u/Kitchen-Accident406

Since opening communication between us again, you alone are responsible for helping me find my voice through music and poetry again. I haven't been able to write anything since you. I just want you to know and believe all these I write are about you and the love I have is only and always will be yours. Never to lose, never to break. Maybe one day if you see them on here you'll let yourself be known to me here and tell me what you think and feel again. Never to be afraid and I know I'm responsible for putting some of that fear you try to hide and I'm so sorry. If ever given the chance ever again I will spend the rest of my life erasing and proving that I never meant to hurt you. I love you.

I have to live the rest of my life with all the triggers and reactions I suffered at the hands of someone I thought I was suppose to be able to trust because of my childhood and the trauma and abuse I suffered I will never be normal and the people who make excuses and protect people like this are obviously pretending to not see what it did to me. But I may have this happen to me,but It's that abusive and narcissist BS that I've turned into strength and determination to break away from that circle. I will not be quiet anymore and I refuse to let it control my life or who I trust with myself or my family and friends. I'm happy with myself and the ones( you know who you are) I let into my circle.

If anyone understands how this affects you in life and love please don't let it stop you from accomplishing what you want to succeed in. Don't let the past control or define what or who you want to be.

You met me in the quiet between the trains

Where the city lights were breaking through the rain

I had a smile built from borrowed grace

You saw the cracks I kept behind my face

You spoke like morning through a midnight door

Like you’d been here in my life before

I wanted you, but I kept my hands

Wrapped tight around the ruins of old plans

You move like truth, I flinch like pain

You say my name and I almost stay

We’re two stars burning on a crooked line

Pulling close, but never in time

You know what love should be, you never look away

I’m still haunted by the price I paid

If I reach for you, will I fall again?

If you hold my heart, can it learn to mend?

We were meant to be, but fear has a louder voice

And I keep breaking at the edge of choice

You don’t ask me to be anyone else

You light up the room like you trust yourself

I admire the way you stand so still

Like love is a promise, not a thrill

But every soft touch drags up the past

Old words, old wounds, and the shadows they cast

I hear my old heartbreak calling my name

And I let it turn my courage into blame

You move like truth, I flinch like pain

You say my name and I almost stay

We’re two stars burning on a crooked line

Pulling close, but never in time

You know what love should be, you never look away

I’m still haunted by the price I paid

If I reach for you, will I fall again?

If you hold my heart, can it learn to mend?

We were meant to be, but fear has a louder voice

And I keep breaking at the edge of choice

If I let you in, would the world come down?

Or would your arms be the safest ground?

You’ve got the kind of hope I forgot to keep

I’ve got a wounded heart that’s learning to speak

Say you’ll wait while I climb through the dark

Say you’ll meet me where I lost my spark

We’re two stars burning on a crooked line

Still reaching out across the sky

You know what love should be, you never look away

I’m still learning how to stay

If I reach for you, I won’t fall alone

If you hold my heart, maybe it’ll come home

We were meant to be, and maybe that’s enough

To let fear kneel down to love

Wish I could send this to him, but I don't think he'll feel the same way about it as I do. I miss him and I wish I could tell him that I've never lost that love with him nor will I ever. I will forever be his til Valhalla and beyond.

