Like how exactly do certain guys actually pull this off, what's the process? Because as a conventionally attractive mid 20s guy in this situation, it still feels like a very hard sell.
Basically as above. All dating advice given to men is to improve themselves and climb up some sort of social heirarchy, but literally the people mentioned above who are at the bottom of that hierarchy are finding partners.
Something tells me it's not about climbing up heirarchies and improving yourself but more about luck in finding someone who appreciates your current self.
29M. My biggest dating red flag is seeing someone with an excessive amount of travel photos.
On the surface, being adventurous and wanting to see the world sounds like a great quality. But in my experience, every time I match and connect with someone whose profile heavily revolves around traveling, things eventually fizzle because they’re simply too busy to make dating a priority long-term.
What confuses me is that a lot of people around my age say they want to travel, experience the world, and live spontaneously, while also saying they want to settle down and find someone for a serious, long-term relationship. From my perspective, those lifestyles can be pretty difficult to reconcile.
I’ve brought this up to family and friends, and they strongly disagree with me.
So now I’m curious: What’s a dating “red flag” you have that everyone around you seems to disagree with?
I like her and all and I don't really know how I feel about the mere fact yet. But what bugs me is that she waited until we were kinda tangled up already to tell me.
At the same time she asked me very personal stuff on the first date about family, health and whatnot. So I feel like she should have been upfront with it and I guess I would have said ok thanks then.
I think about dumping her now, am I overreacting?
I see this argument on Reddit all the time, that women are too fussy, that they only want a tiny percentage of men, that women are all chasing the same “top 10%” of guys etc.
But I don't really see the follow up being discussed. What would happen if a woman did listen to that advice and lowered her standards?
Say she meets you and thinks you're a decent guy, you're kind enough, stable enough, ok looking etc. But deep down, she knows you're not really the man she would have chosen if she felt she had better options. She isn't actually excited about you. She just thinks she needs to be realistic.
How would you feel knowing that?
Personally, I can't imagine wanting someone who chose me because she had decided she couldn't do better.
So men who say women should “lower their standards”, do you actually want the outcome of that? Would you be happy knowing the woman you're with settled for you?
Dating apps have turned half the single population into professional pen pals. People will exchange three hundred messages about their childhood fears, favorite podcasts, and daily work stress with a total stranger, only to meet up and realize within four seconds that there is zero physical attraction or vocal chemistry.
Texting is not real connection. It is just an echo chamber where your brain projects your ideal partner onto a screen of text bubbles. You can spend fourteen days convincing yourself that you found your soulmate because they use funny emojis and reply fast, but none of that matters if their real-life presence feels like talking to a wet piece of cardboard.
A simple twenty-minute coffee or drink in a public space tells you more about compatibility than a month of digital paragraphs. You get to see how they hold eye contact, how they treat the staff, and whether their laugh makes your skin crawl.
People should of realized by now that dragging out the messaging phase just sets everyone up for massive disappointment. It is just ABSOLUTELY ridiculous how scared people are of low-stakes in-person interaction. If you cannot grab a casual public coffee within five days of matching, you are looking for entertainment, not a relationship.
Why are so many people treating dating apps like a long-distance writing club?
Pretty much what the above states. I’m just curious to know what chunk of the single dating population in 2026 would rather stay single for x amount of time (or forever) then settle for certain things just to be in a relationship, even if you had to settle on certain things you wouldn’t have settled on before?
After messaging some girls I suspected he was/is with, about 5 responded to say they have also been seeing/talking/sleeping with him. He’s been telling us all the same things and “building” a future with us all. After a few confronted him, he decided to delete all his social media accounts. Who knows how many others there really are and unfortunately will be. Be safe out there, seems like you can’t trust anyone these days. Fuck this guy!
UPDATE: In the end i canceled the "date" with that friend of mine. I told her I am texting with another girl, and even if it's nothing serious for me yet, and I am not sure, I can't do that to her, firstly I don't want hurt feelings in that way, second at role inverted i would hate that. I am not sure about the first girl, and that would be a sign that I should close it, but I don't mess things up before being clear with her.
Thank you all, and sorry for this tantrum.
M30
A while ago, I met a girl. The next day, someone else came up and wanted have sex with me, but I told myself, "No, come on, I'm hooking up with the other girl. It wouldn't be nice. I wouldn't like it if she would do that to me." So I turned down the second girl. I went on a date with the first girl, and she ghosted me after that. Whatever..
