u/LookIDontKnowEither

Ik sta eindelijk op het punt om een hypotheek aan te vragen. Ik heb gisteren een gesprek gehad qua mogelijkheden en het beviel mij goed.

Ik moet wel voor mijn doen haast voor de max erin zitten. Dit geeft mij wat onzekerheid als alleenstaande. Vooral vanwege het feit dat het bedrijf waar ik werk niet zo goed aan het draaien is voor mijn gevoel. Het management zegt dat alles goed gaat, maar op de vloer merken we signalen dat het helemaal niet goed gaat.

Ik zit zelf dus vast totdat ik een hypotheek en een woning geregeld heb. Alleen weet ik niet of aan het einde van de rit het bedrijf nog leeft. Ik word "gelukkig" onderbetaald, dus een overstap geeft mij een sprong in salaris. Hoe kan ik mij het beste weren tegen een onzekere financiele en arbeidssituatie als ik de grootste schuld van mijn leven op korte termijn aan ga?

Ik heb een ruige 5 jaar achter de rug en ik heb het eigenlijk nauwelijks laten merken of ik heb het afgedaan als "iets vervelends, maar we komen er wel overheen". Nu is het laatst weer gaan oplaaien en weet ik dat niemand het hele verhaal kent, zelfs ik eigenlijk niet. Dus hoe kan ik uitleggen on the spot als ik zelf het hele verhaal altijd bij elkaar moet puzzelen?

Daarom wil ik eigenlijk een brief schrijven die mensen kunnen lezen. Dat alle informatie zwart op wit staat.

Is dit een raar idee? Ik vind het een beetje gek dat ik blijkbaar niet zelf communicatief sterk genoeg ben om het verhaal goed te kunnen vertellen, dus ik struggle daar wel een beetje mee.

I don't know how to deal with it. My ex is a manipulative liar and this took me way too long to discover and acknowledge. Therefore I keep figuring out or hearing through the grapevine that I was treated so badly. And because she is doing great in life and I am struggling, it feels like I deserve it, which I do not of course.

It started with the relationship itself, which was officially not a relationship because we were long distance, but it was too serious for a situationship too since we actually planned me moving to her. There was emotional support from me to her, intimate times, meeting up in person, saying I love you all that stuff. I refuse to acknowledge that the amount of effort I put in did not count as a relationship.

First the relationship. We loved eachother a lot and cared, but because of long distance she found it hard to commit. But she had expectations of me and every time I left for an event with friends she would say she hopes I don't find anyone else. But meanwhile she hid the fact that she went on a trip with her ex (but swore nothing happened ofc), slept with a guy 2 weeks before I came to her because she missed and craved intimacy and still wanted me there.

Then was the breakup. It came at the lowest point in my life after I went all in for her and lost opportunities here together with family deaths. The months before that I felt her not supporting me and it hurted so bad. When it started I did not sleep properly for weeks. We stayed "friends" which my dumb mind accepted because of my mental state.

Fast forward a few months and I notice this guy I saw first appear on pictures with her friends way more often. Eventually I confronted her about it and turns out that was her boyfriend and relationship and it hurt seeing someone get something so easily which you perished for and then it also being hidden. She swore they got together after we ended things and she was insulted thar I thought she would go with him when we were still meeting up. She called me a twin flame and said he knew about me and my special place in her heart and the closest thing to her and he needed to accept that and we would still be in our lives to the day we die and go on adventures. A week later she forgot my birthday.

For the next few months we would fight and then apologize. She did not want me to leave since she has mental problems that I always was a support in and helped her throughout the years. One week it got real bad and she had a breakdown. She asked me if she was a bad person and at that point I said no. I asked her why she asked that and she told me stuff among which is that she is manipulative. And then something shattered in me that made me see stuff clear now. She always did what was wrong or unethical and when caught would apologize, instead of doing it right. I got mistreated so much and I did not deserve that. She thanked me and told me nobody else could talk to her like that.

I was too tired to fight or confront her about it. One day a few weeks later when she was mentally more stable and less stressed I cut her out completely by blocking her. I did not do it properly so eventually she found out and through mutuals and a connection I forgot she knew it and called it shitty but accepted it and told me to take care.

Then came the months of me getting over it. It got slowly better but never did I get over the fact that I was mistreated. I got a new relationship, but I was too closed off emotionally and still trying to get my life back that it got broken up too because we were on different paths on life. The same week I heard of a mutual information that heavily implied my ex started the relationship when I started my lowest point and needed her this time, but she failed to deliver. I looked back at texts and pictures then and concluded she must have met him there or at least started things with him there (she told me she was going somewhere with a friend, but looking back the friend would not go there).

So here I am. It has been 1.5 years and I keep having this chapter and pain be opened and affect my life here. It sucks so much that I have to live this as death by a thousand cuts and I can't shake it off. I thought of destructive ways to ruin her life, contacting those that she lied to, but I never would. It just sucks that I can't seem to shake off this bad part of my life.

I don't know how to deal with it. My ex is a manipulative liar and this took me way too long to discover and acknowledge. Therefore I keep figuring out or hearing through the grapevine that I was treated so badly. And because she is doing great in life and I am struggling, it feels like I deserve it, which I do not of course.

