u/OutOfMyDeath

I have Mining 55, and coins in my purse, and all it says is "Error! you cannot combine those items!"

Edit: i relogged, and now all pieces except legs are working???

Hey y'all,

I work as an AV tech and production manager, and we routinely have to weigh down our gear with sandbags. All of our sandbags are zippered pouches with a ziplock bag of sand inside. recently the ziplock bags have been ripping and the sand spills everywhere. Anyone have any ideas on how to better package the sand to go in pouches?

Thank you!

Hey all,

I just got done with a therapy session where we talked about how the messaging I got as a child is incorrect and I should work on reframing it. And I’m not quite sure how to go about that, or what that looks like.

Context: I had a shitty childhood, and a lot of adults who were supposed to protect me hurt me horrifically. I experienced SA from a lot of people really young. And the thing I learned was that if I was “good” and “docile” they would be nice. That was compounded by my father making sure I knew that him using physical torture to correct my behavior was because I was a bad child who couldn’t learn. The thing the my child brain interpreted, and my adult brain has calcified into fact is that if I had been more pliant, more obedient, or just better, they wouldn’t have felt the need to hurt me.

Today I told my therapist I was fucked because I don’t know how to have normal relationships that don’t require my compliance in exchange for safety, and my therapist said “maybe the reason you struggle so much is because you haven’t realized that you were never the problem”

But if that’s the case then the rules I grew up with a wrong, and I no longer have a framework to base my reactions and relationships on. And I don’t know how to process all this?

One one hand, I know intellectually that the rules are wrong, and that my father and his friends are all shitty people who were never going to behave appropriately with a child.
On the other hand, the rules FEEL right. And acknowledging that they aren’t means coming to terms with the fact that my father didn’t love me, and never could. And that is terrifying to think about.

Have any of you ever dealt with similar experiences? How did you process and reframe all the childhood programming and rules?

Thank you!

Hey all,

I just got done with a therapy session where we talked about how the messaging I got as a child is incorrect and I should work on reframing it. And I’m not quite sure how to go about that, or what that looks like.

Context: My father started assaulting me when I was very young, and he had me “entertain” his friends. And the thing I learned was that if I was “good” and “docile” they would be nice. That was compounded by my father making sure I knew that him using physical torture to correct my behavior was because I was a bad child who couldn’t learn. The thing the my child brain interpreted, and my adult brain has calcified into fact is that if I had been more pliant, more obedient, or just better, they wouldn’t have felt the need to hurt me.

Today I told my therapist I was fucked because I don’t know how to have normal relationships that don’t require my compliance in exchange for safety, and my therapist said “maybe the reason you struggle so much is because you haven’t realized that you were never the problem”

But if that’s the case then the rules I grew up with a wrong, and I no longer have a framework to base my reactions and relationships on. And I don’t know how to process all this?

One one hand, I know intellectually that the rules are wrong, and that my father and his friends are all shitty people who were never going to behave appropriately with a child.
On the other hand, the rules FEEL right. And acknowledging that they aren’t means coming to terms with the fact that my father didn’t love me, and never could. And that is terrifying to think about.

Have any of you ever dealt with similar experiences? How did you process and reframe all the childhood programming and rules?

Thank you!

Hey all,

I just got done with a therapy session where we talked about how the messaging I got as a child is incorrect and I should work on reframing it. And I’m not quite sure how to go about that, or what that looks like.

Context: I had a shitty childhood, and a lot of adults who were supposed to protect me hurt me horrifically. I experienced SA from a lot of people really young. And the thing I learned was that if I was “good” and “docile” they would be nice. That was compounded by my father making sure I knew that him using physical torture to correct my behavior was because I was a bad child who couldn’t learn. The thing the my child brain interpreted, and my adult brain has calcified into fact is that if I had been more pliant, more obedient, or just better, they wouldn’t have felt the need to hurt me.

Today I told my therapist I was fucked because I don’t know how to have normal relationships that don’t require my compliance in exchange for safety, and my therapist said “maybe the reason you struggle so much is because you haven’t realized that you were never the problem”

But if that’s the case then the rules I grew up with a wrong, and I no longer have a framework to base my reactions and relationships on. And I don’t know how to process all this?

One one hand, I know intellectually that the rules are wrong, and that my father and his friends are all shitty people who were never going to behave appropriately with a child.
On the other hand, the rules FEEL right. And acknowledging that they aren’t means coming to terms with the fact that my father didn’t love me, and never could. And that is terrifying to think about.

Have any of you ever dealt with similar experiences? How did you process and reframe all the childhood programming and rules?

Thank you!

Hello all!

I am a nonbinary (i think, its complicated) FTM, and i have experimented with my hair a lot. I had to fight my parents a lot to cut my hair always, because of a religious need for their daughters to have long hair. This meant that any attempt to have short hair was shamed and short lived. Im now an adult and i really want short hair. I love the idea of a funky mullet or something similar. The problem is that every time i actually go to make the appointment to get it cut, or actually pick a hair style etc. i feel bunch of internalized shame for being "wrong" or whatever, and i know that isnt accurate, but it means i cant bring myself to actually chop it off. Has anyone else had to deal with this before? How do i get past this? am i doomed to have long hair forever?

Thanks!

Hello all,

I (NB20) have a partner (F19). we have been together for around a year. We are currently long distance. My friends and family have said that the relationship is unhealthy, and i recently came to the realization that i do not feel safe or supported. We spend every night that im home on a zoom call, and its so much time together. We also arent very compatable in the bedroom. Im on the ace spectrum, and she is very not. and it seems like no matter how much i induldge her its not enough. And every time she ignores my discomfort i feel a little gross. Plus any time i want to interact with anyone else other than her, she gets really huffy and insecure. (ex. a friend made a joke about taking me to dinner and she told me i should be careful around him cause hes a creep). all in all, im not happy, and i dont feel safe.

the problem: i am going to break up with her on Wednesday next week, this is right before her therapy, and a day before mine. that gives her immediate support, and me time to process before having to talk about it. In the past when i brought up even the idea of us breaking up, she has threatened her safety and mine. She also has a tendency to lash out when things seem out of her control. I'm worried shes going to say some nasty things. (i.e. compared me to my father after a fight, a man who abused me horrifically). she knows more about how to hurt me than most people, and i care about her opinion of me. This is all so out of control and scary.

how do i prepare? what do i do before and after? how do i keep her safe? how do i recover if she breaks my brain with all my insecurities and trauma?

It seems easier to just stay, and deal. like maybe if i clarify my thoughts more, and find the right words she'll stop being so mad all the time. Maybe if i just capitulate she'll be happy, and then it'll all be ok? i know thats insane and not accurate, but its really hard to fight my brain on this matter.

help?