A month later, I met someone else. We spent the first night together. The next day, another girl approached me at one bar, but I rejected her because I liked so much the other girl. We went out and slept together for about a month. Around my birthday, she became cold, and on one date, she told me it had never been anything serious for her, that she wanted to see other people, and in fact, she was already looking around. I told her I was fine with something casual, but obviously it was just an excuse, and things cooled down over time, even with her bailing on me at the last minute when we were supposed to meet up. And I was really pissed off... I still am kinda..
Some time later, I found the courage and invited someone out, I make a commitment, and on the second date I ask her if I can kiss her, she says yes but she misunderstood (?) because when I get close, she moves away and ghosts me from then on.
And that's enough for me. Now I'm seeing another girl, she seems really into me but is extremely anxious and codependent. She's become incredibly attached to me, and she makes me feel guilty if I don't respond the way she wants. She's always asking me questions about love, if I care about her, or is she afraid I'll abandon her since she's been gone for a month. She tells me to be careful if I have sex with other women, but obviously she's telling me this as a test to see how I'll react... all this in the two weeks we've been trying to build something.
Now, a bisexual friend of mine broke up and wants to fuck. Honestly, I feel like it wouldn't be the right thing to do, considering I'm seeing the other one... but my instincts tell me things won't work out with the first one (especially because she overreacts sometimes), and doing the other way it always ended up badly for me.
I'm a little tired of denying myself things for relationships that are dead ends. Of being called an idiot by my friends becuase I lost chances to have fun, and besides, I also have a hard time with women. I get reciprocated once a year, if all goes well.
Please be honest because I’m genuinely curious. As for me personally a few extra pounds really is not a dealbreaker but it is if the other person is severely obese.
I’m a guy in my early 30s, I’m not morbidly obese but I have never been skinny or muscular/ athletic. Unfortunately I’m the type of person who works his ass off at the gym but doesn’t really see any results. I’ve always been very self conscious about my weight and appearance. Personally I’m considering trying a GLP 1 but if I do that it’ll be for improving my A1C and blood sugar levels not because of my appearance. This may sound like major cope but I see a lot of the guys that get into relationships and are considered attractive and they are built like a tank and personality wise often are kind of a douchebag. As for me I’ve never looked like that. When I was in high school a lot of girls thought I was ugly and I got rejected and laughed at often. As for my adult life I have been in 3 serious relationships but as someone who’s single now, I’ve never really had a woman flirt with me in person or got the vibe they were attracted to me. So I resort to using dating apps which are hit or miss. On some apps I don’t get many matches but on hinge I do if I try hard enough.
Basically as the question says, how do you gauge that? Do you base it on their texting frequency and quality of replies, do you gauge it based on the effort they make in person, or maybe you just ask then straight up "what are we?" Although in the early stages I feel that can be hard to figure out because Im noticing some ppl are not always truthful.
I’ve been dating this guy for a few months now. We get along great and lot of fun together. He has baggage (going through divorce, has a kid, lives with friend), I do not. Found him posted on my local “are we dating the same guy” and found out he’s sleeping with others.
He apologized that I saw that and said he’s dating around.
We weren’t exclusive, but I assumed I was the only one he’s sleeping with.
He said he hasn’t felt this way about anyone else and wants to go exclusive now.
Do I have a right to be mad about this? Is this normal? I feel like if he’s able to be with someone else already, how can I expect him to be faithful long term?
I think that people can grow to love each other even if they aren't each other's ideal partner. I'm also starting to think that waiting around for the perfect partner for years and year is actually just a recipe for being alone forever.
One exception, I think, is attraction. It's one thing to accept that you don't share a certain interest, for example, but I think that if you aren't attracted from the start, that's unlikely to change in the future.
There have been a number of times I've happened to see someone at a coffee shop or bookstore that I'd be interested in talking to, but I end up not doing it. Mostly because I can't find a natural way to initiate the conversation, and I can imagine feeling like you were being hit on might ruin your trip to the bookstore or coffee shop if you didn't want or expect it.
I'm personally not a fan of the "I thought you were really pretty" approach. Just seems like a lot, especially in a casual place.
My main strategy is to try for something related to the place like "oh I've been wanting to read that book" but that requires a bit of luck. Like, I have to see what she's looking at, etc.
Any ways you have found to approach in a natural, not overwhelming way?
Women: what are your thoughts on being approached in these types of situations?
Whenever I use dating apps as an asian man I have it way worse than my white counterparts in terms of matches and getting dates. I’ve asked other asian guys I know and apparently the fact that i’m getting matches and dates means I’m doing well. Is this true for Asian men? I pursue women of all races, not just white women.
