proceeds to hang up on him. I asked him to call him back and allow dad to talk it out with him, and he did.

Honestly I’m proud of my son for sticking up for himself. This is a topic I have spoken to his dad about on multiple occasions, and can be somewhat of a reoccurrence that I commonly protected the kids from knowing about, but I think the honesty coming from his son actually helped. His dad was apologetic. I have always tried to raise Mr 5 knowing he could speak up for himself and I’m glad he felt comfortable to do that today. Dad still didn’t come around tonight but I think he’ll think twice before going back on his word again.

I am almost 2 months into separation from an abusive relationship and I am ✨glowing✨seriously, my skin has never looked better.
I haven’t changed anything in my daily routine except for no longer having buckets and buckets of stress everyday. To top it off I am even a single mother with a 5 year old and a breastfed baby, and I am telling you now; I look better than I have in YEARS. I’ve had so many compliments recently, I’m over 30 and getting carded for the first time in years?!? It’s crazy how much my skin has changed in just 2 months. Like, she is happy and she is healthy!

Therefore my one skincare tip: leave that abusive relationship babe. X

Like I get it, most of the fandom are not a fan. But I like that hes a loyal human who is likely to be the most unproblematic as a husband. Plus as someone with a deadbeat mother I relate heavily to his life, so I have a soft spot for him. As someone who has dealt with selfish men it wouldnt be Damon, and as someone who’s dealt with addicts it cant be Stefan, and since Jeremy reminds me of my little brother it won’t be him. So overall I just think matt would make a great unproblematic husband for me. Call me boring but damn I love an unproblematic life 😂

Im only a month into separation and a couple of days into living separately but damn seeing happy families hurts like hell right now.

I am happy for them and sad for me.

I always dreamed since I was a kid to have a happy healthy home. A little family of my own filled with love and joy, and I tried so hard to make it happen, but it was not met with the same energy by my ex partner. He chose substances instead and I had to make the heartbreaking decision I never wanted to make and now my heart aches when I see happy families, and that makes me sad. The wound is fresh I know, but I hope I get some kind of happy family one day. I’ll do my best to make life happy for me and my two kids, but I really grieve that loss of my dream right now.

I see a lot of hate for girls who just want to try it on… but I’m like, so what?

I think it’s actually okay if in the end she chooses against the homosexuality life. I kind of a liken it to dating anyone and it turning out to not be the right fit. Then theyre not my person and we move on. And then Atleast she’s been able to figure it out, and we’ve had some fun along the way. I kind of think it’s okay as long as we are mature adults about it.

Just my take! Anyone else feel this way?

“Mom why do you love vampire diarrhoea?” Said my five year old as I sat down to watch the show tonight. We both cracked up at how he genuinely thought that was the name and in the aftermath of learning it wasn’t we just continue to laugh at the absurdity of the idea of such a show. 😂💀

Well anyways, just thought I’d share that with people who’d appreciate it. Enjoy your vampire diarrhoea everyone! 💀

8 years ago when I first started dating you, you bought me a silver anklet. Nearing our one year anniversary we went to a remote island for a holiday. we drank lots of wine and made love on a hidden beach and decided to leave my anklet there hanging on a tree branch as a symbol of our love.

When we got back to our homeland we continued to travel around our country. One day you came back into the van and handed me another silver anklet and said “your ankle looked a little bare without the constant reminder of our love.”

I haven’t worn it every day since, I wore it here and there. However this passed 6 months I’ve been wearing it all day everyday. We’ve been having trouble for a long time. I’ve been fighting your substance abuse issues for as long as I have known you. It has been a tumultuous ride that I had grown very tired of. That among other things really started to take its toll on me, especially after our second son was born.

I noticed about a month ago that my anklet was getting very worn and hanging on by a thread, and I thought it similar to the status of our relationship. I didn’t remove it, I just left it to fate what would happen to my anklet.

Tonight after 8 years and 2 children together, you packed your bags and left. After hugging you goodbye and telling you I’ll see you in a couple days when you come to see the children, I went to put our son back to bed and my anklet broke and fell to the ground.

