u/No_Cloud1212

I work as a cashier, dude comes to the front, maybe mid-30s. We totally hit it off immediately. We were talking, and he was so kind and funny, spoke about about his life as a game dev and the things he loved doing cause he was purchasing some games. I love games too, so it was just positive vibes all around. I love when I end up befriending customers!!! Had it happen a couple times where we became friends so I was hype!

Then the conversation kinda shifted to how those were the things he loved doing before having children. He mentioned he'd been married for 15+ years and that, before having kids, they used to travel the world. He didnt say it in a miserable way but kinda like a coping/trying to seem happy way?

I don't think he said it directly, but I got the impression he was implying that his life was better before having kids, even though he still appreciates them. Eventually, the conversation turned into a sort of warning. Not a bitter or miserable one, but more like sad advice from someone who's been there.

He told me to keep doing what I love. To not conform to society. To find something that makes me happy and keep doing it, no matter what. To not let the pressures around me change the choices I make and to stick with what I believe in. said he misses being able to spend hours and hours doing the things he loved, too.

I mentioned that I was childfree, and he was so supportive. He basically told me that if that's the choice for me, I should stick with it and never let anyone guilt me into changing my mind.

My heart ached for him. We got along quite well, and I tried asking if he had an Instagram where he shared his game-related work, but he didn't have an official page or anything up for me to check out. I would've loved to have been his friend someday. He just seemed so real and honest about everything. And we joked a lot which was awesome.

It made me sad, but at the same time, I really appreciated his honesty. I'm bummed I didn't get his contact details for his stuff. Seemed all around like such a cool dude. And respect because I could see he was trying hard to make the best of having kids and be positive. Its refreshing to hear honesty and see someone make the best of it.

As a woman, I always hear older women telling me not to marry, not to have kids, etc. But this was the first time I'd had a man indirectly tell me something similar. I just couldnt believe it.

Wow, man. I'm on the train home, just deep in thought. Like I'm just dissociating thinking about it.

So at work we have a system trigger so teams know when it is your birthday. Went back in today and a few mentioned they noticed it was my birthday - what were you up to?

Luckily I am good at lying on my feet. Made up some garbage talking about how I went out and treated myself at a nice cafe near me

Didn't happen, I just hid in bed all day.

Then they ask 'Who did you go with, any birthday gifts?'

Fuck.

Then I lie again, saying I went with a best friend. There is no best friend. Saying I got some household gifts and chocolates from friends. I have no friends who did either of those.

I said it all while smiling and acting like it was normal. I felt tears like that funny eye feeling but I couldn't cry so felt to the bathroom to stop it before it happened. God I hate lying.

So at work we have a system trigger so teams know when it is your birthday. Went back in today and a few mentioned they noticed it was my birthday - what were you up to? Did I do anything for my birthday?"

Luckily I am good at lying on my feet. Made up some garbage talking about how I went out and treated myself at a nice cafe near me Didn't happen, I just hid in bed all day. With people with normal lives I know being honest will make them awkward. I lie to blend in.

Then they ask 'Who did you go with, any birthday gifts?'

Fuck. I gotta say more man?

Then I lie again, saying I went with a best friend. There is no best friend. Saying I got some household gifts and chocolates from friends. I have no friends who did either of those.

I said it all while smiling and acting like it was normal. I felt tears like that funny eye feeling but I couldn't cry so went to the bathroom to stop it before it happened. God I hate lying. To the other girlies in here, I feel like we are expected by default to have social lifes... nobody assumes that we are lonely at all. Man it sucks. I felt extra pressure to pretend I had some girlfriends to spend my day with

got up, got a ping from my local cafe that i have 10% off for my birthday coffee.. great:(

Idont mean your friends or people who are of actual importance to you obviously before a pro-child person finds this post😭 but celebs or influencers. One I used to find did entertaining and funny streams just announced her pregnant and I immediately unfollowed knowing what is to come

Its not that I am unhappy for her or trying to seem sour but I don't enjoy seeing pregnancy related comtent on my feed when I am staunchly childfree and have no interest in it. Like I am chill, I just leave it be

So I took my big leap today. Got a haircut. Ive neglected myself a lot due to finances and my mental health issues which make me struggle to self care but with my birthday around the corner I thought to check out my local salon.I want to try feel like I look okay again... try to look like a part of society. The ladies are all very sweet, very kind over there.

So im there in the chair, she is putting a mask in my hair due to damage from neglect and asking stuff and we are having a vulnerable conversation about trying to take slowly care of myself again and put myself back out there and other things.

