u/Locked-Luxe-Lox

When i say i love this vanilla .. love it down to the ground. I love the classic vanilla suagar scent in the grey bottle but Tuscan Vanilla is stronger and more fragrant and i love it.

Im wearing it today along side the coastal creme oil, Vanilla sugar perfumeand the prosilk vanilla body butter.

Love this vanilla. I always grab more of it if i see it.

Currently on zoloft 25mgs. Zoloft has helped it took away nightmares, gave me feelings of wellbeing.. but i did have dark thoughts during the activation stage ( but ive had some dark thoughts pre-zoloft)

I just dont want to go through the activation anxiety of increasing my dose..my thoughts were dark dont wannt go there again. I have too much that im balancing ( kids and school drop off pick up/work for me and school coming up)

To deal with side effects thatll make me sleep or super depressed or have crying spells and mood swings. I have to work..i have to gwt my kids to school on time ..

I dont have any support no extra help nothing.

Would you increase zoloft or switch to something else or add something else with zoloft?

Please need advice.

So .. im struggling with sticky thought that wont leave and despite being on 25mgs of zoloft( i know baby dose) i feel panic/anxiety is breaking through.

Im having hocd( some harm thoughts and constant "what if i die" ect thoughts...

I know i should go up but anctivation anxiety was so bad.. i feel i cwnt risk it.

Im balancing alot.. kids ( drop off/pick up..) me working and pursuing school myself. I cant let the pieces fall. I have no one thatll step in for me.

What can i do?

Ive been abstaining for 2 yrs and 3 months ( after june ) im so proud of myself and i feel the desire for a relationship fading. My main focus now is just financial freedom and traveling one day.

I feel my energy being able to be diverted into myself, my kids, hobbies, my future as well as my dreams.

Im so happy i decided to abstain. I have clarity of mind and peace..and i can honestly go the rest of my days like this.

Im also to the point just the thought of someone touching me and sex makes me cringe. I feel itd take someone special but i havent had a crush in years.

Idk i just feel free and thought id share.

My heart is free, my mind is free and i f eel peace. I feel good.

So i need extra cash so i can do my phlebotomy program thats coming up.. i het paid biweekly from my main job and i cant work alot bc im the main drop off and pick up for my kids.

So i got a call from Data Force.. its testing equipment and they pay out 120 and i was all for it until they said where we'd be testing the equipment would be out of an airbnb.. cant have phones ( no interruptions) i see the house online it looks fine but.. idk an air bnb rubs me the wrong way..

Why not a gym or something.? You know?

Anyway i get super paranoid easily.. just wondering if youd do this or.. pass

I thohght i would get an email or something but i never got that.

What should i do now?

I had call out of work and i feel horrible bc my client truly needs me and has no help. My mom was arguing and going back and forth with me. I tried to get my daughter ready for school but she was upstairs with my mom. My mom ignores so she encorages my daughter to do the same...

I had to take my son to his clinic and i didnt have time. So i had to just drop my son off.. since its way too late for school for my daughter.. i asked my mom if she could watch my daughter for thr day she said no..

I had call out. I got a warning last time tied to my mom...

Im afraid of losing this little job..

Ive been looking for remote jobs no luck.

Im trying not to give up on life.

Living with a toxic shit parent sucks.

My son is 6 and nonverbal. Im blown away and ofc happy. Im.just surprised bc I never taught him to spell ( busy single mom of 2. Works ect)

He was home with me today and on his tablet he spelled " little, three, cats, humpty," and some other words.

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Even though my.son is non verbal I know he understands.. when i tell him to put his shoes away he'll do it. Take his training pants to the trash, turn off the light, Get in bed, and some other stuff hell do it..

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So he knows.

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I think its interesting hes spelling before hes speaking..

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Just wondering if yall have insight on why this happens and how..

So my shitty daughters father thats been gone for 2 yrs resurfaced under a new name on FB messenger. He wanted to see his child but I told him hes been gone for 2 yrs it doesn't work like that you cant leave and pop in when you feel like it. When its convenient for you.. no.

He blames me and says, j couldn't communicate with you, how is jt my fault I had to make a fake FB to get in contact with you. No.

We communicate through whats app. After he had seizures due to his alcoholism... the relationship was done and he didnt like that and chose to go ghost.

Anywho, he asks about her, the sends selfie of his self, he said he has a 6k cashier check for me after I brought up him not paying child support, I told him to just pay his chikd support..

After that i just left him on read. If we're not talking about this child we dont have shit to talk about. I told him that.

I still feel he wants a way to me but thats never happening. I cant respect a man that will ghost his own child for 2 yrs, miss her bday and not say nothing about it.. so . He did all that whining and the next day..

Nothing. Not asking about her.. nothing.

I want to keep the messenger up to document his inconsistencies if it ever came down to it(needing to prove it) but I want to know what else I could do about child support since he keeps bragging about all this money he has but avoids child support.

Is there anything I can do?

I feel hes working under the table.

Do I log back in to see if theres work? Do I wait for an email?

I guess rumination.. I just feel like im shutting down or break e king down.

I feel like my depression is really intense anger I've been carrying for years. Today I was triggered by my negative chain of thoughts.

I feel plagued by them. Guess thats the nature of ocd.. right?

Im on 25mgs of zoloft and I kinda feel panic breaking throhgh.