u/Loves_Eating_Lead

I don't know how to write this without being misinterpreted. I feel so similar to Niall, always wanting so much, without focusing on building the foundations, or accepting what life has given me, I hate his mum, but when she said you look in the mirror, wanting beyond what you can, i can so relate. When doing this results in failing time and again, as not built the foundations. With Niall for example it be accepting he is gay. toxicity, abuse he been through. I realise i got to take agency and responsibility, enjoy what can have, not what you can't. I am not saying this is easy, far from it, grief and pain is all part of it.

. Please don't down vote me, this is not self blame - more how we can give ourselves best care, love and so forth to be best version of ourselves while not denying the grief (feel it and process it) of what we could of been. Be curious, learn about ourselves, podcasts/books/audio, make steps towards caring for ourselves... Totally not easy and dam hard, but i am too much like Niall, i need accept and take what life has given me not what it hasn't

Edit - reply: Thankyou for articulating wahts i was struggling to say with all this really thoughtful replies. , its the victimhood element, but at same time when he said in hospital "tried everything, just nothing makes me happy..." Problem is trying to make himself happy through being person he was told to be, not who he is (one obvious example of many not accepting he's gay) Really good to see not on my own in this - reason why its so relatable, defo need to use this as a catalyst to work out how im trying to be toxic ideas i was given rather then actuallly am...

I struggle with diagnosis of borderline personality/emotional unstable personality disorder (actually all personality diagnosis) . Many are found to have autism and trauma. I would a nuance perspective on this but all sides, if you think its helpful why? if you don't why?

Point is not if its a trauma diagnosis, more a different approach, focus on compassionate enquiry. Being told you have a personality disorder - gives the impression that your whole being is broken, know men who got anti social PD gendered diagnosis but other way, What i am saying is there more compassionate nuance approach by saying ok what's happened to you? many with emotional neglect have these stress responses, what are you needing? Rather then what can be perceived as how and who i am is wrong. (this may not be the intention) Just am suggesting a different approach, gabor mate is way better then demonstrating the compassionate enquiry approach then i am. I am not talking about stats more focus on how we can support people in more nuance compassionate way,

Here is the links with hysteria and Bpd https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/hysteria-historical-mirror-misogyny-medicine

NICE estimates that around 2 per cent of people have borderline personality disorder, of which 75 per cent are women. Although personality disorder is widely diagnosed, Shaw and Proctor (2005) argue that a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD) may be a continuation of sexist understandings of female mental illness. Both hysteria and BPD typically affect women who have experienced social neglect because of sexual assault (see also Dourfman & Reynolds, 2023). A diagnosis of BPD can lead to a discreditation of a woman's experience, just as previous accusations of hysteria and witchcraft did.

It would be foolish to assume that an element of implicit bias towards female mental health is not still present, and it is of the utmost importance that we challenge our own prejudices before assigning a diagnosis to our female patients.

I hope don't get downvoted and this can open up an interesting discussion

 i struggle with diagnosis of borderline personality/emotional unstable personality disorder (actually all personality diagnosis) . Many are found to have autism and trauma. I would a nuance perspective on this but all sides, if you think its helpful why? if you don't why?

i can give links if any more want on why saying someone whole being/personality is broken, instead ask questions is so invalidating and uncompassionate . Why is the problem entirely on the person struggling, not on what happened to them how they are reacting is a normal response to shit life has thrown at them? If core of who they are is broken, how is that empowering changes? gabor mate has some great stuff on that and his work with people using drugs to cope on this.

To me if looking at history, i can see the links with its "hysteria" - womxn is to emotional/sexually/unstable. Actually reason why unstable relationship, black and white thinking (also be due to slow processing, see more nuance when have time to think) etc is due to people left out of society, bullied and just having different perspectives on the world. Personality is not broken, if given right support and allowed to thrive, personality only seems broken in a society that rarely allows difference.

I hope don't get downvoted and this can open up an interesting discussion

I struggle with diagnosis of borderline personality/emotional unstable personality disorder (actually all personality diagnosis) . Many are found to have autism and trauma. I would a nuance perspective on this but all sides, if you think its helpful why? if you don't why?

i can give links if any more want on why saying someone whole being/personality is broken, instead ask questions is so invalidating and uncompassionate . Why is the problem entirely on the person struggling, not on what happened to them how they are reacting is a normal response to shit life has thrown at them? If core of who they are is broken, how is that empowering changes? gabor mate has some great stuff on that and his work with people using drugs to cope on this.

To me if looking at history, i can see the links with its "hysteria" - womxn is to emotional/sexually/unstable. Actually reason why unstable relationship, black and white thinking (also be due to slow processing, see more nuance when have time to think) etc is due to people left out of society, bullied and just having different perspectives on the world. Personality is not broken, if given right support and allowed to thrive, personality only seems broken in a society that rarely allows difference.

I hope don't get downvoted and this can open up an interesting discussion

How you found ways that help ADHD focus/sleep/racing thoughts/executive dysfunction etc without medication? What genuine ways have you found have helped you to organise, plan, adapt your life, give yourself stimulation you need etc

I have had huge amount of ableism in trying to navigate the uk health system please no oh i have a disability i was fine, all disabilities manifest differently) , this is why im asking. Lets keep this focused (he he!) and positive!

I wanted to ask How you found ways that help ADHD focus/sleep/racing thoughts/executive dysfunction etc without medication? What genuine ways have you found have helped you to organise, plan, adapt your life etc

I have had huge amount of ableism in trying to navigate the right to choice system (if you have chronic health etc do not go thro psy uk, they do not adapt in anyway as they have way to many patients to cope with), please no oh i have a disability i was fine, all disabilities manifest differently) , this is why im asking. Lets keep this focused (he he!) and positive!

Hi

I never get replies to any posts - struggle to write in clear and concise ways so its part of it.

I thought maybe with all friendly c-ptsd support here be different but not one reply.

Maybe cause of reddit karma (no idea how that works) but just wanted to share my fustration. Love advice and to offer it but never gets seen or if does (views in hundreds) no replies. Just want to rant, as many people in my world do not have my issues hence reaching out/advising others on reddit

Do i response? A bit of context below - probably not much response as due to disability not great at writing concisely and clearly.

I have different estrangements in my life, but this sibling not all been bad and lack of contact hurts but never been any awareness/compassion/ or growth, just hi how are you lets pretend alls ok without issue..." (see below)

I want to explain so many things, i ruminated a lot! For example - i'm autistic that being around caring people has shown me how wrong you can treat me is , that i appreciate all the good things they've done despite all the bad, that i'm super sad but toxicity between us is to much, I wander if they will even listen, i feel want to be heard

I got message from my older sibling: They have been so supportive in many occasions however due to there own trauma and toxicity we both grew up with, both need to do alot of work to be in contact. They messaged without accountability (see message below) Last time was that final phone call, told me had a broke personality for 100th time. I am not sure if to stop ruminating and not response?

"I saw you on other day. Kinda wanted to say hi but I thought it might be a bit of a shock. It made me want to reach out to you. I'm never in that area and it's so odd that I happened to see you! If you'd ever like to contact just email. up to you and no pressure of course. Just sending you a lot of love"