u/Microflyome

This isn't meant to shame anyone because I know and genuinely believe this sub is for everyone under the ace umbrella. But do any of the other sex-repulsed aces feel uncomfortable with some of the posts about what people are into? I feel like in the past few months I've seen a lot of posts where someone says "I really like [super specific sex act], and I also sometimes like [other super specific sex act] but not as much, does this make me ace?", or similar posts about fetishes. I understand that asexuality doesn't mean being sex-repulsed for everyone but sometimes I wish that the content warning flair was used a little bit more often (thank you to those of you that do use it) with posts of that nature considering the fact that there may be more people on an ace sub who find it hard to engage with that kind of content. But I'm not sure if that's just a me problem because the topic's always made me a bit uncomfortable

I also understand that not every post is for me and I can just keep scrolling but often the graphic descriptions I'm talking about are in the first few lines with no warning when I haven't even clicked on the post yet and I'm just seeing the preview in my feed

Spoilers for season 6 below:

Do you think BoJack and Hollyhock ever would have reconnected?

Obviously we can never know, and we don't know the details of what she said in the letter but we can safely assume she was cutting him off because of his pattern that was laid out in the interview. But I remember reading a previous comment saying that Hollyhock was pretty sheltered when she first met BoJack and suddenly, through him, was quite traumatically exposed to a lot of nasty things. Is it possible that after a few years of seeing more of the darker realities that some people face, and knowing that BoJack served in prison and wasn't just another rich person constantly evading punishment, they could start talking again?

Personally I feel like it's reasonable for Hollyhock to not feel comfortable ever speaking to him again because of the fact that she knew he'd done so many awful things, and she hadn't actually had that many good moments with him in the short time they knew each other. But I just wonder

I've really loved and appreciated the Heartstopper soundtrack, to the point where I thought my taste in music was relatively unique until the whole season 1 soundtrack was the music I love listening to 🤣

What's your favourite musical moment in the whole show (movie included)?

Mine have to be:

- ur so pretty at the end of season 2, partly because it was so impactful and partly because I'd been listening to the song on repeat but didn't know until then Will Gao was half of wasia project LOL

- Black Friday by Tom Odell in Season 3 ep 4 because it was so heartbreaking and perfectly chosen

- Pressure to Party is Season 2 ep 1 because I love the song and it was so nice to hear it while everyone was having fun :')

Failed today, and I know exactly where I went wrong (handled a meeting situation poorly) but it's so frustrating because everything was going pretty well up until that point. What's worse is I hate having to think about having to spend more money and time on lessons, and having to continue ordering Ubers or going through long commutes, all because of my poor judgement today. If I'm committed to sticking with this test centre (which I'd prefer as all my lessons have been around there), right now the nearest test date is 6 months away. I'm hoping that with some early morning checks on the booking site I'll be able to reschedule earlier than that, but I just don't know how likely that is to work out for me.

I know I'll be in a better position for my next test after learning from this but today I'm finding it a bit hard to get over feeling so disappointed in myself and feeling like I'm back at square one.

From people raised in Christian homes who could never imagine being open with their families. It's very hard not to catastrophise about what could go wrong, but I can't imagine being hesitant forever

I'm an incoming IMT1 aiming to do a group 2 speciality. I will be starting IMT LTFT hence I'll finish IMT2 'out of sync' I.e. not by August 2028. If I've done everything else that's required for IMT1-2 by the completion of IMT2 including all the mandatory rotations, can I leave IMT and apply for this group 2 speciality in my own time or do I have to progress into IMT3? Additionally, what would be the likelihood of being able to find a standalone IMT3 post if I later decided I wanted to have the option to apply to a group 1 speciality as well?

Mid20sF ace biromantic and I've had a pretty good understanding of that since I was a teenager (although I've gone through periods of being in denial due to compulsory sexuality/comphet/being raised as a Christian which I still very much identify with/coming from a homophobic culture). But every Pride month I feel so wistful and like I'm just about on the outside looking in as I feel like I can't actually get involved in things because of feeling self conscious and mostly closeted.