The kitchen clock keeps talking in the quiet

Your coffee cup still sits beside my sink

I trace the map lines on the fridge at midnight

And count the miles in every missing blink

Your jacket on the chair still holds your laughter

A little ghost of cedar, smoke, and rain

I hear your voice in every passing truck light

Then the room goes still and starts again

Miles between us, but love don’t lose its way

I hold you in the dark until the break of day

Every road we’ve waited on is leading us home

No matter how the hard wind blows, we’re never alone

I’ll be right here when the long night fades

With the same two hearts, just a little more brave

Miles between us, but I still believe

One day soon, you’ll be back here next to me

I’ve been learning how to live with empty evenings

How to smile when your name lights up my phone

We talk in little pieces, small and steady

Like seeds we plant to keep the promise growing strong

You say the moon looks different where you’re staying

I say the stars still hang the same as before

And every “soon” you whisper through the distance

Feels like a hand on my shoulder, asking for more

Miles between us, but love don’t lose its way

I hold you in the dark until the break of day

Every road we’ve waited on is leading us home

No matter how the hard wind blows, we’re never alone

I’ll be right here when the long night fades

With the same two hearts, just a little more brave

Miles between us, but I still believe

One day soon, you’ll be back here next to me

When the tires finally hum up our driveway

And your arms fold all my aching into dust

There’ll be tears, there’ll be shaking, there’ll be laughter

And the whole wide world will finally fit between us

Miles between us, but love don’t lose its way

I hold you in the dark until the break of day

Every road we’ve waited on is leading us home

No matter how the hard wind blows, we’re never alone

I’ll be right here when the long night fades

With the same two hearts, just a little more brave

Miles between us, but I still believe

One day soon, you’ll be back here next to me

The kitchen clock keeps talking in the quiet

Your coffee cup still sits beside my sink

I trace the map lines on the fridge at midnight

And count the miles in every missing blink

Your jacket on the chair still holds your laughter

A little ghost of cedar, smoke, and rain

I hear your voice in every passing truck light

Then the room goes still and starts again

Miles between us, but love don’t lose its way

I hold you in the dark until the break of day

Every road we’ve waited on is leading us home

No matter how the hard wind blows, we’re never alone

I’ll be right here when the long night fades

With the same two hearts, just a little more brave

Miles between us, but I still believe

One day soon, you’ll be back here next to me

I’ve been learning how to live with empty evenings

How to smile when your name lights up my phone

We talk in little pieces, small and steady

Like seeds we plant to keep the promise growing strong

You say the moon looks different where you’re staying

I say the stars still hang the same as before

And every “soon” you whisper through the distance

Feels like a hand on my shoulder, asking for more

Miles between us, but love don’t lose its way

I hold you in the dark until the break of day

Every road we’ve waited on is leading us home

No matter how the hard wind blows, we’re never alone

I’ll be right here when the long night fades

With the same two hearts, just a little more brave

Miles between us, but I still believe

One day soon, you’ll be back here next to me

When the tires finally hum up our driveway

And your arms fold all my aching into dust

There’ll be tears, there’ll be shaking, there’ll be laughter

And the whole wide world will finally fit between us

Miles between us, but love don’t lose its way

I hold you in the dark until the break of day

Every road we’ve waited on is leading us home

No matter how the hard wind blows, we’re never alone

I’ll be right here when the long night fades

With the same two hearts, just a little more brave

Miles between us, but I still believe

One day soon, you’ll be back here next to me

The kitchen clock keeps talking in the quiet

Your coffee cup still sits beside my sink

I trace the map lines on the fridge at midnight

And count the miles in every missing blink

Your jacket on the chair still holds your laughter

A little ghost of cedar, smoke, and rain

I hear your voice in every passing truck light

Then the room goes still and starts again

Miles between us, but love don’t lose its way

I hold you in the dark until the break of day

Every road we’ve waited on is leading us home

No matter how the hard wind blows, we’re never alone

I’ll be right here when the long night fades

With the same two hearts, just a little more brave

Miles between us, but I still believe

One day soon, you’ll be back here next to me

I’ve been learning how to live with empty evenings

How to smile when your name lights up my phone

We talk in little pieces, small and steady

Like seeds we plant to keep the promise growing strong

You say the moon looks different where you’re staying

