u/Kweli420

I’m an ENFP, and one of my good friends is an ISTP.

And I have a theory about you fuckers.

You love presenting yourselves as these calm, rational, emotionally detached people who just want to be left alone.

Bullshit.

You’re not necessarily the responsible ones. You’re just better at looking responsible.

My ISTP friend and I are a perfect example:

Individually? Two reasonably functioning adults.
Together? Absolutely fucking ridiculous.

We get completely wasted, end up dancing shirtless in clubs, encourage each other’s worst decisions, and somehow manage to make every night significantly more chaotic than originally
planned.

And here’s the funniest part.

I’m supposed to be the chaotic ENFP. HE’S supposed to be the calm, logical one.

Yet somehow this man needs approximately ZERO convincing to participate in the dumbest shit imaginable.

I genuinely think some ISTPs are secretly just as unhinged as ENFPs. The difference is that ENFPs advertise their insanity, while ISTPs wait until they’ve found someone equally questionable
before revealing theirs.

And maybe that’s why we get along so fucking well.

But here’s what I actually want to know:

Are ISTPs genuinely calm and rational, or is that just the personality you show people you don’t find interesting enough to be completely insane around?

And a bonus question:

Do you actually need chaotic extroverts to bring out your wild side, or are you secretly the bad
influence pretending to be the innocent one?

Because I’m starting to suspect my ISTP friend is the fucking problem.

Hi! I’m trying to figure out whether I’m ENFJ or ENFP and would appreciate input based on cognitive functions rather than stereotypes.

I’m 29, male, and have tested as both. I used to test as INFP years ago, but I’ve become much more extroverted, confident and leadership-oriented with age. I’m also 4w3.

I’ve always been very imaginative and dreamy, and I spend a lot of time in my own thoughts. I constantly notice new possibilities, alternative paths and things that could happen next. I get bored fairly easily, enjoy novelty and stimulation, and often have several interests or things going on at the same time.

Socially, I love meeting new people and quickly become curious about who I can connect with. I’m also very interested in what goes on in other people’s heads.
At work I’m ambitious, competitive and future-oriented. I work in sales leadership and training, and I naturally focus a lot on coaching, motivation, communication and helping people develop. I often come up with new ideas for how things could be improved.

I’m generally good at reading social dynamics. In conflicts I often see several perspectives at once and naturally become the mediator. I definitely have my own opinions and values, but my first instinct is often to understand everyone involved.

I can be organized and structured when something matters, but I also like flexibility. When travelling, for example, I’ll plan flights, hotels and some key things in advance, but then I love improvising and exploring spontaneously.

I usually know roughly where I want my life to go, but I don’t see one fixed path. I often explore several alternatives before deciding, and I actually find unexpected changes in direction exciting.

That’s why I’m confused: my social awareness, leadership, mediation and focus on developing people sound very ENFJ, while my imagination, novelty-seeking and constant generation of possibilities seem very ENFP.

How would you distinguish Fe–Ni from Ne–Fi in someone like this? Is there anything here that strongly points toward one type?

I’m an ENFJ myself, and I recently went down a rabbit hole reading comments from people who genuinely dislike ENFJs.

Not just random MBTI stereotypes either. I specifically looked for people talking about ENFJs they had actually dated, worked with, lived with, been friends with or had in their family.

And honestly, the pattern was pretty uncomfortable.

People kept describing ENFJs as controlling, clingy, fake, intrusive, overly involved, manipulative, needy for validation and convinced that they know what is best for everyone else.

And the more I read, the more I realized something.

A lot of the things people hate about us are basically distorted versions of the things we are most proud of.

We say we care deeply about people;
Someone else experiences it as us constantly being in their business.

We say we see people’s potential;
Someone else experiences it as “Why are you trying to fix me?”

We say we are diplomatic;
Someone else thinks we are fake because we can be incredibly friendly to someone we privately dislike.

We say we are good at reading people;
Someone else wonders whether we are using that information to manipulate them.

We say we want harmony;
Someone else experiences that as emotional pressure to behave the way we want them to.

We say we are natural leaders;
Someone else experiences us as bossy and convinced that our way is the right way.

