u/Limp_Honey8488

I find this really odd that I’m this walking red flag because my husband cheated on me numerous times.

I’m meeting people that have walked out on their marriages for no reason and that’s not a red flag? They divorce with little kids because they grew apart or they weren’t feeling the same love they used to or the grass is greener on the other side. And that’s not a red flag.

But someone that had a marriage end for a legitimate reason is a problem. You’re too damaged., you have trust issues, what did you do to cause him to cheat? Why did you pick him so not only in my marriage his actions were my fault now that I’m back out there. His actions were my fault as well, and I deserve to be alone for it.

I’m sorry for the vent, but I’ve become really disgusted with everything and feel that I’m going to be alone forever. Yes I’m in therapy and I’m trying.

Everyone knows my story. I’ve posted on here quite often, and I will be honest. This group has really helped me.

Nobody else understands this like you guys do even my own friends.

Anyway he cheated 5 times with men and women some were physical others were attempts (msging and plotting)

We separated but we’re talking reconciliation and I dated a few people briefly. (Mistake on my part) he blames the end of the marriage on what I did and his cheating on my post partum and that I changed after the kids. He has 3 children. Two with me and one with his first wife which I helped him raise.

He gives me the guilt trip that he wants to see his kids that he just wants to be with his kids after three days of not seeing them crying he misses them.

Isn’t this what you signed up for? I’m the custodial parent and the children are going to be with me most of the time he gets them on the weekends and he comes one day a week to see them. I don’t want him here anymore than that I can’t deal with it. If he took me to court he’d get less time. In this state it’s every other weekend and one day during the week.

The whole crying father act is absolutely disgusting to me because he was the one that left. He was the one that continuously cheated first and now you wanna cry that you can’t be with your kids every day. You destroyed our family and you’re walking around like the victim.

Can anyone relate to this.

My husband cheated 5 times throughout our marriage with men and women. One was a woman he was in love with, he kept her in his life the whole time we were married, had her in my house and around my kids.

During our separation I dated other people. (This was a mistake) but I wasn’t thinking clearly.

He begged me to work it out but I was having too much trouble forgiving him and I was really angry. He couldn’t handle it and moved out.

Everytime we talk about the kids I can’t look at him. I’ve told him I’m devastated and he just tells me he doesn’t love me anymore and I ruined our marriage and it’s all my fault.

It happened again today when he tried to video chat me and I had to turn my head because I can’t look at him.

Then he brings up the guys I dated while we were separated. I then asked him why he was bringing that up when he had a full on affair and brought the woman in my house around my kids lying that she was just a friend. And then all the others.

Again he starts saying he doesn’t love me and if I was trying to get him back it wasn’t the way to do it. I wasn’t trying to get him back.

I don’t want to talk to him, I’m sick of feeling like crap on the bottom of a shoe.

He makes me feel so bad about myself like I’m the unlovable horror of a human.

I hate having to communicate with him,

I’ve been friends with this girl since college, she’s my daughter’s god mother but I can’t talk to her anymore.

She’s cheated on her husband several times with an ex boyfriend. She’s tried to break up 3 marriages (trying to steal husbands)

There have been like 5 different men she wanted to leave her husband for but it never worked out and she wound up staying.

Very recently she reconnected with a guy from highschool she used to date. They we plotting an affair and sexting constantly. There were talks of leaving her husband for him. I believe he broke it off and told her to work things out with her husband.

Right now she lives in another state and every time she comes here she asks me to hang out with them. I no longer want to do this because they still talk about having sex if her husband won’t touch her.

Every time she comes here he picks her up and drives her to wherever we’re meeting they talk for hours and ignore everyone rise and they disappear to smoke pot together.

She text me today after a week saying how she fell down the stairs and this particular guy friend was in the hospital.

I spoke to her about her fall then asked if her husband was helping her. Then I asked how her daughter was doing.

I just can’t be around this.. I don’t want hear it and I don’t want to hang out with them.

Any advice

AITH for blowing off my ex through text?

I only dated him for 4 months. It was very intense and very much like a roller coaster. He has a drinking problem would tell me he loved me then eventually ended it because he felt he deserved better.

He had a lot of issues 38, lives with his parents, would sneak alcohol into bars and got thrown out of two of them.

I was hurt for a few weeks after but a few months I realized this was for the best.

He contacted me 3 times after the split wanting friendship I would answer him politely even though I wanted to tell him off.