Over the past 2 months I've explicitly come out to 2 close friends and I feel like I could probably tell more as I've felt like wanting to. However I feel like I can't feel truly comfortable until I feel like I could pursue a relationship or being in queer spaces without worrying about being 'found out' by my family, and I definitely wouldn't want to make any potential partner feel hidden

Regarding asexuality, I think my family understands that I'm not interested in a relationship and I've even told my sister that I don't tend to be interested in people in that way (even though I'm alloromantic and would actually like to date a partner who would be understanding, I just don't like being pressured to date). But I honestly don't feel like I could happily pursue a relationship with a man if it feels like it's something I'm being forced to do without the option of dating women/nb people, especially since I honestly think I like them more.

Even though I don't live with them, I speak with my family as a group pretty often, and queer rights have come up often enough that I know that dating anyone other than a man would cause issues - not a full disowning but a loss of the closeness we currently have, telling the kids in the family not to be like me etc

I'm too afraid to change things and I am terrified of feeling like I'm missing out year after year after year until it's too late :(

This post was brought to you by a late night viewing of I Saw the TV Glow

My mum unfortunately fell for a financial scam today involving an AI investment platform being endorsed by an (AI generated version of) a leading figure of UK finance. Thankfully she has contacted her bank and shouldn't end up losing a huge amount but I'm terrified about the fact she fell for it and gave them her details/money without speaking to any of us (her kids) about it.

I called her only 2 hours after she sent a message asking about it because I was working when she sent it, and she had already sent the money by the time I called. She sounded so excited on the phone because she'd already 'doubled her money' and 'could withdraw any time' and it took a while for it to even sink in that perhaps it was a mistake.

Are there any helpful resources (e-learning, articles) that can really drive home the current red flags for scams, especially in this age of AI-generated endorsements?

EDIT: Thank you to everyone who has commented so far. My siblings and I had an in-depth conversation with her today where we were able to go through some red flags and things to be aware of (something seeming too good to be true, the existence of AI-generated videos, any deadline or time pressure on transferring funds or providing details, forcing a rapport), and appropriate steps to safeguard in the future (namely waiting for one of us to research the opportunity and get back to her, not providing details to strangers on the phone, hanging up immediately if a call is from the 'bank' and calling their official number afterwards). I have also shared some of the resources you flagged and feel a bit more reassured we can prevent any future losses.

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I've been part of a friendship group for effectively most of my life so far (teens to 20s) and for the majority of it have felt like I'm just about on the outside looking in - finding out over and over again that there's a group chat I'm not in/the group chat that I am in dying when the rest are clearly talking, feeling like I'm pulling teeth (at times) when trying to catch up and then seeing them enthusiastically share what's going on with someone else, not being the one that anyone really wants to take pictures with etc.

Whenever I felt upset about it in the past I think I kind of tried to push through because you can't really ask someone to like you more or want to spend more time with you but very recently I wasn't included in some pretty major plans and for some reason it felt like a final straw. I think it was just the realisation that I would never not think of them when making such plans and it's natural for them to either i) not think of me or ii) think of me and decide they'd rather I wasn't there

I've realised that I'd rather not have these friendships in my life as being around them and constantly asking myself why I'm not 'good enough' to be someone's best friend is hurting me and making me feel insecure in other social situations, and also stopping me from appreciating other friendships in my life because I find it hard to trust that other people would want me around. I've come to realise recently that I also may not be a 'friendship group' person because of these insecurities about being left behind, and that I have some really lovely 1-to-1 relationships in my life which I haven't always valued as much as I could because there wasn't an 'inclusion' to pursue

There aren't a lot of situations where I would run into this old group of friends as I don't live close to most of them, and I've already taken some steps to distance myself but I think I just feel anxious about situations coming up where it seems like I'm deliberately turning my back on 10+ years of friendship, even though really it feels like I'm just acknowledging things as they are. I'm also just grieving the friendships in general because I can't let go of this worry that something's wrong with me for not having childhood friends when they've all managed to maintain things with each other and that this was the best chance I had of having the kind of best friendship it seems like a lot of people have (even though I already don't and that's the problem)

Has anyone been in a similar situation and felt better off for leaving a group where they didn't feel wanted? Is there a way to do so without seeming like you're sulking for not getting enough attention?

I've been part of a friendship group for effectively most of my life so far (teens to 20s) and for the majority of it have felt like I'm just about on the outside looking in - finding out over and over again that there's a group chat I'm not in/the group chat that I am in dying when the rest are clearly talking, feeling like I'm pulling teeth (at times) when trying to catch up and then seeing them enthusiastically share what's going on with someone else, not being the one that anyone really wants to take pictures with etc.