I'm new to it. I'm also a mid to above average woman, I can't imagine how soul-destroying it is for ugly men
Not getting a reply back or a guy cancelling before a date - damn it feels like it's not worth it let me just make more money and get a sperm donor as motherhood is a goal of mine
Say below your age, sex, and typical minimum-maximum age range. i’m just curious what the majority are saying. And I’m speaking mainly in general. I’m sure there’s anomalies and deviations from the norm. I’m talking more about if you’re out and about, and you meet somebody then you start thinking about their age. And don’t give me any Pretty Ricky lyrics
EDIT TO THANK YOU ALL
Thank you all so much for your comments. I see and I'm reading it all. I'll try my best to upvote all as a sign that I saw your comments even though I did not leave a response.
I appreciate the positive comments and the warnings alike. I guess I needed both sides.
We're still talking on WhatsApp, date planned for some days away. It will be shorter this time.
I will do well to update everyone on a month. I hope everything works out for us all, regardless of how it turns out.
Went on a first date with a guy I met on Hinge, and it was sooooo good.
We spent over 15 hours together, which is by far the longest I've ever spent on a first date. At one point we were just sitting together, staring into space, not talking, and it wasn't awkward at all. We were different in a lot of ways but also weirdly similar.
Before we left, he said, "I really, really like you. I had such a good time with you, and I want to see you more." And he didn't want me to leave.
I woke up this morning and saw he unmatched me on Hinge (he's showing up in my past matches which means he didn't delete the app).
We had already exchanged numbers before that, we're still talking on WhatsApp, and we've even made tentative plans to see each other again this week. So logically, I know unmatching could simply mean, "We have each other's numbers now, so we don't need Hinge anymore."
Emotionally? My brain has decided this is a five-alarm fire.
I also know modern dating is... modern dating. Lots of people date multiple people until they become exclusive. Meanwhile, my emotions are aggressively monogamous. The second I genuinely like someone, everyone else ceases to exist. I can't even hold conversations with multiple people anymore. I haven't responded to my hinge messages since the date and hinge keeps notifying me about my pending conversations.
I know everyone is going to tell me to just ask why he unmatched me. And maybe I should. But it also feels like such a huge thing to ask when we're literally still texting and making plans. It makes me feel like I'd sound completely unhinged.
The scary part is... I think I really, really like him. I'm terrified by how much I like this person after just one date. I haven't felt this way in a very long time.
My heart has been doing the weirdest things ever since. I feel both peaceful and troubled.
It reminds me of Michael Scott(the office) saying, "I want people to be afraid of how much they love me." Except I'm the one who's afraid of how much I like him.
If he ghosts me or eventually hits me with, "I don't think this is working," I genuinely think I'll lose my bananas.
In an attempt to calm myself down, I've taken cold showers, drank Coca-Cola (which I never drink), eaten ice cream and wings, journaled, watched TV, cleaned my entire house, gone for a run where I literally screamed into the void... None of that has worked.
When we planned the date, we both agreed it would either be great or a disaster. It was great, toooo great and it wasn't extravagant. We just did things we both loved to do together and now my emotions are all over the place.
Like, I want to watch him dance, hear is laughter, watch as his eyes crinkle while he laughs, watch him sleep, cook, talk, walk, and cycle ahead of me. I want to know everything there is to know about him. I want to stare into his Brown eyes...
I don't know what to achieve by this post. That I like someone and the feeling is alien to me yet I like it and I want to shout it from the rooftop, that I need help to get myself together or to summon the courage to ask why he unmatched me.
Maybe more help with how to keep my emotions in check. Do I even need to keep it in check? Why am I even pessimistic?
I also wish you all good dates so we can all feel this gooood. Maybe with less pessimism and more excitement that we will not be ghosted.
I know it may seem like a silly question, but the amount of woman whos lives are centered around or heavily involves travelling is crazy. I feel like I cant connect with anyone because the conversations always start with or lead into travelling. It leads me to feeling like I have nothing to contribute because I dont have as many travelling stories. Of course, I can always ask questions and make inferences but I feel the convo goes flat when I dont have as much to mention myself.
This isn't to say I dont travel at all, I have done but its just not as big a thing for me as it seems to be for most women I meet.
Has anyone else struggled with something similar? Regardless of gender involved ofc, I feel like its something someone else must have had an issue with.
Basically, I dated a woman for a very short time (three dates), and I found out she had an fwb while dating me. I wasn't upset, as I get some people do this, but I was not interested. I don't date people who are having or looking for casual sex, as I am looking for something serious, something she said she wanted too. I told her this.
She took it well.
But a few days later, she texted me, and told me she broke things off with her fwb, and asked if we could try again. I told her I appreciate it, but I still wasn't interested. While I didn't tell her this, it was kind of a case of dama
She chewed me the fuck out. Like damn, I got like 10 texts before I blocked her.