He text me this morning after 6 months saying

“I just got your texts hope your doing well”

(A text from 6 months ago)

I took his number out of my phone because I didn’t want to speak to him further so I didn’t recognize the number.

Said “??this number is not in my phone so I’m not sure who this is”

He then said “ok” and the proceeds to tell me he has a pair of my socks at his house…

I then told his to discard of them. He said “got you”

Not sure what’s wrong with people and this dude is weird..

My socks??? Are you kidding me.

I only dated him for 4 months. It was very intense and very much like a roller coaster. He has a drinking problem would tell me he loved me then eventually ended it because he felt he deserved better.

He had a lot of issues 38, lives with his parents, would sneak alcohol into bars and got thrown out of two of them.

I was hurt for a few weeks after but a few months I realized this was for the best.

He contacted me 3 times after the split wanting friendship I would answer him politely even though I wanted to tell him off.

He text me this morning after 6 months saying

“I just got your texts hope your doing well”

(A text from 6 months ago)

I took his number out of my phone because I didn’t want to speak to him further so I didn’t recognize the number.

Said “??this number is not in my phone so I’m not sure who this is”

He then said “ok” and the proceeds to tell me he has a pair of my socks at his house…

I then told his to discard of them. He said “got you”

Not sure what’s wrong with people and this dude is weird..

My socks??? Are you kidding me.

We’ve been split up a while but we fight about the kids and money.

The cheating always comes up. He still doesn’t understand why I can’t let it go.

Let’s go down the list.

He was planning a three way with a man and woman

Paid for a hand job at a massage place

Joined dating websites

Msged numerous women on instagram

Had an affair with whom I thought was a friend and trusted her in my house, he was in love with her for years

Then emotionally attached himself to her ex husband and they hooked up (not sex)

All of that was because I went through post partum depression..

Maybe I would have recovered faster if he had actually been there instead of cheating with everyone

We had a fight about money this morning.

My husband cheated several times during our marriage with men and women. He was hopelessly in love with the women he had the affair with and had her in my house, sleeping in my home and social media for years. Then attached himself to her ex husband and cheated with him. (He’s bi)

He left the marital home 2 months ago and has not paid the mortgage in 4 months. We applied for a repayment program and got approved.

He’s threatening to not pay the mortgage if I have guy friends over. He’s blaming me that I never made enough money and he cheated because I wasn’t fulfilling his needs.

I told him me not fulfilling all your needs is not an excuse to cheat and many times as he did and verbally abuse me.

He’s saying “I can’t make him pay the mortgage and he doesn’t want to do it anymore”

I’m going to be making an appointment with family court to file for support he makes 150k a year

He just blames me for not making enough money when I had to be with the kids, and he’s blaming me for all his affairs.

What am I dealing with here.

How to deal with Narcissistic Ex?

I don’t use this term lightly and I wanted to believe for years that I wasn’t dealing with this, but I think that I am.

My soon to be ex husband has a lot of issues. Throughout our marriage he cheated on me 5 times with men and women, some were physical, some were attempts at it and one was paid for.

He likes reptiles, to spite having 3 kids one with his first wife and 2 with me his second wife. He accumulated 30 of them which he kept in the basement. It was so bad that he chose them over spending time with me and his kids.

He was verbally abusive, called me things like trash, waste of life, I was nothing before him, I’m a loser and a mootch and he deserves better.

He pushed me twice and once held me down on a bed and told me no one would ever love me.

I am not saying that I’m perfect and that there were times I could’ve been better but what I had dealt with was a lot and eventually he pointed the finger at me for everything and left.

All of a sudden he has all this interest in the kids wants to take them as much as possible. I’m trying to work and make money. I’m not out partying until 4 o’clock in the morning. I don’t have any boyfriends. I’m doing what I have to do right now.

He makes 150k a year and we’ve almost lost the house 4 times. I spoke to lawyer and I have to file for custody and support if he starts coming up with excuses again.

I worked all weekend because he had the kids and I was under the impression he was coming over today so I asked if he had $20 for gas and if not, I would use his card to work. He said he wasn’t coming and he made it out like I didn’t wanna spend time with my kids. Over work..

While we were married he called me a lazy bitch because I was home with kids and wasn’t making much money. Now all of a sudden I’m not a good mom???

TL;DR How do I deal with this? Can someone please help me

I don’t use this term lightly and I wanted to believe for years that I wasn’t dealing with this, but I think that I am.

My soon to be ex husband has a lot of issues. Throughout our marriage he cheated on me 5 times with men and women, some were physical, some were attempts at it and one was paid for.