Whenever I felt upset about it in the past I think I kind of tried to push through because you can't really ask someone to like you more or want to spend more time with you but very recently I wasn't included in some pretty major plans and for some reason it felt like a final straw. I think it was just the realisation that I would never not think of them when making such plans and it's natural for them to either i) not think of me or ii) think of me and decide they'd rather I wasn't there

I've realised that I'd rather not have these friendships in my life as being around them and constantly asking myself why I'm not 'good enough' to be someone's best friend is hurting me and making me feel insecure in other social situations, and also stopping me from appreciating other friendships in my life because I find it hard to trust that other people would want me around. I've come to realise recently that I also may not be a 'friendship group' person because of these insecurities about being left behind, and that I have some really lovely 1-to-1 relationships in my life which I haven't always valued as much as I could because there wasn't an 'inclusion' to pursue

There aren't a lot of situations where I would run into this old group of friends as I don't live close to most of them, and I've already taken some steps to distance myself but I think I just feel anxious about situations coming up where it seems like I'm deliberately turning my back on 10+ years of friendship, even though really it feels like I'm just acknowledging things as they are. I'm also just grieving the friendships in general because I can't let go of this worry that something's wrong with me for not having childhood friends when they've all managed to maintain things with each other and that this was the best chance I had of having the kind of best friendship it seems like a lot of people have (even though I already don't and that's the problem)

Has anyone been in a similar situation and felt better off for leaving a group where they didn't feel wanted? Is there a way to do so without seeming like you're sulking for not getting enough attention?

Still watching (on Ep 6) but just had to post about how Charles Melton's idiot face is soooooooo good. So much self-satisfaction when he smirks with literally nothing meaningful going on behind the eyes. The combination of that with him trying to act high-brow/intelligent kind of reminds me of Charlie in It's Always Sunny In Philadephia whenever he's pretending to be literate

I accepted my asexuality a while ago but never considered myself aromantic as I've had pretty significant crushes in the past. I never developed these crushes at first sight but it was more of a sudden realisation of having romantic feelings after getting to know each other really well. Unfortunately I never pursued a relationship with any of these crushes for various reasons (unrequited, bad timing, knowing we wanted different things etc.)

The only times I have dated have been people I met off dating apps and I never got to the point of developing romantic feelings for them (even after months) so it constantly felt like I was performing/forcing it/trying to fulfil what they wanted.

I always hoped that the key would be to build a really good platonic foundation with someone, like I had with previous crushes, and for the feeling to be mutual and for us to go from there. However recently a good friend of mine has made it clear they have feelings for me and we've just started dating (in a 'getting know each other in that context'/'scoping things out' way). I really enjoyed spending time with them before and I think they're an amazing person but this whole dynamic is just making me feel dread, then guilty about feeling dread when I know they're excited, then determination to be more open to things, then fear that this will be a repeated experience of a relationship that I never actually get to the point of enjoying but continue because I feel like I 'should'. My asexuality is a non-issue in this situation but this still just doesn't feel like a good fit for me. Part of me also wants to keep dating them because I could develop feelings for them given more time, which is what happened with previous crushes.

I've been wondering if I just have avoidant attachment, which is something I would want to work on, or if I just don't have romantic feelings for this friend despite being very compatible on paper, caring about them and enjoying spending time with them. I also can't distinguish between whether I'm catastrophising (what if I hurt my friend's feelings and we can never talk again) or listening to how I feel in the present (I am not enjoying dating).

I know I enjoy interpersonal relationships in general because I love and feel so energised by spending time with my friends and family, and I always thought I could pour a lot into a romantic relationship and really enjoy supporting and growing with another person. And again I've had genuine romantic feelings before (that I didn't think were limerence or anything like that) but now I'm wondering if I only (thought I) felt that way because I had already decided I wouldn't pursue anything with those people.

Am I aromantic and unable to see it because of internalised aphobia? Do I just not reciprocate the feelings of the first 'compatible' person who's expressed interest in me and now I'm extrapolating that to define my whole identity? Am I panicking just to panic?

This was more of a vent than a questioning post but if anyone has any insights or even just empathy for my extremely derailed train of thought I'd love to hear it 🖤🤍💜