I say the stars still hang the same as before

And every “soon” you whisper through the distance

Feels like a hand on my shoulder, asking for more

Miles between us, but love don’t lose its way

I hold you in the dark until the break of day

Every road we’ve waited on is leading us home

No matter how the hard wind blows, we’re never alone

I’ll be right here when the long night fades

With the same two hearts, just a little more brave

Miles between us, but I still believe

One day soon, you’ll be back here next to me

When the tires finally hum up our driveway

And your arms fold all my aching into dust

There’ll be tears, there’ll be shaking, there’ll be laughter

And the whole wide world will finally fit between us

Miles between us, but love don’t lose its way

I hold you in the dark until the break of day

Every road we’ve waited on is leading us home

No matter how the hard wind blows, we’re never alone

I’ll be right here when the long night fades

With the same two hearts, just a little more brave

Miles between us, but I still believe

One day soon, you’ll be back here next to me

I met you when I was seventeen

Two young hearts with a reckless dream

We dated under the summer stars

Then wore forever in matching scars

I gave you hope, I gave you time

Put my trembling trust in your hand and mine

And every road I dared to roam

Still led me back to you, back home

You have all of me still

You always did, you always will

Through every tear and every hill

My heart says yes, my soul stands still

I wanted dreams, a shared tomorrow

A love that held through joy and sorrow

If I could, I'd mend the pain

And choose you all over again

There were nights we let the silence grow

Words like stones we couldn’t throw

But even hurt can’t bury truth

I kept your name inside my youth

I wanted rings, a house, a life

A Sunday calm, a hand, a wife

Contentment in the quiet glow

Of growing old and moving slow

You have all of me still

You always did, you always will

Through every tear and every hill

My heart says yes, my soul stands still

I wanted dreams, a shared tomorrow

A love that held through joy and sorrow

If I could, I'd mend the pain

And choose you all over again

So if the distance tests our light

I’ll keep the flame alive at night

My trust is yours until my last breath

Beyond the clock, beyond death

What we were and what we are

Still burns like a steady star

You have all of me still

You always did, you always will

Through every tear and every hill

My heart says yes, my soul stands still

I wanted dreams, a shared tomorrow

A love that held through joy and sorrow

If I could, I'd mend the pain

And choose you all over again

I met you when I was seventeen

Two young hearts with a reckless dream

We dated under the summer stars

Then wore forever in matching scars

I gave you hope, I gave you time

Put my trembling trust in your hand and mine

And every road I dared to roam

Still led me back to you, back home

You have all of me still

You always did, you always will

Through every tear and every hill

My heart says yes, my soul stands still

I wanted dreams, a shared tomorrow

A love that held through joy and sorrow

If I could, I'd mend the pain

And choose you all over again

There were nights we let the silence grow

Words like stones we couldn’t throw

But even hurt can’t bury truth

I kept your name inside my youth

I wanted rings, a house, a life

A Sunday calm, a hand, a wife

Contentment in the quiet glow

Of growing old and moving slow

You have all of me still

You always did, you always will

Through every tear and every hill

My heart says yes, my soul stands still

I wanted dreams, a shared tomorrow

A love that held through joy and sorrow

If I could, I'd mend the pain

And choose you all over again

So if the distance tests our light

I’ll keep the flame alive at night

My trust is yours until my last breath

Beyond the clock, beyond death

What we were and what we are

Still burns like a steady star

You have all of me still

You always did, you always will

Through every tear and every hill

My heart says yes, my soul stands still

I wanted dreams, a shared tomorrow

A love that held through joy and sorrow

If I could, I'd mend the pain

And choose you all over again

I met you when I was seventeen

Two young hearts with a reckless dream

We dated under the summer stars

Then wore forever in matching scars

I gave you hope, I gave you time

Put my trembling trust in your hand and mine

And every road I dared to roam

Still led me back to you, back home

You have all of me still

You always did, you always will

Through every tear and every hill

My heart says yes, my soul stands still

I wanted dreams, a shared tomorrow

A love that held through joy and sorrow

If I could, I'd mend the pain

And choose you all over again

There were nights we let the silence grow

Words like stones we couldn’t throw

But even hurt can’t bury truth

I kept your name inside my youth

I wanted rings, a house, a life

A Sunday calm, a hand, a wife

Contentment in the quiet glow

Of growing old and moving slow

You have all of me still

You always did, you always will

Through every tear and every hill