He likes reptiles, to spite having 3 kids one with his first wife and 2 with me his second wife. He accumulated 30 of them which he kept in the basement. It was so bad that he chose them over spending time with me and his kids.

He was verbally abusive, called me things like trash, waste of life, I was nothing before him, I’m a loser and a mootch and he deserves better.

He pushed me twice and once held me down on a bed and told me no one would ever love me.

I am not saying that I’m perfect and that there were times I could’ve been better but what I had dealt with was a lot and eventually he pointed the finger at me for everything and left.

All of a sudden he has all this interest in the kids wants to take them as much as possible. I’m trying to work and make money. I’m not out partying until 4 o’clock in the morning. I don’t have any boyfriends. I’m doing what I have to do right now.

He makes 150k a year and we’ve almost lost the house 4 times. I spoke to lawyer and I have to file for custody and support if he starts coming up with excuses again.

I worked all weekend because he had the kids and I was under the impression he was coming over today so I asked if he had $20 for gas and if not, I would use his card to work. He said he wasn’t coming and he made it out like I didn’t wanna spend time with my kids. Over work..

While we were married he called me a lazy bitch because I was home with kids and wasn’t making much money. Now all of a sudden I’m not a good mom???

How do I deal with this? Can someone please help me

I don’t know if this is allowed here but I’ve had a few conversations with men (building up to a date) that generally resulted in them bashing their ex wife or all women, which makes me wonder why they’re looking at all.

I had a guy who started off pretty good, he sent me a video of himself pretending to rap and I thought it was hilarious and I though “this guy might be cool”

He then started obsessively asking me how much looks mattered to me and if I was superficial and what was the most superficial thing I’ve ever declined a date for. I kept an open mind and just kept telling him “if we vibe we vibe”

Then the next day he went on about how all women leave a marriage to take their husbands money.

I left my marriage because my husband lied to me for 10 years, cheated on me several times called me vile names shook my son when he was two and called him a mistake and ultimately told me he hated me. It had nothing to do with wanting his money..

Then ultimately when I tell my divorce story they’re so shocked as if things like that don’t happen ever because they didn’t do it.

So I sort of get triggered when I hear these men bad mouth their ex wife’s or put all women in a superficial money grubbing category.

Has anyone experienced this on both ends

Believing in balance when it comes to being a parent and being in a relationship

I’m a newly separated mother and I have made the conscious decision not to date anyone because I know I need to focus on my children.

A man on Facebook posted his dating profile and asked for help. On his profile twice he put that he has a daughter and she’s his entire world. Since he asked for help I told him he should change the sentence a bit because anyone he’s dating will want to feel important. Him and two other people flipped out on me saying I was ugly and horrible and I need help.

When all I stated was if you want to get into a relationship while being a parent, you should balance between the two and not designated a first and second. Obviously when it comes to children, there are different kind of priority and yes, in a lot of ways they need to come first, but I just felt putting that out there kind of sets the tone to something negative.

But if I’m wrong, that’s fine people here can tell me that I don’t know, but I just got some insane reactions from people. I don’t think I’m a terrible person for thinking a relationship should be balanced and I don’t think that I’m a disgusting human being either.

TL;DR got verbally attacked on the internet for my opinion on single parents dating

I’m a newly separated mother and I have made the conscious decision not to date anyone because I know I need to focus on my children.

A man on Facebook posted his dating profile and asked for help. On his profile twice he put that he has a daughter and she’s his entire world. Since he asked for help I told him he should change the sentence a bit because anyone he’s dating will want to feel important. Him and two other people flipped out on me saying I was ugly and horrible and I need help.

When all I stated was if you want to get into a relationship while being a parent, you should balance between the two and not designated a first and second. Obviously when it comes to children, there are different kind of priority and yes, in a lot of ways they need to come first, but I just felt putting that out there kind of sets the tone to something negative.

But if I’m wrong, that’s fine people here can tell me that I don’t know, but I just got some insane reactions from people. I don’t think I’m a terrible person for thinking a relationship should be balanced and I don’t think that I’m a disgusting human being either.

TL;DR got verbally attacked on the internet for my opinion on single parents dating

I’m a newly separated mother and I have made the conscious decision not to date anyone because I know I need to focus on my children.

A man on Facebook posted his dating profile and asked for help. On his profile twice he put that he has a daughter and she’s his entire world. Since he asked for help I told him he should change the sentence a bit because anyone he’s dating will want to feel important. Him and two other people flipped out on me saying I was ugly and horrible and I need help.

