u/Lostinhighweeds

My dad was very demonstrative in his affection. I remember he always kissed my mother before he left the house and first thing when he got home. My husband and I do the same and we frequently tell one another we love them We also tell our children we love them frequently, usually at the end of a phone conversation or something. I also occasionally tell my friends I love them. Do you speak the words “I love you” out loud to others?

This could end up being a LONG post but I will try to keep it shorter. I (74f) have friend from childhood (74f). She is very generous and kind but also very rigid in many ways. I made the mistake a couple of weeks ago and told my grandson I was at her condo for a party. It was a large community wide event & many ppl were hosting parties & her condo complex limits the # of ppl who can be guests. My grandson was at a party upstairs from the one I was at and came down w his friends. He said the “vibe” at the other party was very iffy and asked the hostess if he & his friends could stick around & watch the fireworks show. I felt very uncomfortable w it but she agreed as long as they remained on the east end of her balcony so she could see the show. They brought their own beverages & didn’t stay too long and didn’t appear to be any problem.
A week or so later I was at her house for another event. She was making old fashions for people & one of the other guests came up to me w one in a vintage old fashion glass and made a little toast to the hostess’s mother, who we all knew and liked. I didn’t think anything about it.
A few minutes later the hostess asked me if I would like an old fashion & I said sure. She told me to grab a solo cup off the counter. I asked why I didn’t qualify for a real glass and she then proceeded to tell me how someone at the previous party had broken one of her mother’s vintage old fashion glass and had hidden it where she didn’t find it til the next day. She said it as at the end of the balcony where my grandson & others had congregated & she said it could have been someone else but —- She then pulled out her phone and showed me a photo of the broke glass. She then said that since her mother’s glass had gotten broken she had decided to just use solo cups for her guests since she didn’t want to take a chance on more things getting broken. Thing is, I was the only one she instructed to use a solo cup.
I didn’t really care but it was odd and then I reflected on the comment the woman had made about the hostess’s mother and realized she had likely been talking about me prior to my arrival. The hostess & the other woman and a third woman were all acting very standoffish, a very weird vibe.
I didn’t stay long but it has eaten at me. We have been friends since 5th grade. If she thought my grandson had crashed the party and broken one of her vintage glasses it seems she should have come directly to me. I asked him about it. He said no that he had not and that the others in his group had been drinking beer.
While I fully accept that my grandson & his wife had more or less crashed the party and it was possible it was one of them, there were other ppl there.
I feel like her handling of this situation is really weird. What I really do not like that I was very likely the subject of conversation prior to my arrival with her & her other 2 friends and the toast from one of the guests was actually a dig to show me she was drinking of the vintage glasses & knew what was coming. I get the sense this directing me to the red solo cup was planned & she was looking for an opportunity to be passive aggressive.
I know this post is really stupid in many ways, but at my age I really don’t feel like playing stupid games. If she thought my grandson had done something, say something to me but i feel like this was kind of a high school mean girl kind of thing.
It is an issue for me because now I do not feel welcome in her home. We have several friends in common and she hosts many events. I am really uncomfortable and do not want to make more out of it than it is but at the same time I have zero patience for bullshit.
Thoughts?

This is really too long of a story but short version is 1. I was sexually abused as a child. My parents did not acknowledge my abuse. 2. My daughter was sexually abused as a child but I did not know. 3. My daughter allowed her daughter (my granddaughter) to be groomed by the youth pastor at their church 4. Granddaughter ended up marrying said youth pastor at age 18. I almost got arrested that day for expressing my objection to the marriage. 5 granddaughter now has a 17 yr old daughter (my great granddaughter) she encouraged to quit HS, get involved in a serious relationship with a young man 2 -3 yrs older than her. 6. Now great granddaughter is rethinking quitting school. Wishes she had not. 7. Boyfriend says go back to school and we are finished. She Wants to break up w boyfriend & parents are telling her not to. 8. I feel like I am going to throw up!

It is Derby week where I live and usually the Friday race, called The Oaks is a big night for restaurants. The time of the race got changed to try to increase television viewers so the restaurants did not have the after race rush like they have had in the past. Last night 5 of my friends & I went out for a drink & a movie & the waitress who served us was obviously new and quite young. We definitely over tipped her and she was so excited. Kept asking us if we were sure. We just told her we wanted to support young women. Felt really good!

My daughter died in 2008. She would have been 58 this coming Thursday. Some years I get through these days without a lot of stress but this year is hurting so so bad that I can’t talk about it with anyone. I did tell my husband earlier this week I was really missing her. He knows and is being very gentle with me but I am crushing inside and just want to sleep. I am going through all the motions. Expecting house guests tomorrow and will spend what would have been her birthday with wonderful friends. But the ache in my soul this minute is almost nauseating. I don’t even know why I am writing this. It just seems like maybe it is one way to get it out of my head. Whew. Now on to a distraction.