u/MALICK1A

FYI: Long text

I don't even know where to start.
I want to be self-disciplined. I really do. But I keep falling into the same cycle,I stay consistent for a few months, then I quit, and then I come back again. Right now, I'm consistent at the gym, but even then, I can't focus. My mind is everywhere except where I am.
Here's the thing that messes me up the most: I don't have a real "why" anymore.
My parents are wealthy. They're sponsoring me to study overseas. I don't have to worry about money. I can't even make money on my own right now. Sometimes I try to remind myself "what if they weren't here?" or "what if they lost everything?" but that feels almost impossible. That thought keeps me on track for a while, and then it stops working.
I used to be that A+ engineering student. Now? I don't even want to study. Last semester I almost failed Thermodynamics and somehow still got an A in other subjects. I don't even understand how that happened. I feel like I'm just going through the motions, not actually learning or growing.
And spiritually, I've drifted too. I used to be religious. Now I feel far from God. I don't even recognize the person I've become. I used to be that innocent, disciplined guy. Now I feel empty.
My relationship with my family is… complicated. It's not bad we love each other but we barely talk. My parents send me money and sometimes don't even ask if I received it. I call or message them, and they reply after a week or two. We go months without a real conversation unless something happens in the family. My siblings are the same. There's no drama, no fight just silence. I miss them. Sometimes I go a week or two without speaking to anyone, and I don't even realize it until I hear my own voice and it feels foreign.
The one bright spot right now is my girlfriend. She really cares about me, and she's the person I talk to most almost every day. She keeps me grounded in a way I haven't felt in a while.
The funny thing is, I'm actually a very talkative guy. I love talking about random facts, sports,basketball, football and music. Some people find it annoying, others find it interesting. I'm not the type to show off, and honestly, I'm more of an ambivert. But lately, even that part of me feels distant.
When I was younger, discipline was about becoming rich. Then I realized I'd probably never be richer than my dad and even if I could, what's the point? Then I asked myself "why not try anyway?" and that helped for a while, but then I quit again.
I'm stuck in this loop. I want to change. I want to care again. But I don't know how to find a reason that actually sticks.
Has anyone been through something like this? How did you find your "why" again? How do you stay disciplined when you don't even know what you're working toward?

Thank you for reading all this 🫂