u/Nice_Marzipan98

Hello, first I should say that I’m a very ignorant American who is trying not to be ignorant anymore and learn something! I have a lot of ancestry that comes from the Posio and Kuusamo areas, and lake Ala-Kitka is mentioned frequently. I can’t find many detailed sources here to learn more information about these areas besides the very basics. My surname is related to reindeer husbandry, so I’m wondering if reindeer are a strong part culturally here (or have been in the past) or if that comes from somewhere else. I’m open to learning any fun facts or information you have in general. Thanks for your time!

I’m so sick of doing ANY research on women’s pelvic health and before anything else, before talking about or even knowing anything about any symptoms that could and DO affect the woman, they have to talk about everything in relation to fertility first and foremost. When there is already a whole living, breathing, feeling human being, a woman suffering, and so many children without families in foster care and orphanages around the world besides, at least we know what’s up with the ability to get pregnant. And as long as something doesn’t affect fertility, that’s all the medical system seems to care about. After all you might have a MALE baby 🙄 that’s honestly how it feels

Edit to add this is in no way meant to shame those affected by infertility or wanting to get pregnant *at all*, I’m just saying that I wish there was more to medical research in woman’s health than *only* fertility when that isn’t a top priority for all patients

Definition: “In Christian eschatology, Antichrist, or in broader eschatology, Anti-Messiah, refers to a kind of entity prophesied by the Bible to oppose Jesus Christ and falsely substitute himself as a savior in Christ's place before the Second Coming.[1] The term Antichrist(including one plural form)[2] is found four times in the New Testament, solely in the First and Second Epistle of John.[2]Antichrist is announced as one "who denies the Father and the Son."

Organized religion actively goes against everything Jesus taught. When politics and money are running the show behind the facade of being “truly Christian”, and adamantly marketing themselves as “true Christians” while encouraging violence and hatred onto their neighbors, being pro-war, anti-abortion, anti-LGBTQ, anti-woman, citing literally “holier than thou” reasons, this is exactly the definition of the antichrist claiming to be God and usurping the position of God

A true relationship with Christ is based in love for all people and acceptance of all people, PERIOD. That is what Jesus taught. A relationship with God should be completely personal between the individual and God in order to avoid earthly and material corruption and manipulation. Therefore, organized religion IS the antichrist we were warned about.

I have what I suspect is cellulitis or at least staph infection on my face, it’s visibly very swollen. It’s something I dealt with in the past so that’s why I’m pretty sure. But when I had it in the past and went to my local ER for it and they saw that I was walking and talking, the receptionist rolled her eyes at me and the doctor I eventually saw literally sighed heavily and said “I guess I’ll just write you a prescription for your bug bite…” (It wasn’t a bug bite. I tried to pick at a cystic pimple that didn’t have a head, which I told him and he completely ignored) so I don’t want to go to be treated like that but everything online says that when you suspect cellulitis on a critical part of your body like your face you should go to the ER. I don’t have a car either so I’ll have to walk there and back, I also don’t have a primary care doctor anymore because she randomly quit the practice recently🙄

Just because someone is paying a lot of attention to you doesn’t mean they care or have your best interests in mind. In my experience toxic people use attention as a tool to gain access to you because they are aware that it works on lonely people but they don’t actually gaf. Demand more from your relationships than just shallow attention and understand that your depth deserves a deeper level of true mutual validation, don’t settle for crumbs

I live in a rural area with lots of wildlife which is one of the many reasons why I love living here. I love animals because I got to grow up seeing them everywhere and being curious about them. However most other people around here see them as pests at best and have zero respect or interest in them at all and are just willfully ignorant about conservation and basic welfare. It’s like the more obnoxiously you hate animals and the more needlessly cruel you are, the more “bro points” you get. It’s like, why do you even live out here with animals if you hate them so much? Go live somewhere where there aren’t any then!

I’m 30, I live in a small town of about 10,000 people. I was born and raised here. I always wanted to escape but it’s so far in the middle of nowhere and my health (bipolar 1, and what my therapist thinks is c-ptsd due to addict parents, repeated abuse, and below poverty upbringing, etc) has made it extremely difficult to have any financial success. I live off state cash assistance and food stamps, was denied after appealing disability 3 times because they think I could have a job with no coworkers. Not exactly sure where they think I can find that….

Anyway, I want to start over. I have definitely come a long way from where I used to be and I haven’t had an episode in a long time.

People don’t forget though. I hate being recognized by strangers and judged by people I’ve never met because they have heard about me and recognize me. Denied for jobs, constant gossip, being approached to be made fun of and asked invasive questions while they laugh at me.

I have a bad reputation around town for periods of mania and psychosis that made me do wild things in public for extended periods of time.

Ever since I was in high school and into adulthood there have been rumors going around about me that I’m a homeless drug addict, when that has never been true.