Suddenly, in comes a lady , slams of the doors open but whatever maybe she is just happy right. Then she stands at the front talking how she hasnt been here in a while says. 'well, i had an UNEXPECTED life change' and cusping her belly. and starts screeching and looking at each of us for a reaction.

Everyone in the store leaves the clients and starts screeching and cheering and doing the high pitched 'ohhh my goshhh congratulations when are you dueeee!!!' extremely high pitched and loud.

Except me. I just waited quietly in my chair for my stylist to get back. 5,10,15 . Preggo lady looks at me, only woman in the room not screaming, expecting me to fake a reaction but i dont. I quietly look away just waiting to continue She was clearly aware all stylists left clients for,, that? but didnt seem to care and liked the attention

Stylist comes back and says "did you hear that?? Yes I did. I havent conditioned myself to falsify a reaction . "shes having a BABYYY!!!!" great

Idk man. I was feeling pretty vulnerable and when someone asked me about it , I finally began to open up a little just to be interrupted by screeching and a 'OOPS. Baby!' moment and cheers and screeches over essentially being nut in.

I just felt a bit empty. It was really hard for me to make this progress today to finally do something for me, so maybe I was extra vulnerable today. I don't want to seem bitter so I couldn't speak up but even if I was someone who did want kids, I wouldnt run away from a heartfelt chat with someone to go ask about what type of baby dresses someone is buying. I could feel the preggo ladies eyes on me in a 'you seem like a Bitch' way for not reacting so I felt uncomfy...

I just zoned out thinking is it really so marvellous? Someone having sex and getting pregnant? Am I also meant to be screaming and cooing? I dont have any instinct to do so..

Hey people. I had something I wanna ask

What gives you reason to keep going?

I feel like my loneliness and life is consuming me. A crushing weight on my chest when I lie in bed at night.

Sometimes I think its better off if I weren't here and didn't have this suffering. Harder when I've gotten so used to bottling it up that I feel nervous to open up to others now... I feel there is nothing good in my life at all and every day is struggle.

I want to know, with the loneliness you feel, what keeps you going? What motivates you to keep living in this lonely world?

I hated every second of it. Sleeping around house to house. The looks, the constant feeling of being unwanted

I would even skip dinners to avoid facing the one I lived with so theyd forget I lived there...Sleeping on the ground . Covering myself in shirts and socks to keep warm. Insect bites.

Every day pure pain and anxiety. Fuck man

House to house. Feeling like a worthless piece of meat. A burden

I figured dating was near impossible given my current situation, thought hey lets make friends. I use the lonely sub sometimes. I am used to it being odd every now and again but i had someone reach out pretending he likes my art just to try get some...

I dont know. The tactics dudes be using on us is getting heartbreaking. Like wow you had to go fakeing you like my emotional and heartfelt art to get sex out of me. Ughhhhhh

Im tired of feeling like a piece of meat. I want to be loved.

I want to talk about this because I tried to talk about to someone in person and they giggled/scoffed like what I'm saying is me reaching. But I am genuinely convinced social conditioning is involved.

From the very start: Girls are given baby toys. Baby strollers. Baby milk bottles to feed baby toy. Clothes to dress baby toy, diapers. People buy them ( I worked in a toy store and I ABSOLUTELY stand by this - the sheer amount buying gifts for their neices and its baby dolls and strollers!!) this stuff and I feel like that teaches a developing brain " This is what I am being given. This is what I should want" somehow???

Then let's go a little further. Bring in the previous generations mindset and constant snark as you grow up.

'Someday, when you have your Kids...' like its inevitable

'What wil your husband say' yada yada

They go feeding this belief system to teenage girls when their brains try to figure out any kind of resistance. Its like trying to get kill any fighting spirit they might develop and make them feel like they're fighting against a 'biological urge' to reproduce that they definitely have. Taming them.

Now lets go even more forward in time. What do most women in their 20s hear? At 30 they expire. At 25 they need to think about it. Prime time for kids. Baby baby baby. Women panicking they're getting old and randomly deciding to have kids. Fear of missing out. Hell france is sending letters to 29 year d women reminding them about having kids. Then theres the constant glossing over motherhood and finding them cute being called baby fever and giving people more labels to encourage the belief they want childfren.

When I did some researching it is apparently so there is no actual such biological desire we have to reproduce, only that we gain pleasure from S which encourages it. When I took that information and then reflected on my life experiences, it makes me believe this whole thing is heavily social conditioning.. that or being related to personality or other things , but a biological urge doesn't exist

I know I mightve explained it a lil sloppy and I am not the most technical sciency person but I hope my point is coming across here. It pisses me off seeing people talk about a biological urge to reproduce and you're not man/woman enough for not having kids.