When all I stated was if you want to get into a relationship while being a parent, you should balance between the two and not designated a first and second. Obviously when it comes to children, there are different kind of priority and yes, in a lot of ways they need to come first, but I just felt putting that out there kind of sets the tone to something negative.

But if I’m wrong, that’s fine people here can tell me that I don’t know, but I just got some insane reactions from people. I don’t think I’m a terrible person for thinking a relationship should be balanced and I don’t think that I’m a disgusting human being either.

TL;DR got verbally attacked on the internet for my opinion on single parents dating

I was once the stepmother with a HCBM and I’m now the BM

My husband who moved out 6 weeks ago cheated on his first wife. He was also in love with another woman while he was married to her (I did not know about this until recently)

She was unavailable so he settled for me (once again information I didn’t know)

During our relationship and Into our marriage BM was angry which i understand now but she did things I wouldn’t have done. She dumped SD on us 4 days a week and would disappear. I took over and took care of her but everything I did was wrong. I was constantly accused of being a bad stepmother I was a horrible person because I didn’t understand where mom was and why I was doing all of this. Basic acts of discipline turned into you’re an abusive horrible person that hates my daughter.

I was miserable. Then the cheating started after I had my son, he almost died while I was pregnant and I went through severe post partum.

He was constantly angry, called me trash, insulting my ability to make money. Got physical 3 different occasions and one incident was in front of all 3 kids.

In the course of 12 years he started an affair with that person he was always in love with because she became available, only stayed with me because I got pregnant a second time and asked me to have an abortion. He lied that they were friends brought her in my house and was always “helping her”

He would openly flirt with women on social media, trying for affairs.

He was planning a 3 way with 2 people and I found the chats while we were getting our taxes done.

He joined plenty of fish

He paid for a hand job at a massage parlor and he sat next another guy on a couch and the master bated together to porn.

He has cheated on me with men and women.

After 12 years and many fights and a separation I started dating again. He put cameras around the house and listened to all my conversations.

He then told me the marriage was over and I blew it. I’m boring and he doesn’t love me anymore.

I’m sorry ladies but I don’t think there is any way I can welcome any new women he brings into my children’s lives. There will be no friendship, no joint birthday parties where I support his new relationship.

My husband who moved out 6 weeks ago cheated on his first wife. He was also in love with another woman while he was married to her (I did not know about this until recently)

She was unavailable so he settled for me (once again information I didn’t know)

During our relationship and Into our marriage BM was angry which i understand now but she did things I wouldn’t have done. She dumped SD on us 4 days a week and would disappear. I took over and took care of her but everything I did was wrong. I was constantly accused of being a bad stepmother I was a horrible person because I didn’t understand where mom was and why I was doing all of this. Basic acts of discipline turned into you’re an abusive bitch that hates my daughter.

I was miserable. Then the cheating started after I had my son, he almost died while I was pregnant and I went through severe post partum.

He was constantly angry, called me trash, insulting my ability to make money. Got physical 3 different occasions and one incident was in front of all 3 kids.

In the course of 12 years he started an affair with that person he was always in love with because she became available, only stayed with me because I got pregnant a second time and asked me to have an abortion. He lied that they were friends brought her in my house and was always “helping her”

He would openly flirt with women on social media, trying for affairs.

He was planning a 3 way with a transgender and her girlfriend.

He joined plenty of fish

He paid for a hand job at a massage parlor and he sat next another guy on a couch and the master bated together to porn.

After 12 years and many fights and a separation I started dating again. He put cameras around the house and listened to all my conversations.

He then told me the marriage was over and I blew it. I’m boring and he doesn’t love me anymore.

I’m sorry ladies but I don’t think there is any way I can welcome any new women he brings into my children’s lives. There will be no friendship, no joint birthday parties where I support his new relationship.

Then that will me the horrible BM.

I feel like it’s my fault.

I feel responsible and I’m having trouble coping.

His second marriage my first. He has one child with his first wife and 2 with me.

My Husband moved out, the last conversation we had he told me he didn’t love me anymore, and he told me I was boring and we have nothing in common

He says I like to go to the gym, go out to dinner and watch TV at the end of night. I have no drive to plan anything fun.

Our house almost went into foreclosure 6 times while we were married and my car got repossessed because he wasn’t making the payments. I wanted to plan fun things but there was never any money.

After we separated we were still living together and I started dating someone it was a big mistake. He can’t get over the fact that I did that. But he cheated while I was pregnant and when my kids were little.