My heart says yes, my soul stands still

I wanted dreams, a shared tomorrow

A love that held through joy and sorrow

If I could, I'd mend the pain

And choose you all over again

So if the distance tests our light

I’ll keep the flame alive at night

My trust is yours until my last breath

Beyond the clock, beyond death

What we were and what we are

Still burns like a steady star

You have all of me still

You always did, you always will

Through every tear and every hill

My heart says yes, my soul stands still

I wanted dreams, a shared tomorrow

A love that held through joy and sorrow

If I could, I'd mend the pain

And choose you all over again

I met you when I was seventeen

Two young hearts with a reckless dream

We dated under the summer stars

Then wore forever in matching scars

I gave you hope, I gave you time

Put my trembling trust in your hand and mine

And every road I dared to roam

Still led me back to you, back home

You have all of me still

You always did, you always will

Through every tear and every hill

My heart says yes, my soul stands still

I wanted dreams, a shared tomorrow

A love that held through joy and sorrow

If I could, I'd mend the pain

And choose you all over again

There were nights we let the silence grow

Words like stones we couldn’t throw

But even hurt can’t bury truth

I kept your name inside my youth

I wanted rings, a house, a life

A Sunday calm, a hand, a wife

Contentment in the quiet glow

Of growing old and moving slow

You have all of me still

You always did, you always will

Through every tear and every hill

My heart says yes, my soul stands still

I wanted dreams, a shared tomorrow

A love that held through joy and sorrow

If I could, I'd mend the pain

And choose you all over again

So if the distance tests our light

I’ll keep the flame alive at night

My trust is yours until my last breath

Beyond the clock, beyond death

What we were and what we are

Still burns like a steady star

You have all of me still

You always did, you always will

Through every tear and every hill

My heart says yes, my soul stands still

I wanted dreams, a shared tomorrow

A love that held through joy and sorrow

If I could, I'd mend the pain

And choose you all over again

I wanted you and only you

I wanted you to chase me, to fight for me.

I wanted you to know me and only me.

I wanted you and only you to own me.

I wanted you to love me as I love you.

I wanted you to run your hands all over my whole body and make me scream out in pleasures only you can take me to.

I wanted your kiss,your arms,your body surrounding me making me yours over and over until we both were spent.

I wanted so much with you and only you.

But most of all I only ever wanted and needed to hear you say you love me out loud and give me safety and security from the world and it'd be just me and you.

I wanted you to prove to certain people that didn't have any right to take you away from me and our unborn child at the time that was most crucial to me. I wanted you to know that all I've ever wanted was to be your's and let no one stop you from coming to me and loving me like no other ever has or will.

I wish you could have seen how painful and shattering it was for me to let you go because I knew you would have been unhappy with me by the way you act and treated me and still do😥🥺😟 I don't want to nor can say goodbye permanently to you even if it was my last breath but if you are so happy without me then why did you keep coming home back to me? Was it because your heart told you that you were my mate, my lifeline, my other half of my soul? Honestly what was it? Because Everytime you came back and then left without and fight you took another piece of my heart n soul with you. Now I'm just an empty shell who pretends to be who I need to be to be happy with myself and that makes me extremely angry and hurt and who can recover from something that you chose to do. Never to tell me what I knew you are hiding just for the sake of the world. Your sweet and loving and kind. Your tender but strong, your blunt and know what you want but seems to be afraid of what you want will be taken away. Your stubborn but soft and dominant all at the same time. You have love in your heart but are scared of history repeating. So you just push away whenever you feel it's getting hard or we actually have to work to get what you from me.

But now you know what I want from you and you know how to get what you want from me,but the huge question is are you willing to throw the world away from us and see if what I told you everyday is real and embrace that feeling. I can be anything you need me to be and just about everything you want me to do with you. You only need come to my town and show just what you want if it's still truly me you can't live without maybe

I choose to remain by myself because there is no one else for me and if not being with me makes you happy then as much as it'll destroy me, that's all I have ever cared about. Your happiness and that's my love is the truth and why I said goodbye to you after that last conversation with you. Not because I wanted to,but because I love you to see you happy even if it would be without me😥🥺😟