I have been close to homeless many times but I don’t even drink, let alone do drugs. The only drugs I take are my psych meds, lol

I just feel like my life was ruined before I even had a chance to do anything with it because of my illness. I want to start over but I don’t know if it’s possible and I can’t escape

I understand now why some people give up on themselves

It seems more unusual to not be afraid of them. I don’t have the slightest negative reaction to snakes. People fear them because they can be venomous, there aren’t any venomous or dangerous snakes where I live though, only harmless ones so maybe that’s why I have no fear? But others who live around here are still afraid of snakes, so I don’t know. I think they’re just cool looking honestly

10mg of Abilify + 150mg Zoloft for a year and a half.

This took place between April 2022 to October 2023, where I was then prescribed Lurisadone aka Latuda and soon cold turkeyed off it myself. I don’t remember the dose of that.

It’s now the end of June in 2026, so it’s been ~3ish years of being free from everything except the Zoloft sadly, (sorry im horrible at math and neuroleptics sure didn’t help)

although a lower dose of 75mg now, the withdrawals are so brutal for me and no doctor I can find will help me taper off so for now I’m stuck on it

I get so afraid that I’ve been permanently damaged by the things I was forced on. I don’t believe in psychiatry at all but I do believe in PTSD and I definitely have it as a result of my experiences (and other experiences)

Am I okay? I don’t know how to tell. How can I be sure?

I developed a disability as an adult that affects my posture and usually the way that I walk and I’m surprised at how many grown people have mocked me for it when I’m just trying to exist and mind my own business

Sometimes I cry when I’m angry depending on the type of angry I am, but it’s almost worse when I laugh at the utter absurdity of the situation that’s pissing me off because then often times people don’t realize how close to crashing out I am and they think I’m expressing good humoredness 🥲

I don’t really know how to phrase this, but for background I obviously have CPTSD caused by a lot of physical abuse and sexual assault since I was a child (but mostly when I was a teenager) by multiple different men.

I am in therapy and have been hospitalized a few times.

I’m not looking to date anymore at all. However sometimes a man who is a friend of a friend or something will find me on Instagram and try to talk to me. I talk to them like I would talk to anybody else because I’m trying to make my brain understand that not everyone wants to hurt me.

However 99 times out of 100, the guy who is talking to me will make the conversation sexual and then I can tell he never actually cared about anything I had to say, he’s just been trying to get in my pants the entire time. This is obviously very triggering.

And sometimes I want to play dumb and play into it, and basically just torture them psychologically with teasing and purposeful mixed signals, and make them want me, make them think they have a chance, and then rub it in that they will never have me.

I don’t think it’s safe or healthy to do this but the driver behind it is like I’m getting revenge against the ones who ruined my life and gave me this psychiatric disability with their cruelty.

Wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

I don’t know what about me makes me noticeably weird, but I can tell I come across that way in job interviews. I shower, I dress appropriately and professionally, I’m polite. I guess I feel kinda nervous and put on the spot which makes masking harder but I still try to mask anyway and probably fail which is probably what they’re responding to. I’m actually pretty good at reading how people react to me because I also have CPTSD that makes me extremely socially hypervigilant and I have strong pattern recognition as well (that’s what my therapist says) and it’s like the whole time they just give me this wide eyed stare, not really asking me more about my responses to their questions, with a big fake smile plastered on their faces the whole time. Sometimes fake laughing and an overall “sure Jan” attitude. “We’ll call you, don’t call us!” (never hears from them again) It sucks so much. All I want to do is get a job and they don’t even give me a chance just because I’m weird or something. My qualifications don’t even matter. The last job I interviewed for and was ghosted by was literally night shift and not even dealing with coworkers or the public and I was still too weird even for that. I’d do anything to be normal I actually hate myself lmaooo 😞

That’s so messed up 😭

I have been wondering why people in general - like even strangers - used to be much warmer and friendlier to me than they have been in the last couple of years. I’m sure part of it is because of the state of the world today and most people being more stressed than ever, but I realized actually it’s probably because I look older now. I’m almost 30 and my life has been hard and it shows. I look like a proper adult when my whole life people assumed I was much younger than I really am, a baby face I guess. I lost a lot of weight and I’m tired. I have hollow eyes and lines on my face. And I think I was used to being treated like a kid, and now I’m being treated like any other adult, and it has been jarring for me. Hah. Inside I don’t feel mature at all so I think that is why it took me so long to realize this. It turns out I am not immune to age

TW, this post is not a safe space for people who are dependent on alcohol 😬

I’ll just get down to the nitty gritty of it, I’ve been in therapy myself as a client for most of my life due to PTSD I mostly sustained from having alcoholic parents. I used to work in the psych hospital as a technician and I’ve been a patient myself in hospitals, and I live in an area where drug abuse particularly meth is extremely common, and I still have no disdain for absolutely anyone the way I disdain alcoholics. I have no pity or sympathy for them whatsoever. I think they deserve everything they get as a result of being drunks. This is of course a hideous way for a therapist to think. Obviously I wouldn’t let my personal opinions be known to anyone, but I can imagine I would still feel a lot of resentment for any alcoholic I come across throwing a pity party for themselves and playing the victim while everybody around them suffers for their choices. I’m more interested in helping people whose lives have been affected by people like this.

So my question is, is it normal for an aspiring therapist to have this kind of baggage and is it possible to work it out somehow, or should I just look into a different career path altogether?

We are gonna have doctors and lawyers named Kinzleigh and Truxton