My husband cheated 3 times and tried to cheat another few times. I caught him several times flirting and making attempts DMing women on instagram.

Here are the counts

1. paid for hand job at a massage parlor
2. had affair with someone I thought was a friend. (Had her in my house kept her in our lives for years, did her favors, had her around our kids, planned a trip with my kids to go see her when she moved away)
3. Mutual masturbating with another man while watching porn
4. joined plenty of fish
5. flirted with women on instagram and followed many porn pages

The women he had the affair with he was in love with her, had her in my house around my kids and lied saying they were friends. She spent the night in my home sleeping in the same room as my daughter.

He says he’s miserable with me and wants someone to go to beach and go camping with, he wants to go kayaking and water boarding and I don’t want do anything. But like I said there was never any money.

I feel a sense of regret and self blame.

Like if I had been better this wouldn’t have happened but after all the cheating and flirting and porn I lost it, I was so angry all the time and ultimately he left because I couldn’t get over it.

I worry that he’ll find someone fast and I’ll be alone.

I feel so low.

TL;DR Infidelity and Anger

I feel responsible and I’m having trouble coping.

His second marriage my first. He has 3 children 2 different women, I have 2 with just him.

My Husband moved out, the last conversation we had he told me he didn’t love me anymore, and he told me I was boring and we have nothing in common

He says I like to go to the gym, go out to dinner and watch TV at the end of night. I have no drive to plan anything fun.

Our house almost went into foreclosure 6 times while we were married and my car got repossessed because he wasn’t making the payments. I wanted to plan fun things but there was never any money.

After we separated we were still living together and I started dating someone it was a big mistake. He can’t get over the fact that I did that. But he cheated while I was pregnant and when my kids were little.

My husband cheated 3 times and tried to cheat another few times. I caught him several times flirting and making attempts DMing women on instagram.

Here are the counts

1. paid for hand job at a massage parlor
2. had affair with someone I thought was a friend. (Had her in my house kept her in our lives for years, did her favors, had her around our kids, planned a trip with my kids to go see her when she moved away)
3. Mutual masturbating with another man while watching porn
4. planned a 3 way with a transgender
5. joined plenty of fish
6. flirted with women on instagram and followed many porn pages

The women he had the affair with he was in love with her, had her in my house around my kids and lied saying they were friends. She spent the night in my home sleeping in the same room as my daughter.

He says he’s miserable with me and wants someone to go to beach and go camping with, he wants to go kayaking and water boarding and I don’t want do anything. But like I said there was never any money.

I feel a sense of regret and self blame.

Like if I had been better this wouldn’t have happened but after all the cheating and flirting and porn I lost it, I was so angry all the time and ultimately he left because I couldn’t get over it.

I worry that he’ll find someone fast and I’ll be alone.

I feel so low.

My Husband moved out, the last conversation we had he told me he didn’t love me anymore, and he told me I was boring and we have nothing in common

He says I like to go to the gym, go out to dinner and watch TV at the end of night. I have no drive to plan anything fun.

Our house almost went into foreclosure 6 times while we were married and my car got repossessed because he wasn’t making the payments. I wanted to plan fun things but there was never any money.

After we separated we were still living together and I started dating someone it was a big mistake. He can’t get over the fact that I did that. But he cheated while I was pregnant and when my kids were little.

My husband cheated 3 times and tried to cheat another few times. I caught him several times flirting and making attempts DMing women on instagram.

The women he had the affair with he was in love with her, had her in my house around my kids and lied saying they were friends. She spent the night in my home sleeping in the same room as my daughter.

He says he’s miserable with me and wants someone to go to beach and go camping with, he wants to go kayaking and water boarding and I don’t want do anything. But like I said there was never any money.

I feel a sense of regret and self blame.

Like if I had been better this wouldn’t have happened but after all the cheating and flirting and porn I lost it, I was so angry all the time and ultimately he left because I couldn’t get over it.

I worry that he’ll find someone fast and I’ll be alone.

I feel so low.

I’m not knocking anyone or trying to start a fight or anything but going back out there I have been seeing a lot of people in their late 40s and 50s referring to themselves as young. Like they have all the time in the world.

I don’t see that at all. I’m 46 and do not consider myself young. Im middle aged and navigating the world after a horrific marriage.

I know people in their late 20s early 30 which I consider younger but not that young.

In face I’ve met a lot of me my age and even women to don’t appear or act young.

I get tired by 11 I can’t handle a hang over like I used to. I like to sit on my couch and watch “my stories”