Trying to not be gross. In my grocery job today, a mother came in to buy something. Really snappy and rude yelling HELOOOOO when i took a ten seccond sipping my water bottle break. Snapping her fingers at me saying she has stuff to do. Served her then she sat on our stool ( the grey ones we stand on to restock shelves) and.. pulled down her shirt and fed her kid. Drops falling on our floor.Bare out in the open unbothered

Bruh, we staff have to clean TS!!!!!! I'm just really shocked. Its natural I know you must do it. But, to do this when there is an entire mothers room nearby, and a womans toilets 10 seccond walk away with huge spacious disabled/mother and child cubicles. And she seemed so chill and proud I just...errrr... man. Did she think she was helping normalize motherhood or something. People stared and laughed and made comments, some even looked then didnt even want to enter our store because they were freaked out seeing her in the middle of our entry doors.

What. The, Fuck.

We are all lonely. We all have our struggles.

Why do some people think its okay to invalidate others? I saw a post from a woman and the comments were a whole bunch of 'you think YOURE lonely?! Ive been single for X YEARS'

Like ... I don't know how to explain it but its not a competition? Like congrats? You had it worse? Did you want a medal?

This is meant to be a community where we can all seek understanding and compassion for our situations. Trying to invalidate others who are speaking about how they feel.. and then you wonder why you're single. Is it so hard to just be kind to others? Nobody is less deserving of this sub simply because they aren't 'as lonely as you'.

Kindness goes a long way. We are all lonely and struggling with it together.

my chest feels heavy. i dont know why. i keep thinking of too much stuff, i feel emotional. i have no tears but i feel them coming.

does anyone elses loneliness make their body react like this?

its like a chest ache , and a lump in my throat.

i wish things were different, sometimes.

I'm currently sat in the cubicle at my night job. I was in the middle of working, started hurting thinking about my complete lack of success dating, and had to move before I completely broke down. It genuinely feels like my biggest goal in life to have love is just a dream that will never happen.

I'm a DV escapee and survivor, so I don't have family to lean on before anyone suggests that. I try to make friends, but everyone I meer always seems too busy or uninterested , and it never really goes anywhere. I can cope with having fewer friends, though, I guess I'm used to being lonely.

What really breaks my heart is that all I've ever wanted is to find my person. I don't dream of a huge house or loads of money. I just dream of finding my partner, going on little adventures together, making each other laugh, coming home to our pet, and building a peaceful life together. To cuddle, fall asleep knowing we sleep in the next day since its just us. All of it. I work two jobs since I have no finance support but I would give it everything to make it work. I'd find the time somewhere inbetween it all. Find the money too so I could give him things he enjoys. Really. Its all I wanted.

I tried opening up to someone recently, and they told me maybe I should have kids so I wouldn't be lonely. That made me feel even worse. I'm not lonely because I don't have children man I am lonely because I want someone to share my life with, and finding a man who also doesn't want kids feels so rare. :( Without the family and friend element, I feel it hurts twice as bad.

I know I'm probably just exhausted and emotional, but I genuinely can't stop crying tonight. My 'toilet break' is nearly over, and I don't even think my face looks any less obvious. :( Everything just hurts. Like I'm forced to accept a harsh reality of my choice. I wish someone would hug me. I feel so fragile and weak...

I wouldn't want this to be seen as an e dating request or something. I just wanted a safe place to vent my struggles and seek support...

i am desperately trying to find help. sorry if its not the right sub but as it is a solo-themed sub, perhaps somebody may help?

essentially, I have no emergency contact ( ran away from DV and working 2 jobs so tough to get close to people but I do try..!) and i made one up to satisfy the form. has anyone else had this issue or has any advice on if this was the bad thing to do..? any and all wisdom appreciate and i am so sorry if its the wrong place.

I had to lie because I didn't have one. Please don't suggest family, they were subjecting me to DV and relatives were aware and enablers. I am far from home, so friends aren't something I have and are close to.

Anyway, I had to do a form where a next of kin is mandatory. I had no way out. And so I lied. I used my personal number but changed some digits, and made up a name. Seems like it satisfied the form but what do I do? Is there other options or do I have to keep lying? Will they verify the contact and catch me out?

Pretty stressed. Hate when people ask this question.. I have no family man. My friends i try reach to but they seem like they couldnt care less.

I had to submit a next of kin form and I wanted to cry and I suggested what if someone doesnt have one? and then she like giggled and went EVERYONE has a next of kin.

Anyway, i ended up just falsifying a friend contact :( i input my number but changed some digits so it looks like someone elses number. and i put a fake name of Sam. currently stressing incase theres consequences on this and browsing to find answers... fml

i hope there isn't but i don't know what else i could have done!!!