It’s over.

I am currently going through a separation with two kids and I feel very alone. I could do with some parental support, I don’t really have it. My mother isnt in the picture and my dad is mostly checked out.

I’m 32 with two young kids and this is the scariest thing I’ve ever done. My partner and I were together 8 years and it was one hell of a ride due to his substance abuse issues. I tried very hard to make this work and help him but it got too much and I have to walk away.

I am so scared to do this. I have very few friends and family hasn’t been very supportive. I’ve been a stay at home mom for most of this so my circle is very small to non existent. My ex and I are on good terms thank goodness but I still just feel so alone with no one to talk to and I wish like hell I had a mother to give me a hug and help me through this. Everything is changing and although I know it’s the right thing to do I find myself second guessing everything because I have no one beside me to hold my hand.

I have a 5 year old and an 8 month old. I have been with my partner 8 years and 7 years ago he bought the house we live in. Sadly it has come to us separating after years of struggle with his substance abuse problems among other things.

This whole time he had been the main breadwinner, there was a year where I worked full time, but other than that I have been the stay at home mother and doing casual work here and there as that is what worked for our family. I have held the entire mental load of the house and kids, and most of the time done parenting alone while he struggled with his substance abuse problems.

Legally in this separation I am entitled to half of everything however I am only taking a small percentage of the equity of the house in order to secure a deposit on a home for myself to raise our kids in since I will have majority of custody.

Today I learnt my brother told him I deserve nothing. And that that brother and his wife spoke poorly of me to another family member calling me a bitch for even thinking I deserved anything because I didn’t contribute enough financially. I am so flabbergasted and hurt. These people know a small amount of what I have gone through which should be damn well enough to have some respect. But to think I have no value because “all I did was raise the kids” has just rocked me to my core. These people don’t want kids, and fair enough but to place such little value on me and all I do had me so shocked.

Luckily my ex and I are super amicable and hes more than happy to give me a little money (much less than I could be taking if I wanted) so that HIS KIDS can have a good life.

I don’t know where people get off, but I needed to YELL today.

ETA: I know you are all trying to help by telling me to take half, however I won’t be doing that because I don’t think it’s fair for reasons I don’t really want to delve into. I am content with taking enough to get a house and am an educated woman that will be able to go into work once I’m ready to. Their dad is still going to be in the picture, child support is figured out, don’t worry they won’t be getting short changed.

Sadly my partner and I are separating after 8 years of on again off again relationship and I’m wondering what my legal stand point is regarding the family home.

We started dating in 2018 and broke up in 2019. He bought a house after that break up and I found out I was pregnant. I put zero downpayment he pays the entire deposit. I live with him as a couple from 2019 until 2021, our son born in 2020. During that time I paid rent and he paid mortgage.
2021 we seperate and I move out for 3 months. Late 2021 I move back in as flatmates to raise our son under the same roof. I pay rent during this time, sometimes reduced amounts because I’m doing all the household work, hes paying the mortgage.
2024 we decide to get back together as a couple and our son is born 2025. And now seperating after almost 2 years back together. I have only worked part time during this period and not paid rent but rather done the household duties and pregnancy/raising children etc while all money I earnt from part time work and parental leave went back into the household/children.

Now this is not the scenario I foresaw happening, however it just is the way things have gone and I do believe I have some kind of entitlement to the house, and I don’t want 50/50 but I do think I’m entitled to something considering the time and energy I’ve put in to this family, even if there was not hefty monetary value from my side of things. He also thinks I am entitled to something. His parents do not. What is my standing point here?

Finally ended things with my now ex (father of my 8mo and 5yo) tonight after 8 YEARS of trying to work through his addiction and selfishness and our incompatibility issues.

I thought I’d feel something, anything at all. But I feel nothing. I’m not scared of the future, I’m not feeling upset about getting to this point. I’m just numb?

I think perhaps because this has been such a journey, and such a difficult one at that, that my entire being is just tired and ready for it to be over??

I’m not sure. I just know that I don’t actually know what happens next but I look forward to it, I’m ready to be a single parent.