It started with the relationship itself, which was officially not a relationship because we were long distance, but it was too serious for a situationship too since we actually planned me moving to her. There was emotional support from me to her, intimate times, meeting up in person, saying I love you all that stuff. I refuse to acknowledge that the amount of effort I put in did not count as a relationship.

First the relationship. We loved eachother a lot and cared, but because of long distance she found it hard to commit. But she had expectations of me and every time I left for an event with friends she would say she hopes I don't find anyone else. But meanwhile she hid the fact that she went on a trip with her ex (but swore nothing happened ofc), slept with a guy 2 weeks before I came to her because she missed and craved intimacy and still wanted me there.

Then was the breakup. It came at the lowest point in my life after I went all in for her and lost opportunities here together with family deaths. The months before that I felt her not supporting me and it hurted so bad. When it started I did not sleep properly for weeks. We stayed "friends" which my dumb mind accepted because of my mental state.

Fast forward a few months and I notice this guy I saw first appear on pictures with her friends way more often. Eventually I confronted her about it and turns out that was her boyfriend and relationship and it hurt seeing someone get something so easily which you perished for and then it also being hidden. She swore they got together after we ended things and she was insulted thar I thought she would go with him when we were still meeting up. She called me a twin flame and said he knew about me and my special place in her heart and the closest thing to her and he needed to accept that and we would still be in our lives to the day we die and go on adventures. A week later she forgot my birthday.

For the next few months we would fight and then apologize. She did not want me to leave since she has mental problems that I always was a support in and helped her throughout the years. One week it got real bad and she had a breakdown. She asked me if she was a bad person and at that point I said no. I asked her why she asked that and she told me stuff among which is that she is manipulative. And then something shattered in me that made me see stuff clear now. She always did what was wrong or unethical and when caught would apologize, instead of doing it right. I got mistreated so much and I did not deserve that. She thanked me and told me nobody else could talk to her like that.

I was too tired to fight or confront her about it. One day a few weeks later when she was mentally more stable and less stressed I cut her out completely by blocking her. I did not do it properly so eventually she found out and through mutuals and a connection I forgot she knew it and called it shitty but accepted it and told me to take care.

Then came the months of me getting over it. It got slowly better but never did I get over the fact that I was mistreated. I got a new relationship, but I was too closed off emotionally and still trying to get my life back that it got broken up too because we were on different paths on life. The same week I heard of a mutual information that heavily implied my ex started the relationship when I started my lowest point and needed her this time, but she failed to deliver. I looked back at texts and pictures then and concluded she must have met him there or at least started things with him there (she told me she was going somewhere with a friend, but looking back the friend would not go there).

So here I am. It has been 1.5 years and I keep having this chapter and pain be opened and affect my life here. It sucks so much that I have to live this as death by a thousand cuts and I can't shake it off. I thought of destructive ways to ruin her life, contacting those that she lied to, but I never would. It just sucks that I can't seem to shake off this bad part of my life.

I had a weird long distance situationship/relationship. It was a total mess on that front in the sense that we loved eachother and wanted to close the gap and be a "real relationship", but she never commited to me because of the distance, but laid pressure on me to not find someone near me. We met up two to three times per year for a few weeks.

At the end of the last trip she said we have to find something close to us and stop doing this, but she still wanted me around and close because of our emotional connection. She suffered a lot mentally and I always was there to help despite the distance.

We stayed in touch but kept acting weird sometimes. Eventually I found out she had a new boyfriend and she did not tell me, so I confronted her about it, because I suspected they got together before we ended our thing. I saw him appear in her life before that. She said no and left it at that. Fast forward a few months and fights later and I realized she is a liar and manipulator on a lot of stuff (long story) and I cut contact with her and tried to heal from the betrayal of trust.

Recently I talked to a friend of mine and told a little bit about this whole ordeal and he asked the question if I thought my "ex" was already in a relationship in the last few months. I then said "honestly al the signs are there". He then asked me if I think the guy knew and I was not sure because I did not know him and all the stuff my ex told me I don't trust anyways.

And now lying in bed I am thinking, should I contact the dude? Would I want to know about it if my girlfriend was potentially not faithful at the start, even though I do not know for certain when it started? Would I be an asshole? Do I want it for the right reasons?

This happened this week. For context we were long distance in our final year. I always had my suspicions since she changed her story about when her and her new boyfriend met and got together a lot. It always made me feel like I was crazy for thinking that and I just did not cope with it. We tried staying friends but kept fighting about her being weird, manipulative and lying to me and eventually I blocked her because of that.

Now through a friend I got confirmation that she was together with her new guy 4 months before our breakup. She always lied to me and said she got with him after that.

It is such a struggle for me since that time was the lowest point of my life and I needed support so bad, but she was very cold and distant towards me and now I know why.

Part of me wants to contact the new dude to warn him, but what good does that make.

Ik zie het steeds vaker bij vacatures. Ze willen iemand met minstens 3 tot 5 jaar werkervaring en dan ook dat je een github kan toevoegen.

Persoonlijk doe ik echt heel weinig na het werk. Ik zit al 8 uur per dag aan code te kloppen en om dan thuis verder te gaan na alle andere taken lijkt me veel te kut.

Ik heb wel kleine dingen als private repos maar dat zijn vaak onafgemaakte niet werkende dingen die ik zeker niet ga tonen.

Hoe belangrijk is het voor recruiters?