And I’m not even saying those people are necessarily correct.

But I do think ENFJs can have a massive blind spot here.

If you are naturally good at reading social situations, influencing people, motivating them, making people feel seen and creating emotional connection, it is probably very easy to convince yourself that your influence is always benevolent.

Maybe sometimes it isn’t.

Maybe sometimes “I’m just trying to help” really means “I want you to do what I think is best.”

Maybe “I care about you” occasionally becomes “I feel entitled to be involved in your decisions.”

Maybe “I’m protecting the atmosphere” becomes being nice to someone’s face and talking about them completely differently behind their back.

And maybe one of the darker ENFJ tendencies is that because we often genuinely mean well, we can have a very hard time recognizing when we are being controlling.

I definitely recognize some of the healthier versions of these tendencies in myself.

I love helping people. I love motivating people. I naturally get involved. I like solving conflicts, finding compromises and getting people moving in a better direction.

But reading how this can feel from the receiving end genuinely made me think.

So I’m curious how other ENFJs see this.

Do you think we sometimes confuse caring with controlling?

Have you ever realized that something you thought was supportive was actually overwhelming someone?

And what ENFJ behavior do you think other ENFJs are most unwilling to admit is annoying?

Any other thoughts?

I took the test a little differently this time. Instead of answering based on who I actually am, I answered based on the person I would ideally like to be.

I always get ENFJ-T, but my ideal version came out as ENTJ-A.

I thought it was a pretty interesting way to see which traits I actually want to develop.

Why do you think my “ideal self” came out as ENTJ-A when I normally type as ENFJ? What do you think that says about the traits I value, admire, or want to change in myself?

Has anyone else tried doing the test this way, and how different was your ideal type from your actual type?

I took the test a little differently this time. Instead of answering based on who I actually am, I answered based on the person I would ideally like to be.

I always get ENFJ-T, but my ideal version came out as ENTJ-A.

I thought it was a pretty interesting way to see which traits I actually want to develop.

Why do you think my “ideal self” came out as ENTJ-A when I normally type as ENFJ? What do you think that says about the traits I value, admire, or want to change in myself?

Has anyone else tried doing the test this way, and how different was your ideal type from your actual type?

Are we too much? Too intense?

I hear some people be hating on my type, so I’d like to invite you to a discussion!

Ask me anything about being an ENFJ, challenge me, or tell me what you love or hate about us.

People seem to have a bit of a love-or-hate relationship with my personality. I’m very outgoing, energetic, expressive and emotionally open, and I tend to bring a lot of energy into a room.

Some people seem to really love that and describe me as authentic, fun and easy to connect with.

Others seem to experience me as “too much”, too energetic, too intense or simply overwhelming.

I don’t really want to tone myself down just to be more universally liked, because this genuinely feels like who I am. At the same time, I’m curious about the line between being authentic and being socially overwhelming.

Is this something other ENFJs experience?

Do people tend to either really like you or find your energy too intense?

What do you other types think?

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some advice from people who have experience with ear barotrauma or a ruptured eardrum.

About a week ago, I suffered a ruptured eardrum (right ear) during an airplane landing due to pressure changes. I still have hearing loss in that ear, and my doctor diagnosed it as ear barotrauma with blood behind/on the eardrum. I’m currently waiting for it to heal.

A few days later, I had to fly again. This time I used EarPlanes earplugs during the flight. Right after I removed the earplugs after landing, I suddenly experienced a severe blocked sensation and reduced hearing in my left ear (the ear that wasn’t originally injured). It scared me because it felt like things had become much worse. Fortunately, after some time, the symptoms improved significantly.
My right ear, however, is still the main problem. I still have hearing loss from the original barotrauma/ruptured eardrum.

The issue is that I have to fly again this coming Monday, and then again on Friday next week. Unfortunately, avoiding flying isn’t really an option.
Has anyone here flown with a healing ruptured eardrum or ear barotrauma? Did it make your recovery worse, or was it okay? Is there anything you would recommend to reduce the risk of further injury (EarPlanes, nasal spray, timing of the earplugs, etc.)?

I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences. Thanks!