u/MycologistFit9088

I don't even know what to do anymore

I have an ex friend now, she's telling the rest of the class I ignore her and that I'm ganging up on her. I'm not. I'm really not. the rest of my class is 14 people. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. she's the reason I self harm again after nearly two months of being clean, now I can hardly go a day or two

I hate her. she refuses to go to guidance with me. shes a liar, I'm white, shes black, she's framing it to her parents like I'm racist. I couldnt care less about her skin but she's just such a lair, people believe me and know that I'm not like that but it's the principal of the thing. I just can't be around her. she is so repulsive to me. I just can't go back to school tomorrow

I just want to die in my sleep I hate her. she might get me kicked out of school. I don't even know what to do

I forget I can just join things about my hobbies

and then I have 599999900019191824 things I want to post but need to hold off to not spam

I've been on a going streak, I stop for a day or two, and then I go back, I was 2 days clean, now I'm not anymore

advice? I want to stop, I know i shouldn't do this to myself, but I cant

all I think about all day is it

it used to be just with crotche needles, just poking myself, then it was with needle needles, and now I've started using an exact knife

not deep yet but it's all I think about now, when I don't have an exacto I use my nails, a pencil, I just keep scratching up my arms

it makes my brain feel so quiet and I'm not sure how to stop

"no words where needed, just quiet understanding"

"they didn't feel the need to speak"

"no words where necessary"

so i decided to do an intro but i dont really have a sexuality

i just like people, some just happen to be boys and girls and theys, but they rotate often, some days I like boys, some days i like girls, and I like theys most days

is there a thing for that? i would say pansexual but it seems to shift

so i scratch myself with a needle, but it's not dragging it though the skin mostly I just have tons of very angry, red, scratches on my arms for a few days, I do this with a knitting needle too sometimes

i tell her I don't self harm, but im not sure. I don't use a box butter or a knife and its minor scratches at best, just a lot of them. most of the time they don't even bleed

can I even talk to her about this? I don't really want to stop and I also don't want to end up in the looney bin

edit: I'll tell her next session